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# fook it
i've had 11 units now and i still feel no jollier about my love life (or lack of).
Not to mention the fact that my date last night to help me get over jenny texted me to say she couldn't make it becuase she was having a party i was specifically not invited to.

for more information, see www.b3ta.com/board/3623778
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:14, archived)
# ouch i just read all that
sorry mate.

better a friend that nothing i guess.]

honest though, rum's a bugger in the hangover stakes hehe.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:22, archived)
# better a friend than nothing, perhaps
but it means that it's all the harder to stop fancying her so much
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:31, archived)
# well don't dwell on it and
perhaps she'll prefer you when you're being yourself and making good company.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:36, archived)
# i always AM myself now
halfway though last year i had a minoe epiphany that told me that there was no point being anything other than myself because it was myself that i was doing it for. I know she likes me for who i am because of this
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:43, archived)
# hahah you didn't get the grades to carry on at grammar school
and yet you still want to tell me that writing below a paragraph is 'subtext'? hahahahah. get a grip man.

Oh, and sorry mate, but if she doesn't want to fuck you it's because she doesn't fancy you. all this "it would spoil our friendship" stuff is largely an excuse, and it's that sort of letting-you-down-gently stuff that girls are good at, because they're generally nice people. So don't beat yourself up over it. Move on.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:25, archived)
# hey, i've had many units of rum, dont fault my vocabularyr because i take the latin meaning literally
i would move on, but it's not just wanting a quick fuck, i know that feeling well, and i know i love jenny utterly, to the level of supporting her vague idea of dating my best friend because it would make her happiest, because i think her happiness is more important than my jealousy.

Also, i know her well enough to utterly read her mind. I recognise people she fancies before she reaises it, i predict her reaction to anything i've experienced before and i find myself finishing her scentances quietly to hyself because i know how she'll feel if i do it out loud. It's not a case of just tact, she doesn;t have any. I've seen her with enough people she actually doesn't fancy who are her friends to know.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:37, archived)
# Well if
You truly think she's your soulmate man, you have to make her see you, i mean there is no point hiding in the shadows over this, act!

Carpe dium!
/dead poets society
/i will go back to my blog now
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:39, archived)
# i went through the whole carpe dium thing
asking her out and saying how much i loved her, it brought her to tears saying that she didn't want to lose another best friend to the same reason as the last three. It's something we don't talk about now because she ends up in tears afterwards because she knows how much she's hurting me.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:47, archived)
# Yes
But you cant keep torturing yourself just so she can have a nice time and run away from her problems all the time.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:48, archived)
# i know she fancies plenty of other people
including my oldest and possibly best friend. I always fel that her happiness is more important than my jealousy. I'm a nice person who puts others before myself ALL THE BLOODY TIME and of course i'm at a disadvantage over it. Don't say that i shouldn't, because thats just how i feel, if i let my jealousy get the better of me i'd feel beyond awful.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:53, archived)
# Look dude
Seriously now, dont slag me off about this, im not asking you to do anything, hell i know what its like to put others before yourself but why the hell should you not be aloud to express your emotions to?

Exactly no reason. So anyway im not 'trying' to help you or anything like that, i was just helping you vent some angst, because so very few people let you do that without becoming really pissed off.

So give me a break yeah, and while your at it, give urself a break from this whole *i dont need to have feelings as long as others have em for me* act. Its old and you need to revolutionise or torture yourself till u give in.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:57, archived)
# i dont feel that way at all
everyone knows how i feel, i'm very open about my feelings, but they know that i believe that i believe thier happiness is more important than mine (or to be more preicse, i will feel horribly guilty if i put myself before my friends and feel worse for it) and everyone who really cares about me does thier best to encourage me to not be so considerate to them from time to time, and in half a vicious cirlce, i know that my doing this will make them happiest. Simply put, i'm a nice person, but because i'm so nice people often don't let me be.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:02, archived)
# Ok fine /Rum
You know your right. Thats good enough for you, but ima off to bed now, goodnight and goodluck.

/beaten down
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:04, archived)
# that's not being nice
that's being insecure
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:06, archived)
# is it me being insecure
if i think that if i can;t have the best girl i know, my best mate should have her instead? I think the world of both of them, surely if i can't have that sort of happiness, i wouldn't deny the ones i care about the chance to have it.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:11, archived)
# being overly nice the way you describe
is to your own detriment. you yourself have said your friends stop you stepping back for them, they recognise that they don't need you to help them, and hell, they probably don't want you to either. But despite all this, you say you still put other people first even when it really hurts because they're "more important".

That my friend, is insecurity. work on it.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:16, archived)
# sounds like she's a rather pretty girl
and is having a difficult time coming to terms with her own sexuality, and all that goes with it. I realise how patronising that sounds, but you don't magically become fully sexually aware at 20 or anything. Perhaps you could try being sensitive to that and being supportive rather than feeling sorry for yourself. I mean I'm sure it hurts, I don't doubt it, but if you really love her that much think of her, and that doesn't mean letting her go out with your best mate so you can subconciously break free of her spell by hurting yourself. Doesn't work like that.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:58, archived)
# Your
a revolutionist.

*bows down
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:59, archived)
# bleugh
i dont know how much i'm repeating ymself here, but here goes.
She's been very bisexual since 14, i know her feelings inside out from what she's told me and my general empathy and intuition (which everyone tells me is an amazing talent of mine, but i'm a pessimist so i refuse to believe them) and i know for a fact that she definately isn't just straight or gay and confused.
I just feel that her happiness is so important to me, on top of my best mate's happiness, that it;s more important than my jealosy. If i can't have her, of in my eyes she is perfect, (i know her flaws extensively, i just don't see them making her any less amazing) who better to have her than someone i really like? Surely i should wish my best friend to have the best girl around if i can't have her.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:07, archived)
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:13, archived)
# Carpe diem
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:54, archived)
# Yeah
Bad luck man you know it hurts that kind of situation. Longing is a troubling thing.

/living up to name

My fault is the only women i want i suffer a crippling shyness talking to.

/still living up to my name
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:27, archived)
# i used to
but then i decided that i have nothing to lose, i;m horribly shy still, but if i don;t want to be i've developed the self control to suppress those feelings for the first few minutes of a convesration. It's something that jenny inspired me to learn to do so i could make eye contact with her without ening up speechless.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:42, archived)
# Yeah
But man dont you see, it is not us you should be telling, its her. If she inspired you to be strong with her then show that you are, dont tell the faceless internet. Tell her.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:43, archived)
# we have no secrets to each other
any more, she knows exactly how i feel, i know how she feels, we are each other's most trusted and each of us are well known to be envied by eash other's friends.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:48, archived)
# and does she see your relationship
the same way?
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:04, archived)
# i got that description
from a conversation with her in which she told me some stuff tht definately wouldnt be told to anyone she didn't trust utterly.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 2:08, archived)
# Yeknom.
There is no rush my friend. You can be 'just' friends for a while. If it is meant to be, it will happen naturally anyway.

Good luck mate.

/Edit Besides, you have already had more luck than me. A brain fault means I am incapable of talking to women who are not family.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:27, archived)
# you have no idea how much it hurts
to have her conifde her relationsip secrets to you, knowing that it makes me so jealous, but doing it because she knows i'm the person she can trust the most
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:39, archived)
# Believe me.
I have been the silent shoulder to cry on all my life. It never gets easier, but I have never been able to get beyond it. I am always the cold, logical person who says what needs to be said and no more.

Don't be like me.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:54, archived)
# i am her confidant
because she is mine. I am far from the quiet one, largely thanks to me wanting to know her better opening me up. I am painfully logical at times, but never cold about it.
(, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 1:56, archived)