Old Spice
When I was about ten I won a bottle of Old Spice aftershave. And my dad had a big bushy beard. I think we gave the bottle to another raffle.
(woodchopper likes chopping wood, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 18:34, Reply)

When i was about 13
some kids from my school were on Going Live search for a star thing (i may have told that part of the story before)

Anyway, i voted for them and they pulled my name out of the pile to win a prize

Luckily we happened to be actually recording the show as my brother was in hospital having a stone taken out of his ear (we're not sure how it got there). This was great as we could run it back and check it really was me - I was so excited about it!

weeks passed and i still had heard nothing. Months pass, and my dad writes a letter. Then one day a note from the post office arrives and we have to pick up the BIGGEST PARCEL YOU'VE EVER SEEN!

The prize was less exciting though - a dustbin pen set and an erasure live video (which I've watched once, in fast forward mode for about 5 minutes - we particularly liked the bit when he was wearing a leotard thing with nipple tassles). However, as they had taken so long to post it, they'd thown in some stuff which actually was cool - a double dare t-shirt, a going live mug and some other bits and bobs which i can't remember

NOwadays i have a habit of winning things on Radio6 without listening to what the prize is, as a result i have a 3 cd set of soul music (which is pretty cool), a CD of a boring singer songwriter I'd never heard of and a book about 'green' issues (one day i'll adhere to the tips in it).

I also have a 6music bag (which is in no way a crap prize, i use it all the time) from when Phil Jupitus did the competition to have the show done from your house. I was a runner up - they even had a couple of guys to come round to see if they could fit the equipment in the kitchen
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 18:34, Reply)

Kit Kat Competition...
..in the late 80s where you tell them what album you want and you might win it. I asked for Joy Division but I got the Batman Movie soundtrack.
(mcnelson, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 18:28, Reply)

Thought it was a crap prize...
The pub quiz team I'm in managed to come second one weekand as a result was given 5 scratch cards. First prize was £25 cash which is what we really wanted but hey, the scratch cards turned out to be better as we won about £40 between them.

Nice
( Uncle Tom I command thee to wibble, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 18:10, Reply)

Life is like a box of chocolates...
When I was 12 my mum made me phone in on Phil Jupitus's radio show on what was then GLR (now London Live). I had to do an impression of Forrest Gump. Phil Jupitus asked me what homework I had to do that weekend, and whilst nervously replying I said 'uuummmmm' more than I ever have before in the space of about two minutes.

I won a video of the movie of Casper the friendly ghost.

Wicked.
( rosie posie tingly bongly, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 18:06, Reply)

I've won lots of things!
Ages ago the Telegraph used to have a section for kids, and I won so many times, I secretly think I was the only person who entered their competitions. The most crap prize I won from them was a video of Casper the Friendly Ghost (then being premiered) and when it got to me it was the trailer, and that's it. Cue nasty letter from an 8 year old demanding the actual video, which admittedly, they did send with apologies and a load of other Casper goodies.
I also won a Playstation from CBBC and a load of Adam Rickett 'goodies'. I grew disenchanted with the PS1 and sold it, and the Rickett stuff found it's way into the big black circular file.
My mother also won a Ford Focus from the company she worked for, Virgin Vie Cosmetics, for getting so far. However, the deal was, to get the car, you had to sign a contract saying that you allowed any promotion to be stuck to the sides and it had to be immaculate throughout all the time. Well, needless to say she declined the kind offer, and so would I have done; I wouldn't want 'Virgin' splashed across my car in bold, red letters!
( CaroWallis, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 18:03, Reply)

Work intranet
I'm addicted to entering competitions on the work intranet. I've entered four times and won three (shows how popular they are!) So far I've won;

2 copies of the Alfie soundtrack (rubbish, all the same songs repeated by different artists!)

Bottle of rum : ) (cant moan at that)

and limited edition sickbags (I'm gonna make a fortune I tell you, watch out for me on the antiques road show!)

And I'm currently hoping to win an ammenity kit (I work for an airline) fingers crossed for me!
(xlux, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 17:53, Reply)

hmm
I never win anything...

I won a Harry Potter book, never read it.
( Vintage The badgers took my sanity... and my TV, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 17:50, Reply)

£5 on bargain hunt.
still, not bad considering our expert managed to drop the most expensive item we bought.

Wouldve been a lot less if my mates dad (a picture restorer who`s been to more than his fair share of auctions) hadnt been in the crowd to push up the bidding :)
(widdy, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 17:49, Reply)

ah, also
leaving primary school, lots of prizes given out for Best at Sports, or Clown etc. The class genius got the learning prizes and got books etc., and the bully got the sports ones, winning kit. So that year they had to pad a bit.
My best friend got Lovliest Girl.
She got chocolates.
I got Best Artist.
I won a 2B pencil.
Arse.
I should have given up there and then. It was an omen, I tell you.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 17:43, Reply)

Smartie meltdown....
When I was in junior school we had an annual leavers fete, where the year 6 kids had to make tat and sell it to us etc. I went in for the "how many smarties in the jar" quiz, with a guess of 207. 2 hrs later 2 year 6's walk in with my smarties! damn right i'd won!

Started scoffing them on the way home, and by dinner time, id finished the lot. My brother then pointed out that the scabby years six's had touched each and every one of my smarties in order to count them. He then proceeded with a graphic descrition of what year six boys do with their hands, which made me promptly throw up in a rainbow of colour and mulch! Cheers Jord.
(Picalillie, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 17:42, Reply)

A year ago, on a summer between colleges,
I decided to spend every drop of energy I had entering online competitions.

I reckon I entered about 500 \m/

And I won! I WON ONE! OUT OF 500! And what did I win?

A life size cardboard cut-out of Lara Croft. I don't even remember entering the competition. :( I gave it to my grandad and apparently it still turns up in random places in Heathrow Airport.

I also won a signed AFC Bournemouth football, and had no idea why it was addressed to me and how I'd won it; apparently (I'd forgotten) - my mum had bought me a membership to their FAN CLUB for a birthday. I still have it somewhere!
( stevierar, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 17:40, Reply)

Pan Pipe Moods Vol II
In a raffle at a charidy ball. What was so popular about elevator music played on pan pipes that needed a second volume?

I now like to give away crappy 'mystery' prizes. Thoroughly enjoyed seeing a posh bird picking the prize I'd wrapped in pink gift-wrap and ribbons, a beautiful cordless drill. Was chuffed to bits to see the chap on crutches after having both hips replaced, win the family friendly game, Twister.

Oh, and I once won dinner for two and tickets to a West End show of my choice for thinking up a name for the staff restaurant at Herts Police HQ. I didn't collect my prize as I was too embarrased, I'd only entered the name 'Peelers' as a joke and didn't want my colleagues to know the name was my fault.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 17:35, Reply)

a mini mixer can of shandy.
at the local fair, the ladies at the Women's Institute tombola debated for a while whether to give this hard liquor to a nine-year old girl as I may, and I quote, "go off and vandal the bench".
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 17:34, Reply)

Fix! Fix!
Before we became a bunch of skinflint cunts, we'd have a raffle at our work Xmas do.

Every department was asked to donate a prize and staff were *encouraged* to buy tickets, with the cash raised going to a local hostelry charity.

One year, I won a prize. As I strode up to claim it, I was greeted with abusive cat-calls good-natured shouts of "Fix! Fix!" (the prize had been donated by one of the departments I manage and my winning ticket had been drawn by one of my henchmen).

Other prizes included various bottles of booze, Fortnum and Masons hampers from suppliers, a handjob from the drunk and dizzy receptionist, the usual sort of thing.

What did I unwrap?

A 3-pin 13 amp plug.

With the earth pin rotated 90^o so as to be cuntpletely fucking useless.

You should have seen the face on the amusing fucker who had donated the prize 6 months later when he opened his P45!
(SpittyWoonerism, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 17:30, Reply)

The other year my mother
decided to get me a calender for christmas. She wasn't sure whether to get me a Kylee one or a Jordan one. Eventually she got me the Jordan calender (GRRRRR).

I promptly donated it as the booby prize in my locals pub quiz.

It was won by the gayest team in the pub!!
( Big Ian has stopped changing his sig, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 17:28, Reply)

I never win anything
I wouldn't win a coin toss if both sides were the same.

Actually, I have developed a strange skill for winning at Yahtzee. I just visualise the numbers I want to see and I throw the dice and there they are. I tried this after reading a book on the power of positive thought. I've trounced my husband and son by doing this in three games.

My husband and son are now very afraid. Must try this on lottery night. Hubby has now been trying to teach me blackjack incase it works in a casino - seriously.
(Peelmytangerines, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 17:24, Reply)

Cake
When i was about 7 or 8, my school gave out raffle tickets for us to sell, to raise money for the school activity fund or some such...

You had to fill out the side with the buyers name and address, so when i sold a wad of about 10 to my dad i was writing out his address, but on about the 5th one i accidentally wrote my address (he didn't live with me and mum you see) "No problem" he said "just stick your name on it" so i did, and off i went and sold the other 50 or so.

Then one day a few weeks later a teacher came into my class, tapped me on the shoulder and told me i'd won!

Wow...out of all my tickets, not to mention everyone elses, there was only ONE with my name on it and it won!!

In my 8 year old head that was awesome (and to be honest, thinking about it, its not to shabby in my 20 year old head either)

And the amazing prize i won against impossible odds?

A home-made cake shaped like Thunderbird 4...
(left-handed-monkey, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 17:10, Reply)

Sudoku
Has anyone driven down the motorway from Bristol recently? There's a feck-off HUGE Sudoku engraved into a hillside.

I'm (sadly) addicted to them, and didn't have time to copy it down, so looked it up on the internet later. Found it on the Sky TV website, as part of a postal compo. So when I finished it I sent it in (the first competition I've ever been arsed to buy a stamp for).

A few days ago I got a letter from them - I've won the prize - five grand.

Ahahahaha!

Not exactly a crappy prize - but I thought I'd rub it in for all you poor suckers who have won boxes of biscuits. So far I've bought this and this, and I'm going skiing. Suckers!!!
( Peregr1n @peregr1n, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 17:10, Reply)

Good prizes. shame I am a spazz.
I won a cd walkman in a school raffle. Bear in mind it was when they had only just come out, and it was about the size of an LP. Being 13 and skint I didn't have any cd's so I sold it to a mate's big brother for £30. Hoorah!

a week later I entered a competition on Radio Lincolnshire (or could have been Lincs FM) and won the top 5 cd albums! Woohoo!

Hang on. I'd just sold the cd player. and it would have cost me well over £100 to replace it. Bugger.

Finally got a cd player a couple of years later, and with great anticipation went to play one of the cd's, only to find it was scratched to fuck. Turns out my brother did it in retaliation for me calling him fat.

I'm not bitter though. Oh no. Cocksucker.
(Discocat is bringing sexy back, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 16:59, Reply)

I always...
cum first. Wife's not too pleased about it though...
(Discocat is bringing sexy back, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 16:54, Reply)

Nice.
Fuck the lot of you. I've just got this in my inbox. I'm off to live the life of luxury..
Fate? I think so... Someone who has a basic grasp of english and no regard for punctuation has told me I've won a prize, so I'm quids in.
If God existed then I'd thank him. Unfortunatly, and to the annoyance of my workmate, he doesn't. As I tell my workmate every day.
Heh.

Congratulations Dear Friend

You have been drawn and are now now guaranteed one of the following. Now you can celebrate with iether �£10,000 CASH --�£5000 CASH --9 CT GOLD EARINGS --LAPTOP COMPUTER --SPANISH ALL EXPENCES PAID HOLIDAY FOR FOUR INCLUDING SPENDING MONEY--ONE OF HUNDREDS OF LADIES OR GENTS WRISTWATCHES --SANYO HOME CINEMA SYSTEM --yes this is genuine there is no catch ,you could be �£10,000 richer in minutes .To claim instantly so that we can send whats named as yours to you just call our 24 hour claim line on 090 778 68000 do not lose what is named as yours call 090 778 68000 right now, your reference number is t a m y 1 have this handy when you call to claim ,in minutes you will know which of the above is yours
Yours Truly
Johnathon Lewis
Claim Manager




operated by gairns international ltd .calls to the claim line cost �£1.50 per min ,to claim will take 6 mins,stamped adressed envelope required ,you have been entered and drawn and have been awarded because you contacted or included your email adress in communications with a high street chain within the last 6 months ,if you do not wish to recieve any more prize allocations ,then by not calling our claimline you will be opted out from any further emails
(grr_boy, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 16:51, Reply)

Pub quiz bonus question
which my team won. Prize? A vodka and coke substitute with 2 straws. There were 4 of us on the team.
(jonnybignose, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 16:48, Reply)

Housey Housey
I was 9, and I was having a night out on the tiles with my parents and brother (7 at the time). As you can imagine, it was a right RIP SNORTER. We entered the bingo, thinking it'd be a laugh. Sure enough it was, and my 40p stake brought forth winnings of £35. Hooray! Pop and sweets for all. BUT NO.

My parents confiscated the money as I was but young, and would fritter the money away on magic beans. Bless them though, they were nothing if not fair - bro got a fiver, I received the princely sum of £10, and my parents put their £20 towards a dishwasher. Bah.

If nothing else, it taught me never to trust the thieving bastards again. While the prize was not crappy in the slightest, the fact that I wasn't allowed to keep it was!
(Vernie, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 16:45, Reply)

Actually quite good prizes...
This year I have mostly won…
288 Cans of Red Stripe (I even got to choose what beer) supposed to be a years supply, lasted 2 months.
1 Crappy digital camera (sold for £90)
1 pretty good Digital Camera worth £400. Haven't decided whether to flog that one yet.
Can't complain!
(whatfun?, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 16:41, Reply)

Ahem
when i was about 8 i won a blue peter badge.

now let me tell you i only wrote to blue peter with instructions on how to make a kaledoscope (sp?) which i copied from another magazine, as i inadverntantly accidentaly almost burned my house down. oops.

and blue peter badges are shit, you get free entry into museums, which only science teachers and the insane would want to go to.
never mind eh?

oh and i got the last laugh when john leslie got sacked, serves him right the bloody cokey, would mint a bit of titmuss like..mmm
(Geoff Leopard, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 16:41, Reply)

At school a long time ago
A fund raiser, magazine drive. I struggled hard to sell enough magazines to get the prize I wanted -- a skateboard. It was something crazy like thirty subscriptions. At the end, the skateboard was a tiny foot-long 'baby board'. Thanks a lot, school.
(Dr. Nelly Lemon, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 16:32, Reply)

circlesky reminds me
of winning two tickets to see 10,000 Maniacs at the Cambridge Corn Exchange.

"Turn up and you'll be on the guest list" say the nice radio station. So we do. Have they heard of us, or the radio station? Have they fuck.

I stood my ground and spurred on by a sense of righteousness - hell, I'd WON these tickets - I eventually blagged us in for free.

Of course, all this did was teach me how to get into gigs :)
( chthonic, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 16:21, Reply)

Of course...
...a lot of these crap prizes of yore could actually be worth a bit of money these days, when you flog them to some tat-mad eccentric on eBay.

(I'll get me coat)
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 16:18, Reply)

Sunfly
That market town wouldn't happen to be Buckingham itself would it?
(ColdLazarus, Thu 4 Aug 2005, 16:17, Reply)