Bite?
There’s a fine line between fishing and standing in the river looking like an idiot
(mon bison powered by magnets, Mon 24 May 2010, 11:08, Reply)

My Mum always told me...
"Never trust a man who's eyebrows meet in the middle... hang on scrap that, never trust a man!!!"

Mono-brows scare me to this very day!
(VodkaMargarine When there is no Brandy Butter..., Mon 24 May 2010, 11:07, 2 replies)

If you're ever accused of being a pervert, always remember -
kinky is using a feather....but perverse is using the whole chicken.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 24 May 2010, 11:05, 2 replies)

Never trust a man with pointy shoes
Honestly, have you ever seen someone who wears shiny black shoes with a pointy toe and is actually trustworthy? I bet you haven't!
( --=| Daz |=-- has been masturbating over a picture of you since, Mon 24 May 2010, 10:06, 3 replies)

I live by this and will die by this
Always keep your vodka in the freezer.
(pastcaring trembling in a corner....., Mon 24 May 2010, 9:58, 4 replies)

I think I heard this one on the radio...
The only thing you can be sure of when someone's indicating is that their indicators work...
(vinny, Mon 24 May 2010, 9:49, 1 reply)

Don't sweat the petty things
And don't pet the sweaty things
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 24 May 2010, 9:46, Reply)

When all else fails; read the instruction manual.
( Vambo, Mon 24 May 2010, 9:16, Reply)

I have a few pieces of good advice
"You are only as good as your last review" ...adaptable to many work related situation.

"Try to take people as you find them" ...I try to live this, to avoid me prejudging people and making an ass of myself

"Dont be a cunt"...Ronseal
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Mon 24 May 2010, 8:57, Reply)

It is a mistake...
....to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes
(libman, Mon 24 May 2010, 8:32, 10 replies)

4 rules to live by
1. Do what you like but don't get caught
2. Pregnancy can be dealt with but aids can't
3. If in doubt give it a clought
4. If you can't behave be safe

I'm sure theres is room to mix and match under the right circumstances.
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Mon 24 May 2010, 8:02, Reply)

Brute force and ignorance can solve most problems.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 24 May 2010, 7:34, Reply)

If you're not as cool as Gary Oldman
you're not cool.
(goorf, Mon 24 May 2010, 7:28, Reply)

Actually, HELP ME PLEASE!!!
Years ago I read what I consider to be the best piece of advice I've ever heard, but for the life of me I can't remember where. I suspect (given almost everything I read at the time was science fiction) it was in a science fiction novel, but basically it was advice given to someone who might soon be in an environment of want:

"Never get addicted to anything you might have to do without"

If anyone recognises the quote, please tell me where it's from. Even google can't help...
( difficultchild, Mon 24 May 2010, 6:20, 5 replies)

Good advice
"You can feel fear. You're superior, in your own mind."
I conversed with a very beautiful person. Their mental maturity and endearing devilish charm. Those words will forever echo in my thoughts. And while it seems the assessment holds no significant value, the sentimental value it holds for me is invaluable.
Thanks, You're beautiful.
(Jake-of-all-Trades, Mon 24 May 2010, 5:39, Reply)

Sage advice from Eddie van Halen regarding alcohol
'I never drink anything I can't see through'
(Monkee girl not a monkee, not a girl, Mon 24 May 2010, 5:07, Reply)

I'm not a terrorist, but....
'Any problem on earth can be solved with the careful application of high explosives'
(Monkee girl not a monkee, not a girl, Mon 24 May 2010, 5:04, 2 replies)

Never describe something as ironic
because someone will say, or at least think, that you've gotten the definition of 'ironic' wrong.

Also, don't be one of those people who correct other people's definition of 'ironic'.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 24 May 2010, 4:55, Reply)

I used to dance like no one was watching
but everyone stared at me.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Mon 24 May 2010, 4:54, Reply)

Advice from Uncle Kev on having sex with ugly women
A jokes a joke,
A pokes a poke,
but no poke is no joke.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Mon 24 May 2010, 4:32, Reply)

Do NOT
run after cats. 'Cause you'll never get 'em.
(Archeleus hates cabbage, Mon 24 May 2010, 4:08, 1 reply)

Live like you were dying.
Mum told me that when she was jaunting off all over place after she got sick.
She did loads of stuff...bit like a last minute "bucket list"
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 24 May 2010, 3:11, 1 reply)

couple more
Remember to kiss ass on the way up, as it will be attached to foot kicking you back down

Remember the little things for they are what really matter.


Leave things better than you found them
(Subway Riding the rails underground, Mon 24 May 2010, 2:39, Reply)

on watercraft:
love many, trust few, and always paddle your own damn canoe.
(fai is rocking khaz modan server as of, Mon 24 May 2010, 2:02, Reply)

Chlamydia
When I got chlamydia off a slutty, back-stabbing ex, my grandad said
"Chubster me boy, its one tablet to get rid of it and your not a man till youve had it"

A great and manly man
(Chubster Will kill your children and burn your wife on, Mon 24 May 2010, 2:02, 1 reply)

Someone once said
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Mon 24 May 2010, 1:57, 1 reply)

Bit harsh
There used to be a chip shop in the old arches under Charing Cross Station in London. Godsend in the pre fast food/night-time economy days, especially when waiting for the 1am train to the arse end of SE London.

Anyway, early 1980s, been out to a gig, decided to go get some chips etc to kill time before train, some guy was working the queue, asking for money for a cup of tea, some guy took a real interest in his spiel, said to him very earnestly, "Let me give you some advice, why don't you do what I did when I had no money?"

Eagerly, the guy asking for money said, "Oh yeah.. what's that then?"

"Go and get a job, you poncing c*nt."

It's almost 30 years ago, and I still feel for the poor bastard. His face changed the way I imagine a kid's does when you tell them there's no Santa Claus.
(Capo, Mon 24 May 2010, 0:08, Reply)

Don't cross the streams
That would be bad
(davidcompression, Mon 24 May 2010, 0:01, 1 reply)

Nans are great!
Just look at this qotw. As for my nanna: "Kind words are worth much, and cost little."

As an aside, she also had a favourite little song:

I got a sausage, a bonnie, bonnie sausage
And I put him in the oven for my tea
When I went to the cellar
To fetch my umbrella
The sausage, he followed me

Still can't decide what's more interesting: the anthropomorphous sausage or its ability to 'follow', down stairs no less.
(Good old boy just like yer grandma!, Sun 23 May 2010, 23:50, 3 replies)