I've had to switch to alternative energy.
Basically the puns I post up here allow me to power my house off the energy created by Tommy Cooper spinning in his grave.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 1:25, 1 reply)

Credit Brunch
Things are a bit more expensive in tesco.....
...erm
....that's it.

oh, and an irish family looted all my potatoes the other day.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 0:29, 4 replies)

I'm credit crunching..
MY ASS!!!

woohooo-fucking-hoohoo..
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 23:45, Reply)

Interesting times
Living in a semi bankrupt country (Iceland) - Check

Lost my job - Check

Stomach ulcer - Check

This all happening in the most depressing time of year - Check

Thinking you might have to eat your cat to survive - Check

The good news?
I have two cats
(snordfjord Cranky...like a crank!, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 22:41, 1 reply)

Credit Crunch as an excuse
First time I heard someone mention the Credit Crunch in person was last year in August at a cousin's wedding.
Some guy there, who looked and sounded like a common or garden chav, was complaining that he couldn't afford something or other.
And said, 'Well, its the credit crunch innit.'
I'm not sure how deep his grasp of economic theory was, but was he was smart enough to know this was the excuse of the future.
(TheCircleIsNowComplete is longing for the endless immensity of the sea, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 22:19, Reply)

Not me so much, but my kids
My children have just noticed we are in fact, quite poor compared to their friends.

My daughter acquired her first boyfriend and has now been exposed to the lifestyles of the employed and solvent. She reported in amazement they had "takeout EVERY night, mom! And his brother's going to move to France and his mom is always shopping! What would you buy if you shopped every day?" She can't imagine.

"Why aren't we rich?"

Because your mother stupidly became a nurse and your da grubs in the computer programming field, darling.

Edit: I will soon have to take a nursing job in Detroit. Things are that bad.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 21:42, 6 replies)

Aging nerd-rocker Leonard Cohen
is coming to Australia in February, and I can't afford to see him.

This is a rare case of someone being depressed by too little Leonard Cohen.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 19:16, 5 replies)

POP!
No credit crunch in our household - we're going on 3 holidays this year!

Disclaimer:
May actually be 3 x long weekends.
May actually be in England.
May actually be in a caravan.
May only be thanks to the £9.50 holiday offer in The Sun.

Shamefully admitting to being a Poor Pikey in my first post - oh dear....
(Bearcat, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 19:00, 4 replies)

I'm launching a new business, for people who can't afford cats.
Basically I go around to clients' houses once a week (say), and poo in a box.

For a bit extra I'll also show you my anus when you least expect it.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 16:50, 7 replies)

gash!
so the job centre has drawn up the 10 jobs most likely to survive the recession. surprise surprise, they are almost all in the public sector.

but the public sector is funded by taxes from the private sector. so how the hell does the dumbass government think there is still going to be enough money to pay for it all, when the bottomless well of taxpayers' money is now running drier with every fresh batch of 2,000 redundancies and every new administration?

even answers like "your mum" would have more sense in them than anything this shower of pricks could come up with...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 16:43, 41 replies)

Italian babies don't taste nearly as nice,
but honestly, have you seen what real Irish ones cost these days?
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:17, 1 reply)

We can't afford to go out anymore...
So we's off to buy a kitteh :o)

We shall stays in an' stroke his heads




EDIT: For those who can't be arsed to read all the replies....
I now have Kitteh, and he's been named Chewie as he's big, toothy and fuzzy. He's being a total tart at the moment and hiding under the bed and has yet to eat or drink anything of note... totally normal considering he's been used to another place and stuff...
He was exploring last night under cover of darkness and came and head-butted me in the middle of the night for a bit of attention. So he seems to be settling in.

More photos to follow.... :D

( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:15, 34 replies)

must be the only person loving this credit crunch thingy
here in china the value of the rmb versus the pound just keeps getting better. given that i withdrew all of my year's budget before coming out, the more i save the "richer" i get, compared with if i'd been saving the same rmb this time last year! :) kind of wish i'd withdrawn more money now ... i worked out a weekly budget and anything which doesnt get spent goes into my savings bag ... currently have just over 5000rmb which was worth about 385 quid this time last year and is now worth 520!

that being said, china is a false economy and who knows what the goons will decide to do before july when i come home ... :P
(zenmeban thinks the weather could be better, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 14:23, Reply)

BROKE MY BALLS
Post office bank "mislays"- their words not mine - 80K of my money for 8 weeks due to losing various important forms. I have a bill of $125,000 to pay - and still the fucking bank can't find my money. Pound goes down the pan in the meantime by over 50 cents.

Ipso facto I am fucked.

Any sympathy out there?




No I didn't think so.
(beaverwastemanagement a real company. I want to work for them!, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 13:52, 6 replies)

doesn't affect me really!
it's not like I go out much....
(Anne Frank started to build a loft conversion on, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 13:39, 7 replies)

money saving idea.
I`ve been saving money for years now, simple energy equation really
4 bramley apples at teso £1.98 at 50 kilocalories each
1 donar kebab at mike`s kebabes £3 -1000 kilocalories each
thats 20 times more calories each kebab at a massive saving per kcal!!!
it makes economic and enviromental energy sense!!
mind you I weigh 25 stone and have pain down my arm as i write this.*







*I don`t, I made that bit up.
(rural confucious, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 13:20, 3 replies)

Bought Barclay's shares a few days ago.
Am happy.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 27 Jan 2009, 12:40, 2 replies)

Bought an iphone
And then sold it. For FOUR fucking times the price I bought it for.

Used the money to buy an actual phone - you know - one from 2009, not 1999, and one that actually does stuff without wanting to cut it in half with fucking pliers.

Now Coke is a happy bunny again.

Honestly, worst fucking phone ever made. Dont get me started.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 11:42, 20 replies)

Aviation Crunch
I've just finished my training as an Air Traffic Controller. My salary has trebled. Because Joe Public is skint there are fewer planes in the sky meaning I'm being paid more to do less. Because there are fewer planes in the sky when I'm at work I get more breaks meaning I can spend more time on B3ta or looking in the mirror and prodding my abs. Because there are fewer planes in the sky I get more late starts and early finishes, but still get paid for full shifts meaning I have more time to go into shops and spend my over inflated salary on piles of unnecessary clothes and electronic tat which has now been discounted in order to save the jobs of thousands of office monkeys and name-badge+clip-on tie wearing high street retail fuds who if only had listened to their collective mothers more and stuck in a little harder at school, they wouldnt now be catching soul destroying glimpses of themselves in the reflection of the telly after wanking into a sock at half eleven in the morning and then going in for the afternoon back shift at the bakery in Asda
(Don't tell him Pike i'll probably just stay in, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 11:39, 10 replies)

Bargain Bikes
Not me, but my son. My Dad phoned to inform me that he had purchased a bike for my son. Thought he'd check with me to see if I was alright with that, after all your son's first bike is an emotional milestone. As I'm not proud and would prefer to be practical in the face of mounting costs, kids are expensive! I was fine with my Dad buying it.

It was a bargain, bought in Woolworths down from 50 quid to under ten pounds.

My only real problem is that my son, at the time, was only 8 weeks old. My Dad bought a bike about 2 years in advance because it was a bargain. Guess you can take the man out of Yorkshire but not the Yorkshire out of the man.
( Weejock, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 11:37, 7 replies)

Is it really worth the effort
I've been asked by a Californian engineering company to put together a proposal for a fabulous new website. The odd part of the deal would be that instead of paying in cash, they'd give me equity instead. A bit of a gamble, but I started putting together a plan anyway.

One of their main clients turned out to be their parent company. Nothing unusual there. But then on the parent company website, I noticed a share price. I went onto the MSN site, tapped in the symbol and brought up all the history.

As with many a company, the shareprice had been falling for a few months now. 52wk high - 0.76, 52wk low - 0.15, current price - 0.19

Then I noticed the SEC filings and found their annual report which doesn't look good.

Total assets - $99,000 (down $60,000 from last year)

Total liabilities - $11,100,000 (up $1,600,000 from last year)

"...suffered recurring losses from operations and has a working capital deficiency, which raises substantial doubt about its ability to continue as a going concern."

Is it really worth my while?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:10, 13 replies)

As I was listening to the radio yesterday
and heard that Barratt's and Price-less had gone to the wall it occurred to me:

Most of the places that have gone tits up were shit anyway.

The high street will be a better place with out these shitholes churning out crap.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 8:41, 12 replies)

Freebies
Subscribe to the Yahoo group of your local Freecycle Network.
Reading some of the things people ask for is good free entertainment unlike going to the theatre or a club.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 8:39, 8 replies)

4x4
me and a few others were going to head down to a nearby 4x4 place for a day. everything went a bit wrong though... when we got there the credit crunch ahd eaten the place. just some tyre tracks left. not even a sign saying hwat had happened. bah.
(venort apparently exists, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 7:00, Reply)

the good old days
Some of my best memories are from growing up in a house where winter meant wearing a sweater. Soft drinks were a Sunday dinner treat, and by treat,I mean exactly that, sometimes we were denied it. The one year I got a bike for Christmas, it was secondhand, but the exact type of bike I wanted, Yay. Most of my toys were chipped or broken, all were second hand.
TV had one channel and that started at 3 p.m. finishing at 11. Our TV took a few minutes to warm up, so I had to hold down the button for about 5 minutes to turn it on, no remote, remotes were for posh cunts.
Nobody ate at restaurants, at least nobody I knew. Everyone ate old fashioned home cooked meals for dinner, porridge for breakfast, bread and jam for supper. My mum knitted my school sweater to save money, quite a few mums did this. Schools were cold as fuck in winter, kids and teachers wore their coats.
If we wanted a little pocket money, we would do odd jobs for older neighbors, usually for a pittance, comics were cheap secondhand though. If you went on holidays, it was to rent a house in some rainy seaside shithole for a week, winter holidays were not invented yet.
Kids got lice, that was a normal thing to happen. Sticks were great toys. Dog shite turned white. Parks had porn.
Kids made things with their hands, learned how to use tools, got dirty. After school we built huts, stripped the wheels off old prams and made buggies, climbed trees, played football. Most kids hurt themselves at some point, but the scars were a badge of honour.
Mums and Dads knew how to fix things, or at least tried, replacing something was a last resort. I spent weeks holding a flashlight while my father swore at the washing machine he was trying to fix. I learned how to improvise and swear like a sailor in those weeks, I really got to know my parents, nowadays kids are stuck in front of a PSP or TV.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this, it's only money. Tighten the belt and live a simple life, turn down the thermostat and the TV. Chat with your loved ones, play cards or board games, play with your kids. This is going to be a rough ride for many of us, but over the past 25 years people have become greedy cunts who surround themselves with mass produced shit that they don't need, and it doesn't make them happy, so they buy more. Most of us forget what it was like to be without all this stuff, but it wasn't that bad at all, people were just as happy, I know I was.
(knackerz is skinning up, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 4:16, 15 replies)

What we need...
...is a bloody good war.

Not this namby-pamby Middle Eastern bollocks, let's invade China!
(FurtiveBiscuit, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 2:08, 11 replies)

Bugger
Repairs for Motorbikes/Mopeds have noticeably gone up, someone tried to steal mine, they've royally buggered the steering lock and slashed the back tire, cost me just over £70 to get it fixed, and the damage to the lock was irreparable. Bastards
(annhialus hasn't had an accident since, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 0:57, Reply)

I did a comic about the Credit Crunch
Enjoy.


(__, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 0:23, 5 replies)