All those far-right types who equate being a 'patriot' with 'hanging out with nazis'.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 21:42, 2 replies)

Some bunch of hippies
Who lived in a squat down the road from me, once accused me of being a Conservative voting capitalist pig who would have joined the SS because I asked them if they'd mind turning the music down at 3am on a Tuesday.

Now that I live in a nicer area, I occasionally recreate the experience digitally by making common sense points on the Guardian website and reading the replies.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 21:35, 20 replies)

Women are weird
Wife - the showerhead was moved to a different place.
Me - Oh right. Might have been me, I don't remember.
Wife - ARE YOU HAVING AN AFFAIR?
Me - ... No.
(McChinaman banned, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 21:24, 16 replies)

I once suggested 'bizarre leaps of logic' as a topic for a 'tell a funny anecdote' web page...

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 21:05, Reply)

s0ckpuppet 4 eva in r hearts
I just don't know what to do with myself
Don't know just what to do with myself
I'm so used to doing everything with you
Planning everything for two
And now that your banned

I just don't know what to do with my time
I'm so lonesome for you it's a crime
Going to the front page only makes me sad
Trolling make me feel as bad
When I'm not with you
I just don't know what to do

Like a b3tan party
It needs the pun and the stains
Oh, I need your sweet love
To beat all the piss

I just don't know what to do with myself
I just don't know what to do with myself
Rob, if your new site ever turns you down
Come back, I will be around
Just waiting for you
I don't know what else to do

Like a b3tan party
It needs the pun and the stains
Oh, I need your sweet love
To beat all the piss

I don't know just what to do with myself
I don't know just what to do with myself
Rob, if 4chan ever turns you down
Come on back, I will be around
Just waiting for you
I don't know what else to do, no, no, no
I don't know what else to do
I'm still so crazy for you, no, no, no, no
I don't know what else to do, no, no, no
I'm still so crazy for you


Lol - I said crazy.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 19:11, 9 replies)

Can we abandon this one like we did with racist grandparents and switch it for toilet disasters instead?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 18:56, 10 replies)

A woman walks into a bar
and asks the barman for a non sequitur. So the horse explodes.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 18:45, 4 replies)

I was once on an internet humour forum,
and there was some kind of palaver, involving trolling, stalking, accusations of mental illness, real-names being found out, and weak-ass threats about telling peoples bosses about internet stuffs.

The mods banned someone over it.

Then, bizarrely, they decided to host a thread, for a week, apparently dedicated to repeating exactly the thing that they just attempted to stop.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 18:26, 13 replies)

This
is by far my favourite bizarre leap of logic of recent times.

www.bigissue.com/mix/news/2385/norman-tebbit-maybe-id-be-allowed-marry-my-son
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 17:34, 3 replies)

After getting increasingly frustrated at the clumsiness of the text-based parsing of The Hobbit computer game in 1986
I typed in FUCK GANDALF into the text box and it pondered for a second, then replied 'You travel North... around you are the misty mountains, exits are Down, East, West and South'.

I mean how could I have stated my actions any more obviously? Or is 'Go North' also a euphimism for the imperative command to fuck Gandalf?
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 12 Dec 2013, 17:17, Reply)

A implies B.
B.

Therefore A.

What?
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 17:16, 3 replies)

Paddy.
Paddy was incredibly silly. When we were on the fourth floor and the elevator on the ground he pressed the up button repeatedly despite the fact we were going down. When we inquired why he did this he said that he was trying to make the lift go up to us.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 12 Dec 2013, 17:16, 4 replies)

Jedward having employment.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 17:14, Reply)

I've got one.
Choosing a joke suggestion as the QOTW....this is going to be over in hours and the inspiration can't even be here to see the fallout.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 16:25, 6 replies)

I posted someone's username on a website and it got deleted by the mods.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 16:11, 9 replies)

When I was at the Mandela Memorial service
I started having a fit, properly spazzed out (I saw angels and heard voices at one point) and had a bit of a fit for 60 minutes without anyone helping, then afterwards I find the whole world had thought I was doing pretend sign language. The cunts.
( DinivanX Has stinging piss after drinking Pact Coffee, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 16:10, 2 replies)

You can never win…
I was having a heated discussion with my wife the other day (for info she’s a lecturer in sociology and the sexes).

We were discussing a recent study which purportedly claimed that men with light or fair pubic hair generally had larger penises, particularly the tips. This was explicitly true for Australasian, Caucasian men.

I of course thought this was utter bullshit and that she was perhaps having a dig at my own manhood, me not being blonde in the slightest.

Anyway she pulled up the report, which was actually published in the British Medical Society’s November newsletter.

Much to my shame, I had to admit that indeed I was wrong and that I was clearly no Schlong Fair Helm.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 15:00, 16 replies)

The mrs said to a waitess, 'You're a pro'
as a compliment, meaning that she was good at her job.
The manager stormed up and told us to get the fuck out, nobody calls his staff prostitutes.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 14:59, Reply)

At work,
My co-worker, "I wish I were a lichen."
I stop everything I'm doing, "O.K. Part algae and part fungus. I don't see the advantage."
"No," he said, "the other kind."
"Oh, you mean l-y-c-a-n."
"Exactly."
"Well, you'd at least get every full moon off. Nobody would want you around even if it's a busy weekend."
( tromboner cherophobia is my kind of fun, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 14:29, 8 replies)

I have a theory that the word 'cunt' is far more acceptable in the UK than in Australia. It's pretty much the zenith of offensive expletives, oft used by bogans, mouth breathers and similarly ill-educated folk. Anything other expletives are daylight second.

Don't know why, perhaps us Australians are fundamentally misogynistic as well as racist?

I mention this, because at the moment my work is employing quite a few UK folk, and they regularly are hauled up before HR to explain their offensive banter.

They usually claim it's simply a cultural misunderstanding, after receiving a stern rebuke, a first and final letter of warning and the threat of cancelling their sponsorship.



Tell you what though, it's jolly good fun putting the fear of God into the gullible cunts.
( Ken Oath, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 14:22, 19 replies)

Although I know it is illogical, I still think that internet forum members lie.
However, I trust Wikipedia as 100% accurate at all times.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 14:20, Reply)

Some person thought I was called Shirley.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 14:15, 1 reply)

Sada was shit, though.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 14:13, 2 replies)

I heard that Amorous Badger had ruined /qotw,
and now you're letting him set the question?
What conclusions should I draw from this?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 14:11, 5 replies)

This QOTW had better be taken down immediatley
I find it disgusting and sad that an entire forum be dedicated to trying to find out personal information about me and my past venereal diseases which this QOTW quite clearly is aimed at doing.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Thu 12 Dec 2013, 14:09, 1 reply)

My (now ex) wife & I decided to get some garden storage
she thought I'd ordered one of these:



When I had actually ordered one of these:


( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 14:08, 9 replies)

I once laughed at someone on the internet.
He seemed to think this justified looking up my personal details and contacting my employer. Weirdly, someone agreed with him and suggested he hadn't gone far enough, claiming violent retribution was appropriate.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 12 Dec 2013, 13:54, 34 replies)