Smackheads
I was queuing in Kwik save once and behind be I heard a grating voice explain that Kinder Bueno's are bad, because although it looks like tin foil the wrapper is really plastic and some had wasted an entire deal by melting thier shit to the wrapper.
( Steerable_forehead Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration,don't fail me now, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 13:22, Reply)

The missus asked,
"If the sun is a star, how come we can see it during the day?"
( teedyay, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 13:19, Reply)

Hits the post!
About 2 years ago when Man Utd beat Everton 3 - 0 scoring all 3 goals in the last 10 minutes or so, my flat mate (Everton fan) in pure disgust and anger lashed out at the nearest object... a metal pole. After returning home from the pub he informed his girlfried of said incident to which his girlfried says "you can't just go round hitting polish people over football"
(It's Grim Up North, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 13:18, Reply)

stupide
girl in 3rd grade french class:

"miss, is the french for cow 'le' or 'la'?"

french teacher:

"the next time you see a cow, take a look underneath."
(chives, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 13:17, Reply)

ask any copper
they're full of them

one of my perennial favourites:

"is this your car sir?"
(chives, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 13:15, Reply)

no further questions....
i work in the legal hub of london nextdoor to cakemeisters Konditor & Cook. every thursday they bake thursday buns.

one thursday a well-spoken young professional woman walked in loaded with court papers, pointed at the tray of thursday buns and asked:

"why are they called thursday buns?"

i rest my case...
(chives, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 13:13, Reply)

History
I think you probably could prove Napolean existed. In fact, I am pretty sure he did. He only died in 1821. It's not exactly ancient history is it?
(RustyJames, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 13:11, Reply)

A guy is trying to chat up a girl on a bus
...by demonstrating his experience of worldwide travel, and factoids such as:

'In Finland, it's night for 24 hours a day, except for between the hours of 2 and 3 in the morning.'

She turns around and shoots me a look of 'er - help...' I return with a shrug and a look of 'well, you pulled him...'
(witty_ditty has made multiple miaows since, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 13:06, Reply)

My friend and I have been making a list of the coolest bears
which in itself seems quite stupid but if you ask anyone - and I mean anyone - it leads to heated debates over whether Rupert is cooler than Paddington/Yogi/Pooh etc.

Anyway we asked her flatmate who the coolest bear was, and she said "Dangermouse". Which was quite impressive.
(sneepystoat, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 13:05, Reply)

At the airport customs desk in Houston, Texas two years ago
The gun-carrying customs officer is looking through my bags and asks me the usual questions, one of which is:

"Do you have any food with you?"

"Well, I have some chocolate in my backpack, but that's it." says I.

"What's that? You mean you've got candy?"

"Yeah, some chocolate."

"So, candy?"

"...yes."
(the_fracturedpope, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 13:01, Reply)

Me to shop assistant recently:
"I'm sorry but I'm in a hurry; do you happen to know if you have a 'Happy Birthday Nephew' card?"

Fucktard assistant: "Is it for a boy or a girl?"
( Ptolemy the man with the silent pea, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:58, Reply)

.
Those twats who believe that Most Haunted is genuine.

www.jonscelebworld.com/BadPsychics/Editorials/Misc/GhostHunting.html
(Wrecked Tums, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:57, Reply)

Office cleaner yesterday
bemoaning that the Boscastle flood (Cornish village got flooded - no-one died) didn't get the same attention as the Tsunami.

PS Ladycat, if you're referring to who I think you are - he's Saudi Arabian, not Afghan.
(Sex Panther, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:56, Reply)

Edinburgh silly tourists
"can I have the sausage and chips, but just the regular not the super"
"no dear.. that's supper*"
*meaning with chips in scotland

also the probably mythical
"why did they have to put the castle at the top of the hill" (when walking up the hill) and
"isn't neat how they put the castle so close to the shops"
( alistair, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:53, Reply)

On hearing that a Phoenix BIOS should support USB ports in linux...
the ex said "Where can I get a phoenix bios and how do I install it?"

On hearing I was using her father's computer to download an update for nero; "Don't do that, It'll cost him money!" (He has broadband)

She has considered herself a techie for the past ten years.

On hearing a friend of ours was pregnant; "How did that happen?"
I asked her if i should draw her a picture...
(Henry Normal you can call me Mr. Boring, if you like..., Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:52, Reply)

My sister's ex-room mate
believed that you couldn't get pregnant if you didn't have an orgasm. When ask how she explains people getting pregnant after being raped she declared that no-one ever gets pregnant after a rape...she's a fat worthless junkie now though so that's some comfort
( Roxy_Hart is so so old, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:48, Reply)

My boss +Nigerians
me: I think it would be very stupid for us to send an air ticket to this Nigerian Gentleman who emailed us from Lagos, wanting to fly half way around the world on a ticket paid for on a credit card with an american name.

my boss: but don't you think he's a genuine customer?

*six months later, having had said dodgy credit card transaction refused...*

"but I thought it might be ok. "
(wrongshui, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:44, Reply)

fyi YES
It is something I overheard, but the devout do get quite firmly on my tits.
(domesticterrorist, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:43, Reply)

At a bus stop a few months ago
Across the road is a poster for The film The Chronicles of Riddick', it looks similar to this:
www.thechroniclesofriddick.com/

Old man at stop starts talking to me:

Man: excuse me, what does that say?
Me: it says 'Riddick', it's a film
Man: is it about tennis?
Me: no, you're thinking of Roddick
Man: but he's holding a racket and ball
Me: no thats a sythe, the handle looks like a ball
Man: a what?
Me: a sythe, a curved knife
Man: why would he be holding a knife?
Me: well I suppose to kill people
Man: no, that's definately a tennis racket

I left it there, really couldn't be bothered to argue any more
(Scary, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:38, Reply)

If they were in outer space.....
ahem...'trees can live forever'.
I swear I am not joking.
(StupidGlueBoy, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:37, Reply)

People used to try and bully me
by telling me that speaking Dutch gave you throat cancer.
( butchbint, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:34, Reply)

The Mayor...
...of the town where I volunteered in a school came to give the children (aged 6-10) a rousing speech just before they broke for Christmas in 1999. She uttered the line "You are all very lucky being young because you're just about to witness the milennium, and if you live to be over one hundred you'll witness another one!"

Oh how we smirked.
(SneakyPete, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:30, Reply)

Maps
at a party and there was a young american woman who I was talking to. she asked where I was from. I told her and then having said it was near Northampton and helpfully for the geographically chalenged said that it was about 70 miles from London.

'No it isn't', she said 'It's a lot further than that it's about the same distance as from new york to chicago' she then rounded this off with the fact that her knowledge trumped my 'Actually being from there' as she had a Geography degree.

she then proceeded to prove this by getting my friends atlas and showing me that the distance between New York and Chicago and my home town and London were aproximately four inches on their respective maps.

How do you get a Geography degree without knowing that you can draw maps at different scales?
(ceebs, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:28, Reply)

My step-father
was utterly convinced that all liquids were only liquid because they contained water. Nothing could persuade him otherwise. But then he was a total pyscho nut-case.
(teasus likes tea, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:23, Reply)

Recycling
My mate (whose now running around with a gun in the RAF) was totally convinced that the source of skin for grafting onto burns victims was undoubtedly the circumcised foreskins of Jewish babies.

He insists the discovery channel did a feature on it once...
(elephant, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:23, Reply)

My friend last month
"If you didn't mow grass, would it just keep growing?"


I'm not sure if they were expecting a jack and the beanstalk style thing to happen, but i had to laugh (americans - useless but funny)
( SocialRobot, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 12:10, Reply)