Funk wank bollocks ficking shitty stupid wankery cunty cunty cunty wankers fucking bollocky
Portsmouth City Council.

I have really bad damp in my flat, have had for the entire 3 years since I've been here. All they kept tellingmme was to open the windows so condensation doen't build up.

I HAVE A FUCKING SHITTING CUNTY LEAK IN THE FUCKING SHITTY CUNTING BOLLOCKY SHITWANK ROOF YOU FUCKING DOGBREATH FUCKING BOLLOCKSY WANKERS.

Myself and my children are always ill due to this damp...their answer to me...yeah, the department that deals with that are terrible...if you moved out it would be fixed tomorrow for the new tenants.

FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKITY FUCKING BOLLOCKS.

i FIND IT EVER SO HARD TO TALK TO THEM ANYMORE AS i WANT TO SPEAK EXACTLY AS i'VE TYPED.

Oh fuck, now I've left the caps lock on...it's theor fucking fault.

I HATE them.
( diffy maybs, Sat 28 Jul 2007, 0:32, Reply)

Scaredy - cat
I was born and brought up in Barrow. My parents still live there. I don't.

Barrow Borough Council raised objections last year to my parent's "intending to operate a Bed and Breakfast type premises" from their three bedroomed semi on Beacon Hill.

Why - because they're old and knackered and applied to build a downstairs bathroom to save them staggering up the stairs.

Barrow is - frankly - the arsehole of the world. Why a pair of septugenerians should suddenly choose to open such a corrupt and lascivious establishment as "a bed and breakfast" on an obscure estate escapes me. Clearly it excites the local mandarins though.

There is - sorry Scaredy Cat - very little to do in Barrow. I expect that many of the local populace who could'nt get jobs at McDonalds now work for the council and feel well pleased with their efforts.

BTW - Scaredy Cat - are you somewhere near St Vincent Street? I only ask because many years ago a very artful Disappointed and his pals changed the name, with Halfords black paint, to Sid Vicious Street then ran away laughing....
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 23:59, Reply)

This actually happened to me, so there
You might think I got this from snopes or some general jokie email doing the rounds, but I didn't. In fact, I've often wondered if I'm the source of the story as I can't believe it's happened to that many people.

Anyway, it was whilst I was working at the council on the 'computer team' (if your interested, the same place as this www.b3ta.com/questions/councilcunts/post85750/).

I was sitting at my desk, having a cup of tea and a ciggie (oh the days when you could smoke at work) and I get a phone call.

"Hello, computer team? My computer doesn't work"
It was the nightmare dutch woman on the second floor, who couldn't even write, let alone use a computer.
"Ok, whats wrong with it?"
"It doesn't work, it's all blank."
"Right, so is there anything on the screen."
"Nothing, it's completely dead."
"Ok, there should be a light on the front of the base unit. Is that on?"
"Nothing, nothing - I keep telling you it's dead."
"ok, ok - if it's dead then I'll need to swap it out. Can you get me the serial number from the back of the base unit."
"No, I can't."
"I'm sorry? why not?"
"I can't see, it's completly dark in here. There is a power cut."

Honestly, this happened to me. I'm not making it up, copying from a joke or any other bollox to try to make myself look funny (I'm great already, I don't need to try).

And no, I didn't reply with anything as smart as "pack it up cos your too feckin stupid to own a computer" or anything.
What actually happened is I was stunned into silence for about ten seconds until she started demanding what I was going to do about it.
Rather than make a smart comment (as it would have cost me my job) I patiently explained how electricity worked and that it might help if she had some.

She still complained about me though, apparently it wasn't obvious that the computer didn't get it's power from the network cable.
That place was so fucked up that they actually agreed with her and I got a bollocking.

Nutters....
(EvilMeister, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 23:51, Reply)

Catamites of Mammon
Parking ticket - $45 bucks.

As is my custom I wrote out a cheque with an 'uncrossed payee':

"Heil! nazi shitbag scumsucker catamites of mammon".

In the past when i've done this some twat at the council will no doubt bank the checque.

This time i get a letter back with the cheque informing me that it is made out to the incorrect payee.

So I send it back to the cunts with a nice letter:

"With regard to your correspondence (attached).

Although there is an (albeit slight) variation between your preferred payee details and those on the cheque rendered – I am sure that you will agree that the average person on the street will concur that my version is a truer record."


So the cunt sends me back the cheque with a 'not tranferable" stamped across it.

Arsoles.

So - I sent 'em a new cheque that read 'CUNTS' but if you looked carefully you could see 2 mm letters that made it technically say 'Council' in a round about way.


They cashed that one - die fuckers die.
( hismastersvice cunting flange-jammer, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 22:55, Reply)

Nottingham
Pikeys had burnt out my mates' car on his driveway. It wasn't worth much so no point in getting the insurance company involved, he just wanted the thing removed. Council says fuck you - it's on private land, it'll cost £100. Mate says no way.
The following weekend, I turn up, pull the number plates off, prise off the VIN plate and we push the fucker on to the nearest set of double yellows. Towed away for free within an hour - job done.
(Fucksticks, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 22:46, Reply)

i think
my local council are money laundering pricks
( Drunken Vet, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 22:45, Reply)

Cardiff Council is Poo
Re: Recycling waste bags.

I've ordered them four times now. None have arrived. The fifth time I rang up, this was how the conversation went.

Me: I've asked for recycling bags four times in the last 2 months, none have turned up.

Council Worker: OK, let me order some more for you.

Me: No, could I please pick them up? I don't mind going to your offices.

CW: Sorry, you can't pick them up.

Me: But are they in your office, in Cardiff Bay?

CW: Yes.

Me: So... Why can't I come and get them?

CW: We can only send them. We aren't allowed to hand them out to just anyone.

Me: But if I came to get some you'd save postage and I'd get some recycling bags.

CW: Sorry, we're only allowed to send them.

Me: .............

It concerns me that these people are running the city!

(First post, yay!)
(YayLady is cold, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 22:37, Reply)

my council
asked me for details of my accounts 2 days ago - this morning i got a letter from them asking why i hadn't provided them with my accounts yet.

give me a chance - i've got 6 months worth of receipts to sort yet :o(
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 22:22, Reply)

Hire a traffic warden
A couple of years ago, I was working for a certain police force. This was back in the days when the traffic wardens were part of the police, before they were privatised and the franchise was given to Lowest Bidder plc.

One day, I was in the office of the Chief Traffic Warden, and this was the tale he told.

A Well Known Supermarket applied for planning permission to extend one of their (three) stores. The city council granted permission, but because the extension was likely to result in more traffic, they imposed a condition which said the Well Known Supermarket (I won't name them, but it rhymes with Mazda) had to pay £10,000 (I think) towards traffic improvements.
So the extension gets built, and this things ends up on the desk of the Chief Traffic Warden, who thinks WTF??? He rings up the supermarket, and the conversation goes like this:

Chief TW: It says here that I'm supposed to provide you with ten grand's worth of services, but all I can actually do is send round a traffic warden, and he won't be able to do anything. Why don’t we just forget about it?

Man from Mazda: Oh, we can't do that, because of the planning permission. Tell you what, why don't you invoice us for ten grand for doing nothing, and we'll pay it.

Chief TW: Are you sure?

Man from Mazda: Yeah, that's what we make in twenty minutes on a Sunday anyway. Don't worry about it.

So the Chief TW goes off to the Head of Finance at the police, and says "Is it okay if we send Mazda a bill for £10000 for doing fuck all?" and she says "No."

So then the Chief TW has to send a traffic warden up to Mazda until they've had ten grands' worth of his services at £25/hour + VAT. When the guy gets there, he can either wander round the car park, looking for out of date tax discs, or sit in Mazda's canteen, drinking tea.
(Bob the Builder killed Captain Alex, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 22:21, Reply)

Barrow Borough Council (oh dearie dearie me)
Where to start really - live in an area with a residens parking scheme (take your council tax extortion document and log book and voila you can park outside your own front door!) and at the end of the street there is a 2 hours visitors gap. Heaven help it if a resident with permit on full dispaly should park there because there is nowhere else to park, that'll be £30 thank you very much.

But BBC's crowning moment was in 2002 when, to save £10,000, they decided not to clean the air con tanks at the local 'arts' centre and let the legionnaires disease infested water vapour waft all over the local populace killing 7 of them and disabling alot more.

Needless to say the Council employee in charge at the time is still in charge and will have to be forceably removed from his cushy little number. He must have something on our collection of local bigwigs as they won't get rid. When the bereaved attended a council meeting recently about legionnaires they were removed from the council chamber as they hadn't asked to speak to the Mayor in the correct manner. Caring, eh?

Apologies for length but they really are hopeless.
(scaredy-cat, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 21:47, Reply)

This is my own fault, admittedly...
So the main university street in Glasgow has parking meters. Fair play, I thought - free parking if you have a uni permit, and free parking at weekends and after 6pm. I have no permit, but I was parking from 9pm Friday to 1am Sunday (Uni orchestra trip away).

Unfortunately I couldn't find a space on the road, so I drove literally 15 feet from the main road and parked there. I assumed it was the same parking rules - foolish me.

Come back, ooh, a nice big parking ticket. £30 if I paid now, £60 if I waited a month. I looked at the small print on the machine - the side road is a 24/7 every day parking ticket hell. Probably something to do with a large tourist attraction being half a mile down that road at the other end.

So, yes, I do know I was at fault here for not checking the small print. However I was annoyed, both at myself and at the council. So I decided some form of petty revenge was in order.

As it happened, I could pay over the phone, by cheque or at a Council office. So the next day I went to my bank and withdrew £30 worth in 1p pieces. Put them all into a plastic bag and to the council 'pay up shop' I went.

Petty, yes, but they had to count every one in case I was trying to scam them. This made me happy for some reason.
(basstard, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 21:17, Reply)

Grr!
Actually thinking about it I have yet more grievances with Caerphilly council.

I was renting my mum's house while she had tons of work done to it, including laying new carpets. We shoved the old carpets down a little gully that ran along the house and the council were happy to collect it from there (seeing as I'm a weakling girlie and couldn't lug them up the front steps.)

I return home after the pick up to discover a shiteload of underlay left. Pedantic bastards wouldn't take it as we hadn't specified it. Like I wanted to keep the shitty old, damp, wood-louse infested underlay. X(

A second pick up was arranged, with more stuff to be collected.

This time I arrive home to a cardboard-strewn front garden and found some hob-nailed twat has put their foot through a man-hole cover. A man-hole cover which promptly fills with all manner of shite before we could get it fixed.

The council refused point blank to pay for a new manhole-cover (all of £12). They were outraged when we suggested their workers could possibly have done a shoddy job and that they didn't even see a manhole cover.

After we called and complained, they started sending pamphlets about the serious nature of attempting to defraud a council along with our claims forms. Subtle no? At the same time they send council tax demands for dates aaaages before I even lived there. Apparently it's ok for them to defraud the tax-payer y'see.

After rejecting our claim with a new story ('actually you're lucky an adult did it not a child as it was clearly unsafe and you could've been sued'. Hm. Thought you didn't see a manhole, let alone an unsafe one? Also our friend, a Health and Safety officer for a large building company said it was fine) we gave up and paid for the cover to be replaced.

Then began the Great Poo Floods of '05. The drain began to flood in heavy rain, no doubt helped along by all the rubbish that found its way in there.

Twice the sewage found its way into the kitchen and my poor mate D'archy helped to mop up the resulting fetid soup in his undies.

But fuck you council! The drains are owned by you and every time they flooded you had to send emergency workers out, costing far more than the original 12 quid! Ha!
(Medibot, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 21:15, Reply)

In Hull even the council is criminal
a friend of mine fell out with his neighbour. The neighbour called the council to complain that said mates car was abandoned. It got towed away the next morning. The reason for this speed was presumably that no one thought to check that it had up to date tax and was parked out side the address of the registered owner. Oh and no one gave my mate any warning he just woke up to find his car gone.

This was found out by the Humberside police who were brought in investigate the 'stolen' car. the car was returned, its story told and criminal proceedings were brought against hull city council. (no procedure = not OK to take cars)


*raises glass* to hull the only city were the local government has a conviction for taking without consent
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 20:29, Reply)

how much would you pay to get rid of this old astra?
nothing? any other bids? no? nothing it is then.

then why by the bloody shit on the tip of my bleeding shitty cock did the twunts at north Hertfordshire district council think that anyone would part with forty quid cash money when there are perfectly good lay-bys to leave dead cars.

within a week the whole of the county was covered in abandoned cars, for kids to set fire to. Naturally some people complained and to solve the problem 'POLICE AWARE' signs appeared on all cars that were left over six weeks ago.

the policy was ended when some vigilante dumped a burnt out nova on the steps of the council buildings.

funnily enough that one was gone within a day.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 20:08, Reply)

Good way to piss off the council
My dad is a legend and one of the most stubborn bastards I've ever met.

When I first left home, being young and nieve, I didn't know I had to tell the council.
After about two years of blissful ignorance, the council start to hassle me for the poll tax at my parents address.
As I hadn't been living there, I just ignored it.
So they went after my dad for the money.
His tactic was quite simple:
When they first demanded the money, he wrote them a letter explaining that I hadn't lived there, with proof that I'd been at my new address.
When they sent another demand, he wrote another letter explaining the same thing and enclosed the previous letter and evidence.
Each time they wrote to him, he would include a copy of all previous correspondence (he'd retired early, so he had the time to hand deliver it and was getting quite a lot of pleasure out of the whole process).
It took two years for them to actually read any of it and, by the time they did, there was a whole box file of the stuff. Every letter referred to the previous and to the previous etc.
In the end he had to go in and go through it with them before they finally twigged that maybe, just maybe, I hadn't lived there for four years.

Neither of us had to pay a penny ;)

Legend
(EvilMeister, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 20:08, Reply)

Lovey to live by the sea
I forgot to rant about the parking fees in Poole... I would like to use the beach in summer but it is usually jam packed, and the daily parking fees rack up quickly. However a friend mentioned that the local council did annual permits for their car parks. Hey hay thinks I, we should get em cheap as the fuckers who don't live here are paying a fortune to park in the summer... well no... if you can afford a 1.5 million pound summer house in Sandbanks then you pay the same as a poole resident who can't afford to scratch their arse cause they are paying for the fucking car parks out of their council tax... ARSE BADGERS the lot of em
( z0mb13e has a bee in his botnet, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 19:53, Reply)

Oh well, if we're ALL going to talk about BT
Back when broadband was a rare thing and most peeps where still on dialup, I decided to take the leap.

On the day the magic box arrived, I set everything up and waited for the next morning (the activation date).

Next day, I switch on and there it is in all its glory. I wanted to test the download speed, so I went to a *cough* arty type site and downloaded a wee movie. Like a well oiled machine it was on my desktop in seconds.

Joy.

About two seconds later the line goes dead.
I do all the reasonable things, reboot, check passwords, check phoneline, re-install product. Nothing.

The next 14 days were spent either on hold to BT or talking to brainless chimps.

The first day they tried to convince me that the line hadn't been activated yet. I explained that I'd been on the net and it had been working fine for the first five minutes. So they tried to convince me that all I was seeing was the contents of my cache.
Nooooo, I don't think so. I couldn't get the little creep on the phone to understand that I'd downloaded a file that I hadn't had before. He was adamant that the system said that it hadn't been activated and could I wait till tomorrow.
Next day, no broadband. I spend an hour on the phone to a different brainless chimp who informed me that there were no problems on the line and it had been working fine for 24 hours. There was no record of my previous call on their logs.
They wouldn't proceed until I'd uninstalled the product, rebooted and reinstalled - even though I'd done that yesterday. Of course they wouldn't hang on while I did it, so after doing it (like a fool) I spent an hour on hold trying to get back to them. When they eventually did, they said they'd send an engineer round the next day to check the wires leading up to my property.
So, next day I wait in all day. At 4pm, nobody has arrived so I call BT to spend an hour on hold. When I get through, the numpty on the other line informs me that nobody had been booked to come to me today and I'd have to wait till tomorrow.
Next day, nobody arrives. When I get through to the BT helpline to proceed my rant, they tell me the engineer has already been and everything is fine.
No, everything is not fine and nobody has been to my house as I've been in all day.
Oh no, I'm told, they were going to the exchange not your house.
I'm asked again to remove, reboot and reinstall. This time I only pretend to do it and (after another hour on hold) they agree that maybe there is a problem with the wires in my house and if so they should be able to replace them for free, if they're over a certain age.
Cool, thinks me - ok, book me in.
Next day, nobody comes. When I phone though I get put straight on to some management type who has a go at me for trying to con them into replacing my wiring.
i'll let you imagine the expletives exchange.
I informed them what I thought of their service, what I thought of him and where they could put their broadband package.

Next day, I tell my manager the story. He makes a call and orders me business broadband (I hadn't known I could get it for free from work, d'oh!). When it's delivered and installed, it works like a dream and I've never had a problem since.

Just goes to show where their priorities lie. They don't give a fuck about home customers.

twunts
(EvilMeister, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 19:52, Reply)

if anyone cares
I happen to know that hackney council has a class B IP address allocation.

And how many addresses do they use ?

If you want to piss them off, get it revoked. Point this out to icann, etc etc.
( pregnantfridge, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 19:51, Reply)

Similar to batsgirl from loads of pages ago
Regarding bills for £0.00, not a Council Tax but a lektrik bill or somesuch. Bill comes for £0.00, me mate thinks nothing of it obviously, a mistake. Couple of weeks pass, a red bill arrives for £0.00, again me mate thinks it's just utilities gone mad. Then a couple of weeks later a final demand for £0.00 arrives along with threats if payment is not made. Not to worry thinks me mate, I'll play them at their own game, so he sends them a cheque for £0.00. 2 letters arrive a few days after that, one from the bank returning his cheque because their computer had gone ERRORERRORERROR at this and another from the utility saying that his cheque hadn't cleared and could he contact them.

The solution to this: he had to go down to their office, in person, pay them £0.00 in cash and get a reciept to prove he'd paid.

Edit: Also similar to chili kittens post I noticed but not a rip off
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Fri 27 Jul 2007, 19:47, Reply)

Cut your own fucking hedge
While my local council were pushing through planning permission for a block of flats next door to me, to which we objected naturally, they took it upon themselves to send me a letter informing me that my hedge was 'impeding public access' and that if I didn't rectify the situation within 7 days they would do it for me and charge me 120 quid for the pleasure.

In reality what they meant was that they were running short on this years budget and as they were in the area they thought they would tout for business and offer in the nice kindly way that local councils do.

The annoying thing was the hedge wasn't in anyone's way unless they were fucking blind (well ok maybe the blind) and even then they would have only been tickled by a few soft shoots... it took me all of 10mins to trim the hedge... 120 pounds!!!!

I seriously contemplated tendering for all the councils hedge trimming work that summer as I think I could probably have under cut them!
( z0mb13e has a bee in his botnet, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 19:10, Reply)

I work for Carrick Council in Cornwall,
and I'm a Car Park Patrol Officer. I give out tickets to people who stay over their alloted time, or who don't bother to pay for a ticket. Just doing it for the Summer, but still get alot of flak from people.
Had one bloke today give me abuse and threaten me because he was ''only'' an hour over his ticket time.
I just can't stand how people get pissed off when I book them for not bothering to purchase a ticket, as these are usually the people who get worked up about other people not paying their way in carparks.
Anyway, just thought I'd vent a little bit about how I hate cunts who give me abuse for doing my job. At the end of the day, if no-one was there to patrol the car parks, it would be a parking free-for-all, with people spending days parked at a time, and no-one would be able to get spaces at peak times.

If you still hate me after this, click ''I like this''.

Much love, HBLC.
(Harold Bishops Love Child www.haroldbishopslovechild.com, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 19:10, Reply)

I'd hate to work for a council
But it's not much better working for a company that supplies 'stuff' to councils.

A colleague and I had an appointment to see the top brass at a large authority in the West Midlands.

We both arrived a bit early, so we spent the time usefully engaged in some preparation for the meeting. It being the council offices, they wouldn't let us past the foyer until the brass were ready for us, so we found a quiet corner and 'set up shop'.

We weren't there more than a couple of minutes when we received our first customer. A bloke wanted us to help him with something... but we couldn't quite make out what it was he was after. Might have had something to do with the copious quantity of Special Brew we could smell emanating from the guy.

Eventually, we manage to figure out that he's looking for housing, so we helpfully direct him to the big queue that appears to deal with such matters. I swear I could see faces wilt behind the counter... he must be a regular.

A few minutes later our prep was interrupted again by another gentleman, asking what we're doing. I tell him that we don't work for the council and we're just preparing for a meeting. Mistake.

Having opened the door to a conversation, there was now no stopping him. He starts guessing what we're doing. Wild guessing. Nothing at all to do with reality (we were selling the council some widgets). Arts? No. Youth engagement? No. Drug education? No. Social networking for disadvantaged Asian women in the area? What???!?

Seeing our rescuer appear through the "staff only" double-doors we hastily pack away our stuff and back away from the now effervescent gentleman.

At least we don't have to go back there every day.
(KingboyD, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 18:29, Reply)

Grrr... council made me a criminal
I'd been living in the same place for five years, paying (begrudingly) the rapidly increasing council tax by Direct Debit.

Two years ago, Mrs. Kingboy and I each received a letter from the council informing us, separately, that the council tax hadn't been paid. I rang them up, explained situation... "ah, ok... don't wory we'll set up another DD for you, ignore the letter".

A few weeks later, we get a letter each, this time from the local Magistrates court. The council are taking us to court for non-payment.

I ring up the council again... the lady is very nice, agrees it's an error, agrees to fix. I'm getting a little twitchy, especially with the courts involved, so rather than let them mess about trying to get direct debits to work, I pay the full amount for the year there and then by debit card).

I have appeased the council and she tells me to ignore the summons from the court, they'll cancel the proceedings and I have nothing to worry about. I go merrily on my way. Big mistake!

A couple of weeks later I get another letter from the court admonishing me for not turning up for my hearing and advising me that the court has found in favour of the council and I'd better pay up sharpish or they'll send Dibble round with some chains.

I ring council in an absolute rage... got a bloke this time, sympathetic, but insists nothing can be done but btw I now have to pay the court fees also.

I've since moved out of the area. Twice.

Cunts!
(KingboyD, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 18:15, Reply)

...and the next award goes to BT....AGAIN!
I don't know what was worse - having to call out an engineer 5 times to find a fault, or to have to argue with the billing department that I wasn't liable for the £99.00 (inc VAT) for each visit.

Needless to say, the fault was with BT, and not with each and every handset I tested the line with, as they were suggesting.

Cretins.
(Keill Randor, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 16:51, Reply)

Doing it for the kids
A fair few years ago a mate and I left Ministry of Sound (for all our sins) at closing (around 6am) a fair bit worse for wear after a cocktail of class A's.
As we travelled sweating in a taxi, to where I'm not etirely sure, we saw a park and decided that we'd stop there. We paid the driver and bid him good day before setting off to explore our new found land.

Quickly we discovered a playground with rope swings, but alas there were no ropes. Fear not though, because we fast found them and went about setting up all of the rope swings complete with tops off like proper pikeys.

After about an hour we'd set the whole thing, just as we were in the middle of our first run, we were rudely interupted by the Park keeper.

PK: What the hell do you think you're playing at?! Are you responsible for putting all this up?

[slight pause]

Me: Alright mate, we've been sent down by the council, what didn't they tell you?
PK: No. Who sent you?
Me: The guy who called us was called Sven Daulphin (two friends from school with wierd names) or something, give him a ring if you like, but I doubt you'll get hold of him.
PK:Yeah, know what you mean.
Me: Anyway mate, don't want to be rude, but we've only got an hour take get this done before getting to the next place.
PK: OK
(Now just had to close him)
Me: Yeah, we've just got to go round and check all the swings or it'll only be us who ends up in the shit.
PK: No sure, that's fine lads

Hopefully some kids had a good time on it... we left shortly after still slightly chewing our faces off.
( @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 16:34, Reply)

Northern Council Cunts Near Manchester but not Salford or Bury
Moving In day

'Lets be organised, I'll ring up the council and sort out changing the council tax over to Mr & Mrs H3dg3h0g' (So I ring up the Council and do it)

Two Weeks Later

'Hello, This is Mr H3dg3hog, I have rang before and asked for the council tax to be put in my name. This is in the previous owners name AND it has all the council tax that HE owed. I only owe from June.'

' Ignore it, we will send out a new one in your name' (Says the Council Cunt)

Two Weeks Later



'Hello, this is Mr H3dg3h0g. I have got a bill for council tax I dont owe. Please can you sort it out'.

' You will have to pay it Sir, then we will sort out a refund off next years council tax'.

'Lets get this right, you want me to pay £1500 that I dont owe, plus council tax for this year and hope that you realise your mess up to refund me next year'

'Yes Sir'

'Poke it! I'm only going to pay a bill thats correct, Goodbye'.

Four Months Later




'Shit'

What I failed to realise, is that Council Tax doesnt work the same way as normal bills. The fact that I had NOT PAID ANYTHING, meant they could take me to court. I had to pay the whole lot, but avoided court.

I got the refund, but only on my council tax bill, which meant I had credit for 1 1/2 years, but thats not the point.

TWATS.
(h3dg3h0g, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 16:30, Reply)

Im not sure if this counts,
but i was doing a geography investigation for my GCSE's and needed to find out about planning law.
I asked if they could photocopy about 15 pages. £1 per page? or something stupid.

So i sat there for afew hours and copied it all.
( Cae1, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 16:26, Reply)

Scottish Borders
My 17yo son got fed up having to walk the 5 miles down the hill (we live in the country so no public transport) to screw his underage girlfriend - so declared himself homeless.

Our council tax is now paying for the little shit to be put up in a rent free, heating bill free, ensuite free laundrette, one double bedroomed flat 2 minutes away from the girlfriend.

And we can do fuck all about it because of bureaucracy - the homeless goons won't even speak to us - the council haven't even contacted us to look at mediation or let us know where our son is (that one wasn't tricky as there is only one homeless set of apartments near his girlfriend)

So looking for an all expenses paid shagpad - contact the Scottish Borders Homeless Department immediately!
(cgx, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 16:18, Reply)

North Derbyshire County Council
Well... you would not believe the fuckin trouble I had trying to get them to put a street sign at the bottom of my road.... none actually. I emailed them and they came and did it within 2 days. Told you that you wouldnt believe me! My council rocks!
(loismustdie, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 16:12, Reply)

Bolton council joys
Actually, they've been pretty good, but let me illustrate a few council and liberal democrat candidate issues.

Barratts posted a planning application to have a new estate tacked onto mine, accessible via a narrow bridge that would considerably increase the traffic, instead of adopting another road. People objected, so they tried again.

They tried again, and it was objected to.

They then tried a 20,000 contribution towards sleeping policemen to 'regulate traffic flow'. Like that's actually going to decrease the traffic volume. This was accepted. *Gits*.

There was the 'we know you said you lived alone, but we just have to check less than 6 months later if you're a council tax dodging skiver' letter. Bugger off, unless you want to find me someone nice!

Finally, the bins. Fortnightly collections were pushed through and were universally hated. The liberal democrats lost their local seat, due to the other parties pushing for weekly collections.

Did they accept democracy with good grace? Did they fuck. A Blah blah, global warming, you are wrong leaflet dropped through the door. That's *really* going to improve your voting chances, chaps.

It might help if the council tax wasn't stupidly high, though.
(EssY, Fri 27 Jul 2007, 16:10, Reply)