Expats
who complain about British immigration policy, or rather repeat misinformed arguments about immigration. I've seen on several occasions comments saying,
"Liebore just let anybody and everybody in. We're full, we don't want any more immigrants. It's gotten so bad, I emigrated."

Oh, and people who think they're clever by called the Labour Party, "Liebore" and say "Tony B. Liar".
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:41, 2 replies)

Clowns.
This truly is an irrational hatred: I've not had a bad experience with a clown, I've never been molested by one, I haven't even seen "It".
Yet I still hate the freaky false-faced, red-nosed, fake-smiled bastards.
Now that's irrational.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:41, 1 reply)

There is a beautifully simple word in the English language
that can be used to indicate agreement. It's only three letters, but "yes" is such a useful little word.

So why in the name of Jesus donkey raping Christ and all of the Angels, when being asked a question to which the answer is simply "yes", possibly followed by an explanation, do people insist on saying

"Very much so..."

It's generally employed by weapons-grade retards such as footballers, football managers and football pundits. This (and indeed the people who use it) anger me so much that even thinking about it makes me want to reach over and beat my unsuspecting colleague to death.

Why in a world where we have injustice, famine, natural disasters and Simon Cowell, I should choose to fixate on this, I have no idea. I just do, and it scars my very soul.

I'm going to have to look at pictures of kittens for a bit now.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:33, 8 replies)

My list...
1.People who make odd noises whilst talking; every so often I encounter people who sound like they are smacking their lips whilst talking. I am sure the leader of UKIP does it. Drives me into a rage
2.Use of the word "pacific" when "specific" should be used; I mean, wtf?
3.Thinking lateness is acceptable; I hope they think my barely disguised scorn is ok
4.People with no taste in music whatsoever; oh, come on, you must have an opinion surely? These people dance to the shit music at corporate xmas parties and wedding...."you have to dance its a wedding!"
5.Badly placed, shit flash tattoos; I cant begin to explain my disgust. I have 2 half sleves and a full back piece of bespoke design so this isnt an "anti-ink" thing.
6.Pointless conjecture on 24hr rolling news
7.Shit covers of decent songs with no acknowledgement to the orginal song writer.
8.Football tribalism
9.People who want to leave the UK and move to somewhere warm on the basis that if you can have a holiday there, it must be good. They usually mention the weather too. You know what, fuck off if you are that vaccuous, and find out the grass is never greener.
10.People who think that they are due "respect", and use words like "disrespecting" in relation to not getting their own way. I will stop there as I dont want some 13 year old on a bike brassing me up with a Mac 10 in a chip shop.
11. 3/4 length shorts, white sports casual shoes and "engerland" tops, sometimes topped off with a shaved head...and England wonders why the world thinks its populated with fuckwits?...LOOK IN THE MIRROR.
12. R'n'B.
13.The considered opinion that if you dont have a tan then it was a shit holiday, and subsequently, that a tan directly equates to good health
14.Drinking at football matches and gigs; I have spent a lot of money to see this band/club the last thing I want to do is make my bladder the size of a walnut and need to piss every 10 min and/or be so drunk I cant remember it.
15.Holding mobiles phones in any way other than like a phone and the use of the speakerphone facility.

16.Blackpoool
( Fire & Forget it's the only way to be sure, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:27, 14 replies)

Thing is
None of my pet hates are irrational.

All this politically correct nonsense about not being able to stab your co-workers - it's entirely sane and logical that sometimes I just want to push a knife into their stomachs again and again and again, watching the shock, fear and surprise as their face drains of life, their arms hanging limply from their shoulders, as they gasp their last, twitching in a final dance of mortality, their fate at my bloody, death-dealing hand, as I gaze, calm and emotionless, into their dead eyes.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:17, 4 replies)

Not me, but other B3tans
seem to have an irrational hatred to of certain posters who can be classified as trolls. I don't understand why. Surely the correct response is either

A: "meh, who cares it's only words on the screen".
B: Enjoy the sport of feeding trolls.
C: Put them on ignore.

I fail to see the point of foaming at the mouth fury of a level not seen since the Old Testament.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:14, 10 replies)

QOTW that makes everyone sound like Charlie Brooker
Don't say it didn't...it did.
( doog Don't read this., Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:11, 3 replies)

Fashion
The clothes I wore in the 80's were so cool. People wearing 80's clothing now make me seethe. I recently saw a Ghostbusters t-shirt teamed with fluro coloured board shorts trimmed in white. For that, I stopped in shock and gave her a thin lipped stare (from across the street, 'cos I'm not nasty about it).
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:10, Reply)

James Corden
Yes, the Comic Relief sketch was fairly amusing but only because of all the 'celebs' taking the piss out of themselves and kudos to them.

Otherwise, a fat unfunny fuck.
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:06, 3 replies)

Dubbing
Dubbed films and TV series make me Hulkaloid. It's a completely ridiculous hatred, but I'd rather watch a film in the original version even if I don't speak a single word of the language involved. This is despite having nothing against dubbing artists themselves and indeed having worked with them on a couple of occasions.

Cartoons are not quite as bad because the mouth movements are usually more vague, so it jars less, but still. Nothing worse than watching someone riding across the Mongolian steppes and sounding like they're inside a broom cupboard.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:02, 2 replies)

um, just hadda moment
that I wrote this QOTW suggestion ages ago and now someone else has suggested it and it has been chosen! Has come as a huge suprise that I care enough to be bloody outraged.
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:02, 6 replies)

Living in China
It's full of people doing things the wrong way. After a while you begin to suss out the motivation behind it, and realise there's more than one way to go about things, but still, there's dozens of things tht set my teeth on edge.

1. Shopstaff not putting money into your hand.
2. Cunts in the subway not waiting until you get off before they try to get on.
3. Effeminate hairdressers. One bastard even smoked while cutting my hair.
4. Parping the car horn when coming up behind you. Presumably this is to let you know they're coming, so you don't jump out in front of them. Just in case you didn't hear that big car engine motoring behind you.
5. Spitting bones etc onto the table, despite the spare dishes which would serve asuseful receptacles.
6. Smoking in hospitals.
7. Not selling deodorant.
8. Storing beer, soft drinks in fridges, but not turning them on.
9. Selling batteries which don't actually power anything.
10. Eating dogs
11. Other patients coming into the doctors surgery while you're being seen, and impatiently setting their charts by the doctor.
12. People walking through cities in their pyjamas.
13. Thinking Jim Carey, Backstreet Boys, basketball and Friends are the pinnacles of western civilisation.
14. Fucking up Google in China just because some politician saw something bad about him when he Googled himself.
15. Not allowing train tickets to be bought more than two weeks in advance or over the internet, leading to day-long queues (this is not an exaggeration) when people need want to buy tickets at Spring Festival.
16. Spitting, expectorating and nose-blowing onto the street.
17. Not allowing doctors to tell you the sex of your child during pregnancy.
18. Blocking Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Blogspot, bit.ly, imdb.com, allmusic.com, etc.

There's plenty more I'm sure!
(McChinaman banned, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:57, 12 replies)

I love Mrs Duck with all my heart
but she does several things that get me madder than a mosquito in a mannequin factory

1) Instant coffee grains in the sugar bowl. Sometimes our sugar bowl looks like an arctic hares burrow. So when I make her tea I pick them all out and put them in her cup. So she has cofftea/teafee she never notices the bloody philistine

2) Empty boxes/packets/jars put back in the cupboard/fridge/freezer.

3) Wet towels & MY dressing gown (also wet) in a crumpled heap on my side of the bed.

4) Razor blades couldn't be any more expensive if they made them from Unicorn horn slithers coated in diamonds, and on a day to day basis I use an electric razor but every now and then it's nice to have a wet shave. When I do inevitably the blade is clogged full of the missus pit & leg hair

They seem so petty & irrational when I've written them down
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:49, 4 replies)

Argos
Remember the 90s and how Argos stocked a huge range of kitchen gear in the 'Eternal Beau' motif? They also did other collections, there was one that was plain British racing green and another that was similar but blue, but the Eternal Beau had the most things. Everything you could possibly put in your kitchen that wasn't furniture or white goods could be found with the EB design. It was shit and tacky and yet people saw it as somehow elegant and classy.

I knew someone who had lapped it up. The crockery, mugs, placemats and coasters, tea/sugar/coffee caddies, biscuit tin, bread bin, kitchen scales, kettle and toaster, the fucking wall clock and even the iron and ironing board. And a shitload of other accessories that are too numerous to mention. All matching with that same logo. They had bought the lot. Everything, like some weird tasteless completist, filling their house with stuff that they wouldn't even use, but bought it just because it had that design. Actually, now I think about it, the cooker had it on as well.

And I fucking hated it. We had three young kids, so consequently crockery in our house would last 6 months tops, and because Mrs SLVA shared my view, we would deliberately buy mismatched plates etc. We found a shop that sold separate plates in many designs, so we bought one of each.

Actually, it sounds a bit juvenile now I think about it. But have a look here to see how it appeared on practically everything.

shop.ebay.co.uk/i.html?_nkw=eternal+beau&_dmpt=UK_PotteryPorcelain_Glass_PotteryPorcelain_China_SM&_fln=1&_sac=1&_trksid=p3286.c0.m282#seeAllAnchorLink
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:43, 3 replies)

I hate people who say they have an 'irrational' hatred...
...then say why.
( rjmrjm, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:38, 1 reply)

right then, here we go...
HKLP (holds knife like pen) scum.

Eating takeaway food on public transport

Chewing gum (admittedly I have chewed gum from time to time ergo – I am a peasant)

ASDA

Children with pierced ears

Eating crisps (see chewing gum)

Stella Artois

Restaurants with pictures of the food on their menu

Three quarter length trousers on blokes

IKEA - just let me go to the fucking wardrobes!

Showing too much cleavage/thigh/leg or wandering around the town centre on a sunny day with no shirt

Hair ‘scrunchies’ worn around the wrist

‘Leisurewear’

Spitting

Sniffing

Lambrini

Driving around in a tarted up Nova playing drum and bass and saying ‘innit’ a lot

Football shirts

Love bites

Wearing your slippers to the shops

Asking people to remove their shoes in your house FUCK OFF this is not the 1700’s I do not have clods of fucking manure stuck to me

Smacking children

Smoking in public places (awaits flaming) and yes I used to smoke

Tracksuit bottoms tucked into socks just what is is that about

Hen nights – pissed up braying tarts, lovely

Eating in supermarket ‘canteens’

Rolling up the end of the toothpaste tubes – gladly this is a dying practice due to plastic tubes

Musical doorbells

Plastic fucking butterflies on the outside of your chavvy bastard house

Gold jewelry

Covers for phones iPods etc

Excessive Christmas decorations

Eating a donner kebab in the street

People who put harnesses on bull terriers

Eating at a Harvester ‘Pub’ - what's with the fucking wooden spoon nonsense. And i'll pay AFTER i've eaten thank you.

People who crunch ice cubes

Artex

Laminate flooring

‘settee’ it’s a sofa you fucking pleb

‘Spag Bol’

Monobloc where you used to have a lawn and now you park your Vauxhall on it

Vauxhalls

The Welsh

Fat people (see ASDA/ supermarket ‘canteens’)

Drinking from a can of lager on a train

Fluffy toys on the parcel shelf/dashboard

The vast majority of frozen food (except peas obviously)

Marrowfat peas

Americans

People who don’t like seafood – invariably scum

Bingo

carrying keys with excessive key fobs and widgets on them

wearing a shirt darker than your tie

women dancing in their bare feet

women walking home after a night at some cattlemarket in their bare feet

arguing in public

wearing a black tie to anything other than a funeral or formal occasion

pre-tied bow ties at black tie do's

put your fucking flabby midriff away woman

excessively styled hair

'popped' collars

"i aint done nuffink" and other such double negatives, split infinitives and so on

car plates with an unusual font - zapf chancery all in caps - classy

getting married in a novelty setting or costume
(unless of course its a vegas elvis wedding chapel - but only if you are not american)

wearing tights with peep toe shoes

not being able to use chopsticks

... i really do have to stop
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:36, 40 replies)

I hate my brain.
No you don't.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Cars
Anything made by Vauxhall. I'm not sure why either.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:17, 2 replies)

Libertarians.
I despise libertarians. To hear a libertarian talk is to suffer psychological tinnitus; the noise they make is best described as the rattle of a tiny intellect untethered in an otherwise empty mind.

I was going to give a quick account of why I hate them, but had to stop because doing even that made me so very, very angry.

And it's not as if I have to loathe them. There's any number of perfectly good arguments that can be deployed to demolish their ridiculous, untainted-by-reality, privilege-defending political beliefs in an efficient, calm and disinterested manner. And yet these calm arguments somehow aren't enough. I remain committed to combining a rational rejection of libertarianism with an utterly irrational animus.

Jesus puppyfucking Christ, I hate them.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:15, 13 replies)

I can't fucking stand horses
best of all the animals my arse.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:13, 3 replies)

Use it properly - Mobile phones
Two groups of people

1. People who use their mobiles like CB radios. They hold it to their mouth to talk, and then hold it to their ears to listen. I don't understand this, as it means you won't hear the other person if theyhave something to say while you are talking.

2. It's called hands-free for a reason. Why feel the need to hold the microphone up to your gob? Just clip it nearer!
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 8:56, 1 reply)

People who use the term "off of" instead of "from"
like "It's that bloke off of the telly"

I hate it even more when these morons try and write this down and manage to come up with this nonsense "DJ Scott Mills off've radio 1 does this".

It makes NO sense!!!
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 8:50, 9 replies)

Me
For automatically assuming that the recent Star Trek film was going to be shit.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 8:48, 3 replies)

I hate it when I forget it's April the 1st
until after my son has already gone to school.

Damn it - missed an opportunity. I hate that. Second year that this has happened.
( camp freddy well, would you look at that!, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 8:46, Reply)

Weddings
Fuck me I despise weddings. The stress, the expectations, the etiquette and above all the rampant hypocrisy they bring out in people.

Where to start? Well how about the fact that they're now so over-hyped now they take around 4 years to plan. Genuine conversation I had at work the other day, "Don't forget to save May 25th", "Isn't that a Wednesday?" "Not in 2013!"

But at least this one’s going to be at the weekend. Don’t even get me started on the fuckwits who decide to have their's on a Tuesday in the middle of nowhere, “because that’s the only time the venue was available”. Fine, so I basically have to give up at least 2 days of my holiday for some bloke my girlfriend worked with 3 years ago and some bird I’ve never even met before.

But you can always decline the invite right? Wrong! You’d better have a damn good excuse and don’t even think of trying it if it’s family. For some reason it’s even more important you witness the union of people whose only relevance to you is that some distant relation of your Dad’s once shagged their second cousin in the 70s.

This is before you even get started on the speeches (if I wanted to be slagged off by my drunk best mate in front of a room full of people I only know half of we’d go down the pub for 8 hours), the dressing up, the seating plans which require military precision and above all the expense.

But my biggest gripe is the hypocrisy of it all. I’ve lost track of the number of hardcore atheists and agnostics among my friends who have been absolutely committed in their beliefs until realising that all they’ve ever wanted to do is get married in a nice little country church in the Cotswolds.

I get the point of marriage and I’m generally pro. Displaying a lifelong commitment to the person you love is a wonderful thing (the tax benefits aren’t too shabby either). But, why not just go down to the Registry Office with your parents and particularly close friend/relatives for the ceremony, get it done in 15 minutes, and then toddle off to a nice pub for a massive party. Rather than spending 5 grand on table decorations and mounted invitations you could stick that all behind the bar and spend the rest on having an epic honeymoon.
(Milo Minderbinder, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 8:45, 14 replies)

SALE MUST END TOMORROW
I don't know what the situation is like elsewhere in the Anglosphere, but here in NZ TV advertising is dominated by cheap, garish, shouty screamy ads from big stores plugging discounts. If the noise and flashing colours seem geared to the tastes of chavs and the mentally sub-par, it's because the ad agencies twigged long ago that it was more lucrative to cater to the stupidest 20% of the population despite their lack of money, simply because they're easier to part from it. So every 10 minutes it's like your home is being invaded by a gibbering cretin. Generally I'm quick with the mute button, but what a fucking imposition. And foreign visitors must think we're a bunch of boofheads.
In my more violent reactions I fantasise about kidnapping an ad narrator and confronting him with the hatefully inane banality of his life so he commits suicide. Or twisting his head off and defecating down his still-spluttering windpipe.
(mudskipper, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 8:35, 4 replies)

Shop assistants
Who give you your change by putting the notes in your hand and then putting the coins on top.

Surely it should be coins first, so you can slip them in your pocket then notes.
(penrose your dog's got tits, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 8:33, 6 replies)

iTunes
I really like my iPod, I honestly didn't think I would but I grew to love it within an hour or two of getting it as a birthday pressie (thanks Pest). The great steaming turd of a piece of crapware that is iTunes though? it makes me vom a little in my mouth ever time I want to change the music on it or update podcasts.
(ceeej, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 8:32, 1 reply)

People who put a comment about, or apology for "length" at the end of a qotw post.
Come on, that joke got really old, really quickly.

Besides, if you do it at the end of a short posting, then you really are just trying to wave your cock about, which is embarrassing for all concerned. You tiny cocked idiots.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 8:30, 5 replies)