PFL (Txt spk for ‘Pointless-F*cking-LOLs’)…

There’s a chap I work with called Martin, who is the most chronically, death defyingly dull human being I have ever met. Words cannot express how much this moaning, miserable mongoloid morbidly mopes his way through every working day with the fixed, pained expression of a man who has just been forced at gunpoint to felch the sloppy schlong syrup from the clap-ridden chutney cupboard of a syphilitic three-legged goat.

Sporting the amiable charm and good looks of a sweaty, seventies serial sex-offender, Martin winces and grumbles as he hobbles along, and with every step he resembles a man who is permanently having the larger of his haemorrhoids violently rubbed with sandpaper before having his hog’s eye prodded with a red hot knitting needle dipped in sulphuric acid.

When this pitiful spaff-splat actually ‘speaks’, it is a monotone, excruciating experience that ends with people weeping tears of despair…swiftly followed by a mad surge for the exits like a Chinese fire drill.

You get the idea.

Yet somewhere, in every communication that this putrid lump of pure despondency sends through the medium of email (or even worse, text) he will include the acronym ‘LOL’!

The thing is…It doesn’t even follow a joke, or even an attempt at humour!

For example, Here’s a direct quote of his, copied from my inbox:

“It is the same Sharon, she is changing roles, and she will be getting a laptop as she will be field based LOL“

What the jellified fuck? I ask you. I’ve never seen the guy so much as crack a smile, let alone an actual laugh…out-loud or otherwise.

Why do some people do this? Why do they feel the need to inform us that they’re laughing when they’re not?...and sometimes when it’s not even relevant in the first place?

What’s next?...

“I’m afraid it’s herpes. LOL”

“I was brutally arse-raped last night. LOL”

“Goodbye, cruel world. LOL”

LOLs are not full stops, required at the end of every message. Pointless, unwarranted LOL’s are like a virus…infecting the planet with the sole purpose of dumbing it down, closely followed by the rapidly-devaluing ‘Genuine LOL’ that people are now writing.

If every LOL was genuine, we wouldn’t be able to hear ourselves think over the noise...everybody’s work environment would be like a non-stop comedy gig, and you wouldn’t be able to walk down the street without tripping over hordes of cretins ‘ROFL’ing all about the place.

Some people need to get a fucking grip. Grrrr


Ooooh, get me! – Haven’t I woken up with my 'rant' head on today?


…

LOL.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:15, 24 replies)

I have
to say I was particularly impressed by the alliteration at the start of this rant.

On a more serious note, has this man been chemically castrated yet?
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:18, closed)

Moi aussi
I knew it was another offering from Mr. Lake before scrolling down LOL
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:53, closed)

Moi British

( flake has nothing against your right leg, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 16:10, closed)

Alliteration
almost always amuses.
A-click
(w4I4q1O1 was hard at work on, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:28, closed)

Yeh
Chil da fuk out LOL ;0)111111)))
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:25, closed)

arrrgh!!!
BENNY ON THE LOOSE!!!

Nice sig!
(nonstopdancer, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:39, closed)

Yes!
Glad to see someone out there got it.


Bizarrely this has made my day, in its own small way.

*raises glass*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:16, closed)

Don't these people know.
Every time a LoL is used incorrectly, a kitten dies on the internet.
( girlinthehole, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:29, closed)

This is true LOL

( flake has nothing against your right leg, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:49, closed)

I genuinely despair
for the way the English language and basic grammar has been dumbed down to an appalling, mis-spelled dim-witted sludge.LOL

(Who didn't see that one coming) *Click* for the seventies sex offender line. Actual office lol (sorry) for that one.
(Eldoofus, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:33, closed)

Hear, hear...
...good Sir. People that use the term 'LOL' are a bunch of c*ntyb*llocks the lot of 'em. To p*ss people like that off in the office, Monkey The Chicken and I create our own versions, such as 'ILL' (I laughed loudly) and 'IHH' (I ha-ha'd) et al which we drop into e-mails. Or we just say 'LOL' in a loud voice at the end of every sentence we utter...
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:52, closed)

This made me lol
lol
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 11:59, closed)

I suppose I've asked for this subsequent lol-fest...

Lolz!!!1111!!eleventy-cunting-ones!!11!etc...;):-)


GAAAAAAAAAAARRGGHHHHHH!

*dies a little inside*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:01, closed)

Inspired
'felch the sloppy schlong syrup from the clap-ridden chutney cupboard of a syphilitic three-legged goat'

Have a click sir.
( Anthropos Was making beer on, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:01, closed)

Couldn't agree more
What I find even more infuriating however, are people that actually say 'LOL' during conversations in place of laughing. They exist trust me. I mean, seriously, what the hell? Hanging is too good for 'em.
(I Was a Teenage Spaceship, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:50, closed)

Nice, very nice.
The Oracle of Coventry has spoken!
( SpankyHanky, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 12:52, closed)

Oracle? I like it!...

If you mean ‘Oracle’ as in the old ITV teletext service.

Bulky, out of date, full of useless information, and nobody pays any attention to it anymore…
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 13:01, closed)

I agree...
And I am proud to say that uttering the word 'LOL' in my house, leaves you on the receiving end of a punch.

It's only fair!

Don't think my Dad appreciated it though....
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 13:06, closed)

Have you considered...
that he might mean Lots Of Love?

It used to throw me that the GF would always put LOL on her texts e.g. See you tonight LOL. It wasn't until I queried why she LOL'd so much that she told me that's what she meant.

So maybe, just maybe, he has affections for you :0)

LOL

Smurf
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 13:11, closed)

I have actually thought...
...that due to the randomness of his using of LOL, that he doesn't actually know what it means and has just seen it on other mails and texts...

But your suggestion has me reaching for the boke-bucket
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 25 Feb 2009, 13:14, closed)

confession time

Mr Flake I bet your are right in thinking the chap does not know the meaning og 'lol' and probably thinks it is the equivelant to 'over' employed when conversing on walkie talkies.

I used to think 'lol' meant 'lots of love' and would often end sensitive e-mails with the sentiment... ie "Jackie so sorry to hear about the death of your Father, lol John".

.
(The Cats Twat, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 18:15, closed)

*click*
Fucking lol

LOL
(SoneMe, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 20:50, closed)

Agree
Some utter fucktard of a gimp I worked with a few years back said "Lol!" instead of, you know, laughing. It took a superhuman effort to prevent myself from panelling his jaw.

Also my boss from a while further back, a married man in his 40s, used to throw them about merrily in his emails. Then he came out as a gay. I think there's a moral in there somewhere.
(McChinaman banned, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 15:30, closed)

"she will be getting a laptop as she will be field based"
ROFLMAO!

Don't you get it?
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 17:46, closed)