Punter, you promised.
Ricky Ponting - you have broken your promise. We are not going to win the Ashes, we are not going to be sending postcards to England from the moral high ground and we are not going to give a patronising, smirky sneer to the Poms, sending them home with nothing but a stump in the rump.

You have bought us shame and now our whole summer is going to be cringe crawling through mass defeat with an after dinner mint of shit.
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Sun 5 Dec 2010, 23:21, 43 replies)

fucking suck it!
the ashes are ours!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 5 Dec 2010, 23:38, closed)

Why yes
Yes it is.
Probably.
(Le Grenouille, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 0:47, closed)

This is
referring to...some sort of athletic competition?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 0:50, closed)

no, cricket
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 1:10, closed)

Hahaha, gutted.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 1:20, closed)

Take comfort in the fact it's killing me
Most of my adult life, especially when the ashes were in Oz, you could watch the first session of the first test and then just dip in and out, safe in the knowledge that we were going to get beaten. Honourable performances from many individuals but against that side....

Now, though, it looks like we're likely to do it. This means the whole damn thing becomes must watch. It's 3:50 A.M now and I have to go to work having been awake for most of the weekend. Oh for a flat earth. (or a pile of cash big enough to take a winter off)
(unclestinky, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 3:56, closed)

There is no shame in manning up to watch cricket 24/7. Particularly when you are winning.
Sleep is for pussies. Besides, Aus is 3/134 and it won't take long before you can get back to normal before the next one.
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 4:07, closed)

probably all too true
Still it's good while it lasts. It'll be the weather, I think, that is key. And as Neil of The Young Ones said -"hey guys, everyone knows sleep gives you cancer"
(unclestinky, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 4:19, closed)

All together now
He's once, twice, three times a loser
(unclestinky, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 3:59, closed)

its about time the poms won something, especially something significant, ffs.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 4:37, closed)

22 Nov 2003
Telstra Stadium ringing any bells?
(unclestinky, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 5:01, closed)

Yep. They're 7 years old, but I hear them.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 5:29, closed)

(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 5:33, closed)

Hey, the poms have the queen and a big glass cock.
They don't need to win anything this significant.
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 5:33, closed)

By a cruel twist of fate
The Southern hemisphere excel at, amongst others, the only two sports I pay attention to. (I'm not talking about Aussie Rules.) Sure we've won creditable bits and bobs in minority interest sports: cycling, rowing, yachting and similar. Not the same though. It's like consoling association football fans for another bad World Cup effort by bigging up the Hockey equivalent
(unclestinky, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 6:16, closed)

That is truly funny. Bigging up hockey!
I think we won netball against NZ....
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 6:23, closed)

Ah, another gentleman amidst a throng of b3tards
Cricket for the summer, rugby football for the winter. Everything else is secondary.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 9:11, closed)

hahaha
Reply of the week for me *click*
( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 16:19, closed)

It's a bit early isn't it?
OK, so England look like they're going to win the second test, but there are still another three to play.
(GingerIrishTosser isn't dead yet., Mon 6 Dec 2010, 6:08, closed)

Nah, mate. We're stuffed.
We are bending over and allowing the pineapple to go in spiky side up. Not a pretty sight.
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 6:22, closed)

Remember
England have the uncanny ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of near certain victory.

Panic not, I'm sure we'll have a chance to royally arse it up in the 3rd.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Tue 7 Dec 2010, 10:48, closed)

Yeah but really
who can honestly say they don't like giving plenty of juicy hostages to fortune. At least this rearguard seems to have got Clarke back in a bit of nick. That will help make an idiot of me.

To be honest if it wasn't for the home advantage and for the general "never surrender" character most Australian sides display I would back us heavily. Hat-trick aside the attack looks only competent. Might be different if Johnson could get it together I suppose. Those slingy actions seem much more vulnerable when they fail because of the release angle.
(unclestinky, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 6:28, closed)

Bugger
Half six in the morning and I'm soon going to have to make a shower and a lot of caffeine do the job of 8 hours sleep. Let's hope no-one wants me to actually do anything at work today eh?
(unclestinky, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 6:35, closed)

yeah but
Who wins all the medals in the commonwealth games?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 7:24, closed)

Those games
are like kindy classes out here. It was a huge embarrassment to many athletes that they only won silver - only in the paper last week about it.

The Ashes. The Holy Grail. And we are letting you take it...
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 7:53, closed)

if that's your idea of "letting"
Good effort by both sides really. K.P doing Clarke may have just swung the pendulum our way a fraction. It's all about the rain now. If there was a full day I'd still back us tonight/tomorrow (strike out the word incorrect for your hemisphere)
(unclestinky, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 8:14, closed)

With two days to go, one can only hope for rain.
Well played to KP. He is batting like a demon and has clinically taken us apart. One of the most magnificent innings I have ever watched.

We are 'letting' you take them, 'cos taking you out behind the bike shed for a good jostle won't do us any good.
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 8:36, closed)

Wait, What?
Only one day now surely
Yes, and stop calling me shirley
(unclestinky, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 9:24, closed)

Less not forget this could end in a draw
But England will have all the confidence going into the next test, even if it is. The Ozzy era has ended and the only guys left are, Clarke, Ponting and Hussey. With only Hussey left my hunch is an England victory, especially as the weather looks good. Shame the Ozzies don't have the depth of talent they used to, as that would make the ashes victory more sweet, like in 2005.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 10:32, closed)

Let's face it
The only people in the UK who care about cricket went to public schools and have too many teeth for their mouths. Though it is quite amusing to see Australians weeping.
(rampants, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 10:58, closed)

This is untrue
I like cricket, and while it is true that I went to public school, I have room for teeth in my mouth having broken mine playing rugger.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 13:26, closed)

I don't really like football

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 11:01, closed)

Never underestimate ...
... the ability of an English sports team to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. We've done it before and we'll undoubtedly do it this time too!

There's still a hell of a long way to go in this series.
(Mr T, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 13:12, closed)

Boozehound
You must have English blood, 'cause you're giving up way too easily. The weather will save you tomorrow, you'll be 0-0 going into Perth, the next three games are at grounds with result pitches. One of your bowlers will find his mojo (my money's on Harris), Hussey and Clarke will remember how to bat like they did today, Punter's due a big one. I still say you can do it 3-0.
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 15:07, closed)

That's the spirit!

(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 16:27, closed)

You are Glen McGrath
And I claim my five pounds
(unclestinky, Mon 6 Dec 2010, 23:47, closed)

And, as it turns out
Wrong.
(unclestinky, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 1:06, closed)

Yup :D
(Yup to being wrong, not yup to being McGrath. Christ, the mere thought...)
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:54, closed)

Ha ha!
You're wrong and we have lost the test in abysmal fashion. Sorry to say, no English blood (bit of Welsh so not sure if that helps), just watch too much cricket and know our lads. They BOMBED!
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 7:07, closed)

I have this theory
That for years Australia were basically cheating by selecting goblins and passing them off as human players (thanks to the disguising power of a baggy green). You don't seriously believe Ponting, Gilchrist, MacGill etc. are just vertically-challenged colonials, do you? No! They were all discovered when miners in Western Australia accidentally drilled into their magic underground kingdom, and persuaded to use their enchanted powers to play cricket, in return for their secret world remaining undiscovered. I think David Boon was actually a gnome, not a goblin, but same difference. Anyway, as the ratio of goblins to convicts has dropped, the fortunes of the 'Strayan team have also plummeted. Coincidence? I think not! WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 9:42, closed)

Whilst bizarre
This is still the most coherrent explanation for Ricky Ponting I've yet seen.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 14:20, closed)

I have a lot of Welsh blood
and this is the only sport in which I support England.

But, yes, I was gloriously wrong, and I hope to remain so for the rest of the series as I have already backed Aus to win in Perth, Melbourne and Sydney. All you need is... um.... drop Doherty, obviously, and... um....
( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Tue 7 Dec 2010, 16:54, closed)

Crikey mate
You Aussies are gonna get barbecued!
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Tue 7 Dec 2010, 21:13, closed)