One time
I tried to persuade the Olympic committee that I was the rightful owner of the Olympic flame. My argument was poor, and entirely spurious.

It was a shit claim to flame.

(sorry if bindun)
(thefuckestuppest cheapened this, on, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 13:39, Reply)

Cheggers plays pop
I once watched this standing really close to the telly.

I was less than an inch away from an image of the mighty Keith chegwin himself.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 13:27, 4 replies)

Let England Shake.
My mate's dad is the chap at the start and end of the video for aforementioned song title.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Horace of Finchley
for anyone who is familiar, and who has sadly just passed away.

www.times-series.co.uk/news/9947730.Legendary_street_figure__Horace__has_died/

after years of being mocked by teenagers and the like i believe he got tired of having to hurl insults back at them, so instead it seems he decided to make his retorting more efficient by recording himself angrily shouting insults onto a cassette tape and then carrying it with him at all times in a portable tape player to play in the direction of any offending person when required. i acquired this tape of his on a drunken journey home one night for the sum of £5. it is literally 2 sides of a tape full to the brim of swears and insults from a madman.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 12:17, 10 replies)

My mate served Ian Botham a sandwich.
Ian Botham isn't particularly famous, it happened to my mate, and the story is incredibly mediocre.

It's my shit claim to fame.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 12:12, Reply)

MAKE IT STOP!...

The other day I stumbled across an old man who was sat in the street practicing the religion of Shia Islam. As I tripped over him he got angry, pulled out his dentures, joined them together with metal links, and prepared to throw them at me!

It was a Shi-ite chain tooth aim.

and I'm spent.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Wed 26 Sep 2012, 11:35, 6 replies)

I was in the grocery the other day
and found the aisle where they had desserts from around the world, including tins of flan- or so they claimed it to be.

I tried it. It was bloody awful.

In fact it was my shit can of flan.

(oh god, that's getting pathetic...)

EDIT: on the other hand, I did find that they carry Tunnocks and did a small dance of delight as I bought two boxes. TUNNOCKS! TUNNOCKS! TUNNOCKS!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 26 Sep 2012, 11:33, 1 reply)

Erm...

I once had a sleeved garment...On it was a picture of a character from 'Buzz Lightyear of Star Command' (2000)

erm...and there was also a photo of London performer Nick Woolfson who is more famously know by another name

Ooh, and the Association for Interactive Media & Entertainment logo was on there too.

It was my 'Shirt Klerm Toof AIME'

That was SO not worth it.

*collapses*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 26 Sep 2012, 11:18, 6 replies)

As I was waiting for the deluge of puns to come
I felt a fart coming & decided to light it up.

This is my shit flame to claim...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 26 Sep 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Not a pun
I've played one of the most expensive guitars in the world. The 'Mermaid', built by Andy Manson - I was reliably informed (by Mr Manson himself) that it had been also been played by Jimmy Page.
If only some of his talent had rubbed off (fnaar) on me.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 11:17, 4 replies)

I was recently in an exotic foods store
which here in UAE can be quite exotic indeed- there were things for sale in there that I never would have thought edible.

They had a section dedicated to mushrooms. Portabellos, morels, saffron milk caps... more types than I could imagine. I wanted some shitakes for my shish kebabs, and inquired of the wizened Oriental guy behind the counter.

"I have better!" he said, his eyes gleaming behind his wire rimmed spectacles. "I have shitklames! Very rare, very tasty!"

I bought a half kilo and put them on the skewers between chunks of marinated meat and onion, and he was right- they were excellent when grilled.

Those were my shitklames to flame.

(/ducks)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 26 Sep 2012, 11:06, Reply)

Struck down as a lad
by a neurological condition that prevents me pronouncing open vowels, I saw no option other than to open a go-between catering business enabling the organisers of designer lesbian parties to source their seafood buffets directly from the suppliers.

It became my chit-clam to femme.

*awaits chimpanzee-esque shite-pelting*
( .Yeti., Wed 26 Sep 2012, 11:03, Reply)

I once rebuilt a garden shack as a structure that children could clamber over in a playground.
That was my shed climbing frame.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:56, 1 reply)

So ...
I use my cheap-and-nasty heavy lifting machinery to ensure I can always be high enough to get a signal for my smartphone, so that I can access the internet and post abuse and rant at people.

That is my shit crane to flame.

Pricks.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:51, 2 replies)

I spilt lighter fluid on my foot
Then dropped my French cigarette causing a small fire.

A 'Gitane toe-flame'
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:48, 3 replies)

I once did a bit of mining for gold.
It was in a rather desolate spot so I didn't fear anyone interfering, but I was quite happy digging up bright glittery bits of gold. I dug up a good pound of the stuff and carried it to town to have it valued.

It was iron pyrite, of course.

Disillusioned, I went to a bar to drown my sorrows and put a chunk of glittery worthlessness on the table in front of me so I could glare at it as I drank.

A guy approached me, his eyes never far from the pyrite. "Excuse me, but... well, where did you get that?"

"Up in the hills," I replied. "I'm waiting for the office to open so I can sell this chunk and buy some proper equipment. I about did my back in going by hand with a shovel and pick. Probably not a lot more that I can do without some blasting- I might just get out of it altogether."

"How much would you sell your rights for?"

A bit of haggling ensued, and we finally arrived at a price that I felt was more than fair for a useless hole in the ground. We drew up a paper to transfer all interests I had in the site to him, with an accurate description of its location, including a map. A work of art, if I say so myself.

In fact, that paper was really the only worthwhile thing he got out of it. I would hope that he retained it and displayed it as a reminder that when something seems to good to be true, it generally is.

And that was my shit claim to frame.

(/coat)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:33, 2 replies)

Working at PC World in the early 90's
I got to meet Fergal Sharkey and helped him buy a printer cable.

I also sold a laser printer that cost over a grand to everyone's favourite queen of salmonella Edwina Currie. She charged it to her Commons account so the taxpayer ended up buying it for her so she could print off her manuscripts for some novel or other. She also uttered the classic one liner "Do you know who I am?" shortly after meeting her.
(ParaSitius is an Optimistic Pessimist, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:29, 4 replies)

I used to run a company...

That travelled up and down the country, and featured a performer who would clamber up a wall made entirely of bed linen...

It was my 'sheet climb tour firm'

*deletes account*

*kills self*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:21, 10 replies)

Right ...
I once took a pottery course, and for my artwork decided to make part of an "East End"-style dental mold. I had to flatten the material right out, which meant there was loads of the building material everywhere, to produce which was one of the the primary reasons I went there anyway.

You see, I had a Sheet Clay Mess Toof Aim, too.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:20, 1 reply)

It's my ambition be a club-footed aristocrat
It's my 'Lame toff aim'
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:11, 4 replies)

Gordon Ramsay
I once saw Gordon Ramsay on Sainsbury's in south London

I was most dissappointed that he was acting normally & wasn't yelling "fuck" at the tins of beans
(weaselinajetengine, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 10:04, Reply)

Mates with Dougal Butler
Keith Moon's PA in the 70's.
(Headsbollockskuntz, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:59, 1 reply)

I once worked in a shop where people brought in
pictures and things, to have them mounted.

Some guy brought in a bivalve molusc, which had been his pet and had died. He wanted it put in a wooden surround.

So, that was my clam to frame.

Oh, and I once sat next to Wallace Simpson on the bus*






*I have never been on a bus. Do you think I'm some sort of pleb?
(username failed moderation, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:47, 3 replies)

Pope John Paul the second
His visit to Britain back in '82 and the day he did mass at Wembley Stadium his helicopter had to land in the park that borders the primary school I was in at the time.

I'm one of the school kids cheering in the background in the TV footage taken that day. I also got my picture taken with a bunch of others from my class and appeared in the local newspaper the following week.
(ParaSitius is an Optimistic Pessimist, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 9:25, Reply)

I was in a documentary on Sky One
It was called Sixteen. It was about 16-year-olds with different lifestyles, backgrounds, etc. I was the token goth. They followed me for two weeks for 8 minutes of footage. The day after it aired, I got recognised on the bus. Still got it on VHS somewhere.
(SamHamwich, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 7:33, Reply)

My mum lived next door to the parents of the lead singer of this band -
Effigy - www.myspace.com/effigytheband .
Pete used to show me his artwork (not a euphemism).

I was fairly good mates with his older brother as he was a classmate and good friends with many of my mates from the local high-school (that I didn't go to).
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 26 Sep 2012, 7:26, Reply)

I had almost forgotten this one...
Philip Seymour Hoffman is from a suburb of Rochester NY called Fairport. He is without question the most famous person to come from there. He is also a couple of years younger than I am.

He has an older brother, Gordon, who was in my class and whom I used to hang out with. So I can claim that I smoked weed with Philip Seymour Hoffman's older brother.

(Never met Philip that I recall, though.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 26 Sep 2012, 7:20, 1 reply)

I submit
Srsly can't believe I'm saying this
- AB for the NOT shittest claim to fame for coming up with this qotw.
The most stories (I reckon we'll hit 25 pages before Thurs.) with the least amount of bullying and fuckwittery in a looooong, looong time.

I tip my hat to you AB.
*bet he can't read this cause I bet he's been stepped*
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 26 Sep 2012, 5:40, 18 replies)

Had that Paula Hamilton in the back of my limo one night
back when she was super-foxy.

Threatened a papparazzi as well, just for fun.
(Ol' Ginger Bastard a role model for the children, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 4:54, Reply)

I've been to the VD clinic in Portsmouth
that Fred Dineage officially opened.

Also, on a slightly related note, sometimes red wee is just because you've eaten too much beetroot.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Wed 26 Sep 2012, 3:35, 2 replies)