Give my story a click because it's the best
www.b3ta.com/questions/matron/post659916
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 15:54, Reply)

Also
Why have no x-ray techs regaled us with stories of pelvics showing potatoes,carrots, other veggies, pins, keys, baby dolls(barbies head), chicken mcnuggets, telephones, usb flashdrives, turkey basters, dog bones, and anything else on google images?
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 15:51, Reply)

Someone on page 5
Or maybe 6, I couldn't find the post again to reply, offered advice for future dads. One bit was not to worry if the fingers feel like they'll break. WRONG! My wife shit out a 10 pound baby with no epidural(sp) and broke my pinky finger. Your fingers will break dads, and your will. Making jokes will get you cussed at by everyone. No mentioning that you will never eat sweet and sour sauce in a chinese restaurant will be allowed. No jokes about the machine that goes Ping! As mentioned earlier. Nor can you talk about how gray(grey) the baby is and ask if your wife fucked an alien. Your parents will be told, your mom will hit you for acting like an ass and your wife's dr. will demand you leave the room when he returns to checl on her. And circumcised baby penises(peni?) Are motherfuckingugly and will make you cry. Use approximately one tube of ointment each application on the little scarred fireman. That is all
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 15:45, 1 reply)

Woo! 401st!

( MisterPunch did it that way on, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 15:42, Reply)

I've had mixed experiences with NHS Dentists
When I was a kid, my mum was a dental receptionist so I saw the guy there. Always got on really well with him, he'd find me odd jobs to do over the summer to earn a few quid and let me go there for work experience and paid me for it. Up until we moved away when I was 16 he always told me I had perfect teeth and if any dentist in the future told me I needed work doing they were trying to scam me. One of my teeth was cutting into my gum so I asked for it to be filed down, he decided to do all the teeth that 'looked sharp'. I was gutted, I had really pointy canines, rather fang-esque in fact. He also didn't tell me I wouldn't be able to eat afterwards. My mum bought me an Aero and after the first bite I was nearly in tears. Still can't look at an Aero the same way.

Moved house and it's time for my first check-up with new dentist and within seconds of looking in my mouth he wants x-rays taking. Two of my teeth have massive holes that need filling. One of them didn't take properly so I had to have it dug out and replaced. Really hated that as it hurt something rotten.

Current dentist has given me two more fillings, again one of them needed to be replaced. I also need a bite guard making as I grind my teeth when I'm asleep. Fine he says, go and book the appointment at the desk. Arrive at the desk to be asked if he'd explained how much it would cost... £198. After picking myself up of the floor I politely explained that no, he hadn't told me this. Or that I need yet another filling. Thank god I now have a HC2.
( Poppy The Platypus was abducted by an army of toast soldiers on, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 15:42, Reply)

I tried to organise this during the Ginger QOTW
If we nominate one of these posts - saying something along the lines of "we're all bored of this now" - and click it to buggery, it shows up in the popular posts and encourages movement from the mods. A bit like getting Killing in the Name to Christmas number one. In a really small, crap way
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:51, 45 replies)

30 Minutes or Less
I had to design a questionnaire evaluating quality of life in males with premature ejaculation. I had used our standard wording for such forms, which led to the awkwardness of me actually saying to the first person... "The questionnaire may take up to 30 minutes, but you may find that you finish much quicker".
( Norbert Lightowler, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:51, Reply)

Maybe they've gone on strike
along with my lecturers. Maybe they ARE my lecturers... *Shudders*
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:47, 3 replies)

Last few
messages seem to have brought the latest qotw to a natural end.please post next one...i'm bored :(
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Not last!
Beat that
(Barry Subchimp, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:46, Reply)

not last
HA! I DARE YA!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:45, Reply)

*bursts*
LAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSTTTT
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:44, Reply)

They haven't even changed the image challenge yet...
...this doesn't bode well. Might come back tomorrow.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Am beginning to think this QOTW is staying open longer than normal because the Mods are wondering how many sad-acts will put "Last"
I will not give them this satisfaction






Nnnnngh...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:42, 1 reply)

Last. Took that long to get a bloody appointment.
So there.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Kinder Egg
I once had the toy from a Kinder Egg pulled from my anus.
It was still contained within the yellow 'shell' so I was able to put it together ok, although the instructions felt a bit warm.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:38, Reply)

A&E Registrar - you were great!
This"is a story of a funny turn & a ride in an ambulance. We had someone very dear staying with us last year who has had a colourful psychological past, including a couple of brief psychotic episodes & others of severe depression; if I had money on it I'd say bi-polar, but all the consultants he's seen say different. I've worked in voluntary & statutory MH settings in the past for over a decade, so I may have some sort of clue...
The person in question - I'm being deliberately vague for obvious reasons - struggled downstairs to collapse on the sofa, seemingly having limited control of movement and couldn't/wouldn't speak. He did manage to change his expression in response to Mrs Fringehead's & my questions. We were worried - he'd seemed pretty down, but otherwise ok last night. Realising we were out of our depth (I'd never seen this happen to him or anyone else who hadn't had a stroke!), we called NHS Direct, having little other choice...
That's when we had confirmed how fantastic, there's no other word, the NHS can be, especially here in sunny Leeds. Of course, YMMV - i know of lousy staff here, & have heard friends' horror stories, and read a few here!
But the paramedic, nurses and particularly the (ex-psychiatric - thank fuck!) registrar were brilliant. Gradually my friend came round, thanks to patience & calm, no suggestion of fakery. He was offered advice, a letter to his home professionals and we went home relieved, leaving the staff to clear up after the frequent flier homeless guy from the next cubicle who deliberately pissed all over it once treated for his seizure and declined a bed...
Length? Sorry, didn't look.
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:38, Reply)

My Mum said you were CRAP, Monders
Although I am secretly impressed at your length, as she's in Fiji

GODDAMNLAST
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:35, 2 replies)

My wee recently smelt like sugar puffs.
But it was OK because I'd been eating sugar puffs.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Your mums sweet loving made me late, foxtrot
so it appears I am the last! Ah ha!
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Jesus fucking Christ
Browser - have you just typed "shit medical jokes" into Google?

Also, last
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:16, 2 replies)

What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist?

A hematologist pricks your finger.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:03, 1 reply)

receptionists
why do these deskbound harridans think they need to know everything? "can i have an appointment to see the doctor?" "what's it concerning?" well, it doesn't concern you, you nosy bitch. you're not a doctor, you're the bitter old twat who makes seeing the doctor as difficult as possible. you manage a schedule. you DO NOT NEED to know what's wrong with me, that's none of your fucking business. just give me my appointment and stop being a cunt.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:02, 12 replies)

What do you call a pig with excema?
Pork scratching.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 14:01, 1 reply)

Whats the difference between a paramedic and a gynecologist?
One sees twats all day, and the other one is a gnecologist.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 13:58, Reply)

What's worse than being a boil on a Doctor?
Being a farmers cyst.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I said
LAST
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 13:52, 2 replies)

Which quasi-medical professional would you wish to avoid on your own late at night?
A psycho therapist.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 13:52, 1 reply)