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This is a question The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

In amongst all the tales of bitterness and poo, we occasionally get fluffy stories that bring a small tear to our internet-jaded eyes.

In celebration of this, what is the nicest thing someone's done for you? Whether you thoroughly deserved it or it came out of the blue, tell us of heartwarming, selfless acts by others.

Failing that, what nice things have you done for other people, whether they liked it or not?

(, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 16:14)
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The ladies who...
One of the nicest things that anyone has ever done for me was to have sex with me, so some highlights below that I would like to thank (in no particular order)

The 40 year old French woman who seduced me when I was 23 (taught me a great deal)

The one night stand in Gran Canaria who introduced me all things shaven & the joys of baby oil.

The 26 year old size 10 with a natural 30FF chest for (two) obvious reasons

The married woman who would only have bum sex with me (as that apparently didn’t count as cheating on her husband)

The one who claimed she couldn’t perform oral on me as it was too big (not true but a nice ego boosting way of saying no)

The next door neighbour who regularly visited me for late night “booty calls” for 3 years – regardless of if I had a partner at the time or not

The boss’s PA who regularly used to drag me in to the loos at work for a quickie (that certainly brightened up the working day)

The American girl who I got back to my hotel room within an hour of meeting her - for her general slutishness when I had been in a drought

The nubile 19 year old who used to wake me up with a BJ – what a perfect start to the day!

To those & the others… THANK YOU

Length joke? Too obvious…
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 10:50, closed)
And the others
To the three midgets in Cairo - it was like a baby holding an apple. Especially when one of them pulled out an apple!

And the night in Amsterdam. How could I have not realised a vibe was built for two? That really opened my eyes. And made them water.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 10:59, closed)
Thank you so much
Your tedious, self-serving bragging list really put some sunshine in my day.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 11:01, closed)
Don't forget....
...the post-op transsexual that you had in a hotel room in Didcot. The bed was like a butcher's slab afterwards you told me.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 11:01, closed)
Jesus Arsefucking Christ
I just want to punch you in the face until you can never pull another self-satisfied, smug expression again.

I hope you get The Clap.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 11:10, closed)
What a thunderous cunt you are.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 11:13, closed)
The Camel
The still-warm, just-dead camel you shagged at a landfill site in Jordan (you were AMAZING).

The old tramp who bummed you in a bus shelter in Rotherham (he certainly left you with an itchy reminder of that wonderful night).

The leprous, one-eyed dachshund you abducted from your neighbour's garden - she taught you the true meaning of 'dogging'.

Etc etc
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 11:16, closed)
"leprous, one-eyed dachshund"
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 11:29, closed)
It's ok
Do people on B3TA actually have sex?

I just thought we were alike in wanking and then crying ourselves to sleep...!
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 11:21, closed)
Not me...
I save time by doing both together.

Makes my girlfriend really guilty when she comes in and catches me though.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 11:26, closed)
She must have cost a bit...
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 14:07, closed)
Don't blame him.
Some old cunts just need a lot of stimulation.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 11:58, closed)
To be honest
You don't have to be that thankful if you pay/imagine them.

(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 12:16, closed)
Why are the above peoples so angry?
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 12:37, closed)
Because objectifying women makes me angry.
Maybe that's not quite the right word...
It just comes across that he's bragging.

And that really makes him seem a cunt.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 12:41, closed)
Couldn't have put it better myself.

EDIT: Though Monty has just demonstrated an equally good variant on the theme.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 12:49, closed)

Fair enough. I am answered.
And answered in an erudite and comprehensive manner.
So much so that I shan't imply you ain't getting none ;) (I jest)
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 14:20, closed)
I think
it's the self-aggrandising nature of the original post - this appears to have grated somewhat. The purpose of the text seems to be 'check me out, I shag loads of birds all the time, me'.

No-one likes a braggart.

EDIT: Ah Kaol, we've posted two remixes of the same song, here...
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 12:44, closed)
And if you're gonna brag about women like that, it really brings into question how much respect you've got for 'em...

Haha! Pretty much re-mixed :p
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 12:46, closed)
To be honest
the best thing about this post is Montys use of self-aggrandising. Cheers for that
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 12:49, closed)
*bows with a flourish*
My vocabulary's a touch archaic sometimes, but eff it yo, I like it that.

*is medieval*
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:08, closed)
One might say your grasp of the vernacular
is spectacular.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:13, closed)
*busts a def freestyle*
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:23, closed)

Same goes you, Mr Monty.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 14:20, closed)

(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 12:57, closed)
This reply wins.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:10, closed)
can replies win though?
I've done a ton of "I like this" clicking on replies recently...
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:44, closed)
it wins
a happy smile and a "thankee kindly" from me!

And so do the posts below
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:48, closed)
^ win
Halfy, that is fucking brilliant - tyvm
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:13, closed)
thass very very funny
i hope battered really did shag em all, otherwise his self worth will be dwindling with each subsequent response.....
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 14:45, closed)
That is all
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 16:27, closed)
'One of the nicest things that anyone has ever done for me was to have sex with me'
I'll fucking say.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 12:59, closed)
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 16:42, closed)
You have way too much to brag about.

Are you Colin Farrell by any chance.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 12:59, closed)
Looks like you wankerd yourself.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:24, closed)
What a bucket of arse-snot.
I bet you were great. I bet they loved every minute of it.

I bet, if any of them saw this post, they'd think you a complete fuckbandit. And they'd be right.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 13:32, closed)
Its clearly all bollocks
but I for one salute you, Battered.

WAY to piss people off!!
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 15:09, closed)
It's not so much pissing people off
as frankly piteous.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 15:33, closed)

(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 15:48, closed)
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 16:36, closed)
The anger at the OP
has kind of made me feel sorry for him. Its not like he has raped any children.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 18:24, closed)
He edited
that bit out shortly after posting. But rest assured, he did.
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 20:55, closed)
True Stories from Fiesta, shirley?
(, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 23:29, closed)

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