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can i have

blonde hair and outrageously white teeth and tuck my pale skinny jeans behind the tongues of my white nike hi tops and just be generally really cool, and every so often i'll get really angry at you for being geeky then realise that friendship is more important than being cool and we'll make up again?

(

stouffer, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 14:56, archived)

Ooh yeah,

but you do realise that the prettiest girl in the school will end up fancying me, and then when I don't want her she rejects you as well (cos she's a bit shallow) and then ends up sleeping with a teacher.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 14:59, archived)

Just call me

Sir.

(afrayed, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:35, archived)

Can I be the really popular bird

who's dead shallow and gets to wear really bonkers high-fashion stuff with ruching and padding and cinch-waists and stuff? And she turns out to be a real bitch and by the end is lonely and rejected by all?

[edit] I don't mind fancying Bovine but I'm not going to fuck a teacher. Unless it's a student teacher, and it's Tomsk.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 14:59, archived)

Heathers...

I love that film!

(

Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:01, archived)

only if

you promise to realise that friendship is all that matters.

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stouffer, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:01, archived)

yes.

I will be forced into an almost Damascene conversion to niceness and the odd geeky cardigan by the end, I swear.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:02, archived)

I want to be the wacky. zany guy

who wears weird hats and clothes who gets off with a similarly geeky girl at the prom at the end of the film :)

(

mnb098mnb used to be here, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:01, archived)

In which case

I want to be the Football captain who always beats up the nerds, but eventually has the tables turned on him in some kind of hillarious situation

(

Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:03, archived)

oh the

shock you'll get when the geeky girl takes off her glasses and turns out to be a stunner.

(

stouffer, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:04, archived)

yep

behind those glasses, she has an amazing figure, and surgically enhanced boobs.
But remember to let her hair down as well, otherwise it doesn't work.

(

Dr Drink, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:08, archived)

Of course you can, as I'm the cheeky one

with an improbable talent with the ladies (spesh the mums) and always a scam on to get out of work / school / going out with my actual girlfriend / getting alcohol / getting fake IDs etc.

(Mattyboy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:03, archived)

I am going to be the one who tries marijuana for the first time

.... and coughs. Much to the amusement of his peers.

(

Dr Drink, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:07, archived)

Hey man

wanna get high?

I think we should call this sitcom 'b3tan to it'

(Mattyboy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:09, archived)

Hey you two

*snort* smoking drugs is bad.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:27, archived)

Come on

try some...

(Mattyboy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:33, archived)

No guys,

it'll effect my asthma.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:33, archived)

If you barf in the ornamental ferns,

I just want you to know that I, personally, will make you LICK THEM CLEAN again.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:36, archived)

I'm not smoking

pot, I have an ulcer.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:41, archived)

That's

called your face, Weener.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:44, archived)

(Mattyboy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:52, archived)

*straight to camera again*

'he's 19 and got an ulcer, oh man, I'm friends with this guy'
*shrugs*

(Mattyboy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:47, archived)

Ha ha ha ha,

You big kidder.
*snort* Ooh, a little bit of phlegm there.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:53, archived)

I'll be the

butt of everyone's jokes, who's one redeeming feature is that I only appear for a two-minute cameo in a 'hilarious' mace/deodorant confusion incident.

(

Ijon Tichy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:08, archived)

*straight to camera*

'and I'm friends with this guy'

(Mattyboy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:12, archived)

Yes,

He's shy and retiring who finds it hard to communicate with the kids, until he finds a common bond with them.
Then you shag him.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:03, archived)

You're the nerdy one aren't yer?

Well, if you happen to play with my girlfriend's tits in the swimming pool, I won't really mind cos she's only doing it in a friendly way.

And I have just fucked up your dad's car.

(Mattyboy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:08, archived)

that's MY DAD's swimming pool,

and he's like, a totally hot-shot LAWYER, and I didn't even INVITE that geek, and who are these LOSERS smoking POT in my fucking gazebo? You are all just sooooooooo busted. This was a College boys ONLY party. I'm calling the COPS.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:12, archived)

I think you should be called Marni Kitten

(Mattyboy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:14, archived)

But, you let me

you know...touch.

*blush,snort,laugh,looks at shoes*

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:15, archived)

I think

you're a little confused.

I'm SO not with Matt. I only date COLLEGE boys, okay?

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:15, archived)

*takes of nerdy glassess*

Ok, sorry to bother you.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:16, archived)

*Puts friendly arm round weener*

lends him a $2000 armani suit, sunglasses and 3 kilos of hair gel

*straight to camera, but this time looking proud*
'and this guys my friend'...

(Mattyboy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:54, archived)

Gee,

thanks Matty, I'm sure Marni will fall for me now.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:56, archived)

Bryan...

Is that... you?

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:58, archived)

Not yet,

as soon as Huey Lewis and the News turn up, then I'll change.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:59, archived)

Yeah, they'll be along soon

I booked them to perform at the party as a favour as I'm improbably best friends with them. Even the bikers'll dance to them.

(Mattyboy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 16:03, archived)

on my GOD

what am I going to DO? Huey Lewis is nearly here already and my God-damn date stood me up! Stupid College boys...

I'm supposed to be going to be PROM QUEEN, goddamit! I can't be Prom Queen without a date!

...uh, Bryan?

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 16:10, archived)

Marni?

*twinkly eyes*

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 16:11, archived)

Uh...

BRYAN?

(Bryan's Oddly Attractive Next Door Neighbour, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 16:14, archived)

Sheri?

why, you're...you're...beautiful!

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 16:15, archived)

que gatecrashers riding Harley Davidsons

who drive around the house and generally scare the rest of the kids.
....what's that coming down the road? It's Dad and Mum in the car, they've come home early!!!!

(

Dr Drink, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:15, archived)

It's OK Marni

I'll talk with your mom (she does, after all, improbably fancy me).

(Mattyboy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:18, archived)

And the girls with the big breats

encircle the Dad, and he's soon happy. Whilst this is happening on the porch, the party holder and friends miraculously clean the house, and just before they open the door, one of them picks up the last beer bottle and hides it behind his/her back.

(

Dr Drink, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:22, archived)

you guys...

...I, my God, I can't believe you'd do this for me... it's, like, totally amazing!

Jeez, and I've always been such a hard-nosed shallow bitch to you all...

I never realised...

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:25, archived)

Thanks Mom,

Have you and Dad come to a decision about buying me a new car yet?

(

Dr Drink, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:28, archived)

She's your mom?

Gee, she's so young...and I'm confused.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:29, archived)

you're confused?

*gently takes spliff from Dr D's fingers*

You know what? I think you had a little too much.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:35, archived)

Are you gonna

barf?

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:37, archived)

Look

her dad's joined us for a smoke too - yeah, even old people can 'hang loose' kids.

He, along with the 458,722 other groovy dads from various US sitcoms and films was also at Woodstock.

(I have a horrible feeling that Woodstock was entirely attended by 20 something Jewish actors from New York who had NO IDEA they'd end up spending their entire careers playing befuddled, mollycuddled but underneath it all quite groovy and kindly fathers that work in law firms)

(Mattyboy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:43, archived)

Now I just gotta hope my bitch sister doesn't grass me up

(Mattyboy, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:31, archived)

aren't you already?

/in hiding

(

isthisyou?, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:05, archived)

I know!

It's like, totally perfect casting!

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:07, archived)

*snort,horsey laugh*

You guys.
Ms.Kitten, I think you're the prettieast girl in the whole school.

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:13, archived)

Is that...

mustard...
on your T-shirt?

Oh
My
GOD.

(

Dr Phil Kitten, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:15, archived)

*snort*

Just a little.

*spits, rubs*

(

bovine I'm so old, even my old is old, Thu 9 Jan 2003, 15:18, archived)