b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » B3TA fixes the world » Post 1364676 | Search
This is a question B3TA fixes the world

Moon Monkey says: Turn into Jeremy Clarkson for a moment, and tell us about the things that are so obviously wrong with the world, and how they should be fixed. Extra points for ludicrous over-simplification, blatant mis-representation, and humourous knob-gags.

(, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 12:53)
Pages: Latest, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, ... 1

« Go Back

My jezza moment
* University only for the top 20%, the rest can do apprenticeships, agriculture or get a job, any job. Free for the top 10%, double price for everyone else. Triple for the Scottish for not letting us go to their universities for free.

* Welfare and Benefits only allowed after 5 years residency and then only if you have contributed at least 5 years basic rate tax or are medically unfit to do a desk job, tested every six months. If you don't qualify, then you have to work for it. Every year a first name is selected and then anyone with that name doesn't get any money all year. Randomness keeps people on their toes.

* Being a fatty is not a disability or your "bones", there are no obese people in countries where food is scarce.

* Removal of all safety features on cars, replaced with internal spikes and razor blades. That'll slow everyone down and made them more careful.

* All MPs to have to have been in a real job for at least ten years before being allowed to do it. No expenses, but a good salary that is performance-linked, decided by electorate. Real jobs does not include working in politics or unions. Local constituents able to call re-elections every year if a majority feel MP is under performing. Failed MPs to be made to work in PR for Greggs the Baker for the rest of their working life.

* Anyone called Tarquin to be put in a barrel of pickled herrings.

* If you are on benefits or welfare you are not allowed to vote for the incumbent Government. That'll stop political parties buying votes through state handouts and get them focused on getting people working again.

* Every year a tenth of the population pay no tax. Save it up and do something special. Like buy a lifetime of baked beans.

* No one in any walk of public life to earn more than the Prime Minister. They run the country, how could your job be worth more?

* No more taxes. 40% is more than enough if governments would stop wasting it.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 11:10, 9 replies)
Mostly agree
But isn't that a bit harsh on the Tarquins?
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 12:01, closed)
Are you called Tarquin?
I have a barrel for you over here
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 12:06, closed)
I am not a Tarquin, and don't know any.
But an alternative suggestion would be to barrel the *parents* of the Tarquins - after all, it's not thier fault what they're called?
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 12:41, closed)
When it comes to bad children's names
I blame the parents.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 15:51, closed)
I met a Tristram recently.
He was a lovely chap. He introduced me to Meow Meow, which is a bit shit, but he liked my music and was generally a good sort.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 12:43, closed)
cancer surgeons, brain surgeons or nurses etc... jobs are worth less than the Prime Minister. Not for me.

However, I agree with everything else.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 15:38, closed)
I was thinking more of local councils and civil service
Nurses and Surgeons carry out worthy and important work, but do they have to be ready to deal with any situation whatsoever, fully in the public eye, and be expected to solve it? Like war, economic meltdown, civil unrest, immigration, rioting, etc. That's what we expect from a PM.

Not to mention the fact that Dave has to roger Sam Cam AND Nick Clegg every night. I think you'll find that no amount of money compensates for that.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 15:49, closed)
true, true
but he won't enter an interview without knowing the questions beforehand and having a team of people dream up answers for him in advance.
Seems like a lot of money for being a puppet.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 19:56, closed)
I can't agree about the Tarquins.
I happen to like pickled herring and wouldn't want it spoiled.
(, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 18:34, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Latest, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, ... 1