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This is a question Crap Gadgets

We wanted a monkey butler and bought one off eBay. Imagine our surprise when we found it was just an ordinary monkey with rabies. Worse: It had no butler training at all. Tell us about your duff technology purchases.

Thanks to Moonbadger for the suggestion

(, Thu 29 Sep 2011, 12:51)
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My Fleshlight Review
Aunty Vera got me this handy little gadget for my birthday, and I've got to say I've enjoyed it very much so far. It tickles my dickle in just the right way and makes me spunk more than Gary Glitter in a nursery. However, there's definitely room for improvement and these are some of the ideas I've come up with to improve the fleshlight.

1. Speech
There's nothing I love more than a bit of dirty talk! Unfortunately when I'm using my fleshlight I usually have to just talk to myself in a feminine voice, and sometimes when my voice cracks it turns me off abiv. A cheeky speech box added in would be spectacular, with options for different voices like with Sat Navs you get Mr T voice and shit.

2. An integrated penis measurerer
Ever been in that situation when your online camsex buddy asks you how big your willy is and you don't know cuz you haven't measured in so long, so you scour your bedroom for a tape measure or ruler but can't find a thing? Well that can be a thing of the past! Just press a button which makes an inner platform pop up from the bottom, and you push it down with your willy and the speech box tells you how big you are.

3. Theft Security- Penis Fly Trap
With dick recognition technology, whenever someone elses dick other than the owners enters the fleshlight spikes from the side poke out and well and truly mutilate the thief's John Thomas. Bit harsh like but they deserve it the fucking thief. Also great for a prank on a friend!
(, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 15:15, 9 replies)
Entertaining as always Sir S

(, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 15:19, closed)
You want your fleshlight
to have a Mr T voice?
(, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 16:27, closed)
Get some nuts (and put them on my face)
(, Sun 2 Oct 2011, 19:35, closed)
would be Stephen Hawking.
(, Tue 4 Oct 2011, 14:59, closed)
Wouldn't work - it's rude to talk with your mouth full

(, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 16:52, closed)
They need to be self-cleaning.
Or at least they need a cleaning kit sent out with them. They're not the easiest things to clean after you've shot your load into them, erm, or so I'm told.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 17:42, closed)
Maybe you need one of these.....
(, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 19:20, closed)
She can guarantee workmanship
For one whole year.
(, Fri 30 Sep 2011, 21:07, closed)

"the phallus-shaped device allows a remote user to simulate specific sex acts"

A control device you give to a partner, who presumably gets their freak on in front of a webcam with it.

Yeah, not weird at all....
(, Sat 1 Oct 2011, 19:15, closed)

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