No shit, there I was....
here I am, a small girl of about.... 14? I take the bus out to Prince George for a flight down to kelowna for my Grandparent's 50th anniversary; all well and good, but I needed the Taxi from the Station to the Airport.

Nothing serious; phone the cab, wait with luggage outside, right?

Wrongo....

I got told to walk over to the mall, where there were taxi's waiting.
Signifigantly peeved, I still did so, walking with all the 14 year old independance I could muster.

There was one cab there, as if daring me to take it.
so I did.

It reeked to high heaven.
The man was one of those old (And possably incontenant) men, who gave me a toothless grin and started driving like a lunatic all the way to the airport.
I was signifigantly frightened.

And then he pulls out a joint, and starts smoking away, in the middle of traffic "For his Glaucoma"

Now, people who know me know I have no tolerance for drugs at all; one whiff of the stuff and I'm giggling and examining the lines on the seat next to me.

When I finally get out and giggle my way to security and give me this look.

Here I was, 14, alone; reeking of shit and pot, trying to get past security.

After I calmed down and explained the situation, I was let through.

Sorry for the length...
(whirled peas, Thu 27 May 2004, 0:05, Reply)

just got into a black cab taxi
after a night on the town, drove 25 yards then some drunken knob throws a bag of rubbish at the windscreen, smashing it.

The driver started crying.

He drove off down a quiet street, got out, took the bag of rubbish off the bonnet, got back in and drove us home.

I felt really sorry for him.
( fishsticks, Thu 27 May 2004, 0:03, Reply)

on my 18th birthday
we all went out and my mate Andy got really pissed i mean really fu*kin pissed then wandered off just before we all left the club, we spent nearly an hour trying to find him an when we did he was barly able to stand in a pool of his own vomit...anyway he couldn't stop throwing up so we had to thump him in the stomack till he stoped long enough for a cabbie to let us in his taxi. needless to say we made it home and to our amazment andy didn't hurl in the taxi, the cabbie was a top block and even gave andy his bottle of water cos "he needs it more than me".
(SplatPUNK, Wed 26 May 2004, 23:57, Reply)

Suicidal cabbie
I jumped in this taxi one night after I'd been out on the pop, as it was pissing down, and I lived about half an hour's walk from the city centre. It all started off fine, the usual chat about where I'd been, how busy town was etc, then all of a sudden he gets this look in his eye and mentions that his wife left him about a month ago.

He starts to prod the accellerator and we speed up a bit. Every trace of alcohol immediately vanishes from my system, and I stare in horror at the pouring rain and our increasing speed. We zoom back home, and get a couple of streets away from where I live. About two years previously, the council had decided to put chicanes in this main road, because people were driving ridiculously fast down it...

We drive faster and faster towards the chicane, and another car appears out of nowhere. 'Oh christ on a fucking bike, what a way to die' I thought

'Oh fuck' says the taxi driver as he slams the brakes on. The car skids to a wet halt, as my eyes adjust from seeing their headlights, and terrified faces a fraction of a second before.

I stared at the driver in utter disbelief that we had actually remained unscathed, and stared at him all the way home. Until I got out, and walked off without paying
(U2031, Wed 26 May 2004, 23:29, Reply)

New Years Day
A bunch of us decided to see in 2004 at the Birmingham Academy's New Years Eve party. Being organised characters we had a 6-seater minibus booked to ferry us home at 2am.

January the first, headed outside, and it was (as it was earlier) freezing rain and very very windy. No matter, we'll be home in no time.

One bollock-shrivelling hour later, the cab turns up. Why so late? Because the driver didn't know where the Birmingham fucking Academy was. He had to stop and ask someone wandering around the street (who he then politely gave a lift somewhere). And when we were on our way back home, we had to bloody direct him how to get out of the city centre!
(Machinecurse, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:57, Reply)

hmmm.....
i got into a skoobus in the morn fer skool. creepy driver.....was starin at mi friends butt.....an mine...eeeeeek!!
( Killerkitti Like my coffee black, just like my metal, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:57, Reply)

hatred
On our way into town one evening I was sitting in the front, chatting to our strongly opinionated driver, his gamut stretching from 'they should bloody lock em all up' and 'fucking paedophiles are worse than blacks' - the usual Nazi fair.

He then started talking about his 'secret drops'. It turns out that this guy gets paid £500 to have something put in his boot, driven to London and taken out again without him knowing or seeing what. He said he didn't mind as the money was so good. To which I casually remarked that it "was probably child porn".

He didn't say a word the rest of the journey.
Result.
( moonjam, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:50, Reply)

oi
all drivers are fuck-knuckledly cuntesque.
well there you go.
(Reach Out And Touch Ham, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:50, Reply)

Not from hell but just as scary
Carting my stuff to uni. Needed taxi to get to train station.

An elderly man turns up. I tell him where I'm going on the train and he offers to drive me all the way there for three times the price of the train ticket (which I've already paid for) I decline and he spends ages arguing and bartering about the price. Eventually he interrupts himself by singing 'Danny Boy' at me. He then asked me if I liked his singing voice. I said I did and he told me he was sixty-five. He then started asking me if 'I thought he looked good for a man of his age'. I was happy when we got to the train station. He waved me goodbye and told me to look after myself. I ran away.
(Chom, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:50, Reply)

not me (2)
A friend of mine recently recounted a tale of how a shady cab driver had whisperingly enquired if he 'still watched...er... videos?'. Asking why, the cabbie replied "I..er.. have some 'videos' for sale... if you're interested?". Not one to miss up the chance for some hot porn he agreed to take a look and the cabbie drove to a near by carp park. Popped open the boot and there, spread out were second hand copies of Splash, Inner Space and Only Fools & Horses...

My favourite part is that he still bought the copy of Splash.
( moonjam, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:34, Reply)

On our way back from a night out in Manchester...
there were four of us in the back of one of those black cabs that you can pick up anywhere, seemingly (but not when you want one)...

anyway, i was on the rear facing seat with my (drunk) mate opposite. He barfed. loads. with his hands over his mouth. and the driver was a twat and he wouldnt pull over, so it went bloody everywhere. he charged us 50 quid, the bastard.
(The Wigmeister, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:34, Reply)

Tunisia
1990 - Tunisia with girlfriend and another couple. Local taxi going into town. Its 100 degrees in the shade and the driver has the heater on full blast to try and keep the engine cool.
I am in the front seat with my 3 friends in the back and we are sweating pigs. Very slowly, the taxi driver moves his hand onto my knee and gives it a gentle squeeze whilst at the same time giving me a lovely almost toothless grin.
Its amazing how the fear of jumping from a moving vehicle dissapears quickly as a strange sweaty hand starts to move up your shorts.
No wonder I am in therapy ;-)
(albert o'balsam, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:30, Reply)

not me (1)
I'm sure many people have had this - but a friend of mine had gotten so 'prepared' before we went out that he found himself leaning out of a taxi window retchedly spraying the streets with sick at just 6 in the afternoon. He paid the £50 soiling fee and the £20 fare and assured us that he'd be 'alright'.

30 minutes later he finds himself in another taxi on the way home spraying the other side of the road in used hotwings and bacardi. So now £140 (and several meals) the lighter he's safely in bed at 7pm. Great night.
( moonjam, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:28, Reply)

wotw
On a very very lazy day I decided to get a taxi into college. I can't remember how, but the conversation turned to War of the Worlds and most bizzarrely the name of the tug boat.

After a couple of quite minutes where neither the driver or I could remember it's name, he shouted "fuck it!" pulled over, got out and opened his boot. I assumed there was something mechanically wrong and so I made to get out and help but he ushered be back in clutching... a fucking CD of War of the Worlds - which he THEN proceeded to put on and despite being about 30 seconds from my destination wouldn't let me get out until we'd gotten to the right track.

"Thunderchild! Fucking Thunderchild! I fucking knew it!" he cried.
( moonjam, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:23, Reply)

Going from a drunken night in leeds
back to wakefield, we got a taxi.

not very strange, you say?

Well, you hear of cabbies taking the long wa round. well this guy took us for a fucking ride. 3x as long, 3x the fare.

It didn't end there, i actually thought he was kidnapping us. i always get off a bit earlier, and as we got nearer i was trying to tell him where i wanted off. he ignored me.

i then shouted where i wanted to get off.

he ignored me.

as we got past my usual stop off point, i got right up the the speaker window bit, and shouted at the top of my voice for him to stop.

he ignored me.

i started getting drunkenyly paranoid now, as it wasn't long after a woman got killed by getting into a so called taxi.

i banged on the window. no responce.

then, when we got to where everyone else got off, my friend in the taxi calmly said "can you stop just here please"

he stopped.

i didn't say anything, i was gobsmacked. i don't beleive i did anything for him to hate me. in fact i was probably the most polite in the taxi.

not really all that interesting, but it was a weird experience.
( Snorty McBumhole YouTube.com/MinistryOfGeeks, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:19, Reply)

on the way home from town after playing a gig:
We had to do three dropoffs from Liverpool back to Huyton (6 miles from the city). The first was in a shopping area about ten minutes from the city centre, about a mile or two out, and the driver took about half an hour to get there, racking up around 8 quid or so on the machine. He then proceeded to drive round for approximately 15 minutes looking for this girl's house. He didn't know the area and was probably fucking deaf as well (or a bloody chancer) because he kept asking us where to go and we kept shouting "WE'RE RIGHT OUTSIDE!!"

Following that, we took another ten minutes to escape the housing estate maze that we'd gotten into in the first place, and got back onto the motorway. We had to yell at him to take the first slip road, and then when we told him he'd need to turn left here please, he just carried straight on, then said "Whoops!" and carried on driving, with a grin on his face. When we eventually got to MY dropoff point, after I shouted around four or five times, "JUST ON THE LKFT HERE, TA.", he then proceeded to stop nearly five minutes' walk from where I'd asked him to stop originally.

No idea how the rest of the trip went, but suffice to say it took almost three times as long as it normally takes, and probably cost as much as well. And so we've never gotten a black cab again, bloody bastards.
(No offenc - not to be confused with no_offenc, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:16, Reply)

Picture the scene
It's about 1am. You're sober as a judge. The roads are empty. You've been sitting in the front of a cab quietly driving for about 10 minutes. Nothing has happened, the radio isn't on and you certainly haven't said or seen anything.

Then the driver just starts laughing... uncontrollably, shoulder shaking, spittle flecking the windscreen laughter. No reason, no explanation and seemingly no stopping.

I sat there, naturally shitting my pants, waiting for the sudden 'left turn' down a wrong side road. Then for no good reason, as I ran through all the horrible things that could/would happen - I pictured him turning around and vomiting on me. For even less of a good reason I found this to be funny. So funny that I myself started laughing. And so both of us like complete fucking idiots laughed all the way back to my front door.

It cost £11
( moonjam, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:14, Reply)

i used to
work as a taxi controller, enough said...
( Plomien is Polish for flame, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:08, Reply)

I went to Hull
in a minicab once*

*not actually true
( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:08, Reply)

well..
End of January twas snowing like anything in London, and I'd just been to hospital having a knee operation.
The traffic was appauling, and I had to get all the way from Waterloo to Hampstead..

The journey took two hours.

I was drowsy, feeling slightly ill from teh operation, and he just wouldn't stop talking.. trying to be polite no doubt, but two hours in an accent I can barely understand, still all druggy?

never again please :(
(jaffy, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:04, Reply)

twas
a cold summers night in Nottingham & i was very intoxicated so decided to return to my friends place i caught the taxi alone and gave my address, which was only 3 miles away from the centre ...so THREE HOURS later i get to my mates cos the frikin taxi driver didnt know the area ,was new to the job,new to England and the British Language we even stopped on a motorway out of the city to ring up his base ,,,,Grrrrr AHHHHGGG then the fuckwit locked the doors when i got there and tried to charge me £50 i had to call the police to get me out, cos i'd be fucked if i was paying at AT ALL....
The End
(Lucy-Furr, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:03, Reply)

Hmmmm, hardly from hell mor like purgatory
One minicab driver took FIVE of us (Me in front seat. Three on the back and One small german girl lying across the other's laps) in his vauxhall astra from Euston to Sydnham Hill. His name was darren. he spent the entire journey saying "i can't belive i'm fucking doing this, i can't belie've i'm fucking doing this" over and over and over again. All for £20
( mikemystery blames the parents, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:02, Reply)

Ooh Ooh! I have another one!
A taxi pulled up outside the local shop, and started blasting out "It's raining men!". Of course, being the little shit I am, I went to his cab and started disco dancing next to him - he sped off, very very fast, then tried to scare me by turning onto the pavement.
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:01, Reply)

On the way from the UGC Cinema in Newport
to the Harvester (somewhere) the taxi driver drove round in a circle for a few minutes, and then, when the fare had racked up a little bit he looked in the rear-view mirror at us and said: "Sorry, where were we going? I wasn't listening."

Twunt.
( MetaFarad loves to TANZEN!, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:01, Reply)

A tottenham fan
After going shopping after an eight hour shift in a busy sainsburys. Sat in the back and got the most swear words ever in 15 minutes. Everyone he could think of was a fucking cunting arsehole shitbag. I just nodded and agreed with everything

Im scared he knows where I live
(Icouldsleepforever, Wed 26 May 2004, 22:00, Reply)

Fucking cabs
The cab driver went excruciatingly slow (about 8 miles below speed limit) just to raise the fair. FUCKING BASTARD. Ended up paying 140$.

My friend's missus had a baby recently. Cab driver just about tail-ended 5 cars. Baby popped right out one in one of those times
(I am an Oddity, Wed 26 May 2004, 21:59, Reply)

The worst cabby I've ever had
I think, there's a few taxi journeys where I've been amused, or scared, or both. For example, my friend deciding he didn't want to pay his share, and literally jumping out of the cab as we turned a corner.

The scariest cabby though had to be the guy who would not stop talking at all.

'How much do you usually pay', 'Had a wild night out then?' 'Wahay, I bet you go out a lot!'.

Getting progressivley seedier, and more enthusiastic, the guy did scare me quite a bit. Oh well.

Taxi!
(Johnny2 Harrumph!, Wed 26 May 2004, 21:59, Reply)

An old man taxi driver
insisted on playing trance music, all the way home the other day.
The funniest thig was his head - it seemed to be independant of his torso, it just moved back and forth, like a chicken!

woo! first answer!
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Wed 26 May 2004, 21:58, Reply)