This is one
sick fuck of a person.
news.ninemsn.com.au/national/734837/child-thrown-off-the-westgate-bridge

I hope he rots in jail.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 29 Jan 2009, 2:25, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Times
Just wondered if there was any way to make the times on the posts resemble my own local time, rather than the time on the other side of the planet? Or am I just being pedantic for wanting to not have to convert everything so it makes sense?
(Magrat rockin' your undies since, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 1:23, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Kaol Black and The Beast Of The Chignals
Latest episode:


Previously...





( Cawl, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 0:57, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*giggles*
Just got back from the gym where next to me on the treadmill was a young girl, obviously her first time at the gym. All was going well until the treadmill started to speed up and within about 20 seconds she realised that wearing a push-up bra might have been a bad idea. Bless, she had a problem keeping them reigned in.

What's the funniest thing you've seen today?
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 18:35, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Evening HSH thread
Is sponsored by the number 4 and the word cunt

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:30, 126 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

b3ta seems to be invading your government!
That's the only way I can explain this:

"A senior British lawmaker confessed to making up the condition known as "cello scrotum" -- which relates to chafing from the instrument -- after reading about another musically-related ailment called "guitarist's nipple" in the British Medical Journal in 1974."

Nipples and scrotums on CNN. My day has been brightened.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:56, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just made myself salivate by planning dinner
Thai-style salmon fishcakes with chive and soy sauce mash and sweetheart cabbage dressed sesame oil and lime.

mmmm. I should be on Masterchef

/lowers own trumpet
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:43, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Onion
I've just had a look at The Onion for the first time in years, and it's reminded me why I stopped reading it.

But the editorial cartoons seem to be something new - and they're lousy. Reactionary, unfunny, unsubtle... Are they a spoof, or in earnest? Either way, they don't work...

AS AL POINTED OUT, THIS IS A SNEAKY ADDENDUM WORTHY OF THE GOAT: Is it me, or are they shit?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 14:07, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A boring, tedious, question about Landlord/Deposit issues I'm having.
Question in replies.

Appreciate any advice b3ta, not sure what to do!
(gin'll fix it, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 12:35, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

First, the good news. (for me)
Tomorrow, I have a very minor operation on my arm that will require me to have 5 weeks off work. H'mmm? arm in brace for 10 days still leaves me with 25 odd days to lounge around be silly.

Now the bad news. My computer monitor would not work this morning. It is exactly 3 days past it's guarantee date. Grrrrrrrrr!
(bugboybeast, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:59, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I can feel the anger building
it started off with me being mildly irritable earlier, but enough stuff has annoyed me that I'm getting close to a rage.

What has or does piss you off? How angry are you right now?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 11:27, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Saw this, and thought of all of you
A funny website for girlfriends of bankers, at first thought it was a wind up

dabagirls.com/

but.....

www.nytimes.com/2009/01/28/nyregion/28daba.html?_r=2&ref=business

Enjoy ;-)
(Stringy, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 10:21, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you had to fuck a...
Ah, screw it.


( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 8:36, 333 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Vagina Monologues
My Mrs and her mate are off to see the Vagina Monologues. Me and the mates' bloke were asked if we wanted to go.

I said we'd rather go see "Knobs with Gobs". Seeing as this doesn't actually exist, I've decided to invent it.

I'm thinking it should involve knobs with those googly eyes stuck on, like cookie monster's, but I'm drawing a blank after that. Any other suggestions for the show?


EDIT: C'mon all the B'tan 'Laydeez', here's your chance to get all the questions you've ever had but never asked about knobs into the show - feel free to ask away...
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 7:24, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cor! I'm excited!
I am going fishing here in June, and then saltwater fishing in La Paz, Mexico, in October.

I is all of the excited!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 7:23, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

while it seems that every time I mention heat
you folks in the currently freezing UK seem to hate me for doing so - I would just like to say that at the moment - I would love to swap places with you. Seriously and honestly and truly.
it is 42.9 degrees celcius.
It has BEEN 38 degrees + for the last four days in a row. It is going to CONTINUE to be like this for the next week.

I feel like the wicked witch of the west... "I'm meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelting!"
Aside from stripping completely nekkid there is no respite :(
Since my family are home - I cannot even do that.

Someone kidnap me to the UK. Like noowwwww.
/huge, pleading, sad eyes
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 3:11, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

what the blistering fuck is so challenging against the Activia Challenge?
Grrrrr
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Tue 27 Jan 2009, 19:31, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

.
Singin'

Alabama, all summer long.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 19:02, 93 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello Fatties.
I've returned from my world tour and subsequent time of leave from b3ta, where I am told it was incredibly shit without me.
How have you, the lesser realistic, handled the lack of JMG in your lives?

Some of you may wish to point out that you couldn't care less to make yourselves appear flippant towards JMG, b3ta's leader so as to impress single mothers and tubby birds on the internet.
I provide a service to you people. Well done me.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 27 Jan 2009, 17:36, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

my boss
I swear to god this just happened. My boss walked over carrying a cup of coffee, took a sip, and asked me politely for the TPS reports. (In my biz, thats Transactions per Second)

I thought he was joking but he was actually serious.

Apologies to those who wont get the reference.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 16:37, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Retarded question of the day
How do you make pages landscape instead of portrait in word? I know it's fully possible, but buggered if I can remember how.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:35, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Some of these last few off-topic threads are getting a little penis-orientated.
Come on ladies...........has anyone ever measured their nipples erect to see how far they stand out?

I guess the men can do this also.

I haven't yet but I'm going to get the tape measure out tonight and think rude thoughts.
( girlinthehole, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:19, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

There's a very small baby in my office
And it's crying, of course. All the women are crowded around saying "isn't it cute?" and my immediate thought was "it's so small, it's at that perfect shakeable size".

What are you going to Hell for today?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 15:18, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Given the choice
would you rather have a giant penis for an arm, or a hand equipped with 5 penises?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 13:55, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just had a strange conversation at work.
If you Mum had a terminal illness, and the only way to cure her would be for you to suck off your Dad, would you? *relurks*
(Raoul Moat's New Fishing Rod, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 12:33, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alright wankers
Who's going to get upset and wobble a lot today then?


(cheeses swept kissed a dog and he liked it., Tue 27 Jan 2009, 11:50, 59 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh dear...
...Have to post this in the reply, me thinks...
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 27 Jan 2009, 11:35, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Grrrrr
Not so much this clicky but the the last paragraph

Meanwhile Mick’s elder daughter Kayleigh last night paid a brief but touching tribute to her father on her social networking page.

She wrote simply: “R.I.P Dad. Love u mur than words cud xplain. XXX.”

You would have thought she'd have enough respect for her dear departed father to USE FUCKING ENGLISH!!!!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 10:55, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you could change the rules of English
what would you change?

I propose we all suggest a change to the English language - be it spelling, grammar or even re-defining words. When posting to this thread, the post must obey all the rule-changes proposed in previous messages.

I propose we abolish capital letters, redefine 'hedgehog' to mean 'foot', and change the spelling of the word 'flies' to 'flyss'.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 9:42, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you had to fuck an animal
which animal would you fuck?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 8:52, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)