another metro story
whilst trying to find Ms Wipes tale in the Metro I came across this
www.metro.co.uk/news/article.html?Scorpions_on_the_loose_at_James_Bond_studios&in_article_id=403121&in_page_id=34

Basically, they have found a scorpion on the James Bond set in Buckinhamshire. (Scorpions have been over here for years and the one they found was probably a Yellow back, small and harmless.

But my favourite quote from the piece
"It was caught by one of our health and safety guys who put it in a lunchbox and gave it some lettuce" Mr Smith said.

Scorpion. Lettuce. Can any non-entomologist see what is wrong with this picture?
(smells-like-victory-v's, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 15:30, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

saw ancrenne's pants stunt
(well, her organisation's pants stunt, anyway)in the metro this morning - woo! congrats!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 14:59, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who's Jews Who's?
I like that. It's worth bringing in hebrew slavery just to have that as a gameshow title.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 14:41, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

I wasnt going to post this...
but I wanted to get that kid in the pic below a little further down the screen where I cant see her (unless I scroll down...!) So what's everyone up to tonight? Being, what seems to be eternally single, im spending a *2nd* consecutive friday night indoors. Oh, yay, whoop, and might I add...joy.
(drain_bamaged, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 14:35, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

there's an advert for epson printers in the tesco direct catalogue


Click for more huge face (93KB)
is it sad that this makes me laugh like a bastard every time i see it?
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Fri 14 Nov 2008, 13:57, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Okay, which one of you is responsible for this?
This can only be the work of a b3tan.

'Fess up.

Legless? Apeloverage? Rob?...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 14 Nov 2008, 13:56, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Advice please, lovely people
I've recently been taking time off work due to depression, sometimes waking up in the mornings and being unable to get out of bed as I've just been dying inside. I've also been taking off every other Wed afternoon to see a therapist. I explained this to my manager, and it all seemed fine until her manager got involved. I was regularly called into the office where they would ask a few questions, I'd answer and then I'd go back to work.

I took the day off on Tuesday after a heartbreaking weekend, and was called into the office on Wednesday. They asked why, I explained about my depression, which they then claimed they had no idea I was suffering from.

Thursday, I was let go. It was a brief conversation, I was told I was being let go because of my absences, even using the time I saw my therapist as a reason. I was not given a notice period but assumed it was one week as it was when I previously worked for them. When I went in today I worked for several hours, before they told me to leave, and I had no notice. I was in tears when I left, feeling very embarassed and ashamed.

I've contacted CAB and they are going to call me back, but probably not until next week. Does anyone have any thoughts on whether I have a claim for being dismissed soon after they found out I was ill, or should I just let it go?
(missc, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 13:47, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I must be really sick.
When I read THIS my first thoughts were "Oooh the dating pool has just increased."
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 14 Nov 2008, 13:45, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

election
are there enough like-minded people here in all 659 (I think) British constituencies to form a political party and run for election?

I'm thinking of

"Tell it as it is party"
"the no-bullshit party" or
"The party you vote for because we're really good rather than just being the most likely 'lesser of two evils' party"

One of the main policies being to eradicate spin-doctors and not to sex anything up

Richard Littlejohnesque people need not apply.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 12:16, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello there
Would anybody like to exchange pleasantries?

I say, isn't stuff nice?

EDIT: Bollocks to you all then. I shall take my niceness elsewhere.
(GONEism, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 10:38, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just recommended that a colleague
tries a new b3ta version of some software....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:33, Reply)

An apology
To amorous, flirting with and the Grammar, im very sorry, I ran over one of your namesake last night.

Poor defenceless fluffy animal, or TB riddled pest, I still feel sad :(

So thats now 7 birds, 4 rabbits, a cat, a Muntjac and a badger.

sorry :(
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:13, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I was reading
An old Amiga games mag the other day when I saw a question that has me genuinely stumped.

Which is better - monkeys or pinball?
(GONEism, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 9:09, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's fucking Friday.

( wanderlust, Fri 14 Nov 2008, 8:10, 268 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Eurostar bastards
7.39pm departure for Paris, stopped outside Ashford for 4 hours, back to London for 2am, taxis to take you to hotels, but hotels denying reservations exist. Marvellous. One lady, who was planning to celebrate her birthday in Paris, was taken away in handcuffs, because she was a shouty drunk.


It's now 4.30am, I have been here since 7pm. I have been lied to several times by the same member of staff, who is the most obnoxious, rude, arrogant, jumped-up little jobsworth turd that I have ever that the misfortune to encounter. He repeatedly told me that tickets would be reissued at 5am, and not before, but then did exactly that, about 3 seconds later.


He was confronted by a queue of people that was 500+ long, and had the temerity to be more than one person wide. He wanted a single-file queue. He was shouting at people that he was simply going to stop to helping people. Eventually, he just said "I'm not doing this, I'm knackered".


Not the right thing to say to that crowd. I think he's still alive. If anyone on here has ANY power in the world of Eurostar's HR department, please fire him, for the sake of humanity.


One of my friends has now missed being the witness at her friend's civil wedding at 11am.


Eurostar -- a useless shower of arse.


And breathe out...
(Exiled Youth [witty comment], Fri 14 Nov 2008, 4:46, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

What is love?

(WANKERTRON you say "prick", I say "wanker", Fri 14 Nov 2008, 0:13, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

An odd thing happened earlier tonight
I was in the kitchen, Tourette's was sleeping off a headache. The house was quiet, save for Sweary jr playing on his XBox.

It was about 7:45, when there was a bang on the door. Not the door we normally use, and I couldn't find the key. Someone banged on the door, so I shouted that I couldn't find the keys.

The banging got more urgent, "You need to open up".

"I can't, I can't find the keys".

"It's the police"!

WTF?

"You'll need to go round the back", shouts I.

30 seconds later there's a knock on the other door. Sure enough, two coppers are standing there.

"Is this ****"? they ask.

"Yes, replies I.

"We've had a report of a domestic disturbance at this address a few minutes ago and need to come in".

Erm, OK.

So they come in and ask if everything is alright. Of course it is, I say, slightly bemused. Once they'd asked a few questions and satisifed themeselves that there were no people hiding in the loft, and that we haven't been braying the shit out of each other, they leave, but not before ringing the number that had made the complaint in the first place. A woman, who wishes to remain unnamed.

Odd thing is, earlier that evening, a woman rang our home number and had appeared to have dialled a wrong number, as she asked for someone called Dave (and no, not Dave Ross). A person whom, on checking 1471, had withheld her number.

So. Someone playing silly buggers, or an honest mistake?

I'm a bit spooked.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 13 Nov 2008, 22:49, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I heart b3ta
Just thought I'd say.

Been offline-ish for a few days and now I am back and catching up... I've missed my fixes of kittums, lolz, helpful usefulness, pithiness and sickity poo.

You're lully, b3ta :)
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:38, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

how do i get in contact with the criminal underworld?

(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:35, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Red spot nightmare - and I'm not talking about Jupiter
I have a date tomorrow, and I've got this big red thing by the side of my mouth which might not look too good with the lady friend.

Any tips on calming the bleeder down?

Ta
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 21:15, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Whoa nearly got a murderin'
Just came back from football at the other side of the county. We got beat 4-2 or 5-2 and I only got on for 5 fucking minutes so I'm extremely pissed off.

So we came back across county towards the pub that sponsors us and we usually have a pint or two, sandwiches and soup after the game. In a fit of silent protest I decided to surreptitiously not turn up to the pub in some kind of petty silent protest.

AAAAANYWAY. So I was walking home and heard some dodgy mobile-ish music round the corner and presumed that despite the rather high decibel level, this could only be the quality of a mobile phone. So I turned the corner and over the other side of the road was a group of 4 hooded youths with predicted cheap mobile.

I had to cross the road to get onto my small street and, I admit the first thing to cross my mind was "what the fuck are these non-educated delinquents doing on my fucking street?" and secondly, well I can't exactly walk past my turn-off like a coward so I'll put my head up and strut on past. I think lac of confidence to them is like a dog smelling fear.

Just before I decided to cross I realised they were beginning to cross to my side? Oh well danger averted. Not so - these hooligans decided to feint back towards me in their little pack of stinking badness, but luckily I'd made my turn off and turned my back on them.

It was then when a fucking basketball smashed the wall beside my head. Now I heard the initial kick sound so expected it would be aimed towards me but didn't expect it to be so close. Being so pissed off, ohhhh I was pure raging at the football tonight so I absolutely leathered the basketball at my feet over about 3 garden walls and pegged it down my road!!

Seeing as I got so little action at the football I was fit enough to outrun them (I didn't run into my house as they would know where I lived) what with them being drug addicted waste of spaces.

---

ahem the last part was a lie

What actually happened was I jogged towards the basketball, shouted - "you'll be wanting this back?" and kicked the ball back towards them. Only as the ball was wedged into the curbside I completely scuffed it and they laughed at me :(

As they walked away with the ball one of the smaller ones shouted "naw don't kill yerself".

Which left me bemused...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:58, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Regarding the London bash on the 28th
Does anyone have a spare room I could crash in? I don't mind cooking breakfast, and will go halves for taxi fare etc. Plus, I have my own sleeping stuff so floor space is sufficient. Erm... help?

/Edit

Cheers Mista!
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:28, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

this has to be brought to everyone's attention
www.biggerbetterbeards.org/
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:26, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

AntivirusPro2009
Hello there. Hope you techy types can help. Firstly, I must confess ignorance when it comes to most things computer. I have what may be a problem, but am unsure of how to remedy it.

Something called AntivirusPro2009 has appeared on my laptop. I keep getting pop-ups saying I have spyware and that my computer is infected. I don't know where it has come from and have no idea of how to remove it. I do hope someone here can help out!
(Stop Bloody Antivirus Pro 2009, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 20:16, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Meat eaters.
What constitutes a full English breakfast?
I contend fried bread is crap, but I have had arguments for the other side also. But black pud is deffo in there.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 13 Nov 2008, 19:33, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

this is useful information for b3tans
www.catswhothrowupgrass.com/kill.php
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 17:44, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Here's a thread for Thursday evening:

( thealternativefact, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 17:31, 135 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

In a similar vein to the below
I used to frequent an IRC channel some years ago and while there I befriended a budding novelist.

She was in the process of getting a novel of hers published and I had the pleasure of reading it as she sent it to me.

Unfortunately I lost touch with the people I knew from there, but I'd dearly like to get my hands on the book because I remember it being great.

It was a sci-fi job, kind of like Heinlein's Starship Troopers sort of thing.

All I can remember is that it was called The Emperor's Finest (at the time), her user name was Michaela and that the main character was a kind of butch female marine...

Anyone got any suggestions on how I could find it?

edit: anyone see that ninja?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 16:48, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)