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# Some dick let his dog destroy the tulips I'd planted outside my house today
And now I'm angry

He won't like me when I'm angry.
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 18:18, archived)
# ill dust off the old blunderbuss.
Where are my nails?
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 18:24, archived)
# that should do the trick.
As an alternative, I'm thinking of erecting (fnarr) a humorous-yet-mildly-passive-aggressive sign where said flowers once stood.

Suggestions for text?
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 18:26, archived)
# Keep your cunting dog under control
you antisocial motherfucker
(I helped save b3ta! Raving Homasecsyouall the hours are good but the work sucks, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 18:29, archived)
# that could work
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 18:35, archived)
# So, in summary of all the suggestions
"Dear antisocial person who let their dog trash my tulips,

You may be interested to know that tulips are quite toxic to dogs. Think about this while your dog vomits and empties its bowels all over your lounge floor. I very much hope that you have an expensive and absorbent carpet to soak up the fluids.

In the meantime, here is a drawing of some replacement flowers.

Regards,

Your local gardener
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs ๐Ÿฆ‡ ↓ dn สŽษส sแด‰ษฅส‡ ↓๐Ÿฆ‡, Sun 28 Apr 2013, 1:22, archived)
# Bury yourself where the tulips were
but leave your cock sticking out of the soil, with a plastic tulip on the tip.
When the dog comes by and eats it, jump up and shout "gotcha!"
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 19:27, archived)
# ...or use peanut butter to adhere the tulip petals. Then just lay back and enjoy
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 19:36, archived)
# An excellent plan... with one small drawback.
1. I don't have a cock :(
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 19:56, archived)
# oh, so you've tried this already, with disatrous results
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 19:58, archived)
# Yeah, but it did keep the dog fed for a day.
He didn't try eating anything else in my garden on that occasion, I tell ye!
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 20:01, archived)
# did he bury his bone?



*chortles*
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 21:01, archived)
# 'giggles'
(I helped save b3ta! FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Sat 27 Apr 2013, 21:16, archived)
# *foams*
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 21:47, archived)
# 'quacks'
(I helped save b3ta! FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Sat 27 Apr 2013, 21:54, archived)
# I don't think you're trying hard enough.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha โ”( ห˜_ห˜)โ”Œ ส…(ฬโ—กโ—)สƒ, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 21:17, archived)
# your dog ate my tulips,
Prepare to die
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 19:27, archived)
# ^this one.
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 19:30, archived)
# how appropriate, he chews like a cow
wait, I don't think I've got that quite right...
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 20:02, archived)
# I live next to a policeman
I hope you and your dog are ready to be buggered senseless in human/diggy prison
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 19:42, archived)
# ima massive dick
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 20:08, archived)
#
dick cunt
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 20:10, archived)
# I like red peppers, but they're disproportionately expensive.
(I helped save b3ta! Ham o' Shatner -.-- --- ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / --. .- -.--, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 19:45, archived)
# loose ones, as with most things loose, tend to be cheaper.
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 20:05, archived)
# Print out the webpage that explains that poppies are poisonous to dogs
and put that where they used to be.
(I helped save b3ta! An Egg ,D, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 20:11, archived)
# And if you can't find one, fake it! Make it look legit. :D
(I helped save b3ta! Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 20:14, archived)
# Oh, wait,
Tulips.

Edit: Of course it is unlikely that the dog abuser will have carefully noted what the dog ate and i think poppies are far worse for dogs.
(I helped save b3ta! An Egg ,D, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 20:57, archived)
# Poor doggies. I don't particularly want the dog to suffer.
Perhaps I could bake a tasty tulip pie for the owner instead.
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 21:03, archived)
# Well, no.
The dog ate what it ate. That doesn't mean that you can't suggest to the owner that it ate something far worse.
(I helped save b3ta! An Egg ,D, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 21:06, archived)
# Yeah, this assumes the owner cares.
I've been looking into adopting a dog recently - quite a few half-arsed owners out there
*daily mail outrages*
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 21:45, archived)
# Yup, that would be a big assumption.
They should be banned from owning a dog, or anything else; you might as well sterilise them, and the dog, then deport them before burning their house down and sowing the razed ground with salt, twice.

*foams*
(I helped save b3ta! FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Sat 27 Apr 2013, 22:00, archived)
# And don't forget that they are responsible for ALL of society's ills.
Even rich people's tax avoidance schemes wouldn't exist if it weren't for lazy dog owners.

*jiggles*
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 22:04, archived)
# This board has limped along this eve, have something pointless and silly.


'absurds'

The thread went where?
What the fuck is going on?
(I helped save b3ta! FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Sat 27 Apr 2013, 22:22, archived)
#


www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-22308165
(I helped save b3ta! An Egg ,D, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 22:47, archived)
#

(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 22:51, archived)
# Just silly


Edit: Oh dear, posts from last night are still visible on the page.
(I helped save b3ta! FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Sat 27 Apr 2013, 22:55, archived)
# Top Marks!
Edit: But it really was not worth a new thread. (Mine, I mean)
(I helped save b3ta! An Egg ,D, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 22:56, archived)
# bollocks to that
everything's worth a new thread
(I helped save b3ta! boris the spider, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 23:13, archived)
# These are hard times, you could say they were
threadbare.
(I helped save b3ta! FeralCatMan Unusual disease collector., Sat 27 Apr 2013, 23:46, archived)
# Power Rooter

Caution: may contain pearoast.
(MrCanoehead Marzipaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!, Sun 28 Apr 2013, 11:53, archived)
# Is that you?
Are you 9 years old?
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 20:42, archived)
# I know, right? Had you all fooled!
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 20:51, archived)
# A dog ate your two lips.
you dirty cunt. ;)
(Testicles just for you, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 21:07, archived)
# No. It licked it clean afterwards.
(I helped save b3ta! Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 21:42, archived)
# Plant something else there...
And spray it with chili oil.

End of dog problem.

PS. Wear gloves
(I helped save b3ta! Shazzoir Old enough to know better young enough not to care, Sat 27 Apr 2013, 23:08, archived)