people
Who say "nucular" instead of nuclear!!! Yes you GWB!! Fuck you, you fucking pus prick!!!

/breathes
(Ymob is a kaburu, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 19:02, 6 replies)

Religious people
And oddly, people who are intolerant of religious people.

I'm so confused.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 18:45, 3 replies)

This QOTW is driving me further and further towards considering taking up
wrtn n txt spk lol whtevs
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 18:28, 2 replies)

Oh christ, I’ve got millions
However, it is up for SERIOUS debate how irrational they actually are. In my head, they are all totally vindicated.

1. ‘Would of’. AAARRRRGGHHHH you fucking retarded spaztwat. Would have. WOULD HAVE. You need to go and play in traffic.

2. People who ‘check in’ everywhere on facebook. ‘Tom is at Nandos’. ‘Tom is on the toilet’. ‘Tom is at his gran’s funeral ;( LOL’. ‘Tom is going into surgery after crashing his car whilst checking in’. Wazzocks, the lot of ‘em.

3. Stewart Lee. Fuck off you pretentious prick, you are dull and are VERY lucky that there are people out there so desperate to be anti-mainstream that they need to find you funny.

4. The woman at work who talks to herself all through the bastard day. And then gets all uppity when she talks to me and I ignore her, thinking she’s talking to herself. Or when I make myself look like a twat because I answer a question when she’s actually on the phone to someone.

5. All road users besides me. Get out of my way.

6. Every single person who has ever asked me “Did you watch ‘The Only Way Is Essex’ last night?”. Of course I didn’t. Can you see the scar in my head where I had 93% of my brain removed? No, you can’t.

7. That cunt who booted me at football on Thursday because I accidentally elbowed him in the side of the face twice. I now have a red ankle.

8. Every single person who has ever sucked their teeth because they’re annoyed or whatever the reason behind that is.

9. ‘Cool beans’. Oh my fuck.

10. Ashley Cole. So many reasons. Mainly that, if I took a gun to work and shot the work experience kid, I’d lose my job. And the retarded cock was stupid enough to cheat on Cheryl Cole. You’re ASHLEY COLE, OF COURSE YOU ARE GOING TO GET CAUGHT.

11. The people at work who consistently turn up late, despite living two seconds round the corner from the office. I live half an hour away, and even if I hit traffic, I’m still on time. What is your excuse?

12. Adrian Chiles. The man reeks of boring. How he has got to where he is I will never know

13. Fat people who try to blame others for why they are fat. The very young or mentally ill exempt, they have absolutely no one to blame but themselves.


There are so many more but I’m getting myself a bit worked up going through them. May update later….
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Sat 2 Apr 2011, 18:25, 14 replies)

Snack
I really don't like the word snack. I don't know why. There is nothing wrong with it grammatically, I just don't like it.
It sounds like it should be a slang word and not for use in proper English.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 2 Apr 2011, 17:21, 4 replies)

Celebrity "journalism"
Apparently this is made by the same types who wanted to cover the doings of the head football/basketball/whatever person and head cheerleader (a term which, in my opinion, should mean she's equipped with kneepads) in the school paper.

The people who worship at this altar/read this crap? I suppose primative tribes needed or evolved people who are sycophants to follow the leaders, but nowdays these people are taught in schools to have such a sense of self that they don't realize their genetic makeup is not the alpha male/female -- or the beta or anywhere close to the top. Idiots.
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 17:19, Reply)

Irrational hatred?
There's a board for that.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 17:05, 10 replies)

People who can give reasons for their 'irrational' hatreds.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 16:45, 4 replies)

Rod Stewart
He was very popular when I was a teenager, with both girls and boys.

Unfortunately all the lads of my age, many of whom I'd have otherwise fancied, took up walking around in Rod Stewart fancy dress - tartan scarves and half-mast 'parallel' trousers, with spiky mullets and skin-tight denim jackets. Even at that age I could tell they looked ridiculous and couldn't bear to be seen with them.

So I blamed Rod Stewart for wasting all that potential boyfriend material and have hated him ever since. If that isn't irrational, I don't know what is.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 16:40, 2 replies)

Having to stand in queues
Not every queue.
Specifically the ones where there's a bloke who smells like he hasn't washed his armpits in years. Also the same queue with the woman who's used an entire bottle of cheap perfume and takes your breath away.

EDIT. Just thought of the armpit smell and a little bit of sick went in my mouth.
(Captain Spacker I lick windows, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 16:18, 1 reply)

I think the overarching them of the week is, basically
'Anyone who isn't doing or saying exactly what I want them to be doing/saying exactly when I want them to be doing/saying it in exactly the way I want it done/said'.

Or have I misunderstood?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 15:49, 9 replies)

People who don't want children but want to tell you about it.
And tell you. And tell you. And tell you. Shut up, and die fairly soon so you gradually breed your shrill whining out of the population.
(gordonjcp, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 15:28, 2 replies)

Have != Of
It's "should have". Or if you're feeling adventurous, "should've". Not, and I'm finding it hard to contain my rage at myself for even typing this, "should of".
(TexasDave is moving like a tremendous machine, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 14:57, Reply)

Ooh lots of things!
Musicals. I don't know why. They make me so passionately angry. I can't watch them, they just make me want to strangle things.

Arnie. I hate him. I don't know why I hate him. Every movie he's in becomes shite because he's in it. It's not his 'acting' of the same character, as I like other films with the same kind of actor, or actors who play only one role. It's just him.

Children/Breeding/Pregnancy. I am passionately full of abhoration for breeders. A pregnant stomach fills me with such a rage that I want to stab it repeatedly, or puke on the spot. It disgusts me. It disgusts me when I found a Facebook group where people posted pictures of their stillborn babies, calling them 'angel babies'... no they didn't give birth to a son or daughter, it did not have a name, and it was not 'born sleeping'. They gave birth to a corpse, now get over it and stop posting it's image on the internet. The idea of getting pregnant? Makes me want to tear open my stomach and rip out my own uterus. Thankfully, I'm almost certainly infertile, thanks to years of having an eating disorder. Lovely doctor informed me the other day I'd gone 2 years having sex on a pill that is counteracted by my other meds. Soo, wahey, broken innards!

People who get they're their there mixed up. It's REALLY not that hard.

People calling me, or knocking at my door. Oh and mix in NOT CLOSING MY FUCKING GATE into that one too. I have a front gate... it's there for a reason. It stops my dog from running out of our road and onto the busy main road which leads off the North Circular. I open the front door to let doggy in the garden, and if the front gate is open he gets all excited and bolts out the door like 'wahey, freedom, walkies!'. I spend the next 30mins trying to find my stupid dumb dog who now thinks it's a game. All because stupid taxi company leaflet droppers can't be arsed to shut my damn gate! Next time, I may just let the dog out immediately... he's a dobermann. I'm sure they'd love that.
Anyway, knocking on my door. Disturbing my peace and privacy, it's just RUDE. If I wanted you to come over, I'd have arranged it with you. Make a fucking appointment. Do not come over unexpected. Chances are I'm ASLEEP (shift worker), or I just don't want to see you or buy your random SHITE. It upsets my dog, and it makes me grumpy when people knock on the door.
Phones: if your number is not in my phone book, I simply will not ever answer. If it's witheld, fuck off. If you want me to answer your call, reveal your number! It's rude. If I don't know who you are, don't expect me to answer! How do I know I want to talk to you if I don't know who's on the other end. The other thing, again, SHIFT WORKER... Do NOT ring me after 6pm, I'm likely to be asleep you idiots. Leave a message, I'll get back to you. All my good friends and family have finally understood this, and find it quite normal now.

People who put their Facebook avatar as their sodding kids. Then set their profile to private. Fucking fantastic, how am I meant to know it's actually you if I can't see your face and I can't read your info? All I can see is your fucking kids. I don't even know if you have kids, how am I meant to know it's you!?!

I'm quiiite an angry person.
( Bathory, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 14:08, 10 replies)

Bookshops
Well, not actually bookshops as I absolutely love 'em.

More the fact that when they have books that are part of the same series, they don't seem to be able to put them in chronological frakking order.

Just about everyone on the planet knows that Deathly Hallows is the last of the Harry Potter books. So, what is the justification in putting it before Goblet of Fire, right beside Philosophers Stone?

And when the series in question is a trillogy, it just smacks of sheer laziness.

It just makes sense to me that, if one were looking for the third Logan McRae book, they could just go 'Got that one, got that one, this must be the next one.' Rather than 'Got that one,' skip back a feww books, 'Got that one but is it this one or this one that's next?'
(williamthebloody, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 13:51, 3 replies)

The National Anthem
I hates it. It's just so bloody boring.

Now I love my country, this Sceptred Isle, my beloved Britain. Yes, I even love the Scots, the Irish and the Bloody Welsh. I love the Scousers, the Tykes, the Mancs and the Woolly-Backs. The Brummies, the Macems, the Cockneys and the Shandy-Drinking Southern-Puffs. I even have a soft spot for those benighted souls from the West Country.. (Ooh-Arr...).

But lets face it. Britain - the essential *Britishness* only comes from Gods Own Country - Geordieland. The rest of you are only there to make up the numbers. So I propose a new national anthem One that will make every true Briton proud. I propose...

The Blaydon Races.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 13:38, 9 replies)

I seem to remember...
One person in particular being really annoyed by the word "paedophile".
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 2 Apr 2011, 13:24, 8 replies)

Grrr
People on Facebook who write words such as 'gawjus' or type replies that have unrelated 'x's in them. For example "awww hun hes gorjus x how u doingx wanna go to twn 2dai? Xx'

Duckface photographs. Love, you look terrible.

I don't know why this is, but when you're about go get onto a train, I can't stand those people who find a spot on the platform, then walk up and down the platform as they're estimating where the doors will open. Why not stay still, and there'll be a set of doors arriving near you? They're always the same people who try to shove their way onto the train before others are off. Also in this category, hearing the door opening button go 'clickclickclickclickclick' as some FUCKER is stood in front of the door that you're waiting to be released so you can leave the train. That fucker also tries to get on before you're off. FUCK OFF!

Kebabs. The crappy ones that come from a chunk of anus and eyeball meat that's been sweating on a pole in front of a radiator. Though I think I just hate the people who get so drunk that they queue up for ages to shove this crap down their necks!

Post offices. Namely, the old women in the queues for the things. But that's not so irrational :)
(Iggy Pop's Teeth, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 13:18, 1 reply)

Mother's Day Flower Merchants.
Specifically, the illegal ones who appear to have popped up all over Essex with their dirty white vans flogging over priced, nearly dead bouquets from the back of the open doors in every layby and bus stop from Leytonstone to Southend as far as I can tell.

They all get on my tits I realised today, but my real ire is reserved in particular for the stupid twunt who couldn't even be bothered to stay and make an effort to sell his flowers, but just piled them up by a lamp post on the A127 and fucked off nowhere to be seen. Mind you, not only is he lazy, he's also stupid, he's not going to make much money on Mother's Day weekend when all he was selling was a wreath that said 'Daddy'.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 13:10, 2 replies)

Bambi
Pearoast....


My mates can still wind me up just by mentioning the word Bambi. Want to know why? It goes back to the mid-eighties in Manchester.

We were on an all-day bender back in the days before all-day opening and we had a couple of hours to kill between the pubs shutting for after the lunchtime trade and them opening again at 5.30. So we decided to go to the cinema to snooze a couple of beer-fuelled hours away.

When we got to the local flea-pit they were showing Bambi. Now, as a kid, I'd never seen Bambi. Don't know why, I'd just missed it. So we decided to go and watch/sleep-through that. We paid for hour tickets and settled in and.... I was entranced. I got completely caught up in the cuteness and the fluff and was spellbound. So much so that I forgot where I was.

Now can you remember the part in Bambi where he's trapped in a forest fire? Poor Bambi was looking wildly left and right and left and right. He looked terrified. He just didn't know what to do and the fire was getting closer and closer.

I was on the edge of my seat. I was panicking because poor, brave Bambi was in danger. So I jumped to my feet and bellowed:

"RUN, BAMBI, RUN!!!"

And 200 cinema goers pissed themselves laughing.

I've never lived that down and mates today still take the piss by calling me Bambi....

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 13:02, 5 replies)

Oh, yeah...
Knobheads who think YOU'RE the odd one when you ask them to bloody well stop booting your seat in a film - which is why I haven't been to a cinema since 2006.
( Jabberwoc misses D.R. and Quinch, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 12:59, 3 replies)

I really cannot stand
How my missus doesn't invite some of her fit girly mates round so they can all fight over my cock for a faceful of my spunky goodness.

Well, not since 1994 anyway.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 12:10, 5 replies)

Personal space
I absolutely hate people that I don't know standing too close to me or touching me. I actively avoid getting buses or trains by myself because of the possibility that some IDIOT with NO IDEA of how to act like a civilised human being will get on the bus or train and sit next to me rather than in an empty pair of seats, like normal people should always do. If anyone does, it's got to the point where I'll make them stand up again so I can go and sit in the empty pair of seats. It just makes my skin crawl. I've also perfected the art of exchanging money without ever touching the other person.

I also hate being kissed on the cheek by people I don't know very well. Anyone who tries that on me is likely to get punched in the face.

Oddly, once I know people I'm actually quite tactile and like being hugged and don't mind how close people get at all when socialising. Clearly I'm just a freak of nature!
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 11:43, 4 replies)

hubba bubba
for one simple reason: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FUNBELIEVABUBBLE! something can be fun, it can be unbelievable, it can even produce a bubble. NOTHING can be funbelievabubble, because IT'S NOT A PROPER FUCKING WORD!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 11:29, 11 replies)

doosra
Its just a leg-break delivery for fuck-sake!!
(Ymob is a kaburu, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Bakers
I piss on yeast.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 11:02, Reply)

I know this clearly indicates borderline mental illness
but messy cabling drives me into a murderous rage. In all seriousness, a tangle of cables to my eye is akin to leaving a pile of dishes next to your bed, or leaving your skids on the floor.

I have been known to come to blows over this.

Yes, this is clearly not right or normal.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 11:01, 2 replies)

More a rational hatred ...
possibly even a rational Fear.

I have recently enjoyed the householder horror of everything breaking at once. All the warranties have conspired with some unknown celestial alignment to make sure that this week, I require three different tradesmen to gain access to my house to do their shit and charge us money, hopefully, never to be seen agaibn.

Each and every one of these tradedmen have announccd their, somewhat, unwelcome prescence by;

1; Issuing a short and loud 'rat-at-tat-tat' on tbe door. And THEN;
2: Turning the handle.

This is the Height of Rudeness.

Seeking access to one's home, when called upon to do so is only good and proper.

Upon recieving said summons ... testing the door for ungranted access is exceptionally rude and Taking Liberties.

How Dare, any unknown knave and Jack of All Trades attempt entry to my Home, without properly ascentaining my presence and permission.

This, my fellow b3tans, is an infringement upon the most basic cornerstone of Civilisation. Seeking access to one's abode requires complex layers of formalities, not merely knocking and then testing the handle. There are introductions required dammit.

Anyways. Knocking and then immediately testing the doorknob is not only Rude, it is inviting trouble.

Which leads me to my next outraged rant;

Should my front door be unlocked and your loathsome ill bred insistence prove the fact ... would you enter?
(Que?, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 10:48, 5 replies)

Restaurant menus
If you can't spell it properly, I don't trust you to cook it properly.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 10:30, 8 replies)

Not answering the question of the week...
...instead using it to go on a daily mailiesque rant about what small things irritate them in their day to day life because they have built up conflict or tension from another more significant part of their life which they can't deal with.
(uknowsit, Sat 2 Apr 2011, 10:09, Reply)