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This is a question Oblique Strategies for Work

We want you to share solutions that solved work problems - but don't explain the problem it solved.

The idea is that someone else, when they have a problem can read this and see if your solution jolts them out of their problem.

(This is obviously a tribute to Brian Eno's Oblique Strategies cards which were filled with stuff like "add backing vocals")

(, Tue 15 May 2018, 10:45)
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Unless it's someone with a French accent, I'm 'not in'.

(, Sun 21 Oct 2018, 16:21, Reply)
Walk, don't run. A running man will always be noticed.

(, Tue 16 Oct 2018, 20:40, Reply)
Admit nothing, trust no-one, deny everything, suspect everyone.

(, Mon 10 Sep 2018, 21:48, Reply)
Never do anything until it is past due
Most requests will become redundant and those that remain will have less need for revision.
(, Thu 30 Aug 2018, 20:59, 1 reply, 3 months ago)
Apply vaseline to the hole first, then use lube on the shaft.
You'll have all your guttering downpipes fitted to the drains in no time.
(, Sat 28 Jul 2018, 17:17, Reply)
If you're making sauce, outsource the source code that sorts the sort of sauces sought by saucy sorts

(, Fri 20 Jul 2018, 1:54, 3 replies, latest was 4 months ago)
Shit up a sparrow

(, Wed 18 Jul 2018, 15:48, 1 reply, 3 months ago)
If you've got a problem
stick a worm in it.
(, Tue 10 Jul 2018, 6:33, 1 reply, 4 months ago)
Which sugar have they used?
It won't work with sucrose unless you lyse it with an acid beforehand. Just get the glucose instead.
(, Mon 18 Jun 2018, 16:06, Reply)
Change the mixture slightly
and see if it ignites. White sparks should come out of the top if it works.
(, Mon 18 Jun 2018, 14:06, 1 reply, 4 months ago)
Make this one the same size as that one
So if any of those ones qualify to go in this one, they'll fit. The real question is why was it ever smaller?
(, Sun 10 Jun 2018, 17:57, Reply)
try doing everything in reverse during your workday
including shitting
(, Wed 6 Jun 2018, 7:38, Reply)
Tiger Spray Strategy
Applying a solution to a problem that does not exist, and claiming 100% success.

e.g. Spraying Sydney airport with anti-feral tiger spray and reporting no feral tigers found for the next 12 months.

n.b. When applied well comes with pay rises and promotion. See HR and QA/ISO for more information.
(, Tue 5 Jun 2018, 0:21, Reply)
Creating is harder than fixing
So stop complaining and get on with it!
(, Tue 5 Jun 2018, 0:11, Reply)
Define your fundamental idea and remove everything that distracts from it.
I was just looking at how many old games I messed up with long, whimsical rambling bollocks for instructions.
(, Mon 4 Jun 2018, 20:57, Reply)
Take 2 of these three times a day and I'll see you in 2 weeks. Repeat until cured or dead.

(, Fri 1 Jun 2018, 21:02, 2 replies, latest was 5 months ago)
I tend to do a lot of redo work.
Sometimes the original problem is someone who has done a reasonable job, but hey, shit happens. All too often though someone has employed a 'FIT-D' protocol*

Always resect more bone is my go-to policy.

*"Fuck it, that'll do"
(, Mon 28 May 2018, 20:38, 1 reply, 6 months ago)
my strategy is not to work
I am a highly trained professional in this field and my method is a guaranteed success.

you are free to apply my solution to your own grievances.
(, Mon 28 May 2018, 12:50, Reply)
keep on good terms with the sysadmin

(, Thu 24 May 2018, 2:08, Reply)
Find the weakest team member and befriend them
You become a great team player to your colleagues and indispensible to management. If you choose well, there might even be a shag in it
(, Tue 22 May 2018, 23:08, Reply)
Appear helpful by always saying yes when asked to do more work
Then follow it up by asking which higher priority item in your full schedule they don't want you to do. A few iterations of that and they stop asking.
(, Tue 22 May 2018, 21:03, Reply)
Book 'confidential' meetings at 4pm every day so no one can add you to their meeting
and thereby prevent you from going home when you want to.
(, Tue 22 May 2018, 20:38, 2 replies, latest was 6 months ago)
Let salespeople only give presentations to junior staff with no purchasing authority

(, Tue 22 May 2018, 0:32, Reply)
Talk to your dog/cat/rubber duck.
They'll help you figure it out.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 21:14, Reply)
Flip it, stick it on a wall.
If it still works, it works.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 21:10, Reply)
Chuck it in the sea

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 20:16, Reply)
Copy in one more person each time the tedious email on the dull issue reappears.

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 20:06, Reply)
Go for a cup of tea
then check if it's still borked when you get back.
(, Mon 21 May 2018, 19:00, Reply)
Apply limes

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 13:46, Reply)
Disengage entirely

(, Mon 21 May 2018, 9:30, Reply)

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