My step-fathers friends dad
used to make the costumes for Big Daddy.
( P-MONKE We're all fucked, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 17:34, 4 replies)

My first ever pet was a knackered cockatiel. It had been beaten up by its brothers and sisters and therefore couldn't fly and spent its days possessed by a distracted panic.
It was given to me by the bloke who wrote the theme tunes for Postman Pat and Charlie Chalk.

Also, my mum once made a rice pudding for Russel Grant's aunt.

What do I win?
(Jimbotfu Bummed in the gob again, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 17:25, Reply)

In my early 20s
I worked on-and-off in a bar-cum-live music venue in my tedious cul-de-sac of a hometown. Typically for the Essex/London dormitory belt, we didn't book new bands but stuck to a couple of dozen tried-and-tested, tired, middle-aged covers bands playing tired, out-of-date music for tired, out-of-date punters with sad eyes and old haircuts.

Many were hobbyists, a few session musicians looking for a bit of a laugh and some beer money. One band, however, were boastful of their pedigree - they had among their number ex-Iron Maiden guitarist [Dave Watson]. This was on all of their posters, prominently, several times, and for a while they advertised as [Band], ft. [Dave Watson]. Much of our clientele was of the long-haired, leather-jacketed persuasion, knew the 'Maiden back catalogue, and had never heard of him. As the other guitarist in the band was better than him and not at all famous, he was suspected of being either a liar or a fantacist.

One of our regulars bumped into Iron Maiden bassist and founder Steve Harris in a pub, which wasn't that hard as he lives somewhere round that way. He approached him politely, made small talk and then asked if he remembered a [Dave Watson], tipping him off about the claims, the posters and the band.

Steve Harris had to think about it for a while, but it turned out [Dave Watson] had been in Iron Maiden, over twenty years earlier (the late 70s), before they were signed. He was in the band for about six weeks, until they sacked him for being shit. Steve Harris couldn't even remember what he looked like.
(cs1ca, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 16:12, 1 reply)

I've probably met loads of famous people
Judging by the Celebrity Big Brother line ups just about everyone who has ever featured in print or appeared on TV is one. Heck, I might be one! I had a poem put in a book when I was a kid
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 16:11, Reply)

My dad
My dad went to school with Bobby Robson and, when dad moved house, he lived a couple of streets away from Englebert Humperdinck.
(lilyputian, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 16:09, Reply)

John Cooper Clarke
A guy I work with had John Cooper Clarke burst through a synthetic wall/divider in front of him after a gig, collapsed in front of him and leaped up screaming "you fucking cunt" running back through the hole to continue the punch up. Very bizarre!
(lilyputian, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 16:06, 1 reply)

Chuckle Brothers
Ayup b3ta! I grew up in the same town as the Chuckle Brothers and saw used to see them around a lot when I was a kid. They'd come to our school sometimes. They were nice chappys and were happy to give autographs.


That's it... that's all I got.. Out of the thousands of celebrities to brace this planet through 30 years of life... the only ones I've ever met in my life, is the Chuckle Brothers.
(Miggyman, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 15:58, Reply)

That Ben Goldacre of Bad Science fame
was my psychoanalyst for a while, perhaps ten years ago-ish.

Personally I thought he was a bit useless but I was surprised when he was on telly and my Mum goes 'Wasn't he that one we saw at Kings?'

Yes he was. Good for him.
( Bats, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 14:43, Reply)

Eddie Kidd
Stayed round our house once.
( P-MONKE We're all fucked, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 14:40, Reply)

Four Years in London - these are (some of) my brushes with fame
I tried to chat up a friend of Marie du Santiago backstage at the V Festival. I wandered over to Marie and introduced myself and my mate, then proceeded to woo Marie's (better looking) friend via a shared appreciation of the Megadeth back catalogue.

Also, Lauren Laverne once told me and a lady-friend to 'get a room'.

I was quite good friends with the brother of the bassist from Boy Kill Boy.

I have made cups of tea for Mark Thomas, Mark Manning, and Mark Keds (not at the same time though).

I shagged a girl who got an album credit on a Killing Joke album (or so she said).

Happy Days.
(theremin put the lotion in the basket on, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 14:38, Reply)

My shoulder was on telly
In the late 90's I went to a comedy night at the Edinburgh Palladium and after a few laughs ended up in the cellar bar. I was getting a round in, sort of in a hurry since my girlfriend was being chatted up by the most boring bbc sound engineer in the world. Being fairly pickled already, patience was out of the window. Just as it was my turn, all staff evaporated near me and a cameraman popped up behind the bar almost right in front of me, pointing his lens at the crowd. I got more and more irate, trying to get someone, anyone to sell me 4 pints. My mood wasn't helped by the fella standing next to me who had his elbow firmly in my side.

After a while I was told to take it easy by a bar manager. They couldn't serve me, since Mark Lamarr was filming an intro next to me. I argued that 4 pints wouldn't get in the shot but there you go. I was forced to literally rub shoulders with mister Lamarr while he took 20 goes at speaking 2 sentences coherently. My friends could see the whole thing on monitors and apparently my shoulder was on telly.

First time I related this story to someone in the pub as a claim to fame the answer was: "Yeah, but he's a prat though." Shoulder on telly while standing next to Mark Lamarr, fame doesn't get shitter than that.
(Bosch balls, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 14:08, Reply)

Gary Glitter
I met Gary Glitter in the early 80s at an Alarm concert at Liverpool Empire.
My Auntie and Uncle were on Opportunity Knocks in the late 60s.
My Dad sat behind Alex Higgins on a plane.
I met Eddie the Eagle in a local petrol station.
I saw Kevin Whately going into Waitrose.
I was at school with one of the Barron Knights daughters.
I have met John Otway.
An ex BF sister married one of Kajagoogoo.
A former school teacher of mine in the North West, Mr Ashcroft, made national news by shagging one of his pupils, then they murdered his wife.

EDIT: nearly forgot....Lemmy used to practise in my mum's friend's cellar.
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 14:00, 3 replies)

Mark Watson
I once offered to buy Mark Watson (the comedian) a pint in the Reckless Engineer in Bristol. He politely refused, explaining that he was already sharing a bottle of wine with his wife and that he had a gig to go and do in Bath shortly. Fair enough.
(jeff mcjeff, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 13:32, Reply)

Bruce Forsyths daughter
used to live across the road from my parents.

Joss Ackland once called me to complain about his mortgage.

A friend of mine went to the same "new fathers" group as Peter Richards, of London Irish Rugby Club.
(Windy Militant, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 13:01, Reply)

I was furnishing a flat in Brixton and went to pick up an ikea matress and base in Clapham I bought in loot
My van guy didn't show up so I had to walk. The guy who was selling the mattress turned out to be the irish bloke from "the IT crowd". I asked him to give me a hand, but he seemed a bit taken aback when we got out the front and instead of a car he helped me load it onto a safeway shopping trolley I'd dragged there.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 12:49, Reply)

He made me feel like dancing
If asked for a claim to fame I tell people that I have danced on stage with Leo Sayer.
Not in a professional capacity you understand, he was late getting onstage at a grotty nightclub in Chester and after a few liveners, I felt that a stage invasion was the order of the day. Stood behind the diminutive disco tunesmith and ran my fingers through his affro whilst he was singing.
(Mr McKenzie Mr McKenzie, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 12:21, Reply)

Got pissed with Keith Harris, and he brought out Orville and Cuddles.
I knew the daughter of the man who invented the TV detector van. And I got confused in Sainsburys over someone I thought I knew, but was someone from Corrie. 3 really shit ones.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Sat 22 Sep 2012, 12:19, 1 reply)

I met a Grumbleweed, the one that looks like Charlie Drake
I don't know his name and I can't be arsed to google it. It was at an agricultural show and he we were both in a tent that sold waxed jackets,tweedy stuff, wellies etc. He told me he was looking for a warm coat.
(Mackeson_drinker, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 12:14, 1 reply)

"Fuck Off Pope!"
During the Pope's recent-ish visit to the UK I told him to fuck off. He isn't here anymore so it evidently worked...

I was walking down the main street in Wandsworth on my way to the cinema when a motorcade with a Popemobile type vehicle went past (quite slowly as the raods are busy round there). Seeing it was the Pope and voice overtaking thought I shouted "FUCK OFF POPE!" as loud as I could.

I then carried on my way to the cinema - at the next street corner there were a few people talking excitedly and looking at photos on their mobiles.

"That was the Pope just then right?" I asked one of them.
"Yes!" they enthused.
"Great, glad I didn't just tell the wrong person to fuck off".

Now that I have insulted the leader of one of the main world religions my life has become listless and stale. Evidently you should not realise major ambitions too early in life.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Sat 22 Sep 2012, 12:02, 4 replies)

BBC1 ident cycling thingy & Paralympic Opening Ceremony
BBC1 has a ident thingty where there's a short animation or film with the BBC1 logo on it, reminding you that you are on BBC1.

There have been many over the years - one of the ones that is still shown every now and again is a cycling one, where lots of files of cyclists in different coloured capes are spiralling into the centre of a roundabout.

I'm the fourth purple one from the front. The one that's a bit out of time.

It was filmed on a big car park somewhere around Shepherd's Bush, most of the road reatures being CGIed in later. It rained a lot. It isn't a very exciting story other than the catering was good and they gave us £100 each.

I was also in the Paralympic Opening ceremony, riding a tandem.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Sat 22 Sep 2012, 11:55, Reply)

My brother once helped Julia Sawalha report her mobile 'phone as stolen
after it got nicked from where we worked. Alan Davies was with her, but remained unpilfered
(cs1ca, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 11:54, Reply)

Oh! Just remembered.
I was the original drummer in Haircut 100.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 22 Sep 2012, 11:50, Reply)

I once had a long conversation with Bruce Grobbelaar about beef sausages at a wedding reception.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 11:21, 1 reply)

I've never had a trial at a football club
because I wasn't very good.

True story.
(Nitrous Nitrous, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 10:40, Reply)

I was once stuck in a lift with disgraced transport secretary Stephen Byers
They were lifts at Belsize Park Tube. We all got in. The lifts opened. Then they closed. The lift didn't go anywhere. Then they opened again. Then closed. Still didn't budge. A wry smile played across Stephen Byers's face. Before some young wag said "what are New Labour doing about these cocking lifts?!?". Muted laughter.

True Story.
(Nitrous Nitrous, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 10:37, Reply)

Patrick Moore
I once stayed in the same hotel where Patrick Moore was staying.

He had sausages for breakfast.

True story.
(Nitrous Nitrous, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 10:26, Reply)

My mate was there when Rage against the Machine managed to shutdown
Wall Street during the filming of "Sleep now in the Fire" - www.youtube.com/watch?v=w211KOQ5BMI
Apparently Michael Moore was only there for the publicity (no surprise there) and most of the fiscal monkeys there on the day enjoyed a day off and enjoyed the spectacle.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 22 Sep 2012, 9:43, Reply)

Taking the fight to the capitalist pigs
I had a fist fight with the Governor of the Bank of England.
.
.
.
I was 3.
(turnipfarm, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 9:23, 1 reply)

Best British Inoffensive Sketch Comedian of the 1980s
My wife's parents' friends' daughter shared a room with Russ Abbott's daughter
(mulborough, Sat 22 Sep 2012, 9:13, Reply)