kansas bible bashers
well... I know this is a touchy subject for all at the moment, and so it should be... but you REALLY have to check this out.

www.godhatessweden.com

At the time of writing, the site seems to be having problems. These people claim that 5000 (THOUSAND) swedes died in the Tsunami, and that they potential figure is 20,000. Not only that, but they are 'giving thanks to god' for this. It's not really ignorance. It's stupidity. (actual figures are 60 and 1500) and it stinks. but to give praise and THEN "pray" for the "death-toll to RISE????"

The FUNNY thing is this... they claim that ALL Swedes are "evil faggot-loving sodomites and blood sucking evil vampire-Zombies who butt-f'uck themeslves into sin and the wrath of god". And that the only reason for people to go to thailand was to abuse small kids. Therefore.. ALL swedes are child molesters etc. Funny, cos they state that 3000 americans went to thailand too. Ergo, All americans are child molestors. They're american themselves.

erm... keep checking the site.... they might re-surface.

Pure stupidity and insanity, mixed with a litteral belief of the early fire and brimstone sh1t from the bible. It scares me. lots. These people are for real.

I have no faith other than my habit of worshipping beer, but these people .... they're something else...
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 7 Jan 2005, 9:28, Reply)

Just after Euro 96 I heard two lads of about 15
earnestly discussing how disappointing it was that Brazil hadn't played in the tournament as they were such a strong side.

My mum, bless her, doesn't have a very good track record with geography either. Some of the highlights would be thinking that Penzance is in India and that the Sea of Tranquility laps at the shores of China or "somewhere like that". She was only about 3 quarters of a million miles out.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 9:19, Reply)

Coming out of the cubicle at school
I caught two girls a bit younger than me talking about freckles:

"Well I heard somewhere that if you scrub your face REALLY HARD you can scrub your freckles off, so last night I got out this face cloth and started to rub my cheeks..."



I didn't stay much longer.
(quis, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 9:17, Reply)

Phone number fun
Few years back now but overheard my older brother asking his mate what the number for 1471 was (for non brits its what you dial to get the last called number) to get another mates number that had just called. In his defence he realised almost instantly what a muppet he was.
(Druss, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 9:16, Reply)

December 30th 1999, I overheard the following from a woman on a bus in Birmingham:
"This millenium thing is going to be really special, I mean, they only come round once every two thousand years."
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 9:14, Reply)

moons.
Many moons ago when at school doing my GCSE's I was in a science class learning all about lunar cycles. The teacher was telling us about how every month we get a new moon. One of the more bimboafied members of the class puts her hand in the air, beaming with pride at having thought of a question, and says "but Sir, where do all the old moons go?".

this is the same girl who actually said "well i think the fox enjoys the chase" and "Mummy and i don't like the killing, we look away when it happens"

Funnily enough i think shes a model now. Big suprise.
(asil-b, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 9:12, Reply)

My mum
My mum once told me that stars were "...bits of the sun that had broken off and floated away." Thats one of the reasons i no longer live in Devon.
(Slinkachuu, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 9:11, Reply)

I likes armadilloes!
In Critical Thinking class, we were asked to come up with a statement with an assumption in it.

Mine was:
Armadilloes do not start wars. Ergo, our next prime minister ought to be an armadillo.

Nobody knew what an armadillo was. None of them. The teacher tried to explain it to the other students, saying that an armadillo was "like an armour-plated chameleon". Oh dear.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 8:53, Reply)

Phone Queue
"Your call is important to us"

(Not, admittedly, strictly speaking overheard, but still astonishingly stupid)
(The real vlad the impala, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 8:49, Reply)

not so much overhearing more of a demonstration
In my army days one of our sergeant instructors was giving a demonstration of a thunderflash which is a very powerful army pyrotechnic used to simulate mortar fire. He held it up in his hand and struck the fuse and pronounced it had a fuse of 17 seconds. As ignorant private soldiers we all knew it to be 10 so as he's counting down, were all edging back slightly trying to stifle our smirks. Needless to say on 10 seconds he's still holding the thunderflash in his hand cue large explosion and screams of pain as he nearly gets his hand blown off
(snelly, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 8:37, Reply)

A debate between equals...
So I go to the pub with my missus and her mate Michelle and Michelle's imbecilic husband Terry, who we put up with because my missus gets on with Michelle. A bunch of my mates are banker types, not normally my cup of tea but these guys are OK mostly. As we arrive, they are discussing the state of the German economy, the Euro, how all this relates to the price of aluminium etc.

Terry's considered opinion?; "I'll tell you what the problem is, the German economy's fucked, that's what"

My banker type mates realised there was nothing more to add to the subject so we all got drunk and then terry worked out that we were making fun of him (about 4 hours later) and stormed out.
(Freegan Bikefascist, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 8:25, Reply)

Politics A-level
I study politics as a first year subject while i'm a second year student in college.

In the corner of the room, there sits a very fat and stupid boy who gets on everyone's nerves. When discussing the EU, he actually asked why America was not part of the EU. I actually laughed for about 10 minutes, the teacher trying his hardest to stifle his laughter.
( Goon, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 7:56, Reply)

Cool
So, back in high school its 9am and I am sitting in a quiet chemistry class trying to sleep while most everyone else is doing the same and our alcoholic teacher is off nursing his hangover somewhere as per usual.

Sitting beside me are the classes' resident blonde bimbos who happen to be entertaining themselves quite quietly for once and are playing with something in their hands.

Suddenly, one of them exclaims to her friend "Cool, its getting smaller".
She and her friend continue playing with it for a bit until curiosity gets the better of me and I inquire as to what they are playing with.

It was fucking mercury from a broken thermometer in the chem lab and it was getting smaller because it was being absorbed into their skin.

"Cool" says I and went back to sleep giggling.
(mitchpablo, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 6:57, Reply)

Oooh, forgot the best one from the husband.
He's American, born and raised in California, although he's actually very smart.

"So in Australia, they use the Euro now?"
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 6:52, Reply)

just remembered this one - can't resist posting again
during rush hour, a friend and i are crammed onto the subway next to an unlikely pair, possibly on a date. he's just a regular guy, she's a hipster, and she's talking a mile a minute.

her uncle's ex-best friend, apparently, was raised on an island of hippies, where they gave drugs to the children becaused it amused them, so he went to morocco, which is where her cousin also went after he broke up with his girlfriend of six years, they used to live in blah blah blah...

eventually, her story peters out. for a few seconds, there is silence.

she can't stand it; "so you're a mormon? i'm into mormons. do you have to wear that scratchy underwear?"

my friend and i, meanwhile, are practically gnawing our arms off to avoid literally laughing in their faces.
(catfish23 shouldn't throw stones, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 6:13, Reply)

an archy in the UK...?
freshman year of high school - history class.

upon being asked to give some details about feudal japan, my airheaded classmate replies:

"well, the samurai are members of the hierarchy. and the peasants are members of the lower archy. but the shogun and his court are in the highest archy of all!"
(catfish23 shouldn't throw stones, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 6:04, Reply)

Llamas are reptiles then?
In a geography class the prof was going on about how all domesticated farming/beast of burden mammals currently widely used in Souh America came from Europe and not South America, to which one person rightly asked "what about Llamas?"

Imagine the profs reply, in the most intellectual voice possible, "Ah... but are Llamas mammals?"

I dont know what he thought they were, but the whole class soon corrected him.
(tronfunkenblows, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 4:39, Reply)

Our education system.
In OAC chemistry (that's like grade 13) our teacher asked the class what the product of boiling water was. Someone put up their hand and said "Hydrogen gas and Oxygen gas".

The correct answer is water. You know, steam. Water vapour.

So, we put it to a vote. Of 14 people, 13 said that it was hydrogen and oxygen. That means 93% of Ontario high-school chemistry students don't have a clue about change of state, believing that water simply disassociates at rather low temperatures.
(philthemoose asbentee and/or-ed., Fri 7 Jan 2005, 4:32, Reply)

can we say ditzy?
this convo went on between my teacher and this really ditzy girl in my class
Teacher:do you need something?
Girl:uhh yeah (dead serious)...what does a plus sign mean?(mind you were are above the 2nd grade)
Teacher: are you serious? what else would a plus sign mean?
Girl:...oh...
(spazzinout74, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 4:22, Reply)

In one of my classes
the teacher had nothing for us to do, so she made up a little quiz game to keep us occupied.
The answer to one of the questions ("What state has the highest population of people that walk to work?") was Alaska.
When told this, one boy responded with "That can't be right, Alaska isn't a state."

What's worse is that most people in the class concurred.
(spigot, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 3:51, Reply)

Upon seeing the organ donor sticker
on my driver's license, an actual adult once told me that after I'm dead not having all of my parts would make me too sick to survive in heaven.
( sosumi, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 3:46, Reply)

I'm sure those of you who have travelled to Sydney have seen the pokie (fruit machine) phenomenon...
Almost every pub in Sydney has cleared out the stage area that used to be for bands in order to make way for more machines.

Anyway, when I was a few years younger I used to spend some time in these gaming lounges. Here are a list of my fabourites:

"You were looking at someone else's machine! That's why we never get the free games, keep your eye on the ball!"

"Stop tapping the button so fast, it'll think you're in a hurry and won't pay out"

"Don't use that dollar you dropped on the floor! use it to buy a beer or something" (no explanation given)

And the one that made me realise that I was in the wrong place and should never play pokies again (said by a 40-something housewife type who had just doubled up on $1500 and won):

"I still need to win back another $4000 to make up for yesterday"

She doubled up again (on $3000), and lost. She then put another $50 into the machine and kept playing.
( gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 2:39, Reply)

This is one of my faves
I had a 13 year old patient who was somewhat confused about how labour would progress.

Me: "Do you understand how the baby is going to get out?"

Her: "Erm, no."

Me: "Hmmm. Well, you understand how the baby got in, right?"

Her: (vacantly) "Er, noooo."

Me: "Oh God."
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 2:31, Reply)

More American classics
"Do you guys have cows in England?"
"Do you have Christmas in England"

Best one and best response:
"Do you have 4th July in England?"
"No, we skip that day and go from 3rd to the 5th" Stupid bitch even believed me.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 2:10, Reply)

At my work
Keep in mind that I work in Seattle, which is in the state of Washington, USA. I work in a gift shop that sells local made foods and arts/crafts by local artisans. In fact the store is called "Exclusively Washington". I have been asked for :
Information on London
baby carriages
a map of Oregon
shoes
a snow globe with Iowa on it
many, many more inane items.
One of the other employees has told me that a man came to the front counter and asked us to make him a latte.
I need a new job.
sorry for length.
edit: HOORAY! I've been fired from this shitty job as of monday! Now it's time to find another one!
(ShigTheNewt isn't funny. -_-, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 1:59, Reply)

A coworker said today:
"You mean Kerry didn't win?" and she was sad, because she voted for him.
And... I work in a pharmacy and we request people verify their addresses when they pick up their prescriptions,
cue me: "What's your address?"
customer: "yes."
and a blank stare follows. every. damn. day.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 1:54, Reply)

OK
I work in a pub/restaurant (anyone heard of the Spirit Group? send your answers on a postcard), example:
a big HUGE SIGN SAYING THAT we serve food on the PATIO in SUMMER (the patio tables go from 50 to 56), and we don't serve SIZZLERs outside - BIG SIGN outside the door as they come in...
server: Hi can I take...
cuntstomer: 2 mixed grills and a sizzler
server: Can I take your table number please?
cuntstomer: table 77 (at the very bottom of the garden - arghhh!)
server: sorry but we only serve food on the patio.
cuntstomer: WELL THAT'S JUST BLOODY STUPID! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT BEFORE WE ORDERED?IF I'D KNOWN THAT WE WOULDN'T HAVE ORDERED!


Honestly, our customers are blind, stupid, or just basically, people from Macclesfield (unfortunately, I'm from the same gene pool as them. Losers)

I'ts times like these where you (I) wish you (I) could rip off their heads, shit down their necks, and feeed them to trolls



edit: the H-U-G filter is on. the bit at the top that says molestE actually says H-u-G-E
mod edit: fixed.
( SarahRatt, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 1:52, Reply)

Best one ex hubby and I had was:
We were at a local gig here in Southern California (bearing in mind ex hubby and I are from Hull), some girl comes up to us hitting on Jules, and asks the standard "Where are you from" to which we reply England and she replies "Oh, whereabouts?". As most Californians assume London is England we assumed she had some geographical knowledge. Told her we were from Yorkshire. Next words out of her mouth..........

"Oh, I went to England, I wanted to go to Yorkshire but only got as far as Leeds"

Cue spluttering of beer............
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 1:52, Reply)

Solar eclipse '99
A few years ago when there was a solar eclipse in England, I overheard my neighbour wisely advising a friend to not look directly at the sun as it would burn the back of their rectums.
( Hohum21, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 1:52, Reply)

Overheard On The X84
Sat in front of two grannies, no headphones.. forced to listen to their mindless drawl about "Our Derek" and the state of Headingley.

My ears however, did pick up this wonderful statement:

"Ah what was it now... ya see, if I'd forgotten.. THEN I would have remembered"

Her companion was apparently less senile and replied with a mere "eh?"
( MCQ Cartoons n' shit: bagowank.com, Fri 7 Jan 2005, 1:45, Reply)