So many things, so little time.
1. Create 'zones of tolerance' on industrial estates, allowing car cruising and prostitution to take place in these areas.

2. Fence in all industrial estates to keep the pervs and the boy racers locked in.

3. Ban the response "I'm good," when people are asked how they are. The correct response is, "I'm well." Anyone using "I'm good" is to be immediately coated in goose fat and set alight.

4. As an incentive to improve driving skills, anyone who passes the IAM advanced driving test should be permitted to fit missile systems to their cars and allowed to fire them at anyone tailgating, not indicating, using fog lights when unnecessary, using the phone while driving, hogging the middle lane on motorways or generally driving like a twat.

5. Any 'travellers' flouting planning laws should be allowed to stay on their site, but should expect for a 10-foot wall to be erected around the perimeter (without planning permission).

6. Unlicensed scrap metal collectors who trawl neighbourhoods first thing on a Sunday morning, shouting "Rag, Bone" through a megaphone should be force-fed rags and bones and impaled on a redundant metal line prop. Preferably sharpened.

7. Anyone wearing Burberry (fake or real) should be forced to learn live-grenade juggling. The simultaneous wearing of tracksuit trousers tucked into socks will result in the grenade pins all being removed.

8. Jeremy Kyle to wear only fake Burberry and tracksuit bottoms tucked into his socks.

9. Rupert Murdoch, Piers Morgan, Jeremy Kyle, Jeremy Clarkson and Paul Dacre to all change their surnames by deed poll to "Cunt". To distinguish between the two Jeremys, they will be allowed double-barrelled surnames: Jeremy Patronising-Cunt and Jeremy Pubeheaded-Cunt.

10. Kelly Brook to be available on the NHS.
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:40, 10 replies)

Number 10 FTW

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:56, closed)

Yeah but
Imagine the waiting list. And the state she'd be in when you did get your appointment. :(
(ThatNiceMan thought he was being funny, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:14, closed)

I've already had mine.
I was just being generous.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 13:07, closed)

Adding to number 4
People who put their Sat Nav in the middle of the windscreen underneath the rear view mirror.
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:17, closed)

I fully support number 4
but I am not sure about your SatNav thing. Surely under the mirror is only a little way up from where a standard built-in lives?
(AgeingGeek Father of Two, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:44, closed)

Anything that is stuck on within the sweep of your windscreen wipers is illegal
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 1:18, closed)

You are right of course
Probably every taxi in our town is illegal with an air freshener suspended from the rear view mirror, although I suppose it depends on the size of the obstruction.
(AgeingGeek Father of Two, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:32, closed)

Is goose fat flammable?
(Roddimus_Prime Should be revising, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:20, closed)

Just leave the fryer unattended for a while
and you will find out.
(AgeingGeek Father of Two, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 14:22, closed)

Yay - No 4
Number 4 - I'll get triple of everything, wicked.........
(FF_Sam is currently on call...., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 15:05, closed)