Insurance companies
Back story first and then my fix.
My motorbike was ran over recently by some one who claimed that their reversing beacons failed to detect the bike that was parked carefully out of the way! The insurance are probably going to just write it off, leaving me out of pocket for all of the hours spent customising and polishing bits of my bike to make it unique and amazing.

My plan to fix this. People who have stupid accidents will be forced to walk everywhere for five years following any accident that they caused! No lifts from friends, no bus travel and no ambulance if they get ran over. On extra cold and rainy days, they are to take the long way and can be redirected by Police to go further, if they look too smug and warm!

Insurance policies will pay out for what was damaged, no writing it off because it is expensive. Yes, it was expensive, that is why it took me five years to save up for it in the first place! If an accident causes damage, then it is repaired, even if it costs more than the vehicle is worth. The vehicle was fine and safe to drive before, so it shall be returned fine and safe to drive after. If totally destroyed, it shall be replaced with a similar new model with the same modifications if required.

If you are a repeat offender, you will be forced to wear lead weights on your ankles when trudging through the winter. This is to remind you that driving your car is a privilege and not a right! This is to stop people being shitcunts when driving/riding a motor vehicle. Also, the innocent party shall be able to pelt the criminal with rotten fruit at any time of the day and night.

This system would work well for cyclists too, if you ride like a twunt, you will be treated like a twunt! Walk the five miles to work, you cow rectum!
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 17:43, 8 replies)

I had to say, the use of cow rectum...
Briliant
( zulu eh?, Sun 25 Sep 2011, 22:39, closed)

Thank you
I may not be the most original or the wittiest person on this forum, but to know I amused one person makes my evening.
Thank you.
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 0:12, closed)

I have considered a model a bit like this,
Anyone causing any damage to someone else's property is responsible for fair compensation. Insurance will cover the cost of repair or replacement to enable a quick settlement, however it should then be up to the person responsible for the damage to repay the insurer. With the only exception being naturally caused damage such as flooding or storm.
I also think that they should remove all drivers airbags and replace them with an 8 inch metal spike in the centre of the steering wheel. The object is to avoid the collision in the first place.
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 4:21, closed)

fuckers!
I wonder though: by claiming that thier reversing beacons didn't pick it up, were they admitting that they were relying soley on 'assistive technology', and therefore weren't paying proper attention?

In which case, you may be able to go for them civilly for the difference...
(pizzaforcat ate some cement and HARDENED the FUCK UP on, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 5:03, closed)

I actually thought the same thing.
Take the fuckers to the cleaners.
(WOGAN'S WIG FIXER, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:52, closed)

Sadly
this was the case!
Still waiting to hear from the insurance company of the other person, who were not impressed with a £2700 repair bill. I miss my bike.
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 19:22, closed)

Alas
They didn't! Boom!
(pizzaforcat ate some cement and HARDENED the FUCK UP on, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 6:18, closed)

Ow...
*cries*

Clicky for a dark smile.
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 12:23, closed)