Job Interview DisastersThe boss showed me the shop floor, complete with loose floor tiles, out-of-date equipment and prospective colleagues eyeing me like a raw steak. "Christ, what a craphole", I said. I think that's the moment I blew it. Tell us how you didn't get the job.
Suggested by Field Marshall Dozington-Smythe (Ret.)
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 21 Nov 2013, 13:06)
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I've got a job interview TOMORROW MORNINGat 10:00, for a job I don't really want.
So! This is your chance to USE ME AS YOUR PUPPET. Your sock-puppet, even!
Suggest things for me to say/do at the interview, and I will do them - within reason, of course: I'm not getting my cock out (again) or calling the interviewer a Nazi paeaedoe Razorlight-loving ass muncher (again) (even though they may very well be).
Suggest away!
[And yes, and yes, and no, it wasn't, and yes, it was, and yes, he was, and no, he wasn't, and isn't, and FUCK YES, he is!]
(, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 16:33, 25 replies)
Don't get this soz, missed TV last night(
drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 16:37,
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Whoa, fuck, steady on, there's being a lolwacky cunt, and then there's accusing someone of liking fucking Razorlight.That's just low.
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BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 16:46,
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Better to fuck Razorlightthan listen to them. Especially if you are HIV positive, then you might pass it on to them.
(, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 16:55, closed)
Do you alsofuck tarded children?
(, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 22:23, closed)
Thenand now. Next!
(, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 22:33, closed)
Tell him a ten-minute anecdote where you pretend you are a character from a children's TV series.(
Zuowan, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 16:51,
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I'm insulted.Only TEN MINUTES?!
(, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 16:54, closed)
this may workIf you genuinely need to appear keen to get this role and equally genuinely do not wish to do so this may work - and I'm being serious rather than play the buffoon for once
Tell them an anecdote of how you've been placed in a position of having to choose between acting in an employer's best interests or acting with integrity or in accordance with law, tradition or best practice.. and crucially chose to follow your heart instead of your instructions
It shows professionalism, it demonstrates integrity, and it scares the shit out of employers who generally don't want someone that will get them in trouble.
Good examples might be, refusing to process a transaction that misrepresents funds or avoids tax, reporting an unaddressed Health&safety violation to the local regulator, refusing to go along with a staged drumming-out of an unpopular employee, standing up for a colleagues rights against management...
That should do it.
(, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 18:06, closed)
The Attention Whores question was last week.(, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 19:08, closed)
Say 'Please give me a job so I can afford a MASSIVELY LONG scarf and A BAG OF JELLY BABIES'.(
stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 24 Nov 2013, 21:36,
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Why not get a job? I'm sure your mum would appreciate it if you moved out.
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Muns, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 22:18,
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Tell them you need to be interviewed on the highest floor of the building because you suffer from reverse-acrophobiathen jump out the window
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2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 22:23,
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Thanks for all your replies so far,but no decent ones yet, though I like the reverse-acrophobia one.
FYI, fans, I already have a job, I tried existing without one on your miserable little planet but I quickly found that one needs money to buy food, furniture, books, pens, bins, soft toys, toast racks, paper, window cleaners, towels, inner tubes, children, ring binders, bog roll, weapons, curtains, hedge-trimmers, matches, shoes, magazines, butt-plugs, mobile phones, drugs, tea, trivets, etec ect so I got a job, a very well paid one actually, with the Government, and tomorrow I have an interview for another job with the Government but the commute is a sod so I don't really want it, it's more money though but I need as much spare time as I can get as I need to work on my TARDIS, and, of course, post immensely long stories on here.
And YES I know, his fucking birthday, or rather the 50th anniversary of the version of his life as broadcast on your terrestrial entertainment networks, whoop de dooo. It made me laugh like a drain actually, Gallifrey was safe all along and the dopey cunt never realised it! Ha ha. If you want to know what happens re. Gallifrey I know, so PM me. It's quite boring, really.
(, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 22:31, closed)
ah yes, forget my suggestions. Wouldnt work in the public sector at all.
(, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 22:42, closed)
Unless he's going for a job in the CQCor the police, or Ofsted, or the NHS, or ...
(, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 13:32, closed)
make some puns in Latin they'll love that
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The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 22:37,
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I wouldbut I've ironed a skirt specially.
(, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 23:30, closed)
Tell him he has wonderful eyesThen pull a range of women's skincare products from your lunchbox, and try to sell them to him. Should you fail, pull a second, slightly smaller, lunchbox from inside the first one, and try to sell him that.
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MatJ LOOK, Sun 24 Nov 2013, 22:58,
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Ask themto sign a non disclosure agreement before you'll say anything to them.
(, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 10:09, closed)
By this time you should have already burned through any chance you hadNow you can go back to your previous occupation of writing long winded tedious absurdist stories and posting them on a comedy website.
(, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:25, closed)
Balls or it didn't happen!(, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 15:59, closed)
Rather boringlyI gave good interview, and did none of your suggestions.
Seems that I just cannot suck, at whatever I do!
Oh what it is to be fantastick skillz.
(, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 17:57, closed)
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