I'm not normally this sappy
Those of you that read my post on "The nicest thing anyone's done for me" some weeks ago will know some of the back story to this.

As it's coming towards Xmas, the stress on my G/F's daughter from her father is increasing exponentially. For legal reasons, I can't explain why she won't be going to any functions with his new partner, but he's still doing lots of emotional blackmail for her to do so. For weeks, every time she's come off the 'phone to her father, she's distraught. It breaks my heart but all I can do is comfort her and try to explain that none of it is her fault without belittling or blaming her father. Don't get me wrong, I encourage her to see her father (as often as he can be arsed) as I'm a divorced dad myself. I don't want her to lose touch but the circumstances are difficult. Its not easy but the happiness of this little girl means a lot to me.

Last night, very shyly and with a few false starts, she gave me an envelope. Inside she'd written this.

"Life has its ups and downs
But you're always there to take away my frown
Whenever I need a great big hug
You're always there to wrap me snug as a bug
You wipe away my tears
And take away my fears
So I'm glad to call you my Dad
When I'm with you I'm never sad".

Thanks Emily, best Xmas present ever.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 16:57, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gleeeeeeee!!
So I signed the lease on a new, bigger apartment on Saturday, and last night bought a living room set, bedroom set and dining room set for it.
I am all of the happy.

Moving in next weekend.

oh, and my divorce is final too, so double glee!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 16:07, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

boobies
and bum
(Jam Mincer Geordie is oiling his biceps, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 15:19, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

At the b3ta-bash on Saturday
A number of us were outside smoking, and a homeless gentleman came up and asked if any of us would "sponsor a tramp".

As I'm King Of The Tramps^TM, I had a "lucky rummage"* and gave him £1.10.

He then told us a joke:

What's the difference between a pigeon and an investment banker?
See reply for answer...

*reach into pocket, take out two coins and give it to them.
( Cawl, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 14:24, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Flibbiddydibbiddydob by Snuff
Does anyone out there own a copy of this at all please? and if so would they be willing to burn me a copy please?

I have lost mine (the second damn copy I have lost) and its a tenner on Amazon, for 17 minutes of music

If anyone can help please gaz me

Thanks

Halfy
(Halfy By light alone, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 13:43, Reply)

I'm fucking bored
I need entertaining.

Do it b3ta!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 13:38, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Happy new week
It's nearly Christmas, but those of you who are still at work (or not) can still come and join me here.


( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 8:18, 252 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oops...
So in my previous post, I asked about a TV show. But when I went to put the details in the reply, I got side tracked and forgot.

How about I try again?
some of you had good guesses though....not anywhere close to the show, but good guesses all the same
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Mon 22 Dec 2008, 3:19, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can't find it anywhere else
I'm looking for the name of a TV show from around 15 years ago. Details in replies.

Thanks guys!
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sun 21 Dec 2008, 21:38, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bollocks

(__, Sun 21 Dec 2008, 20:24, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I AM ERECTing my tree today
What's UP with you people?
(Jam Mincer Geordie is oiling his biceps, Sun 21 Dec 2008, 14:40, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning!

( jim_bob can herd cats., Sun 21 Dec 2008, 9:38, 62 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Help Needed
.
Does anyone know of a UK based proxy that will let me use IPlayer?

IPlayer blocks me as I don't have a UK based IP address.

Alternatively, can one of the techies around here setup a proxy on their broadband connection that I could use?

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sun 21 Dec 2008, 2:37, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So which one of you is responsible for this?
www.mirror.co.uk/advice/christmas/2008/12/19/police-warn-shopkeeper-of-bad-taste-festive-jokes-115875-20981549/

It's got all the hallmarks of QOTW; disapproval of poor-taste humour and racist intimidation of a defenceless shopkeeper.

Come on, admit it. Who was it?
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 20 Dec 2008, 20:22, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

QOTW gold
full link

It was a simple mistake, Richard Alun Roberts told a Denbigh court, that led him to break into a charity shop and engage in sexual intercourse.

Roberts said he entered the shop believing it was his girlfriend's flat. Only after having sex with her did he spot his surroundings, upon which he stole £18.90 from the till and two suede coats.

The prosecution said that Roberts "had sexual intercourse with the female, in the room, and at the conclusion realised it was St Kentigern's charity shop and not a dwelling."

In mitigation, the defence said: "The intention of the visitation was to have a bit of slap and tickle, or sexual intercourse, with the young lady." Alcohol had also played a part.

Roberts - who had previously failed to attend a trial at which he was found guilty in absentia -was placed on probation for a year and ordered to pay £18.90 in compensation to St Kentigern's.
Denbighshire Free Press
(raymond "three griddle pans" luxury yacht lovin' the christmas action, Sat 20 Dec 2008, 16:27, Reply)

I'm eating my favouritest sandwich in the world
It's cheese, baked beans and salad cream. It's quite gooey, so a bit of a challenge to eat, but... Mmmm :-)

There's only a few people whom I've convinced to try it, however much detail I use describing the texture of the cheese against the beans or the Thousand Island sauce effect you get from the salad cream, or indeed the faced twisting vinegar tang from using really cheap ingredients.

Messy though.

What's your favourite thing to eat when you think no-one's watching?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Sat 20 Dec 2008, 15:18, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

YOUR MUM
Has she put the sprouts on yet?
(Jam Mincer Geordie is oiling his biceps, Sat 20 Dec 2008, 15:03, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Weekend thread
As expected, all's quiet here on the last weekend before Chrimbo.

Drop in and tell us why you're not here this weekend *



* Paradoxes at your discretion
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 20 Dec 2008, 11:06, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What the hell are you doing up at this time of night?
What's your favourite film?
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Sat 20 Dec 2008, 2:42, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

So I went to school today
and got my classroom set up.
While I was there they gave me my laptop. Now laptops are vital in schools these days as rather then blackboards we have interactive whiteboards which run from the laptop.

Anyway, this laptop has been knocking about for a while but it was all set up for me.
The problem is that I have got it home today to find that the USB ports don't work.
When I plug my USB memory stick in the computer recognises it as a memory stick but wants software to run the bloody thing.

Any ideas what I can do to fix it? I can't go back into school as it's the holidays.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 19 Dec 2008, 18:31, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This thing makes me feel so warm...
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/south_yorkshire/7791427.stm

It's almost FLUFFEH!

Nah, just read this and thought it was absolutely ace!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:25, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just went to get my hair cut...(this gets better, I promise)
...I had to wait while other people got theirs done.

Then I realised that one of the people getting a trim was Steve Ryder (BBC sports guy)

And they were playing 'Rocking All Over The World'

Does it get any more B3ta than waiting in a barber shop while a TV presenter is having their hair cut while Status Quo is on the radio?

I think not.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:11, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Orrible!
www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/orrible/

Does anyone remember this?

I really enjoyed this and it was universally slated - it's discontinued on Amazon - does anyone know where you can buy universally slated discontinued DVD's ?

thanks
rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 16:09, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So do I.
I also believe you have self-diagnosed aspergers.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 15:27, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

I believe that.

(__, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 15:26, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

My fizzy water froze. Bubbles and all. And i gave the bubbles to my child and said they were marbles and they melted and he cried.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 15:20, Reply)

I'm Frizzing my fucker

(__, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 15:15, Reply)

I'm fucking my freezer.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 15:15, Reply)

I'm fucking freezing

(__, Fri 19 Dec 2008, 15:15, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)