You can't have your cake and eat it
This means: once you've eaten your cake you no longer have it. So you can't have it both ways. Simple.

Emo - it's an abbreviation of emotional hardcore. They're the goths of the 21st century. Urbandictionary.com is your friend.
(EDIT: Uncle Garfunkel, live with it. There's more information at the URL above, which I couldn't be bothered to post here)

Now, can anyone explain the appeal of that Three Non Blondes programme that used to be on telly? It wasn't ever funny.
(xyandz, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 15:27, Reply)

People who use the word
"Illuminous".

It's not a word. Sort it out.
(underachiever, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 15:25, Reply)

Aged Chicken
In response to Shazzior and winestain. Know this is not a messageboard, but WTF.

In poor student days, once discovered two chicken breasts in the back of the fridge. I KNEW I hadn't been shopping in 2 weeks so they were at LEAST that old. Ummed and Ahhed about eating them, then decided food poisoning was a better option than starvation.

They were the BEST tasting chicken breasts EVER! And even though probably completely laden with gut-renching bacteria, I didn't get sick. I must have a stomach made of iron. Have since been happily recklass and dangerous all my life with regards to food. Will eat anything.
(Peelmytangerines, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 15:16, Reply)

Emo
I belive the music genre "Emo" is the abbreviation of "Emotional Rock". As for clothes, that "art student" styleee look. ;)

Bloody art college in my town :( but got good looking birds tho...
(HoBag (TM) <-- Fookin' legend, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 15:16, Reply)

Banoffi pie
I always assumed Banoffi was a region of Italy.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 14:54, Reply)

emo
what is one please? am now fed up with nodding sagely but thinking WTF.

thanks!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 14:37, Reply)

George Foreman health grills (and their ilk)
WTF? I understand grilling - it's a good way to cook food and it's healthy, but (and here's the rub) my fucking cooker has a grill!!! Why did everyone rush out to buy an appliance that I assume 99.9% of them already have?!?!

Can someone explain? Am I missing the point?
(winagoldfish, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 14:13, Reply)

Michael Jackson!
Why are all these people coming up and telling all now!

Apoligies for seriousness, i shall slap myself silly
(psychomonkey padded cell and drugged bananas, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 14:08, Reply)

People i dont like
i just don't get or like:
goths
chavs
grungers
emos
townies
pikeys
gangstas
indies
metalheads
sluts
punks
wannabes and poseurs

oh yeh, and labelling.
(Fireinzehole, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 13:56, Reply)

Winagoldfish is right...
I only read a bit of Catch-22 and can completely agree. It was rubbish. I read half of "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenence" and that was crap too. Stopped reading "Our man in Havana" after the first page - wank. Also, I don't get why books have so many pages. Why don't they print half-books for those people who don't have the the patient or intelligence to finish what they start don't need the second half.
(Scoobs, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 13:49, Reply)

Some things just keep cropping up...
To set the story straight... UNCLE ICEPIMP EXPLAINS ALL...

The human male nipple!
The sex of a human foetus is not determined at conception, but actually later on in the development of the unborn child. Hence many of the organs and features (including the nipples) develop first before nature decides to make the offispring a little boy or a girl. This also sometimes explains why some people are born with both sets of sexual organs!



The high-heel shoe!
WTF! Indeed! Uncomfortable, darn impractical and generally only attractive in the minds of the women wearing them (apologies to any transvestites reading this).
So why do they do it?
Well... in our caveman days, the first sign of a human female reaching sexual maturity was the growth spurt in her legs (we've all seen gangly looking 12-13-year-old-girls, right?). Well high heels are designed to accent the leg length.
Hence heels are designed to provoke a sexual response in men and afirm the pecking order with other women in the social group.



The human female breast!
We all know that there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for them being anything but flat as a pancake (just look at the average female chimpanzee). Performance as mammary glands is not affected one jot by breast size.
The reason for their development into the shape that we see in modern times is that we leaned to walk on our back legs (instead of on all fours, a bit like a chimpanzee). By walking upright, the female pelvis had to adapt and in doing so, moved the sexual organs further to the front of the body. And so the missionary position was invented!
Prior to that, all sexual congress had taken place doggy style!
The buttocks however, remained a potent sexual attractant to males (as they do today). The early human males would gravitate towards females who had 'buttock-like' mounds on their chest (ie. could still see bum-like objects during missionary poistion sexual intercourse).

And then it was down to evolution to do the rest. Mainly plump-breasted females reporduced. The pancake-flat ones generally didn't and so the 'pancake' gene was all but eradicated from the gene-pool.


Length.... girth?.... It's not the size of the nail.... it's the hammer that drives it in!
(IcePimp, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 13:41, Reply)

Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
This book is utter shite. I had heard great things about "Catch 22" being the most amazing and funny book ever written. Sorry? WTF? I couldn't "get it" at all. It's *not* bleeding funny in the slightest, I've had whiplash injuries that have been more amusing.

I really couldn't have given a shit about the main character "Yoassarin" and gave up on the book half-way through.

...and another thing on "a book related, I don't get this" is "fiction" and "non-fiction". It's not a huge piece of information, or even very clever, but I can never remember the tiny fact of which books are fiction and which are non-fiction - it just escapes me. Curse my odd brain
(winagoldfish, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 13:33, Reply)

I don't understand why...
Blokes feel the need to flick their bogeys all around the walls of a public toilet rather than use a bit of bog roll, or the huge pot in front of them. Scruffy Whippets.
( dogfish, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 13:22, Reply)

I just don't get...
American sitcoms. They just aren't funny... make me cry...

How webcams work. It has been explained to me many times and im sorry it just defies the laws of everything.

Why there are evil molemen under my bed.. what do they want???

Why people find NewRocks and stilletoes uncomfortable... or am i just deformed to fit these things???

Chavs. No explanation necessary.

G dubya B. ditto

Why my camera never focuses in time to take a good pic. Woe.

The whole 'have your cake and eat it' thing.

Why people find it hard to tell the difference between stalagtites and stalagmites. COME ON! Use you imaginations! Tits hang down ergo 'tites hang down

Why people can't use the right grammar. And that includes computers.
Apologies for length, spose im a bit thick.
(Fireinzehole, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 13:11, Reply)

Oh and Muslims...
How come if you come out and say that Islam is a crappy religion, you're suddenly a racist. Since when was Islam a race. I can quite easily make fun of other religions, but not the wackiest of the lot without being thought of as a badge carrying BNP supporter. Lunacy.

Oh, and while I'm on the subject, what the fuck is it about using Muslim and Asian interchangeably? Asia has lots of different religions (Buddhist, Taoist, Christian, Hindi etc..). Islam is a minority religion in Asia- where do they get off lumping everyone in with their crazy little belief system??
(Mr. Ploppy, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 13:07, Reply)

Private Shops
I had a "moment" a while back when I saw a Private Shop.

Why are they called Private Shops? If it's a shop it means people go in there which makes it not very private right???

Took me a while to twig.
(therocker, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 12:59, Reply)

The birds and the bees.
Why the hell is that a euphemism for reproduction?
( Bob Todd whee, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 12:49, Reply)

Shoe shops
Why is it that when I go to a shoe shop and ask for a size ten pair of plimsolls, after an hour of storeroom rummaging the assistant comes back and says

“Sorry Sir, we don’t have a 10, but we do have a 4.”

What fucking use is that?

“That's a fucking stroke of luck, I can wear that one on my other polio-ridden Jeremy Beadle foot”
( shambla www.gagaprinthouse.com, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 12:46, Reply)

cake
I don't understand why I can't have my cake AND eat it. What else would I do with it?
(ghetto soldier, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 12:25, Reply)

Super political correctness
I have yet to understand why some people (particularly politicians) think that ethnic minorities are offended by everything. Quite frankly, they dont give a shit about you celebrating holidays and such.
( Green Spanner and his magical lack of activity, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 12:23, Reply)

Heels
Girls - if you want to wear heels that's all well and good but for christ's sake will you not moan about how much pain you're in for the rest of the evening?

Me: that's the last bus... quick!
Her: Hang on, I've got heels on!

I'd much rather you wear nice comfortable shoes, after all if I'm taking YOU out it's you I'm most interested in, and not the bloomin Patrick Cox's you've got on your feet!!!
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 12:20, Reply)

responding to Ike: (on the subject of male nipples). and some of my own
Male nipples actually do work. Not very well though. A guy in my old school used (somehow) suction from an empty coke bottle to milk himself in the back of class once. Barely.

And there have been reports of men breastfeeding, even if barely, when there is nothing else for babies to live off.

So nipples aren't entirely useless on men.

Just so you know.

Also, I don't get how anyone can possibly come to the conclusion that god is all-loving, all-knowing, all-forgiving.... from the bible. I'm reading it now. Twice he's said that he's jealous. One time he wrestles with Israel (maybe his father) and loses. He's horribly vain in his expectancies for worship, and requires sacrifice. Whenever he finds sinners, he sends his angel of death TO KILL THEM. He punishes the sons and grandsons of sinners. He's sexist and racist. Several times people have to convince him to not murder thousands, sometimes even innocents. He changes his mind often. And he says this: (and i quote)"Each man strap a sword to his side. Go back and forth through the camp from one end to the other, each killing his brother and friend and neighbour".

Now, i can not for the like of me understand how anyone who believes in a PERFECT god can take the bible literally, or claim it as evidence. If the bible is right, god is clearly imperfect.

And all I've read so far is Genesis and Exodus.

Let me close with a joke of my own concoction:
What do you find on a gay sailor?
Seamen.
(riedacher_bertram, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 12:16, Reply)

Get them out for the lads !
Why hasn't one of the "Gentlemens" magazines, EG Loaded, FHM etc, payed Sarah Beeney of Property developemnt fame to get her Norks out !
They are absolutely MASSIVE !
Come on sarah , be a sport!
(Betty Boothroyd's Love custard Tourettes at the KOB, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 11:46, Reply)

You Been Framed
When you get some people on YBF, they are doing medial tasks (drilling holes in walls, painting fences, fixing roofs etc.) before disaster happens.

Who in their right mind would record that footage on a camcorder? To think that they can't find three episodes of Dad's Army, yet this is on archive footage.
(rhyswynne - on every social network mullarkey known to man, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 11:39, Reply)

In answer to 'Bollocks - whay are they outside the body?'

It's a heat thing apparently. Allegedly, one's little swimmy chums need to be produced and stored at slightly less than normal body temperature in order to perform their impregnatory duties at full efficiency. Those reports that pop up now and again about cycling shorts/jockey shorts/y-fronts etc. lowering male fertility are based on the premise that hot conkers bad/cool conkers good.
(scunnydelight, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 11:38, Reply)

perverse
i just don't get why people use "perverse" for perverted, kinky or just plain Wrong. as in, "he loves a bit of a five knuckle shuffle over the thought of his dead granny getting a damn good shafting from a badgercock, he's really perverse".

perverse just means awkward, unreasonable or stubborn. it does not mean you are an animal!

oh and howard from the halifax adverts. the man would stop anyone from having an acount there, surely? seriously. howard. W T F!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 11:22, Reply)

How d'you like THEM apples?
What?
( teedyay, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 11:10, Reply)

Illiterate Midgets
They're not big, and they're not clever.
(Crompo, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 10:47, Reply)

fire
I dont uderstand why guys (myself included) are strangely obsessed with fire and burning things... I mean its not as if we're all pyromaniacs or anything.

But then again, who can resist making a flamethrower with just a can of deoderent and a lighter? Or soaking your sister's barbie in lighter fluid and throwing a match onto it. Or trying to set someone's hair on fire without them noticing...

Ahhh bliss....
(superficialfilter, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 10:47, Reply)

Hentai Tenticles Answer
Its actually because of japanese law, theyre fine with nudity, sex, etc but dont like genitals drawn out. Its why you see the things with tenticles instead of penis' and other examples such as huge diamonds in vaginas. Strange but the jap population have coem to like it from law. SO there you go.....


Badger
(Golden_guns247, Tue 5 Apr 2005, 10:00, Reply)