Here's how to fake a CV and get away with it.
Type your name into google.
You will get lots of information about other people with the same name.
Copy their outlandish deeds into your CV and if a prosepective employer claims you couldn't have achieved so much in one short life you tell him to look you up on google.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:45, 24 replies)

I was the London CID chief, in charge during the Jack the Ripper murders

( TY&GN, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:47, closed)

Just hope
that the same person hasn't committed rape since you wrote your CV.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:47, closed)

I am...
A middle aged man responsible for undertaking final checks in the RFA engines

Which I don't think my employers would believe as I am actually a woman in my early 20's...

If I droped a letter of my surname I could be a hip male muscian who graduated top of my class at Oxford..
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:56, closed)

Apparantly I'm
A PhD candidate and have many philanthropic projects throughout the world. Awesome. I think I'll leave out the bastard chav on Bebo that stole my name though *shudders at the thought*
(Teran Thinks Pogonophobia is funny, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:58, closed)

I am
my sister.

Which is weird.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:04, closed)

all well and good
But there's only one of me on google.

Well, technically there's another but he seems to have died in the 1750s and I can't put "Basket Maker" on my CV.
( rofl harris, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:05, closed)

There's only one of me, too.
Of course, I knew I was special.


As CHCB put it, that's "yellow bus special"
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:07, closed)

There's four or five of me
but weirdly, I'm the best qualified.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:11, closed)

I am
A notorious gangster and murderer, who was hanged.

Yay me.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:14, closed)

OH YES!!!
I am the only one IN THE WORLD!!!


Thank you.

EDIT: Arse. There's more than me with this claim.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:14, closed)

I am the top result for me.
So I am either me, or fictional.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:35, closed)

I can choose from a famous acrobat, an Economics and finance lecturer,
Or the co-author on a paper exploring 'The Environmental Image of Companies in the Modern World.'

And that was only the front page.

It makes me feel slightly inadequate...
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:46, closed)

I am an extremely successful and relatively famous horse racing trainer
Impressive as this is, I feel it is unlikely to get me far in my chosen 'profession' (if you can call it that) of... music. Hmm.
(Mr. In-Between has regretted posting this ever since, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 18:05, closed)

I'm... me
Dear God, I appear to be a dull collection of usenet posts.

*depresses*
( le brian, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 18:09, closed)

Damn my common name
there's loads of me...

But I can be either an African photographer (with a Welsh surname!), a footballer for the Wolverhampton Wanderers 'special' youth reserves team or something, or, well, pretty much anything, to be honest.

*aces*
( Moey, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 18:16, closed)

dammit!
... I appear to be myself. Still, at least I'm in the right line of work...
(haberman is singing in the changes, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 22:07, closed)

Woo!
None of them are me.

/used a variety of pseudonyms online during her teens and they have served her well.
( Maladicta, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 23:29, closed)

I'm me
Rather dull really.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 23:35, closed)

I appear to be a small village in the South West of England.
Which is nice.
( kikilookeylikey, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 23:48, closed)

Oooh, ooh, I've got one!
I was the first american soldier to die in Afghanistan in the "War On Terror"

I'm also a poet, a singer and a cunt

Oh sorry, that last one IS me!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 0:59, closed)

Variously
A Lord,
A tooled up survivalist from Michigan or
A Victorian Grazier from Ballarat.

Nice.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 11 Jul 2008, 11:48, closed)

Pffft.
I don't even have to use Google to know what mine should say- I was the Prime Minister of a major western country. Anyone who searches for my real name will find him instead.

And searching for my full name- middle name and all- still turns up nothing on me. Not even if I include any of the cities I've lived in.

I'm a ghost...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 11 Jul 2008, 14:08, closed)

I am
a Senior Lecturer, at the Department of Mechanical Engineering in some New Zeland or Australian Uni

Interestingly despite him being fairly famous and recognised within his chosen field and having published books and papers on the subject my year old Bebo page comes top when searching for my/his name :)
(KangerooFlapjack, Sat 12 Jul 2008, 12:32, closed)

i am
an actor who sometimes appears in "CASUALTY"

quality!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 13 Jul 2008, 10:30, closed)