Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Riding through the glen
A Pearoast. This isn't the first thing I saw, but it has certainly stuck with me the most.

Through my teenage years, I have had a recurring memory, which follows.

I am watching Knightrider with my family. Then, when it finishes, I watch a doctor lying on a hospital gurney, being fellated by a nurse. I put this down to teenage hormones, maybe something I've dreamt.. dunno. But this memory would constantly come back to me, over, and over again. But it would irritate the living HELL out of me.

Well, until my Stag party in 2003, that was.

The boys were round, so was my Dad. We were drinking. All of a sudden, my Dad said "Ooooh, did I ever tell anyone the Robin Hood story?"

The story went thusly. My Sister and I (I was around 9 or 10 at this point) were apparently desperate to watch Robin Hood. It was after our bedtime, so he recorded it for us. Next night, the boys came round, and my Father watched a porno with them. You can probably see what's coming.

Sunday comes around. We watch Knightrider. Then "DAD!! Can we watch Robin Hood? Huh? Can we?" Video channel selected, video played. John Holmes is shoving his considerable cock down a nurses throat.

My Mum was apparently yelling "TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFFF!!", whilst my Dad sat in complete shock, remote in hand, while my sister and I watched a bad man put his wee-wee down a lady's throat.

The relief was palpable. I had finally worked out what had been bugging me for THIRTEEN YEARS.

The results? An obsession with porn, and I vaguely remember spending time rolling round the living room floor, trying to give myself a blowjob.
(V3lvetPresley, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 8:26, 8 replies)

The living room floor?
Not the privacy of your own room?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 9:13, closed)

It was a family game at dinner parties.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 9:14, closed)

Is this wrong, then?

( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 9:22, closed)

Well, it's very working class.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 9:26, closed)

Yeah, most decent places you go, you'll find that sort of thing just isn't done.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 11:12, closed)

.. or at least they retire to the Drawing Room

( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 13:10, closed)

Well, they do say they are leaving the ladies
while the men go and 'smoke their cigars'
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 13:25, closed)

Of course
on the living room floor. I was considered an 'odd child'.

I didn't grow up to be a rapist though, so that all turned out for the best.
(V3lvetPresley, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 19:28, closed)

where does knightrider come into this?

(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 10:10, closed)

Well, if you're sitting quietly, let me begin
They were watching Knight Rider (on tv at the time) but they wanted to watch Robin Hood (recorded the day before). Unfortunately the tape in the machine wasn't Robin Hood.
( Ghoti Fingers, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 12:20, closed)

Thankyou
sir.
(V3lvetPresley, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 19:28, closed)

oh yeah
i think i only read the 3rd paragraph again before posting....
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Wed 17 Aug 2011, 15:02, closed)

I still can't understand the attraction
of watching porn, in the company of other men. A group of men, all getting aroused together - are they all trapped in Narnia, or something?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 13:31, closed)

Wank bank

(Bushcricket, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 14:09, closed)

I don't get why men want to see cocks in it.
If I want to see a cock I'll look down - I certainly don't want to see other men's cocks.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 16:02, closed)

down in the mirror.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 16:32, closed)

No no - I can see my cock just by looking down.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 16:49, closed)

I used to be able to.
But then I gave up drinking and smoking.


Edit: MY cock, I mean.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 16:59, closed)

I don't mind, so long as it looks like my cock,
otherwise it puts me right off.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 19:12, closed)

I concur
I only watched a porno with other gentlemen once, and it was just uncomfortable.

My friend went to America as a teenager, and was involved in a circle jerk. I don't fully understand this.
(V3lvetPresley, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 19:30, closed)

Easy to understand
It's part of the immigration procedure.
( SteamedCleaner, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 21:58, closed)

Soggy biscuit?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 17 Aug 2011, 10:06, closed)

I, too, developed an obsession with porn.
I did attempt to self-fellate once too -- I would have managed it had my cock not softened at the feel of a cock on my lips.
What's my excuse though? I never had the same exprience as you.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 17:44, closed)

it turned soft at your lips because last time it was your dads/grand dads/ uncle bernard/vicar/priest/scoutmaster etc about to slip in

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 16 Aug 2011, 22:44, closed)