Westminster and Wolverhampton Councils. Both W, Both wankers
First up, Westminster Council.
Had a meeting at the Royal Opera House. This was while it was being rebuilt so less of the fat bloke warbling jokes please. A road for contracters was barricaded off, big signs saying so and to get in you needed a permit from the constructers. Which they gave me well in advance, with my registration and a big Westminster Council badge on it too.

On the morning of the meeting I get there and park as instructed by the lad operating the barriers. 5 hours later I come back to find a ticket on my car!

Seems the lad on the barrier went to get a bite to eat and a scum Warden dived in and ticketed the lot of us, despite it clearly saying we were allowed to park there.

I phone the Council and tell them what has happened. Some idiot on the end tells me I had parked illegally and must pay the fine. I patiently tell him I was permitted to park. This goes on for 10, yes 10 minutes, back and forth. Like a stuck record he was. Finally I start to get a bit annoyed and give him the permit number, my registration, the date, the name of the street AGAIN, and tell him to check his records. Long silence while he asks a fellow twunt. Eventually I am informed that they are willing to make an exception and not pursue the fine. I start spluttering at that, and feeling rather wronged here ask for an apology for their ineptitude.

brrrrrrrrrrr................................

WANKERS!

Now Wolverhampton Council. As I grew up there (Tettenhall actually, I'm a snob) I should perhaps have something nice to say about my home town. Oh no, not this bunch of cretinous wankstains. From buying expensive houses for a dual carriageway they they decide would be too costly and then selling them all off AT LESS THAN THEY BOUGHT THEM FOR, to refusing to take my council tax in person as I wanted to pay cash, they're the true amoebic pondlife of humanity. Years ago I worked for a short time in the town's DHSS after leaving college. Well, it was a recession and I figured if there was one boom industry it was the Civil Service. Now the folk working there were, on the whole, incapable of doing anything productive and seemed to take pleasure in performing their tasks as slooooooowly as possible. But their contempt for the Council's Housing department knew no bounds. This I though was rather rich considering their workshy attitude. Then one day I went to the said department in the Civic Centre. Jesus. I honestly thought I had blanked out and wandered into a Psychiactric ward by mistake. They left phones ringing as the person calling "is going to be some scrounger anyway", and spent their waking existence talking about each other or someone else in another department. Fuck work was their attitude.

I left the DHSS before my first anniverary. How I got even that far I don't know. But Councils? Birdflu would be too good for them.
(bongowongo, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 15:56, Reply)

In case you can't tell
I'm having a slow day at work (boss is off). I'm sounding like I've had more bad run-ins with utilites and councils than Tiggy the Diver has had bad shags... enough from me I think!
(Calamity wetter than a fish's wet bits - bloody rain on, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 15:53, Reply)

Cheeky Cnuts
Council tax re-evaluers want to charge us more if we live in a nice area.

That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in rough areas.

We have a huge council house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of fierce dogs.

Her car isn't taxed or insured, and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.

Her bad tempered old man is famous for upsetting foreigners with racist comments.

A shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his son's girlfriend, but nothing has been proved yet.

All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.

Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always seen out in nightclubs.

The family's odd antics are always in the papers.

They are totally out of control.



Honestly - who'd live near Windsor Castle?
( FlexAlux laughed at something inappropriate on, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 15:50, Reply)

Towed away
staying with a mate for a couple of months in the picturesque country town of Henley-on-Thames. Would be even more picturesque if they drowned all the fucking chavs in the now nicely swollen river, but that's not the point of my story.

My mate's house in on one of the main roads into Henley, about 100 metres from a junction which normally backs up a bit during rush hour.

Come 4th July, it's the start of Henley Royal Regatta and every man and his dog descends on Henley if they have any connection with the sport of rowing or have an inclination to get lashed on expensive Pimm's on a cloudy and windy Wednesday afternoon (or in my case, staying sober as I'm racing in it myself in the evening). Consequently it's traffic carnage.

My mate's house is on what is normally classed as a 'country road' and has no parking restrictions on it at all. Hers is a little victorian place in a terrace of cottages. All the residents park their cars on the road outside their houses - no problem.

Not so 4th July. 8.30am (by which point my mate is well gone to work in London and I'm not even up) they put out 'police - no waiting' bollards where my mate's car is parked. 9.30am they give it a 'parking on no waiting zone' ticket with a £30 fine and then at 11am tow the bloody thing away to that armpit of Berkshire that is Reading.

Fair enough, it was causing an obstruction, but did they put up any notices beforehand that they were making this a 'no waiting' zone? did they fuck, nothing tied to lamp posts, nothing in the paper, nothing through the door. useless fucks.

When I spoke to a (very helpful) bike copper about it to find out where it had been towed to, he found out and also told me, and said he'd been drafted in from Warwickshire to help out over the regatta period and couldn't believe how unplanned they were for some stuff. It's not like it's a surprise, this thing's been going on every first week in July for over 150 years!
(Calamity wetter than a fish's wet bits - bloody rain on, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 15:49, Reply)

Edinburgh Council again I'm afraid...
We have a council estate in our village. Despite the city's recycling programme having been rolled out to most areas for a couple of years now, the red (cardboard) and blue (paper and glass) boxes have still not been delivered to the estate.

But that doesn't stop the van going round to empty them. Every single fecking week. Doh!
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 27 Jul 2007, 15:44, Reply)

Generally
it seems that anyone who works for a utility company (especially one of the former monopoly companies), in any level of local government administration or for the civil service is a complete cunty jobsworth who follows their inane procedures to the letter in spite of any common sense to the contrary.

Actually, I'll take that back as my mum worked in the jobcentre for 15 years and always had a great time with the 'clients' as they were called, but couldn't understand why some of her colleagues would treat some unemployed people like scum. She used to say she'd like some of them to be made redundant and see what it would be like on the other side of the desk. She got so fucked off with the bureaucracy in the end she left herself.

But what amazed me was the experience I had when I worked in Austria over the winter. You have to register in the local administrative town. They had a form, in German, but also had kindly printed out a guide to how to fill it out in English. They gave out a load of pens and dragged a couple of people BACK EARLY FROM THEIR LUNCH BREAK when we rocked up so that they could process us all quickly (about 25 of us had turned up in one go from our company). This in a beautiful pristine office building which compares mightily against Hammersmith & Fulham council offices. Same experience in the Post office / A1 (mobile network) shop - you go in because your UK charger has packed up to buy a new charger, they don't sell them but instead have a box of old chargers for various different mobiles (bog standard nokia for me so no hassle) - they encourage people to bring in their old chargers if they upgrade their phones, and they charge you EUR3 which gets stuck in the mountain rescue charity fund! Same in the electricity supplier shop, you can sort out your bill in no time if there is some error.

I'm tempted to join Humpty in Scandiland...
(Calamity wetter than a fish's wet bits - bloody rain on, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 15:32, Reply)

Northamptonshire... first entry?
I'm surprised I haven't seen any other entries from Northamptonshire as they are one of the most cnutish councils around. Not only have they issued us with recycling bins (which are collected every fortnight) but are also talking about REDUCING the amount of collections. Honestly

Anyway, my particular story begins at the Derngate Theatre (some of you may have heard of it but its quite a large theatre in Northampton and is actually quite good. There is story around that which I will tell you at the end.) Anyway, I had to do 2 concerts in one day. It was a piece which allowed all the little kiddies from various Music Centres around the County to come to the Derngate (one of the biggest theatres in the surrounding counties) and sing. I arrived at 10.30 and had to pay for parking. I paid £2.30 for 2 hours (which in itself is a rip off) and went to the rehearsal. Little did I know that the rehearsal would go straight into the concert, therefore giving me no time to get the the car park to top up. As expected, I received a parking ticket. 'No problems' thinks I 'I shall write to the council and explain and since they were the organisers, it will be fine'

No. Fucking. Chance.

I explained what I basically have already explained to you and received a letter back saying that it was my responsibility to top up (after already paying £2.30 for 2hours!) and that I had 14 days to pay £30 or it would go up to £60. Not only did they not provide parking for performers, they fined a student who was playing in their fucking concert! I think it makes their special parts warm.

Anyway, about the theatre, it was recently done up (millions of pounds were spent) and they've actually done a good job. As soon as it re-opened, there were plans to demolish it in favour of (and I'm sure you've heard this before) 'affordable housing'.

Length? About 3 hours long.
(The_Reaper, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 15:26, Reply)

Just remembered another one from when I worked at my local council
My second job at the council (I went back the following summer) was on reception.

There was one guy who temped there too, who was a retired copper. He was quite high up apprently (and i'd well believe it considering how much of an utter cunt he was). Apparently he worked there for a few months a year, and spent the rest of the time going on holidays, spending his fat public sector pension.

This guy was an asshole of the highest order.

A lot of the time, people would come in asking about one thing or another, and often, they would need to talk to the county council, rather than the district council. However, being a bunch of untrained underpaid fucktards, half the time, we'd send people off to the county council when in fact it was the district council that dealt with it.

Anyway - this ex-copper had the most irritating voice, and took great pride telling people that the district council didn't deal with their query.

He'd stand there with his hands up and say "N M P...... N M P" in the most smug tone you can imagine.

Understandably, most people would look at him with a mixture of confusion and hatred.

After a while (presumably he thought this was his impeccable comic timing), he'd say "Not.... My.... Problem".

Again, I can't begin to describe how smug that cunt sounded when he said it.

He really was an utter, utter cunt.
( HoratioFellatio Taking the the out of psychotherapist, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 15:25, Reply)

Victory for the masses!
.
Me and my mate were doing a bit of research (creative by-word for wandering around) when we found this on a pub window sill.



If you happen to be a parking warden for hackney council and you want your cap back drop me a line!

(edit - I'm not the grinning prick in the picture, I'm far more attractive)
.
(kintore_homeboy tenuous links since 1986!, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 15:15, Reply)

Lovely jobseekers staff
I've never been on the dole. I'm intelligent, moderately well educated and have enough experience to be able to get a job pretty much whenever I want, so on the occasions I've been out of work I've not claimed. However, I needed some dental work done and my dentist advised me that if I signed on I'd get it free/cheap.

So I turn up to the job office place, join a queue for about six hours and finally got to the front. "Yes?" I was asked, "er, I'm out of work and I'd like a job, please." said I. Not the right thing to say, this woman looked at me like the whole of humanity throughout the entirity of time knew the process. Except me. She asked me a few questions along the lines of "have you done this", "have you filled out this form", all of which I hadn't. Then she explained I'd have to have an appointment to sign on. "Fine," I said, "it's not like I'm doing anything else today". I was then told it would be at least TWO MONTHS before I could have this appointment because they were short staffed.

"Short staffed?" I enquired, "I've admin and secretarial experience, can I have a job?" To this day I have never been looked at with such hatred and scorn. I feel I would've received a warmer welcome if I'd told her I'd just violated her children. So I got up, walked out, and went and found myself a job instead.
( CowJam, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 15:13, Reply)

British Gas
I had been in my flat for 10 months when I received a stern call from a debt collector on behalf of British Gas, instructing me that I needed to pay several hundred pounds for my gas bill. When I told them that I neither lived in the property in discussion, nor even had a gas connection in my property, the bailiff sounded unconvinced and said he would be back in touch. I called British Gas and found that I had registered to have my electric changed to BG, but it had never gone through, deciding instead to attach my name to an adjacent flat.

British Gas then duly apologised for the inconvenience.

Since then, I received a few more calls from bailiffs, then eventually a call from a BG operative who was 'outside my flat' and about to turn off my gas unless I paid immediately.

Go on then. Do your worst.



Sorted it out in the end, but if you live in a block of flats in shoreditch - sorry about your gas connection. Blame BG.



Had a similar encounter with EDF energy, wherein they charged me for a property I no longer lived in, and also sent the bill to an address which I have never lived in. Cue more debt collectors on the phone.

This issue actually got sorted out twice. The first time I was told it was all over, it happened again six months later. Same property, same situation.


Think I'll get my next flatmate to deal with the bills and I'll just pay him.
(last caress, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 15:12, Reply)

I worked for my local council
as a student summer job once. I won't say which one (just in case one of them does have the mental capacity or can actually be arsed to call their lawyer).

My job was ordering companies to go and fix any council property that had broken, and then paying the invoices once it had been done.

One day, someone noticed a loose screw on a cupboard door in our very own office. Here was the procedure we had to take to fix it:

1: Get a building surveyor to look at it and assess the problem (A fucking BUILDING SURVEYOR - I think the clue was in the "there's a loose screw on the cupboard")

2: Said building surveyor then had to write an issue report describing the problem.

3: I would then be given the issue report and had to produce 3 quote requests.

4: The 3 quote requests would then be sent to 3 building/repair companies (everything had to go to tender as it was local government).

5: Eventually, 3 quotes would come back.

6: A work order would then be sent to the cheapest company.

7: Workman from said company would then come to our office with a screw driver and screw the screw back in.

8: We would then receive an invoice for said screw screwing.

9: I would then process said invoice, pay the company, file the paperwork.

10: Everyone in the office can relax now that the screw is not loose anymore.


Estimated cost of tightening a screw: £75

Lucky I was a student at the time - I didn't have to pay council tax. If I had been i'd have been fuming.
( HoratioFellatio Taking the the out of psychotherapist, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 15:11, Reply)

can i just say
after about 15,000,000 gaz messages... i pay £200 a month council TAX, not rent. i don't pay rent, it's my flat!

so no, it's not a great cheap deal for london, it's a stinking flaming rip off and i'm mad about it.

or did you guess that from this irrelevant waffle?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 15:00, Reply)

Wheel clamping ineptitude
Exeter Council, inept time wasting bastards

A couple of years ago I lived at a nice flat on the Quay side in Exeter, a mere 400 yards from the delights of Warehouse nightclub (as it was called then) and in full view of the lights of Pizza Hut, oh the luxury. The flat was a privately owned flat rented from a landlord who had bought it from someone who had lived there before who himself had bought it from the Council. The surrounding buildings were/are council granny type flats. Within the first couple days of moving in made sure I had a fully valid parking permit for the off road courtyard so all hunky dory.

Anyway I lived there for about a year, go to leave and drive away and lo and behold a wheel clamp on my shiny motor and a rude demand for £50 + VAT to release my vehicle otherwise it’s going to be towed that evening to prevent me from committing criminal damage removing the clamp, with the privilege of paying £180+ VAT instead for the tow away fee.

Much surprise as you can imagine since my parking permit (valid until 2008) was clearly on display on my dashboard. I had parked ever so slightly wonkily but couldn't believe the parking Nazis would be such bastards, so I phone the number on the card to get the guy to come and remove it as it’s one big misunderstanding. He turns up and “no mate can’t take it off without payment.” Hmmm well I’m not paying, I said, because I have a valid parking permit.

“No you don’t they’ve been changed, look”. So sure enough I go and look at my neighbours’ cars and as if by magic all their permits are different. Of course I had received no prior notification of the change so cue even more confusion.

So he gives me a number for the council and I phone up and demand to speak to someone in authoritaaaa about this. Sure enough after having idiot FM broadcast at me through a series of retarded call operators eventually I speak to the manager of the department who deals with such matters (Hazell something, her name escapes me, but I will edit it in when I remember) and she says that the Council sent out letters months ago notifying about a change in the permit system and any that were returned to the council she had hand delivered in person so categorically EVERYONE knew about the change of permits so basically said I was clearly lying when I said I hadn’t received notification.

Didn’t get anywhere so tried to appeal to the clampers’ sense of humanity, HA! No dice. Of course the guy was a complete jobsworth twunt with nothing better to do than revel in other people’s misery. So I phoned back this woman from the council who happened to be on her way to near my place anyway so by a miracle of miracles she appeared shortly in person! So even a phone call from her, the manager of the department that contracts out the clampers, didn’t get the car unclamped. In the end I was 3 hours late for where I was going and had to pay the £50+ VAT release fee since I didn’t want to be out of pocket by £200+. Bunch of complete arseholes.

So afterwards I try and get to the bottom of it. After many angry phone calls I find out that the letter had been addressed to a previous resident, the chap who had bought the flat off the council about 5 years previously. Why they sent it to him is a mystery since I had to take proof of ownership of the vehicle and 2 items of proof of living at the flat to get the permit in the first place so they had all my details on the system. Since it was rented accommodation we got mail for around 5-6 previous residents, none of whom we had forwarding addresses to. So the mail ended up having Return To Sender scrawled on it and dropped in the nearest post box. Half of it had no return address so I imagine got binned. The mail from the council should have had their franked address on but this one didn’t, and I actually found the letter in question in the flat which looked hand delivered but being addressed to someone else I couldn’t legally open it of course.

So I phoned back the bitch at the council who said she was very sorry but could do nothing. What do you mean, nothing?! This has cost me 3 hours of my life and £58.75 and probably knocked a few years off the end with the stress. Bunch of absolute nutsack sucking useless twunts.

So here started my letter campaign. I sent a letter every week for about 6 months to this woman, eventually she either quit the department or passed it onto someone else who actually gave a rat’s ass. When this other manager heard about it I got an extremely apologetic letter back and a cheque from the council straight away.

What takes the absolute piss is the fact that the resident’s permits are free, yes FREE!! So it wasn’t as if I was dodging paying it. I pay council tax now I am no longer a student, and I wouldn’t mind so much if I saw the money going to something useful, like fixing the roads or clearing up the shit hole that is the alley behind our house since people put bins out too early and the cats destroy the bags. No instead a couple years ago they did a complete refit of the Council Offices in Exeter. Cunts.




SJS.

PS: We even had a debt collection letter for a previous resident once, who we knew had moved to Greece but had no address. I saw what it said through the window on the envelope and called the number. Instant pickup, instant explanation of where the guy had gone. "No worries mate, we'll stop sending you the letters." Awesome, job done. The debt collection amout was for £8.87. How fucking petty.
(Stanlington Jobsworthy Smythe Last skived off work on, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 14:55, Reply)

Birmingham City Council.... need
I say more...I think I have become a grumpy old man way before my time... but I am constantly amazed at how our cash strapped city manages to wipe their own arse in the morning let alone actually have a job...

Now after this wonderful weather we have been having recently can imagine my surprise when I see a van out watering the hanging baskets in Kings Norton the other evening...

Not only had I not expected this to happen as most of the flowers look totally out of place amongst the sick and litter... but you can imagine my delight, when turning the corner not 20 yards away, was another van... the same machinery... one driver, one waterer on the back...

so thats at least 60k worth of wages and 30k worth of equipment funded from my council tax... being spent watering drowned hanging baskets...

oh and dont get me started on the plans to spend 500million on a new NewStreet station... they wont be digging or laying any new tracks... theres no space for more platforms, so basically its going to be a paint job and yet another waste of time pallisades shopping center...

Dont get me started on the bureaucracy of going to a birmingham rearrange the letters EUC university...

this is no word of a lie the finance department was staffed by mutants and freaks oh and an alchi - but he was kinda cool and hated them all too lol...
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 14:49, Reply)

Improve your credit score and have fun
If you're ever moving etc or leaving a utility supplier, when you get the final bill write a cheque and overpay it by 1p.

You'll leave your account in credit which not only will look good on your credit score for years to come but they keep writing to you to let you know that you don't owe them any money.

For the last 3 years every 3 months British Gas have reminded me that in my old house they owe me about 16p. Makes me smile when I see the 23p postage charge on the envelope ;-)
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 14:45, Reply)

Humpty Dumpty...
...yeah but you have to assemble your own furniture with 1 allen key.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 14:29, Reply)

NTL
is surely not a council...
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 27 Jul 2007, 14:15, Reply)

I dont think this one needs much explanation
Apart from attention to detail is muchos lacking.

Letter received from my local council in relation to a complaint I made.

Simon Chriscoli
[Address Withheld]


Dear Mr Stockton
.........

i86.photobucket.com/albums/k110/s_chriscoli/misc/councilcockup.jpg
(Colio, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 13:56, Reply)

I once got a letter
written on behalf of a group of women's genitals.

All I can say is, they're a bunch of people who work for the council.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 13:42, Reply)

I live in Sweden..
I pay 40% tax and this is what happens...

www.sj.se This company run all bus and train systems. Busses in the middle of town go every 3-5 minutes, with nearly every street covered.

A fresh timetable is posted to you every 6 months, and you can do a quick search on the web and plan your journey... parties usually end with people tapping in their destinations and working out when they have to go to the bus-stop. In Malmö you are never more than 4 minute's walk from a bus stop..

Trains are entirely usable, and a train ticket allows you to use the buses at you destination town.

The streets are cleaned regularly (once a month) and this is marked on each street on the parking signs... If you're there while they try to clean, you'll get a ticket.

This Ticket is payable online in a few seconds. If you forget to pay your ticket, you get a polite reminder with no extra charge... 2 months later you'll incur a 150kr (10 quid) extra charge. Standard Parking Ticket is about 20 quid.

The road surfaces are impeccable, with HUGE cycle lanes and integrated cycle-traffic-lights etc. All bus stops have massive bike racks for cyclists to dump their steeds at.. all with steel cables built in to make your wheels safe too.

In the winter the council pays for the many fountains in town to be set up as ice-skating rinks. This in most cases involves hauling bit refrigeration units into place and sorting lots of other things too...

Also "Marshals" line the paths. www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml06/06168.jpg throughout the center of town, replaced nightly for a month. Sod the environment =)

The police are devastatingly quick, roadworks last all of a week with workmen tending to concentrate their time on the weekends and nights when there are less road users to inconvenience.

.. and the lasses here are stunning too.

The ONLY downside is that alco-ma-hol is NOT cheap...

This country runs like clockwork. And after reading your stories about the pure stupidity that the UK seems to run on, I'm damned if I'm ever coming back.

That is all.

*dismounts orange box with a back-flip*
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 27 Jul 2007, 13:33, Reply)

Don't use your mums car for burnouts.
One of my best mates mums worked in the local council reception, and she received a call from an outraged citizen complaining about local hooligans ruining their front lawn with burnouts.
Under further questioning mates mum recognises the street as where a friend of her son lives, and the description of the car remarkably like her own car, which her son occasionally borrows.

My friend recieved a proper bollocking that night from his ma, but the bloody council didnt do anything.
(spent.fish flipping and gasping, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 13:22, Reply)

Human Resouces?
That set of fucking vampires?

I had the HR attack dogs set on me when I worked in LaLa land.

An Indian girl said that she'd be interested in applying for the position of HEAT Administrator (helpdesk software). I replied:

"You've got no chance. That job requires technical ability and you've the technical ability of a biscuit"

She reported me for racism. I was only saved by the intervention of another girl, also Indian, who happened to be a mate of mine. She told HR that that of all the people she worked with I was probably the the most un-racist person she'd ever worked with.

Racism? For calling someone a biscuit?

*shakes head*

Cheers

P.S. It later turned out that my accuser was hounded out of her job when it was discovered, and spread around the council, that she ran a porno website starring herself.

Wonder who discovered that then? Never piss off a techie.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 13:14, Reply)

Council level of stupidity at Abbey National
My Mrs and I decided to move away from Milton Keynes down to Devon. So in tidying up our affairs she closed her Abbey National account.

It had £1.31 in the account. However as part of their "customer satisfaction" they'd changed the bank to one with desks and no cashiers. So as they don't actually have cash (It's a fucking bank!!!!) they have to issue a cashiers cheque to close the account. Fine.

Months later post catches us up at the new address. Turns out for the privelidge of getting £1.31 out Abbey charge £3 for issuing a cashiers cheque putting the account overdrawn and not closing the account!!!!

So as it's taken months for the statements to find us they are now charging interest on it!!!

We complain, write to them etc and they reverse the interest leaving the charge. After more letters they reverse the charge but no more interest has been charged!!!

By now it's taken over 6 months to close a bank account that had £1.31 in it and cost them and us a damn lot more than that in phone calls and letters.

Stupid bureaucrats. I mean, a bank with no money!??? Pricks.
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 13:13, Reply)

A few years back Bournemouth council...
...sent me a few years worth of council tax charges, court orders, demands, and such over the course of a week.

Rather than attempt to fight it there and then and possibly get stung with the court charges, I paid up, then toddled down to the council office with proof that everyone in the house was a student and asked for the money back.

They sent me a cheque in the post the next day for 500 quid more than I'd paid.

Oh well.
( gone, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 13:04, Reply)

Sort your bush out
I got a badly-worded, ungrammatical, but still fairly supercilious letter from Salford council last year with regard to my slightly unkempt privet bush. It was the icing on the cake, given the pisstake levels of intransigence concerning the estate I live on and anything to do with it's upkeep. I therefore felt honour-bound to respond in kind :

Dear Ms. Smythe,
I thank you for your letter dated 24th inst, in which you call attention to the three-and-a-half feet of slightly overgrown privets in front of my property. Being a busy working man and full-time father, it is comforting to know that New Prospect is looking out for the interests of its’ tenants, despite the continuing presence of a huge dilapidated camper van festering and promoting vermin in the front garden of the house not two doors away from me, for the last five years that I personally know about. I won’t go into further detail about dead cars under tarpaulins, and various other impromptu garages/safari trails/white goods graveyards currently subsiding on driveways up and down this marvellously uncompromised estate, because I’m sure you are already aware of it and are taking steps to redress the situation --once you’ve ridded the town of the clear and present privet peril of course.

I share confidence that your plan of sending a letter and stern, implicit talking-to will influence them to change their ways (assuming their disability benefit isn’t compromised by an ability to read.) It may even induce some of them to seek gainful employment and give up growing herbs for a living, who knows…?

On a trivial note, I only wish I had received from you, a missive of similar zeal (heck, even an acknowledgement would have been nice) on the three occasions last year that the back garden and rear portion of my house was almost burnt down, and the fire brigade had to be called to douse the flames. Unfortunately, despite numerous phone calls from myself and my wife, and even entreaties from the beleaguered brigade themselves; the dumped tyres on waste ground directly adjoining my property at the back of Kenyon Way remain to this day. I am looking forward this year (especially with the hot spell we are currently enjoying) to a conflagration of Kuwaiti oilfield proportions one of these balmy nights soon.

Still, it’s nice to know that our council tax contributions aren’t going entirely to waste -- what with the privet police out in force -- protecting citizens everywhere against the horrors of greenfly. I will sleep safer in that knowledge tonight; and thank you for the sterling work that so clearly gives your life meaning.

Sincerely,
Resident.

Ps – May I also respectfully suggest that you invest in some form of punctuation, if only to break up some of the unremitting patronisation in your letters? Commas are your friends.

Cunts.
(f0zz, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 13:01, Reply)

Re: NTL
Nope, they weren't exactly great. But going only by my own experience, they were better than BT: where NTL was mostly just incompetent, BT was obstructive, exploitative and its employees frequently out-and-out rude.

We've moved on since and now BT is our only choice, but in all our recent dealings we've had similarly unpleasant experiences. Complaining seems to do no good, so we've long since given up and just avoid dealing with them unless absolutely necessary.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 13:00, Reply)

I used to work for the pack of Wankers
and I came into the office to find 55 of the 58 that worked in my dept weren't there. I went into my bosses office and mentioned the Mari Celeste and he explained that there is an ethnic minority meeting in the Town Hall. As I was the only White/english person in the dept. I jokingly enquired why I wasn't invited? My ironic hummus cost me a visit to the Human Resources manager and convinced me to get the fuck out of England asap.
( acab, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 12:58, Reply)

Harrogate
There's broken glass all over the bike routes and you get an answer machine if you call the police, but we've won Britiain in Bloom more times than I can remember. Council Tax well spent, I say.
(frankspencer, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 12:55, Reply)