Peter Kaye
If I may get back to the original subject - which was not 'getting' jokes that everyone else does; (rather than ranting on about whatever ill-informed opinions are dear to your heart):

I just don't find Peter Kaye funny. He bangs on about all the boring crap stuff that we 30/40-somethings had when we were kids, and everyone howls with laughter.

Why?!

It was crap, and it was boring, and going on it now doesn't make it any less crap or boring.
(simon shitting mason, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 10:43, Reply)

4x4s
Now I can understand, if you're a farmer. or live WAY out in the sticks (and I'm not talking about the Cotswolds here), then a Land Rover might be a useful vehicle to have. But why would anyone else (especially anyone who enjoys driving) want one of these Jeep-type vehicles? The only advantage I can see is that you have a high driving position, but that in itself removes one from the involvement of driving.

You want lots of space for luggage? - buy a big estate car.
Plenty of room to get the kids in? - buy an MPV.
You need a 4x4 in case you get stuck in snow? - hardly likely in Chelsea, is it? Even up here in the chilly north, we've only had two falls of snow this year, and my bog standard FWD motor made it through no bother. And for the other 363 days of the year......

As I see it, 4x4s are slow, thirsty (or quick and very thirsty, e.g. 4 litre Landcruiser!), and don't handle too well. Of course there are exceptions - the BMW X5 is of course excellent, but at a price.

If you have 60 grand to spend and really need a 4x4, buy a proper Land Rover and spend the rest on a decent sportscar.

Rant over.

Bloody hell, I feel better now having got that off my chest!

Incidentally, I amazed the bloke behind the Alamo desk when I picked up a rental car at LAX last year, who offered me an "upgrade" to a 4x4, or SUV as they're called over there. I replied that I didn't want one as I don't like SUVs. He looked at me as if I had just told him I came from Saturn, and said that I was the first person he'd ever met who had said this!

So maybe it's just me.....
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 8:48, Reply)

I just dont get it
Nearly enough sex........
(Funkwomble XBL and PSN DangerBoy73, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 7:21, Reply)

How Jonnywombat can be so SOOOOOOOPID!
"i also don't get
Why woman make such a fuss about being bum-loved?
(jonnywombat, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 23:37 , I like this! )"

OK Jonny! Consider this a female body is pretty much exactly the same as a male body except with a few diffrent reproductive organs. So why you think that having some large foreign object shoved up your behind would be any less painful and uncomforatble for a woman than it would be for a man? YOU DUMB FUCK!
(rattus, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 6:47, Reply)

Displaying a body
I honestly don't understand the adoration people give to the dead body of certain people. The pope lying in state made me think about it. Sure, it was him, but now it isn't. His body isn't going to to anything spectacular. Why is his so much more special than a loved one. IT's just creepy.
(Valchael, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 5:23, Reply)

Personally
I don't see anything hypocritical about ordering a DIET coke with a supersize Mcdonalds meal. I only do so because I think it actually tastes better than normal coke.

Anyway, I can't for the life of me understand the appeal of shite soaps like Eastenders. They're boring, depressing and just generally pathetic. And yet I hear people talking about it as if all the characters are real.

"Did you hear what that bastard on Eastenders did the other day?"

"Yeeaahhh. What a bastard!"
(Mr Slippyfist, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 1:30, Reply)

Magazines
Womens magazines in perticular, They have a picture of dawn french or such like on the cover saying how she loves her figure and how sexy curvey women are, then in the middle they have a 3 page article on how to loose 4 stone in 2 weeks buy eating a diet that consistes of one tomato and a carrot stick a day as recomended by some annorexic bimbo.

Also those girls who have a supersize big mac meal for lunch, and then a slim fast as if they think its some magic miracle drink that cancells out all the fat theyve just eaten.

Eating healthy isnt that hard and eating healthy isnt the same as eating almost nothing
(anon., Wed 6 Apr 2005, 1:17, Reply)

dangling bollocks -a medical perspective
Gonads or clackers to give them the correct medical term, need to produce sperm at one degree lower than the bodies temp of 37.5.thats why they are outside the body contained it a walnut effect bag, they rise and fall with ambient temperature(AT). This effect can be demonstrated by observing the state of sacslackness(another medical term) if the sac is tight and high then the AT is lower than 32 degrees C. QED long and swingin above 32degrees C. thats why men are always discretley checking the AT. DR. FRED MD,PHD BS
(freddred, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 1:12, Reply)

McDonalds: a different perspective.
I don't care why people eat it.

BUT

Have you ever experimented, taking one of their burgers apart and trying the different bits separately? As it comes, sure, they taste pretty good. However, a breakdown of the different elements paints a very different picture:

Bun: Half soggy, half bone-dry. Tastes like reformed vomit. Seems to have been made with a great deal of contempt for the consumer.

Ketchup/mustard/onion/gherkin like mass: Tastes very very wrong on its own. On a par with a breadless and meatless sandwich.

Beef: 'Singed flesh formerly used as wet flannel'.

Try it, you'll see.
(Lurker131072, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 1:02, Reply)

i just dont get it
Re: jeffrey and the chin thing. it comes from Bungle saying "Oh Jeffrey" in the kids program Rainbow.
(freddred, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 1:00, Reply)

rap music
is it really music, i mean really? isn't it just people speaking really fast about shootin up hoe's? i just don't understand...oh also i don't understand why the film "mazes and monsters" ever was made...really its a puzzler
(pixxiedust, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 0:50, Reply)

Call Centres
I dont get why british companys insist on moving there workforce over to india/pakistan to save a few bob? Im sick fed up of some Illitirate idiot who cannot pronounce "meez kreeeztine" wihout making me feel like im in a shady porn film, foning me up and giving me abuse cus iv missed a payment on my credit card......
(StrangeKristine, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 0:20, Reply)

People's complete adoration of the late pope
I mean, he (and his council) forbade the use of contraception in the 3rd world countries that needed it most, such as Africa; saying that condoms did nothing to stop the spread of AIDS.

How many hundreds of thousands people would still be alive in thirty years if he instead said the scientifically proven and humanitarian thing. Missionaries actually teach people over there that contraception does nothing to stop AIDS.

Surely he had some form of responsibility to those millions of poor people who lived by his word. Or was he just misguided in this matter? :(
(proddeh - dodging taxes since 2003, Wed 6 Apr 2005, 0:16, Reply)

Why are they here?
I don't understand why we have 'it' girls. It's not like we don't have enough z-list celebs already, all perfectly willing to fight someone/ get naked/ have sex etc to be on tele or in the papers, who got famous by being on BB (which i hate with a vengeance) or getting their boobs inflated.
So why do we have people like Twat Palmer-Thompkinson, HOW DID SHE INVADE OUR LIVES??? She is actually really really ugly and really really can't act, hell she can hardly read off a cue card. Why are it-girls here? Why do depressing mags eg Heat photograph them eating biscuits? Why do the it-girls complain of this?? YOU WANTED IT U UGLY CUNT.

calm down now, sorry. Apologies for rantiness.
(Fireinzehole, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 23:58, Reply)

my dear newcustomerserviceteam
They made that site cos it's fucking hilarious, it's not meant to be taken seriously. There's some stuff on b3ta which is hardly PC but we let them off cos it's hilarious. Get over it. Love u though xx
(Fireinzehole, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 23:53, Reply)

i also don't get
Why woman make such a fuss about being bum-loved?
(jonnywombat has been a waste of money brains and time since, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 23:37, Reply)

Slyph
I think the term 'Jeffrey!' along with the chin stroking was to indicate when someone was being a bit of a spazz, but spank my left testical if I know where it came from, haven't thought of that for yonks.
(Barry Big Fist, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 23:07, Reply)

Fatties
Why order a double cheesburger, large fries and a doughnut then insist that your bucket of coke is DIET?

I don't get it. If you are so worried about your weight then STOP EATING THE BURGERS YOU BIG FAT PIG!!!

And now I think about it how do people get so fat in the first place? When you reach 20 stone surely its time to start thinking about cutting down on the family size mars bars dipped in lard rather than carrying on eating until you have to call the fire brigade to cut you out of your house.
(MyrtleTheTurtle, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 23:00, Reply)

hairdresser
what I dont get is how they know. Iam at the hairdressers and a fit bird is cutting my hair - she has put a large cape like thing over my. she is rubbing the back of my neck in that "special" way. so I obviosly do what every man would. But (and this is the bit I don't get) at the end of our sesh she whips off the cape and hands me a TISSUE. - oh yes she knows what ive been doing. this happens at other hairdressers - ive tried.
(whothefk, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 22:47, Reply)

M4shed
cheesecake is made of cheese! Cream cheese! Thats why its called cheese cake!
eejit... ;P
(Do The Whirlwind, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 22:46, Reply)

ping pong funty
I reckon it has something to do with something else I can not get my head around........

Auto-erotic asphyxiation!

Why bother? Imagine having an orange-on-a-string in one end and a ball gag in the other then having the presence of mind to knock one of the wrist.
It is a well known "fact" that guys can not multi-task, hence Michael Hutchence forgetting to breathe.
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 22:35, Reply)

'Best Of's'
How can 'musicans' like Brandy/Allyah ect have the a 'best of' album after only (or in the case of death, less than) 3 or so albums....full of one single each and junky poopiness that just offends my ears and makes my pet budgie cry?

I may be a bit millitant about my music tastes, but even I can at least begrudge Kylie a Best of.....not some tripe that only got a record deal because of Moeshia...(yes, that goes for you too Usher!).

ALSO.....

Why did Jeff leave the BBC2 comedy Coupling?
Why Jeff why???? Did the Meltyman cometh??
(iamthewaffle, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 22:32, Reply)

Barcodes...
...because on Monday a rogue barcode allowed me to buy a £65 Helmut Lang wallet for £16. Bonza.
(ryry, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 22:14, Reply)

Hyperstars
You have stars, superstars, megastars, and what I like to call "Hyperstars" - people who are more famous than they should be. People everyone knows but you say to yourself "Why is this person famous? What have they done?"

Several examples:

Barbara Streisand
Dick Cavett
Marlon Brando
Dick Butkus
Paris Hilton

I can also add:

Alan Alda
Alan Arkin
Adam Arkin

Oh dear, this could go on awhile, I'm only on the A's...
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 21:50, Reply)

Casualty Triage
I went out in London with coleagues the other day, and I met the girlfriend of one. She was moaning about the NHS (considering that I have a lot of experience in this department, I knew she was talking b*****s). She said that she had to moan repeatedly to get her boyfriend treated in casualty ahead of a bunch of kids. I commented that perhaps the staff wanted to teeat the kids before her bloke was because, well, they were kids, as opposed to 40-year-olds.

She didn't understand that this was a good thing. She really didn't get it at all.

Now, I just don't get how someone cannot understand that children should be treated first, all other things being equal, in a hospital.

Thankfully, this couple doesn't have any kids. Therefore their evil (damn, sounding like Dubya) genes will not go on to the next generation.

They are also tories, I might add.

Rant over.
( Parmesan Quality b4 Quantity, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 21:22, Reply)

I don't get why...
The edges of the microwaveable burger im eating tastes like what would come out of an animals rear end, while the bit in the middle tastes great.

Also don't get why chicken that you microwave smells like manure. Really bad strong manure that makes you want to throw up.
( Bobson I who milks the milkmen?, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 21:04, Reply)

24
what is the deal with the TV series "24"??? it really really really sucks! i read something in a TV guide saying it "was the reason TV was invented" - i mean, come on....
in the few that i watched, the guy's daughter would get kidnapped by different people EVERY SINGLE EPISODE. and then she would continue to run around shady areas at night, and NOT call the police and tell them she was being chased by a homicidal maniac (probably).
is it just me?
( Blork krolB, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 20:54, Reply)

I honestly dont get
The person/people who made this site: www.geocities.com/howtodressemo
The person/people that set it up is a loser. Why bother trying to dress and act a certain way to fit in with a crowd? Thats just sad. I dont understand why people dont just act and dress the way they want to.
(newcustomerserviceteam, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 20:49, Reply)

Technophobe
The internet and computers.

I'm sure that some of you can explain it all to me (but please don't, I like to live in blissful ignorance) but if my understanding is correct, what I am typing now is transferred in to zeros and ones and yet is on everyones elses screen and looks like this. How? How does that happen? How does all the information travel through the cables? What form does it take? Is it like electricity(which I do get) or is it something else? And how is stuff stored on my computer without pens and paper and such like. I don't get it.

And TV and the telephone. How does that happen? How do the sounds and pictures get to us? I don't understand. Is it like on Willy Wonka when all the little bits travel through the air and then come back together on my screen or in my phone. Its unbelieveble! How do people come up with this stuff. What kind of person thinks like that that they can come up with a computer or a TV or a telephone?

I need to lie down. My mind is boggling.
(MyrtleTheTurtle, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 20:47, Reply)

Pope
I dont get people crying over the pope, and saying how much of a nice man he was. You never knew him! He could of been a right grumpy bastard.
(fistcount shite, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 20:10, Reply)