The Fall
People who say, "Oh, The Fall's just Mark E. Smith and whoever he happens to pick up from the pub / rehab clinic / gutter that week."

Die. Simply, die.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:55, 2 replies)

morrissey

(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Women with big sunglasses on.
You know the ones, those massive Sunny Mann style things that look like you have two Jodrell Bank radio telescopes strapped to your face.

Don't know why, but I feel my mercury rising everytime I see them.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:53, 6 replies)

Johnny Marr
People who say, "Oh, Johnny Marr wasn't THAT great a guitarist, you know."

FuuuUUUUUUUUUCKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkKKKKKKK OFF.

I need not explain why, but just in case there are some thickoes out there, one example will suffice: "How Soon Is Now."
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:53, 12 replies)

Keeping it irrational
I cannot bide Bon Jovi. The music, rather than JBJ himself. He seems like a reasonable guy. But the music, by christ. I described recently as the musical equivalent of that greasy gritty detritus that accumululates between your fingers when you digging out the last few oven chips from the bag. It all just sounds the same, a bit wooly. Yet he sells a quadrillion albums so maybe it's just me.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:53, Reply)

People who use the word "renember"
*seethes*
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:53, Reply)

Actual Irrational Hatred (for the whingers)
I hate when people put coins in a wallet.

Its no longer a wallet, its a change purse now....accept it.

Wallets are for cards, paper money and sometimes stickers. Generally a "lucky" or old coin is allowed. Any more than that and its a purse.

its ok though if you're a girl/gay
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:51, 13 replies)

It would not put the fucking lotion in the fucking basket.
Really now, that's going too far.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:49, Reply)

I dislike fashionable hatred
Eg for Bono, or capitalism, or remakes, or The Man, or McDonald's, or Americans (espeically this last - like our shit doesn't stink) whatever.

Chill the fuck out, student.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:48, 7 replies)

Oh god, here we go:
- People who call PCs (as a complete entity) the "Hard Drive": why then, don't you call your car "The Engine" or "The Brakes"?
- Apples (the fruit): shiny, sweet, horrid things. Why the fuck are you popular?
- Birds: you bunch of airbourne twats! The other dinosaurs had the decency to die out, why can't you?
- Mouth Ulcers: why, God, why? Definitive prove of the non-existence of a benign God.
- Holidays: I hate 'em. If I'm away from home for more than 48hrs I get antsy. God knows what I'd be like if I ever had to do time.
- Window blinds: what the fuck is wrong with curtains?
- Having to repeat myself: this one is unfair, as I'm a very soft-spoken mumbler, but it's part of the magic that is me.

That's enough for now.
( DrPrunesquallor is determined to post more as of, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:47, 7 replies)

My mate Bob (see previous stories)
hates the Lighthouse Family to the point where he will walk out of a store if they come on the speakers, which he did in JJB once then came back in after it'd finished....
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:46, 4 replies)

When people put the toilet paper
on the holder with the paper hanging under instead of over
(teh_raab Hail Seitan!, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:45, 11 replies)

your mum
She won't put out.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:43, 9 replies)

"This is an old QOTW and therefore rubbish"
That annoys me. It's clearly an irrational annoyance on my part, because the whole world knows that every single B3tan has been here from the very beginnings, and never missed a QOTW through going on holiday, having major surgery, being in prison, being locked in a sealed underground gimp chamber by Richard Digance's second cousin's chiropodist, etc.

Which reminds me.

When did the world's chiropodists get together and decide to change their profession into podiatry? I did enough Greek at school (in between the cross-country bumming, beatings and wanking contests) to know that they stopped being hand and foot specialists and are really foot doctors, so podiatry is a more accurate name for what they do. Which is why it's irrational. But it still pisses me off.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:43, 3 replies)

A pea! A pea! My seamhorse for a pea!
Dear parents everywhere,

Your kids are interesting to no one except you and your parents. Not even your brothers and sisters are that bothered by them.

Your kids are not special (unless they're special), they're not gifted, unique, or all those glorious things you hope they'll shine at. They might well have a reading age of 11 at the age of 6. It's really not that much of an achievement.

Every step they take is, like for the rest of us, just one more closer to the final curtain.

The legal age for kids to be in pubs is 14. Yes I know a lot of places say kids welcome. I know a lot of places where you're welcome to take crack, but I don't. Please don't bring them in. They are loud and hideously annoying to everyone else who is there - including other parents - and yes you will get hostile glances and comments, so don't be surprised.

Also - if when you've ignored the above and your miracle runs into my knee as I enter the garden, causing me to spill the three pints I'm carrying all over it, and annoy me even further, then please don't act surprised when I refuse to care that your spawn is wet, and yes that I insist you replace the beer spilt. You and your spawn are very, very annoying, and your spawn shouldn't even be here in the first place. Face up to it and your responsibility - your life is on hold now, mine is not.

Sincerely,

A V
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:42, 3 replies)

Songs with nonsense lyrics
All I look for in a good song is words that make sense and a tune you could hum. Apparently this makes me hopelessly outdated.

E.G
'Just dance, gonna be okay
Da da doo doot-n
Just dance, spin that record babe
Da da doo doot-n
Just dance, gonna be okay
D-D-D-Dance, dance, dance, just
J-J-Just dance'

If the best rhyme you can come up with is 'babe' with 'okay', you have no business calling yourself a musician. Sorry. No, that's it, no questions, no argument, no appeal. Fuck Off.

'Let's do it, and do it, and do it, do it, do it.'
FUCK. OFF.

It's fucking brain gruel.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:41, 3 replies)

Cold Calling

Cold Caller: Hello can I speak to Mr Trumpet

Me: Sure, which one? (theres me, dad and brother in house)

CC: Er....which one am I speaking to?

Me: Take a guess.....
(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:39, 2 replies)

My ration of rationality
I hate it when people set a QOTW with the title of 'Irrational Hatred', when they obviously mean 'Rational Hatred'.
Or the example would read, "People who say "fewer" when they have the opportunity to sound stupid and say "less", when they actually mean fewer... now that would constitute something you could hate irrationally. Or not, as you choose.
It's obviously rational to hate (and despise) people who use "less" when they mean "fewer".
By the way (as opposed to BTW, which I hate), I hate Apple.
But that's just me being rational, so I guess it doesn't count.
(Beau Guest Everything in moderation. Especially moderation., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:36, 5 replies)

People who answer the question
without really considering what 'Irrational' means, and therefore just have a moan about stuff that pisses them off for perfectly rational reasons.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:35, 5 replies)

Middle/Upper middle class people who describe themselves as anti-capitalists.
Makes me want to go and get a hammer.
People that walk stupidly slowly infront of me, they need something big, sharp and pointy too.
( skeltonator Needs some new daps., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:33, 3 replies)

Songs with nonsense lyrics.

(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:33, 7 replies)

Teenage mums
The amount of times my ankles have taken a beating by some dumb fuckstick's pram, which houses a benefits goldmine...
( Bourbon Fox Bourbon is a moron, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:31, 2 replies)

My wife always says "I'll buy it offline"
When she means online. It grinds my gears more than it should.
( Peej, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:31, 3 replies)

People who stop in the middle of busy thoroughfares
So, sure, having walked through an unfamiliar door/ travelled down an escalator/ arrived at a new part of city you need to stop and get your bearings. This is fine. It's the ones that don't think to step to the side to avoid blocking everyone else that make me want to sneak up behind them and shout GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY into their tiny delicate lug'oles.

/breathes into paper bag

DISCLAIMER: I am a London-resident tube-user who walks everywhere at speed. Your levels of sympathy may vary.
(SimianKid internet faffer, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:31, 3 replies)

Solutions
Everything is a sodding solution these days.

Case in point: I passed a lorry this morning emblazoned with the phrase "Furniture Solutions".

"Solution", really? If I need to buy a chair I have a furniture problem, do I? And the only thing that can solve it is a "Furniture Solution". AAaaargh fuck off!

If I'm hungry, do I need a "Food Solution"? If I'm tired do I need a "Sleep Solution"??

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh and breathe
( rofl harris, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:29, 13 replies)

"Where's that to?"
Don't you mean "where is it?" Living near Bath I seem to get this all the time. Is it a local thing or is it in many places?
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:28, 7 replies)

Aggressive and condescending atheists.
I know the arguments. Live and let live, you moron - you're not impressing anyone. Yes people have hurt others in the name of religion - they've also done it in the name of postcodes. Most religious people are alright, so let them get on with it.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:27, 16 replies)

Oh God, so so much.
Off the top of my head, people who say 'off of' when they mean 'from'. FUCK YOU MILLS! It was never funny and the sycophantic morons that copy you need to be grated to death.

Oh, and pretty much every news program and service ever. No, I don't particulary care what some Japanese seaweed farmer thinks about radiation. Oh, all right, I suppose it's ok to know what the public are thinking out there, but I do feel that you should probably follow his wild fear-induced speculation about glowing molluscs with somebody who ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE ON ABOUT. A nuclear physicist, perhaps?

*EDIT* Upon reflection, I think that this could be expanded to pretty much all news coverage. Flat Earth News should be on the National Curriculum.

Sorry if this is coming across a bit Charlie Brooker. Also, more CAPS! than I usually indulge in.
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:26, 5 replies)

I'm from Northern Ireland.
I win.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:26, Reply)

Chavs
and other morons who wear their jeans with about 5 inches of dirty cotton boxer shorts and 1 inch of arse crack on show!
(Pectacular Almost spectacular...but somethings missing!, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:21, 4 replies)