Robert Anton Wilson, and some melting of the head.
A few years back I spent far too much time reading this guy's work. It was the first time I'd come across an author who was prepared to write about conspiracy theories, psychoanalysis, Joyce, LSD and American and Irish politics, generally on the same page.
Looking back it was clear that he was wrong about almost everything, but I'd still advise people to check out his semi-biographical The Comsic Trigger trilogy, or the wonderful Masks of the Illuminati.

Also Ciaran Carson's work made me get off my arse and start playing trad music again for the first time in years, which led to many an excellent party, and Tom Garvin's Preventing the Future, which is the best book on politics, history and economics that I've read, and I've got several hundred books of this kind.

I also have a large collection of vintage propoganda books by various Irish paramilitary organisations. I'm glad to say that none of these have had any influence on me.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:24, 5 replies)

The Annotated Alice
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass give me the heebie-jeebies. They are claustrophobic, displacing, disturbing, frightening books. They scared the bejesus out of me as a child, though maybe that's because they are quintessentially British texts and I do not have the requisite cultural background - bogtrotting Irish culchie that I am.

The Annotated Alice, however, is a dream to read - a fascinating exploration of Lewis Carroll's writing through marginalia and extended footnotes. It's thought-provoking and interesting. It also stopped me being scared of Victorian children's literature. I'm just scared of pretty much everything else still.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:13, 19 replies)

I
read a book once called Pete Bennett living with tourettes, very inspiring, helps me through every day. plus the chapter about Brighton was fucking amazing.
(conzo21, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:13, 2 replies)

The book of Dave
did honestly make me look at my impact on life/the planet. It genuinly made me think what WOULD life be like in a few thousand years?

Also, Interesting Times by terry Pratchett. I know it is clichéd but it was my first discworld novel, and still my favourite. It showed me sci-fi/fantasy could be about the lolz.
( DLT's Musical Bonanza is totting up the p, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:10, 1 reply)

The Bible, Parts 1(Torah/Old testament), 2(New Testament) and 3(Koran/Book of Mormon/Dianetics) and the Watchtower, in fact all religious texts have changed my life ..
Add to these semi religous "self help" books such as The Celestine Prophecy, The Secret, Anthony Robbins, Deepak Chopra and the like, and although I am no atheist you can also add Dawkins' God Delusion, Marx's Communist Manifesto, Mao's little red book, "The Sun says" and many other doctrinal tracts - these have all changed my life for the worse by by surrounding me with misguided people that can't be bothered to think for themselves.


In short my philosophy is:-

Individual people; fundamentally good

People in Groups, Organisations, Institutions, Clubs, Religions etc; fundamentally evil as the individuals concerned absolve themselves from moral resposibility.

This has been shown by such studies as

Milgram's Study of Obedience en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milgram_experiment
The Stanford Prison Experiment en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanford_prison_experiment
and the behaviour of the Nazis and of our large amoral corporations.

I personally believe that there IS a point, a "right path" and in good and evil, however simplistic written rules alone can never get you there.

This may have offended some people - sorry, but although it's not the word of God it's what I believe. You never know, it may change your life!!


_{"Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups." despair.com/idiocy.html
"If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you." Don Marquis
Just to contradict myself I do like Persig's Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance and Hesse's Siddartha!}


Luvya!
(jmaxi returned again on, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:07, 35 replies)

21 years ago
I sat in a classroom during a group reading session, the gigantified book we were all enjoying at the time was 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar'.
I loved how he ate through an apple, two pears, an ice cream and so on, until he had a stomachache (this is how it's written in the book, don't blame me). Then of course he chrysalises and turns into a beeooteefal butterfly. Ahhh....

When my daughter was about 3 this became her favourite bed time book.
So I read it, over, and over again. I was sick of it. So sick of it, in fact, that one night when the little 'un had been playing up, and I was trying to get her off to sleep by reading to her at 3am, I got to the bit where he eats his way through the apple, became furious and shouted,
'RIGHT, THAT'S IT! You know it turns into a cunting butterfly in the end, now get to fucking sleep!'

Which may have been mean, but it worked, she hasn't been up late since.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:07, 15 replies)

Ripley Bogle
CHCB reminded me about Robert McLiam Wilson. A book that had a very profound effect on my was his debut novel 'Ripley Bogle'. The main reason for this is that he is a contemporary of mine and wrote about a time and a place I knew and lived but at a rediculously young age. I first heard him interviewed on 'Loose Ends' by Emma Freud and was impressed enough to rush out and buy the book (well, I might have waited until it went to paperback). It has all the faults of a first novel but, for me, none of them manage to spoil it one iota. It has 'homage' to Joyce and quite possibly Anthony Burgess too, it is over-written and florid in places, it is autobiographical to a certain degree, but it is brilliant. I almost never see it in charity shops, though I always look. It is horrific and great and if by chance RMW is reading this, then sir, I salute you [stands...salutes...pauses...sits].

And change my life? It made me think that possibly I could write too.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:06, 1 reply)

The Diceman
I love this book, it invited me to stop being concerned about every little thing and to embrace chance. Take the decisions out of your hands, live the dice life!

I know it's not the most well written book, but I love the 70's style of it and the switching of perspectives suits my, somewhat, manic brain.
( SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it..., Fri 16 May 2008, 11:03, 1 reply)

The Selman-Troytt Papers...
Is one of the most wonderfully ridiculous & hilarious books I've ever read.

The book is a collection of the thoughts, correspondence & observations of Mr Jeremy Selman-Troytt; a Victorian gent who dabbles with science in various forms.

Throughout the book the reader is treated to regular scientific observations about his bodily functions; including the occasions on which he has soiled himself and his first involuntary ejaculation.

There is an ongoing commentary about his major invention: "the portable prepuce extractor", as well as regular scientific ponderings: such as why the knee is unable to articulate in all directions.

Highly recommended.
( Moey, Fri 16 May 2008, 11:02, Reply)

Robert Anton Wilson's
books have had and incredible influence on my life. From the "Illuminatus Trilogy" to "Cosmic Trigger" his work never failed to make me think and question pretty much everything....never has a more true statement been written than "belief is the death of intelligence". Once you believe in something,you stop thinking about it and you end up just another one of the herd.

RAW was a man who spread ideals about love and acceptance and positive thoughts. The world could do with more people like him. His daughter was murdered in a robbery in a store in which she worked. Instead of focusing on the negative he tryed to respond "with all the positive energy I can"...the man is a constant inspiration in my life....

His books are entertaining(see operation mindfuck) and thought provoking, instightful, weird, scary, insane,comical.....he should have been president and the world would be a much better place. Hail Iris!
(Kopite Ceoil agus Craic, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:59, Reply)

Preacher
Not necessarily life changing for me but certainly for my Dad - or at least his perception of me as a teenager.

Specifically, while in my room having a chat, he picked it up off the floor and opened it randomly only to see the full page image of Odin Quincannon (The Meat Man) shagging a giant female statue made of raw meat.

Things were never quite the same again.
(Milo Minderbinder, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:47, 1 reply)

Unfortunate titles...
My grandmother had a cache of children's books for when grandchildren came to stay. One that sticks in my mind is this:



... although it's for entirely the wrong reasons now.

/innocence shattered.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:39, 16 replies)

Eureka Street
"All stories are love stories" begins Robert McLiam Wilson's Eureka Street. It's a ceasefire-era Belfast setting, it's dark, it's funny, it's poignant, and the love story is not confined to the characters - above all, it's the author's love for his home that shines through.

I've listed this as my favourite book for years. I've gone through countless copies, giving them to friends, to anyone who has been to Northern Ireland or to anyone who wants to know it.

My current copy has been missing for a couple of years, which reminds me - Jonny, if you're ever reading this, I'd like it back please. And my copy of Snow Crash, and Interface. And assorted pieces of my underwear.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:36, 2 replies)

Fantasy and Reality....
I read absurdly quickly, so I've got through a ton of books so far and firmly plan on continuing this. Books are ace.

In terms of fiction, I loved Neuromancer, Iain M Banks' A Player Of Games and Gene Wolfe's Book Of The New Sun, just because all of them added something new and amazing to the S/F genre.

For Non-fiction, again it's a collection of three books - Pete Carrols Liber Null, Dave Lee's Chaotopia and The Principia Discordia. Just for showing me that Occultism didn't all have to be serious men in robes and for giving me the tools and the mindset to change my life completely, from a depressed wreck just barely struggling on at the fringes to someone more or less in control and blissfully happy with my other half, when 4 years ago I was convinced that no-one could ever notice me.
( DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:36, Reply)

Chocolate puzzle
Is there anyone out there who works in advertising? Better yet, anyone who handles an account for Galaxy chocolate? Maybe you can answer a question.

In 2004 there was a poster advertising Galaxy. The picture was of (if I remember rightly) some discarded clothes and a book - the implication being, of course, that the unseen female protagonist had just decided to go to bed with some chocolate. Thebromine porn I understand.

Given the theme of the ad, one might have expected the book to have been something a bit chick-lit - maybe something by Alison Pearson or Marian Keyes. Something that'd be demotic and crowd-pleasing. Something with which Galaxy-buyers could identify.

It wasn't.

The book on the poster was Robert Burton's 1625 tome The Anatomy of Melancholy. Enthralling as it is - I own a copy myself, in the same edition as that which appeared on the poster (which is why I noticed it) - I can't for the life of me figure out why it, of all possible books, was chosen. It isn't likely to have been accidental.

I've been wondering for almost four years now why the NYRB paperback edition of a 17^th study of the causes, diagnosis, treatment and prognosis of mental ilness was being used to sell poor chocolate to the Bridget Jones generation.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:33, 12 replies)

That said
My favourite read is Catch-22. If i start reading it i can kiss goodbye to the next 48 hours of my life!
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:24, 2 replies)

The Bible - but not what you think
I went to a very strict catholic middle school. Out teacher was a nun and mass was said once a week. We learnt valuable life skills like the withdrawal method and that evolution was completely wrong. Sex was off the agenda from the very start. This was all fine for the majority of pupils who had religious parents and feared God, but, I was there for a completely different reason. The school was directly behind my house. It took less than a minute to go from front door to playground.

One week we were told to write about our favorite passage from the bible. This caused a problem for me as
A: I had never read the bible
B: I didn’t own a bible
C: I certainly was not going to waste any time bothering to read enough that I could have a favorite passage.

That day I went to the library and at the very back, to the left of the “children’s illustrated story of mosses” was a row of large leather bound Bibles. I grabbed one, got my ticket stamped, chucked it in my rucksack and raced outside to play football.

As with all homework, I completely forgot about the task until the night before it was due. I remember that night as if it was yesterday. My parents had gone out that and left me alone (my Nan lived next door and would keep an eye on me). I took my bag up to my room and took my work book and bible out. I decided that I would flick though and whatever page I stopped on I would write about.

As I pulled back the hardback cover to start my holy hour, something fell from the Bible. It was a glossy thin book. It was “Posh Norks”.

It was a type of illustrated sex manual with pictures, stories and advice. I sat stunned and confused – I was always told by the Nuns and Priest that the Bible will bring every man happiness, but, I never expected it to deliver this!!! I sat in silence and turned over the first page. I was greeted by a blond girl, wearing a crown, and sitting naked with a leg behind her head. It was my first ever sight of the mysterious “Vag”.

That night I wanked my cock red raw. Every five minutes I was at it. The turn of every page required the spilling of more seed (Oh I do remember something fro the Bible). I only stopped when I practically collapsed from a mixture of tennis elbow and penis strain. The homework was late…I got in trouble but I didn’t care. That weekend I was not going out. That weekend I learnt about what Mandy liked to do in the bath, what Tara’s favorite position was and how many fingers Kara could have inserted up her starfish.

Since then I have read books that have changed my views, opinions and political views. I have a love affair with books on war – they show the greatest humanity in people and the most depraved acts almost side-by-side.

Sadly the one book that I read more times than any over, the one that kept me locked away in my room and the one that had a huge impact on my life was that small porno/sex manual called “Posh Norks”. In a strange way the erotic fiction and facts taught me more about sex than the 6 years of catholic education would ever do.
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:22, 2 replies)

Freedom
Probably the most life changing books I ever read were the Roads to Freedom trilogy by Jean-Paul Sartre: 'The Age of Reason', 'The Reprieve' and 'The Iron in the Soul'. Each is a great read on its own and each has its own individual style. The first being the most traditional novel - introducing the main characters and Mathieu and some of his friends as well as showing us the futility of his so-called 'free' existence, which is actually a typical petit-bourgeois life over-set with the pretence of bohemianism. It is set in the pre-war era, when war is still a way off but provides us with a shadowy backdrop to all the events that take place.

'The Reprieve' is much more harrowing and takes us to the eve of war, with Hitler threatening Czechoslovakia. The writing itself becomes more experimental, zooming us around Europe and beyond in the flash of a sentence or even mid-sentence. The old characters crop up again, but many new ones are introduced, some briefly, some in depth; all have their own story and tragedies, including Chamberlain and his team trying to work out what Hitler is up to. Mathieu is on holdiay with his big brother and is resigned to joining the army as conscription is announced: is this freedom? does anything matter? is it just an easy way out of all his problems - let someone else take all the decisions?

'Iron in the Soul' takes yet another literary form; the first half re-joins Mathieu with his army unit - the French have lost the war and they're waiting for the German army to come along and take them prisoner. It is high summer and there's a summer holiday feel - there's nothing they can do except try to forget that they've lost the war and save a bit of dignity in defeat - I won't spoil the end of the first half for you. The second half shows one of Mathieu old school friends who is a bigwig in the Communist party, he is a prisoner and trying to organise the other prisoners. We see inside his mind, what outcome does he want? What will most benefit the aims of the revolution? Who can he trust? What can he do to help? Again, I won't tell you how it ends, but this half of the book is written with virtually no paragraph breaks - to reinforce the feeling of being herded into an old barracks with thousands of men and no space or time for yourself.

How did they change my life? Well, I was about 18 when I read these - still young and idealistic enough to think "Yes! I too can be free - I will live my life on a whim, loving and leaving as I choose, or maybe going with the flow and submitting to fate. I will go to France and drink wine in low bars with n'importe qui, alors, on-y-va!". So I became a francophile and had adventures - most of which I've since recounted to you lot - and yes, I was free for a while and yes, I am glad I was, and yes, it has coloured my life ever since....

I think perhaps it's time to re-read them.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:16, Reply)

How To Have A Number 1 The Easy Way
Written by the KLF after they had a hit with Doctor in the Tardis it explains in great detail the process of making a record and turning it into a success.

More than anything though, it's an inspiration to get off your arse and follow your dreams without being afraid of populism.

I've paid tribute several times:

* I wrote something hopefully in a similar style for the BBC about web bollocks. Sorry about the title, I wouldn't have called it "how to be funny" coz that's a bit cringesome.

* Ripping off the cover for the Sick Joke Book. Compare and contrast the B3ta one with the KLF one.

* Um, by making loads of crap music.

Anyway, read it, I implore you.
( rob, Fri 16 May 2008, 10:11, 9 replies)

The Book Of Job
When I was quite young we used to live next door to a family whose daughter volunteered at a local Sunday school, so it was only natural that me and my brother would go along to give my parents an hour of peace every weekend. We all happily joined in the brainwashing because we got free orange juice and got to draw pictures, mostly of Jesus obviously. In exchange all we had to do was listen to bible stories and be gently conditioned with the occasional "good boy!" when we said we agreed with it all. Everything proceeded happily until one day the leader made the mistake of reading us The Book Of Job.

For those of you not familiar with this particular book of the old testament I'll quickly and roughly paraphrase. Job is one of God's most loyal and pure believers. One day Satan wanders up to God and bets him that if he punishes Job unfairly he'll renounce God. God agrees to the bet but says the devil can't touch Job himself, just those around him. So God watches as the devil slaughters Job's cattle and takes away his wife and children and tells him they've all been killed. When Job doesn't renounce God Satan bets him that if he can punish Job directly he definitely will. God agrees and watches as the devil smites him with boils leaving him grief stricken and in constant agony. Three people visit Job and they explain to him that he must be being punished for his sins. Unable to think of anything he can repent for Job can only wait, mourning the loss of his family and living in constant suffering until Satan admits to losing the bet. Having never renounced God, Job's sanctimonious visitors are punished, his boils are cured, his wife, children and cattle are returned (in some interpretations he's given the cattle of his sanctimonious friends and, bizzarely, his children are doubled in number and made wealthy) and he get's to "live and die in happiness".

The Sunday school leader handed out the orange juice and the crayons as he talked about how God will sometimes test people but if we keep our faith in Him we'll be rewarded. Everyone nodded and agreed and got on with drawing pictures of Job's suffering and I just sat there dumbfounded. This God, this 'man of love' sat back and watched one of his most faithful tortured, mocked, humiliated and nearly destroyed to prove a fucking point? He listened to Job being told his family had all been killed to win a bet? Forget dumbfounded, I was furious. It didn't take long for the leader to notice that one six year old boy wasn't happily colouring like the rest but was, instead, fighting back the tears. He sat down with me and tried to reason with me or, as actually happens a lot with the religous, repeated his views in exactly the same way hoping that this time I'd agree with them. When he realised that this wasn't going to work he told me to go home and think about it and see how I felt next week.

I did. I went home and thought about it. Thought about it in ways that six year olds probably very rarely do; I started questioning it. All of it. He got his answer the next week when I didn't turn up. Tantrums, tears, begging and pleading with my parents let them know there was no way I'd go back there. I remember crying with relief when my parents said I didn't have to go, didn't have to listen to any more of that horror and pain somehow dressed up in a fake message of love and hope. Skip forward ten years and I became friends with a kid called Peter. He was a friend of a friend in a different year at school so I knew little about him until we started hanging out together. It was then that I learnt two things; Peter was very religious and his Dad was a local vicar.

Inevitably the question of religious beliefs eventually came up and sparked an amazing two years of conversation and debate. His father turned out to be one of the most outstandingly opened minded religious people in existence. He never tried to preach to those that didn't want to hear it and actually openly admitted to not believing in everything The Bible had to say. His raison d'etre seemed to be that the message of love and hope that Christianity in it's entirety desperately tried but failed to encapsulate was such a beautiful ideal that it was worth compromising to preach it. It wasn't something to live by it was something to always aspire to. And he was right.

So right I really wish I'd met him.

See, our views were so diametrically opposed, or so I believed to begin with, I never trusted myself to talk to him directly for fear of violent arguements. Instead, with Peter telling his father what I was saying and then telling me what his father had said in return we, unbelievably, conducted a two year theology debate through his son. It was a testament to his open-mindedness that not once did he try and stop me despite knowing that I was slowly eroding his son's faith. He was happy to know that someone was challenging his beliefs knowing that more than one opinion would help his son find his own way. By the end of the two years I held this man I'd never met in such high estimation it was unbelievable. My opinion on the inherent evil nature of God never wavered but I think given more time and more debate it may have done. Severely. I couldn't stop thinking that maybe if he had been my Sunday school leader things could have turned out very differently. Not in a blind belief way but in a well thought out, rational longing for an ideal rather than a fairy tale hero way. His willingness to not believe oddly made his belief all the stronger.

After a while, maybe for a bet, maybe to prove a point and stroke his ego some more, God decided to intervene. Peter's father developed terminal stomach and bowel cancer. That was his reward for being loving, caring, understanding and downright inspirational to family, friends and strangers alike. In one of those weird coincidences it was around the time BBC Three was promo'ing that Vic and Bob Catterick series which they did using a song that got stuck in my head so much I downloaded it. It was called The Sire of Sorrow by Joni Mitchell and, despite being pretty overblown, it really moved me. It wasn't until I heard the full version that I realised it was a musical interpretation of The Book Of Job. For the next few months I saw Peter pretty regularly. We talked about religion (or Peter's lack of it these days), his father, listened to the song a few times and had debates like we used to. Sometimes it became too much for him and I just held him while he cried, knowing that his father was enduring untold suffering, dying in pain and, due to the type of cancer, being robbed of his dignity as he did so. I kept thinking 'God is love' and the fury of that six year old me would return, intensified.

When Peter's father finally succumbed to the cancer his family sorted through his stuff and Peter brought me a book they'd found. It's from the early 1800's and is sitting in the drawer next to me. I've never touched it and never will except maybe one day to hand it back if I think he needs it. All I have to do is look at that book and I'm filled with such righteous anger that there's nothing I can't or won't do to step into the lives of the people I love to help them in any way I can. The way that, up until the age of six, I believed God would always do.

It's The Book Of Job.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Fri 16 May 2008, 9:55, 17 replies)

Cabal by Clive Barker
When I was 12 I was sent on some horrific French Exchange. I was given some money to spend on books for the trip, so being 12, I went straight for the horror section. More or less at random, I picked up Cabal by Clive Barker (later made into the film Nightbreed). Not only was it enormously violent, but there was sex in it. The first sex I'd ever read. Admittedly, it was with the undead, and there's a charming bit in it where Boon's stone cold undead semen drips down the heroine's leg after they've done it in a prison.

Every kid on that bus read that book. It was passed around like some sort of unexploded bomb out of sight of the teachers, (who would not have approved I think). It fell apart and had to be taped back together.

I spoiled a bus-full of young minds.

However, what I realised was that there were huge untapped mines of filth, offensiveness, controversy and general genius out there in book form rather than on the telly. I doubt I would have gone on to be such an avid reader if I hadn't read Cabal. No Nabokov, no Murukami... I think I could have turned out to be quite thick, to be honest. Now I'm thick and well-read.
( expf, Fri 16 May 2008, 9:53, 1 reply)

Essential X-Men vol 1-8
These books made me create an amazing outfit and use my secret powers (yet to be discovered) to travel the world fighting evil doers wherever they may be.

SuperPickle to the rescue!!!!!!!!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 16 May 2008, 9:52, Reply)

The Sub Rosa series
In short: It's murder mystery stuff set in late Republican Rome. It's a mixture of comedy and tragedy also.

The main protagonist is called Gordianus - an `informer' (in reality a detective) who finds himself investigating crimes and mysteries. The historical fact in the book is almost totally accurate - with Rome brought to life as a smelly, noisy, exotic simutaenously ugly and beautiful place to be.

The series is spread out over decades and Gordianus comes into contact (and works) with several historical figures ranging from Sulla, Clodia and Clodius, Pompey, Cicero, Caesar, Cleopatra as Rome is enveloped in riots, wars and things fall apart for the Republic.

The character isn't a good guy - but he IS likeable. He's not politically correct by a long shot, being very much a man of his time.

I'm a Roman history nut as it is - but this series does something that dry academic books don't do: It makes you realise that historical figures were people and more than that - people like anyone else with strengths and weaknesses.
(Audax Victor, Fri 16 May 2008, 9:51, 2 replies)

This Thing of Darkness
A book about Darwin's travels aboard the Beagle inspired me to quit work and head to South America, New Zealand and Australia.

Despite the daunting size and the slow beginning, it is a true masterpiece and you'll read it in perhaps two days.
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Fri 16 May 2008, 9:50, Reply)

My favourite book of all time
is Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.
I've never empathised or related to a character as much as I did with the monster, he's literally the most human creature in the book. He's impulsive, fragile, weak and desperate to find love, or even just the acceptance of his own father.

It's beautifully written, with a more claustrophobic, gripping atmosphere than any other book that I've ever read, and contains at least four occasions where Shelley uses what is now one of my favourite phrases, '...the monster's countenance was tumultuous with rage.'
I don't think rage has ever been so elegantly put.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 16 May 2008, 9:48, 52 replies)

The Catcher In the Rye
Ultimately two books have changed my life, for better and worse.

The good, The Catcher In the Rye by J.D.Salinger.
I think it's like Marmite in the fact you either love it or hate it, and I've heard that you can only read this book when you're a teenager or when you're having a mid-life crisis. I agree, I read and reread it when I was a teenager, and each time it blew my mind and left me in a daze of awe. But when I tried again a few years later it was just jumbled nonsense. I can pin point the precise moment when I passed through the doorway into adulthood and coming of age to 20 minutes after finishing that book. It also triggered the first time I stood up to a teacher and ultimately discovered the joy of strength of opinion and a well-formed argument. It is also the one and only item I have ever stolen (I pinched the first copy I read, I *had* to have it).

The book has often been linked to lone gunmen, with the shooters of John Lennon, J.F.K. and Reagan apparently having a copy on then at the time of their arrest. I don't know if that's entirely true, but I've seen the look of genuine fear in people's eyes when you tell them it's a book that changed your life.

The bad, May Contain Nuts by John O'Farrell.
Quite possibly the most worthless piece of middle-class four-by-four-school-run Torquil-and-Jemima-are-failing-in-their-achievements-compared-to-the-neighbours-children badger-farting shite ever produced in font. Sure, there are plenty of pointless books in the world, but this one had me screaming with rage and hurling it's Jeff-Cape-ripped halves at the wall. How did this 'kooky look at modern day parenting' change my life you ask? The fact that three members of my family gave it to me either as a gift or following the words "Oh I have to lend you a brilliant book and I just know you'll love it!" Such an open demonstration of a complete lack of knowledge of my character and beliefs, that I knew from that day on relationships with my kin would never be the same again. My favourite book is The Catcher In The Rye ffs! What on David Bellamy's arse made them think I have any interest in this yuppie tripe?

To be fair though, O'Farrell's Things Can Only Get Better was quite funny, so he's off my assassination list, but Katie Price better watch her back if she continues to offend the shelves....
(MsZuzu, Fri 16 May 2008, 9:46, Reply)

While I read a lot of books
they are mainly of the crime fiction genre and as such are just light entertainment before falling asleep at night. So in lieu of a life-changing book (at the moment - I'll think of something) let me tell you of something life changing which is book related.

It's my bookmark. Not your average bit of paper (I used to use boarding card stubs when reading on an aeroplane) but a proper stainless steel thing which clips firmly to the top of the page. Like two concentric ovals, joined at the top, like this:



I've had it for years and it has travelled the world with me.

And where did I get this indispensable item?

In my entire life, it's the only useful thing ever to have come out of a Christmas cracker!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 16 May 2008, 9:43, 2 replies)

Roger Red Hat...
...Billy Blue Hat and Johnny and Jennifer Yellow Hat.
Maybe not the most awe inspiring books, and not of the greatest literary depths. Probably never going to win the Booker prize.
But they taught me, and a whole generation, to read. Without them I'd have never read Catch 22, Disgrace, Wuthering Heights, The Preacher series and many, many more.
Sheila McCullagh, my hat is doffed to you. I owe you more than you could possibly know.

(not amusing, I know, but I bet there's many b3tans with the same debt of gratitude to this woman)

Still don't know why it had to be Johnny and Jennifer Yellow Hat?
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 16 May 2008, 9:42, Reply)

My Magic Testes
by Horatio Geraghty. This little-known nineteenth-century novella was published privately by a London barrister who went partially insane after inhaling toxic fumes.

The book tells the tale of a man, Gerald Orchidius, who discovers one day that his testicles are magic. That is, he believes they can talk to him and that they exude a telekinetic power. The rest of the book features some of his adventures with the magic testes. Here's a sample:

Chapter three - Gerald spends a day at the races and uses his magic testes' otherworldly knowledge to bet only on winners. Unfortunately, he is ejected from the racecourse when police discover him pushing a baked potato into his underpants "because my balls are hungry".

Chapter seven - Gerald's testes tell him that his landlady Mrs Scroggins is gagging for some hot porking action, so Gerald breaks into her rooms and greets her with his testes sitting on a tray surrounded by a fresh green salad. She faints, and awakes to find the testes resting on her forehead, whereupon she faints again. When she awakes once more, it is to see Gerald feeding an ice bun to his hungry balls. She faints once more and is admitted to Bedlam.

Chapter 11 - At risk of losing his job, Gerald is told by his magic testes to surprise the judge with a gesture of his amazing abilities. So it is that Judge Twackleton reaches for his bedside glass of water one evening to instead find his hand settling on two hairy eggs. Gerald is standing there in his bedroom with his trousers down and proceeds to translate in a high-pitched ventriloquists' voice what his testes are telling him: "Let Gerald keep his job and all will be well...." Gerald is arrested and thrown into an asylum.

Chapter 22 - having become the most popular resident of the asylum, Gerald arranges to put on a one-man show starring his testes. He organises an afro wig and some gaudy make-up for his package and then drops his pants on stage to perform a song and dance routine. All of the ladies present faint, and a few other inmates are moved to cannibalism. Gerald is locked in a windowless cell.

Chapter 31 - Hovering on the edge of true madness, Gerald is told by his testes to tunnel his way to freedom. He is found dead three days later with a worn-down match and evidence that he'd been scratching at the stone flagging.

The book was a commercial failure, selling only 14 copies. Horatio was ridiculed and ended up selling onions on a street corner. It changed my life because it shows how one man's creativity isn't worth shit-all in the harsh world of reality.
(frankspencer, Fri 16 May 2008, 9:41, 6 replies)