Mincer! Bargains! Free-ads! Dresses!
Some time ago I worked for a company that employed a right mincer. He spent virtually all day on ebay, or posting pictures of himself on amateur modelling sites (until I found it and showed the rest of the company), or trying to promote his "cool credentials" by promoting bongo drumming. Or trying to write terrible poetry about his daughter in an attempt to show himself as sensitive, and therefore pullable.

I won't name him on here as last time I started an anonymous wind up he sussed it and called the police. The gayer.

Anyway, I got him good before I took it too far and he sussed me.

He was selling his Alfa Romeo. via the free ads. For 8k. So I phoned up and placed an ad for the same car, with his phone number, advertising it for 2k. He got a call in the first five minutes, looked smug and left work to arrange it. Got all the way through and the potential buyer offered him the money. 6k short.

My colleague came back into the office, called the free ads and began jumping about like a twat; calling the free ads and abusing them, and so on. Keeping a straight face was very hard work. Not as hard, however, as not reacting to the coup de grace.

I entered the following items in the paper...

Ladies dresses, sizes 12-14.
4 Terracotta Pots.
A Mincing Machine. (he was a mincer)
A dog house. Would suit large dog.
2 chickens, 1 cock.
42" Plasma TV
X-Box 360 and 9 games
Motorola Phone (latest model)
Signed Arsenal Shirt (he's a Chelsea "fan")
Original Star Wars toys

and a couple of other things. All marked with an absurd price, and the caveat "Move abroad forces sale"

He got over 1000 calls, to his cellphone and to his direct office phone. It disrupted his home and office life significantly.

He went fucking nuts. But it served him right for being a ponce, and being shit at his job.

Incidentally, Terracotta Pots are surprisingly popular...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 18 Jan 2010, 14:53, 26 replies)

You forgot to write 'needless to say, I had the last laugh'.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 15:01, closed)

That's a good point...
However, I recently started a text message wind up that got out of hand and almost got me nicked.

At that point he also sussed it was me that had done the free ad jokes, the office wind-ups, the book of insulting caricatures and the comic strips in which he (and his Grinch like alter-ego) got up to exciting adventures (such as dating self-harming whales while trying implement ever more elaborate paperwork implementation programs).

Mind you, he's now fuming and, although the cloak of anonymity has gone, I'm still rolling about laughing my head off!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 18 Jan 2010, 15:05, closed)

You sound like a right charmer
Check out the Protection from Harassment Act 1997, you're looking at six months imprisonment and/or a level 5 fine (£5000) for that little lot.

cps.gov.uk/legal/h_to_k/harrasment/

For the text messages, the Malicious Communications Act 1988 and section 43 of the Telecommunications Act 1984 may also be appropriate.

If he raises a grievance against you at work you could lose your job too for gross misconduct. People have a right not to be bullied at work.

But hey, you thought it was funny and after all, he was a mincer. Poetry and buying things from an internet auction site? Beyond the pale! That justifies everything.
( in vino veritas, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 17:03, closed)

I bet he goes round accusing people of paedophilia too.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 19:11, closed)

that's a bit of a leap from stitching up a guy at work, don't you think? Although, by the standard of reply to this thread, I guess your mentioning paedophiles could mean you are one...

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 18 Jan 2010, 20:48, closed)

"Stitching up" a guy at work in the manner described by the original poster is a criminal offence
Accusing him falsely of being a paedophile is just defamation - only a civil wrong.
( in vino veritas, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 23:21, closed)

you misunderstand...
using work time to fuck about buying stuff is letting down your colleagues, and if a manager it is a grossly poor example to set.
Equally, I am a fan of poetry and by some miracle achieved a first for the poetry module of my degree. I disapprove of someone using their child as a means to pull. The poetry, tattoos, constant references with no actual fatherly commitment of time, money and stability, displayed on web pages intended to meet women are the most repulsive examples of hypocrisy. It's easy to talk about your kids and profess to love them while doing nothing about it and blaming it on the ex.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 18 Jan 2010, 21:02, closed)

I believe there are channels for such complaints in the workplace, generally
clearly they don't apply to you.
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 23:34, closed)

Rather disturbingly
I just stuck a Terra Cotta sofa onto the free-ads this morning.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 15:07, closed)

I'm not sure that sofas
have the same appeal as pots...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 18 Jan 2010, 15:10, closed)

Obviously I dont know the whole story
but that sounds like harassment.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 15:28, closed)

it is harassment. Absolutely.
also workplace bullying. But if you met him you would understand. I'm a bastard to some people. In fact, to anyone I consider to be a rude, arrogant prick who picks holes in others, enjoys bullying those weaker than him and using his position to try and steal the sales and hard work of others. I am, and remain, wholly unrepentant. Gleefully so, in fact.

Also, I'm not a repressed gayer. I have no prejudice, but I use the term to describe a man who spends far too long chasing trends.

There are two sides to everything guys, and while I will go out if my way to fuck people over, I don't do it without cause. Nor do I ever break my one rule - nothing to damage health, wealth, relationship or job.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 18 Jan 2010, 18:20, closed)

You are faultless, I take it?
What gives you the impression that your judgemental attitude gives you the right to bully others?

Good thing you don't regard, say, being black as a character fault.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 19:30, closed)

Calling him
mincer, gayer, and ponce, finding pictures of him on amateur modeling sites - you sound more than a bit like a repressed homosexual stalky weirdo who was harassing a colleague because you couldn't deal with the fact that you fancied him.

I'm not surprised he called the police.
(Sloppy Giuseppe, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 16:36, closed)

ha ha ha....you wanker

(TROLLING AWAY living under a post ironic bridge, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 17:51, closed)

I laughed.
There are similiar storys to this QOTW and I laughed at them too. But then I'm maybe a 'Stalky repressed homosexual weirdo'. I'm not. I also didn't look up applicable charges under various work and comunication acts. Although playing devils advocate, I don't agree with the only reason for these pranks, no matter how clever, being played because he is a 'ponce'. I ponce.
( rgordon00, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 17:51, closed)

The 70s called
they want their insults back. Honestly, 'Ponce'? Try to be a bit more creative in future.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 20:58, closed)

to clarify
i clearly dislike the man. He's not gay, but he spends his time slavishly adhering to trends, manipulating women, using his daughter to attract women, doing too muh coke and thieving work from subordinates.

I may dislike him, and his arrogance, and what he stands for, but in itself that would not cause me to go after him.

The cause of my actively having caused him grief three or four times over six years is not because i dislike him, but because he tried to steal work not just from me, but more importantly from junior members of my staff.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Mon 18 Jan 2010, 21:10, closed)

Bloody hell, you're a manager of staff?
Presumably you consider yourself an adult too?

It doesn't matter what he did to you. If he is abusing the system at work you should lodge a grievance using the proper procedures. Not start a campaign of harassment and abuse.

"Yeah but he has dubious attitudes to women and besides he pinched my work!" is not a valid defence in a court of law.
( in vino veritas, Mon 18 Jan 2010, 23:29, closed)

Now I'm in authority I care about the law
before, less so.

In fact, I still don't really care for the law, but sadly there comes a time where tribunals become tedious.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 19 Jan 2010, 9:52, closed)

I'm with you brother.
i have worked with some people who have deserved the treatment. GM leglislation is there to protect the innocent, not shroud the divs of this world in a blanket of security. Be careful though, but he's obviously an idiot because he would have called you up on these laws already if he knew about them.
(CaptainCuntyBollocks the man who can with a frying pan full of lamb, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 12:33, closed)

I don't work with him now, not for 2 years or more.
Every now and then though, I like to reflect on his face when his phone wouldn't stop ringing.

No-one deserved it more.

This is also one reason I guard my number jealously...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 19 Jan 2010, 12:54, closed)

you sir, are beneath contempt
('tin'tintin, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 8:08, closed)

Oh, fuck off
you sanctimonious cunt.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 19 Jan 2010, 12:55, closed)

like I say
beneath contempt.

Wanker
('tin'tintin, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 22:12, closed)

Albert Marshmallow called,
he wants his notoriety back
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Tue 19 Jan 2010, 8:25, closed)