So I'm going to the b3ta bash on Saturday, where I'm sure I will be photographed wearing - and doing - all kinds of things
Could the shitcunt autistic users of this forum please let me know what they deign acceptable modes of dress and conduct? I'd hate to spoil your wanking fantasies by wearing the wrong T-shirt or something.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 15:20, 74 replies)

You're going nowhere until you've tidied your room young man.
I stepped on a Batman this morning.
(Emvee's Mum, Thu 24 May 2012, 15:28, closed)

I don't own a Batman
Would you like to try again?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 15:33, closed)

Well you could start by talking about farms

(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 24 May 2012, 15:29, closed)

I've got a garden where I grow my own veg
good enough?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 15:47, closed)

There's a board
for this sort of shit, y'know.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 24 May 2012, 15:36, closed)

Yes there is.
Except when it's the sadsack trolls posting all their shit about LOL Emvee's mom is a sextoy, no-one seems to point that out to them.

So if it's ok with you, I'ma keep this front and centre.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 15:46, closed)

Trolling a board, to complain about the trolls?
I'm going to have to run this one by Alanis.

If you're going to dress to order, might I suggest a clown costume? Everyone loves clowns, and it might cheer Rory up.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:01, closed)

I have a clown costume but I think it's still a bit zombified from our last shoot, so it's probably going to have to be zombie clown or nothing
I'm not sure I can be arsed to do the make-up tbh
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:10, closed)

I expected better, MV.
You shouldn't offer, if you're not prepared to follow through.
Oh well, zombie-clown or naked, it is. I'm looking forward to the photos.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:21, closed)

sextoys were relevant ot the QOTW

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 17:15, closed)

you want to take the cock out of your mouth and try that again?

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 17:20, closed)

i type with my hands, you stupidhead

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 17:32, closed)

it's nice that you've given your head-dobber a name
and "stupidhead" has to be my third-favourite insult of all time coming from the educationally subnormal
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 17:36, closed)

i think you should probably go outside for a bit.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 May 2012, 15:45, closed)

I just got back from a 4-hour lunch with beers and all the trimmings in the beautiful sunshine.
But please, if you have any other suggestions, feel free to post them
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 15:46, closed)

Have you been in a really bad mood for a couple of days, or did I misjudge you and you've always been this humourless?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 24 May 2012, 15:54, closed)

Do you mean the past couple of days in which a new user account "Emvee's Mum" has appeared
and during which the shitcunt autisms have been posting bash pictures of me on this board in an attempt to embarrass me?

Nah, I've been fucking loving it.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:00, closed)

I hate to say this fella, but you are taking this a little too personally.
Rory's been accusing me of being Piston_broke for quite a while, which whilst odd, isn't that bad in the scheme of things.

He's a cunt and only out for attention. You're only fuelling his idiocy by giving him what he's after.

/End voice of reason mode.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 24 May 2012, 16:17, closed)

OK.
I had you down as someone wise enough to take it on the chin and let the storm pass is all.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:22, closed)

HE'S NOT BOTHERED, ALRIGHT?!?!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:24, closed)

Still fucking loving it.
Who the fuck are you again?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:29, closed)

That's tangledupinblue. I'll introduce you...
tangledupinblue, Emvee Stark

Emvee Stark, tangledupinblue.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:34, closed)

You are very considerate.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:35, closed)

Eh, I had a look at their profile
over 8000 replies to QOTW, nothing else even in triple figures

so basically, a spastic
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 17:21, closed)

Ah, just like Legless.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:29, closed)

Cheers

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 24 May 2012, 16:30, closed)

Cheers.
Edit: fucksticks.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:30, closed)

Sex toys was last week.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:32, closed)

You should be fine
unless you say you like my writing.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 24 May 2012, 15:57, closed)

I like this!

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 24 May 2012, 15:58, closed)

Wanker.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:02, closed)

tbh, I quite like your posts
If that upsets our mentally disabled community then so much the better
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:02, closed)

Anyone who likes your 'writing' is in need of a mental health examination.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:05, closed)

Your posts are
etc.
(Guy Debord cette mauvaise réputation..., Thu 24 May 2012, 16:10, closed)

That is rich coming from an internet spastic like yourself.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:10, closed)

Anyone who measures themself by the number of people who have them on ignore is a retarded shitcunt autism.

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:12, closed)

As someone who lives in north London I am concerned by your sig. Though I doubt you can afford to live a decent area.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:30, closed)

Show respect before your king, you pathetic little peon.

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:36, closed)

I am a republican, so cunt off.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:37, closed)

The metally disabled aren't allowed to vote, so you don't have a choice, peasant

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:41, closed)

My butler votes on my behalf. The other staff vote as they are told.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:42, closed)

i'm metally disabled
i've got an iron girder on top of me
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 17:16, closed)

good

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 17:19, closed)

RTUST YOU TO REVEL IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S MISERY
please send help
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 24 May 2012, 17:31, closed)

What kind of help do you need?
Someone to help you get dressed in the mornings? Someone to remove the foreign objects from your anus? Someone to give you a damn good slap around the face every once in a while? Or just someone to help you keep tally of how many sailors' cocks you've sucked today?

We're waiting for your call.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 17:38, closed)

Steel yourself lad, I don't think he got the irony.
He may be a bit rusty, or so I'm lead to believe. Still, there's a silver of hope.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 24 May 2012, 17:40, closed)

No need to get so
heavy.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 24 May 2012, 23:03, closed)

I have a pack of Halls throat sweets
on my head.

I'm menthally disabled.
(username failed moderation, Fri 25 May 2012, 14:33, closed)

I'm guessing it won't matter
what you're wearing, but when you walk into the bar it'll be like one of those Clint Eastwood films where everything goes really quiet, and people all look at the floor.

Anyway apropos almost nothing, if people are trying to wind you up, best thing is not to appear like you're about ready to go on an axe rampage in Waitrose. It kinda confirms they're doing it right.
(username failed moderation, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:14, closed)

pay attention, internet.
This man speaks the fucking truth.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:18, closed)

These amateurs?
Pah, they're like flies. Vaguely annoying if there's a crowd of them, but individually, easily squashed.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:28, closed)

Just had another idea for your costume.
Just wear your stormtrooper costume.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 24 May 2012, 16:31, closed)

Fair comment, but aren't we discussing
you going out and meeting a crowd of them?

I suppose translated from my original gibberish I'm saying don't feed the trolls? Your call.

Meantime for the record I think poking fun at your late mother is pretty unfunny.
(username failed moderation, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:38, closed)

Hahahahahaha
For me to go out and meet a crowd of them, they'd first have to leave their respective houses
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 24 May 2012, 17:01, closed)

Hahaha!
Comment of the year
( Jahled Three shades of black, Fri 25 May 2012, 10:15, closed)

haha! what's the point of going to a fucking bash then?
haha!!!!
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 25 May 2012, 22:45, closed)

You could always turn up in Edwardian period dress.
That'd be kind of cool.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 24 May 2012, 16:18, closed)

aw, man
the Edwardians had a special dress for those days when a lady is occupied with matters of the mensus? Those wacky Edwardians.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:21, closed)

To be fair, the Edwardians invented tampons.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 24 May 2012, 16:26, closed)

Well they were renowned mountaineers.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:33, closed)

Is that how
the diving suit was invented then?
(username failed moderation, Thu 24 May 2012, 16:38, closed)

I hate to
be controversial. Wear some clothes, drink some beer, and enjoy yourself.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Thu 24 May 2012, 19:40, closed)

Please wear a red and gold metal suit with jet-packs in the hands and feet, a futuristic nuclear reactor where your heart should be and
LOTS of munitions.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 24 May 2012, 23:01, closed)

Or
a Personality Horse t-shirt. Accessorised with a hearing dog.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 25 May 2012, 1:30, closed)

Hahaha

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 25 May 2012, 17:19, closed)

Do none of you fuckers watch Game of Thrones?

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 25 May 2012, 15:39, closed)

*Unlurks*
Twat !
*Relurks*
( The Mighty Gusset Doesn't Care - And Doesn't Care Who Knows It !, Fri 25 May 2012, 7:36, closed)

For someone who goes round shouting that anyone who pokes fun at his embarrassing dress sense is an autism
and is now asking the internet for dress advise, well...
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 25 May 2012, 10:37, closed)

Do pipe down you
tedious little twit.
(username failed moderation, Fri 25 May 2012, 14:33, closed)

You're unusually late to the party, Rory.
A coachload of horny squaddies keeping you busy? Or are the motors on your wheelchair playing up again? Just tap a couple of keys in response if your mouth is full of cock and you can't type properly with your dobber.

[edit] and it's "advice", you cretin.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 25 May 2012, 15:53, closed)

really. stop it.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Fri 25 May 2012, 22:46, closed)

why?

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 28 May 2012, 15:27, closed)

uh, because you are underlining the perception of you being a humourless bellend?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Tue 29 May 2012, 6:11, closed)

Hmmm, let me contemplate the ways in which I don't give a fuck what you think.
They are many and varied, and they all culminate with me not giving a fuck what you think.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 29 May 2012, 10:14, closed)