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# OK dispand all advertising companies. I have a template that can be applied to every advert out there.
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 14:58, archived)
# Nah.
We tried that - it didn't work.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 14:59, archived)
# You are male
therefore not good enough to succeed!
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:00, archived)
# My last review would beg to differ.
*smugs all over the place*
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:01, archived)
# was it made by missus Gruntfuttock?:P
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:04, archived)
# Thereby hangs a tale.
But not one I'm sharing here.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:05, archived)
# Can you come over to Germany and sort out the TV advertising here?
It's terribly 80's - in a bad way.

Toothpaste=Men in white coats and glasses standing in front of sciency things and charts
Yoghurt=Women explaing how they buy it for their children because it makes them shit
Beer=Laughing groups of vacant-faced 20 somethings enjoying gentle social gatherings
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:03, archived)
# I get the right royal *fear*
whenever I go to any of the german offices. I expect bad 'wacka-wacka' porn soundtracks over everything they do.

Poor deluded fools.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:05, archived)
# The best way to disagree with a German
is to ask them who won the fucking war anyway.

They think that's hilarious and novel.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:08, archived)
# I'm at a bit of a disadvantage there...
My native land was rather seriously occupied/bombed to fuck during the war, so that approach rather falls down.

I like the sentiment, though.

:)
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:10, archived)
# In which case, offer them a blowjob
Then bare your teeth.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:11, archived)
# I'd really rather not,
if that's at all possible.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:13, archived)
# If you don't I swear to god I'll do The Bad Thing again
And it will be YOUR fault.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:13, archived)
# *watches*
*gets bored and goes for a cup of tea*
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:15, archived)
# The most time I spend shouting at the TV is when the German adverts come on
Partly also because they have the volume so loud (usually about twice as loud as the programme).

And they last forever. In the UK you have time for a pee and make a quick cuppa. In Germany you could give birth and watch baby's first steps in the commercial breaks.
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:08, archived)
# With regards to the volume thing,
that proper pisses me off!
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:09, archived)
# Check this out
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DJ2i01L_xY

Advert for price comparison website.

First part with the woman:

"Do you know where to get cheaper mp3 players? Would you like to know? At billiger.de - the big price comparison on the Internet."

I HATE THIS
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:13, archived)
# as my father always described them:
Wilhelm Kostengunstig*

*Billy Billig
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:14, archived)
# :D hehe
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:15, archived)
# they do the loud advert crap here too
"OH LOOK THE ADVERT IS LOUD! I MUST BUY THIS PRODUCT THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE OTHERWISE NOTICED IF IT WAS AT A SANE VOLUME"

the shites
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:10, archived)
# Yes
The fact that they are making me want to push white hot knives in my ears and get me reaching for the mute button is a sales technique I am unfamiliar with
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:15, archived)
# It worked for <insert name of large swiss-based instant coffee manufacturer here>
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:33, archived)
# Bless 'em RTL and Pro-Sieben (and a couple of others I can't recall)
were responsible for outlawing the video technology that allowed german VCR units be able to skip adverts when recording.

Cheeky feckers.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:12, archived)
# Yes, they are the 2 biggest culprits in LOUD AND SHIT ADVERTS
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:13, archived)
# ITV saturday night
is 5 decibels louder than the rest of the week.

FACT
(I helped save b3ta! Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:15, archived)
# yet another reason for disabling that channel
to prevent accidental viewing.

;-)
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:18, archived)
# Don't think so.
If 3dB SPL is the smallest incrimental increase in volume a person can detect, 5 is not a very large increase at all. I'd say probably about 10.:P
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:20, archived)
#
www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQktvsomrC8
(I helped save b3ta! Bloop Fri 16 Jul, 22:10, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:07, archived)
# *loads shotgun*
(I helped save b3ta! Dixipoos Bye Bye Blackbird, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:10, archived)
# Pfft!
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 14:59, archived)
# I really fucking have those sodding adverts!
Laters in a long line of offenders is the new Sainsburys one.
I'm a woman and look what a wonderful, resourceful mother I am
I'm man I'm too cuch of a fucktard to find my phone and have a gay ringtone. Look I've just screwed up all my wife's hard work.
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:02, archived)
# he'll no doubt get angry about it and punch her in the eyes later
:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:09, archived)
#
punch cum.
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:25, archived)
# This, but you also have to come up with some bollocks sciency-sounding secret ingredient every time
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:00, archived)
# hehehehehe
i met a woman once, she was very soft.
(I helped save b3ta! god save the queen making another unremarkable comeback, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:01, archived)
# It was a statue though:P
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:05, archived)
# yeh, it was shit
i had to blow the bloody thing up myself and everything, and the seams, oh! how they chaff my skin
(I helped save b3ta! god save the queen making another unremarkable comeback, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:09, archived)
# I KNEW A WOMAN ONCE
SHE DIED.
(I helped save b3ta! Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:13, archived)
# You are meant to leave airholes in the box you know?
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:34, archived)
# I endorse this thinking
As Mrs Vagabond owns my balls, and keeps them in a jar, by the bed.

In resentment, I create adverts for hair products, and deliberately patronise her. Obviously, being a woman, she is fucking thick and understands nothing other than romance novels, so I use terms like "Strengthulum" because she'll vaguely recognise it from the word "Strength" but will be utterly bamboozled - yet simultaneously impressed - by the perceived Latin form of the word, and so will think the product too detailed for her to understand, but ultimately trustworthy, as it is clearly manufactured by people cleverer than her (ie - people who know "Latin").
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:02, archived)
# SEXIST!!!! SHUN HIM!:O
everyone knows you can't be sexist against men!
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:03, archived)
# It does really piss me off the whole emasculated man thing
Man as comedy foil - ho ho ho look at the weedy man trying to do the cleaning! Look at the inept man trying to manage the kids! Look at the stupid man being beaten at his own game (ie - a computer game) by a woman!
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:13, archived)
# Yeah
It makes me cry into my pinny!
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:17, archived)
# I hope that man has a Lancashire accent
just to add the traditional comic touch.
So true, so woo.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:04, archived)
# see, the thing about women is, well, I just don't understand!
HAHAHAHA

see what I did there?


:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:08, archived)
# this only works on cleaning products
I think
(I helped save b3ta! Bloop Fri 16 Jul, 22:10, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:08, archived)
# Oh no.
Man: Oh noes the dog has been injured. We're going to have to abandon him on a motorway as we can't afford the vets fees as we are poor and from the North.
Woman: Oh silly man, I am trim and spent the mortgage on my gleaming white teeth and you are scruffy and are infertile. I remembered it buy Fidocar pet insurance. You shall fumble to change a light bulb as I glide majestically down the street flashing my £10,000 smile.
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:14, archived)
# And I shall rant about energy savings in my comedy Northern accent
while my sensible, non-ranty wife shall mock me for not realising we have energy-saving lightbulbs, which I probably would have paid for and installed in the first place if I wasn't so generically clumsy in a manly way.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:19, archived)
# exactly
There fucking everywhere and the only function I can see they have it to destroy a familys strong male roll and replacing it with various corporate ones just to sell more produce.
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:23, archived)
# I suspect they're taking the easy route of protagonist and antagonist
They can't both be right, where's the educational message in that?

(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:44, archived)
# Hahhahahah!
is that an aging Courtney Cox?
(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:12, archived)
# You pay her enough
She'll be anyone you want her to be.
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:16, archived)
# I have £3.36 in change, a $5 note, two squishy blueberries, a half full box of smints and some serviettes from Starbucks.
what will that get me?
(I helped save b3ta! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:26, archived)
# Helen Keller.
(I helped save b3ta! riverghost servicing your mum since, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:30, archived)
# a kiss at christmas
probably.

;-)
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 15:30, archived)