Lead up to Christmas
We have our office Christmas do on Wednesday - at which no doubt someone will disgrace themselves (again). Who has any good Christmas shame stories?

Alt Q:
What are you getting/What do you want for Christmas. I'd like to point out that my Mum is already booked, sorry boys (and girls/donkeys)
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:10, 35 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I already had my christmas party.
I didn't end up doing your mum.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:19, Reply)

In the minority there then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:20, Reply)

I did say "I knew you were a gay but not a married gay"
to my regional director, but it's ok he was drunker than me.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:36, Reply)

some old scrubber put herself about after one too many advocaats,
got up the duff from someone who wasn't her husband, tried to cover it with some shite about the son of god, shocking christmas party that one.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:20, Reply)

In fairness, it was a while ago now
and you KEEP bringing it up
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:22, Reply)

2 years ago
It was my 2nd christmas do in my job. The first had been a disaster, I'd been sat at the table with the rest of the staff, realised there was no-one there I actually liked that much, nor wanted to spend the rest of the night out with. I feigned illness, and went home. From what I've heard, I missed a superb night, but all the lads I was supposed to be out with were coked off their faces, and that just wasn't who I wanted to be with.

So, the year after that it became a meal, rather than a raucous night out. We went for a lovely meal at the Brasserie in Wilmslow. I had something boring for starter (can't remember it), and a slow roasted shin of beef, served with celeriac and other bits for main, fucking delicious.

The day of the meal, 2 of my friends had been made redundant, and I had to sit with the MD, watching him laugh at how good a year it had been, so I wasn't in the best of moods. I resolved this by deciding to drink a few pints with dinner, but not so many that I would lose control.

After the meal had been tidied away, a band came out, and started playing some music, thoroughly enjoyable. I sat with my pint in my hand, enjoying the music, the company, the fantastic food, the meal, how warm the room was....before suddenly realising my eyes were closed, and I had my chin on my chest.

SHIT, I'd been asleep. Not for long, as I recognised they were still on the same track, so a minute or less. I opened my eyes, hoping desperately no-one had noticed. The staff sat on the same row as me hadn't noticed a jot. As I turned back to the table, I saw the other 5 we were out with grinning at me. Ohhhh, fuck.

That was 2 years ago, and they've still not let me forget the night I "drank 3* pints and fell asleep"

It was at least 5, I'm certain of that. Still not great, but not quite as embarrassing

TL;DR - I got pissed and fell asleep at the christmas meal.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:24, Reply)

Ooops
One of my mates must be narcoleptic or something when he has had a drink. I've seen him fall asleep on a girl's shoulder in the middle of chatting her up!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:25, Reply)

It was a very irritating stage of my life
This would happen every time I went out. It didn't matter what I had eaten in advance, what I drank, etc. I'd just sleep. Never for more than a minute at a time, but very irritating.

Used to get mocked, until one night we went to the loudest pub in town, I fell asleep on the couch, upon waking, I went to the bar, bought a double vodka red bull (downed it), 3 sambucas (downed them), and a pint, before coming back to sit down, and carrying on the rest of the night. Was entertaining to see the shocked looks on their faces!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:34, Reply)

last year i was horrendous
didn't eat all day, was beyond plastered by 6pm, spent from 6.05pm to 3.05am talking to Insolvencyboy which was noted by everyone in the office. walked home as far as office with him. stood outside chatting until nearly 4am. he then said, "come in and get a cab." i was so desperate for him NOT to think i fancied him (he has a gf) that i insisted there would be cabs on the strand and walked off.

got the wrong nightbus. ended up on a council estate somewhere. tried to bribe the driver to take me home. failed. stumbled onto main road. flagged down a car. paid him £20 to take me home. then rang the ex and yelled at him the whole way there because i was in an illegal cab and might get raped. it was not my finest moment.

also one of my colleagues admired my perfume. instead of saying "thanks" like a normal person, i said "here, try some!" and squirted it right into her mouth.

this year's is on thursday............... i might not go........
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:26, Reply)

I like this!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:27, Reply)

Fantastic.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:39, Reply)

i was quite ashamed of myself for the following week

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:43, Reply)

I've decided against shame now
I've been out with everyone several times since, and the one who takes the piss the most has seen how much I can put away on a good night, so now if I tell him I can drink more than him, he shuts up pretty quickly.

Also, if anyone takes the piss, just take it out on your trainee. Just stop banning bacon!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:54, Reply)

Worst one ever
was in a rather decent restaurant on the Fulham Road.

A foolish young Monty had several massive lines during the pre-dinner drinks, could neither eat anything not look anyone in the eye, made up a bullshit story about DJing and left at nine.

*belms at self*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:26, Reply)

Sounds good
You should have stayed
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:27, Reply)

No Christmas shame stories
unless I've forgotten a large portion of last night or something.

Alt Q: Nothing much really. Ask me after Christmas though and I'll have thought of a couple of a dozen things
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:31, Reply)

did you go to Bristol yesterday?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:41, Reply)

yeah we arrived about twenty minutes after
you dashed off. We felt quite hurt
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:46, Reply)

I had said I could only make it for a couple of hours.
shame to have missed you. My mrs was feeling a bit shy though so didn't fancy joining everyone for a while, otherwise I'd have been there.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:51, Reply)

I would never do that to you
jus' sayin'...
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:57, Reply)

that's because you are an attention-whore ;-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:59, Reply)

n attention-
(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 16:02, Reply)

well I suppose if the dutch cap fits...

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 16:04, Reply)

Then you've probably already got the AIDZ

(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 16:06, Reply)

there was a girl at one office party I went to (no it wasn't me) who got absolutely leathered and was dancing with her arms above her head
not realising her dress had slipped down and her boobs were doing their own dance.

She later jumped on the guy I'd already snogged so everyone thought I was going to punch her so he scarpered off home. In the end she did me a favour though because he was my boss and that would have been the worst idea ever.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:56, Reply)

Wouldn't be the first time though would it?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:57, Reply)

hey that guy wasn't my boss
he was just a douche.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 15:58, Reply)

That doesn't make it better.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 16:01, Reply)

it really doesn't
*sits in shower scrubbing self and crying*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 16:04, Reply)

Couple of years ago we had dinner on one side of brighton
and then ended up walking all the way to the other side to play pool in a pub, then we ended up walking all the way back to another pub to meet the people who didn't want to play pool.

On the way back half our party jumped in a taxi but there wasn't room for all of us so I bought a bottle of wine which we drank on the way.

After yet more booze I caught the last train home, but due to the effects of the booze I was forced to stop and have a shit in the middle of the rugby pitch on my way home.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 16:02, Reply)

It would have been more impressive if you'd shinned up the post and shat from the crossbar.

(Cave Duck, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 16:04, Reply)

That's disgraceful...
...you'd never be able to convert it from the middle of the pitch
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 16:05, Reply)

A couple of years ago
I and a few of my colleagues were put in charge of organising the party, and indeed the "organised fun*" that went with it. I was put forward as the best candidate to compère this organised fun - and apparently I did quite a good job of this - but combine it with having felt pretty lousy around that time, I ended drinking very heavily.

In the end, two of my then-housemates heard me insisting that it would probably be easier if I just slept in my office and decided they'd better get me home. I'm sure if they'd frogmarched me into a taxi I would gratefully have reimbursed them in full the following day, but they decided, instead, to frogmarch me home on foot.

The distance was about 4.5 miles across London. They were both about half the size of me. It was an impressive feat from their point of view, and a fairly shameful one from mine.

*_{A classic oxymoron, alongside such great examples as 'American Intelligence', 'Lib Dem leadership' and 'Arab unity'...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 13 Dec 2010, 16:11, Reply)

We got told yesterday that we're not getting a christmas party
just after we'd all* spent two hours tarting the place up for christmas :( This is crap because our christmas parties are awesome.

alt: Cherry red patent DMs *drools*. I wanted leopard print ones, but apparently they 'don't exist' or some shit like that.



*except me, I was being a lazy fuck at home, making fun of Vodafone on Twitter. But, y'know, in spirit I was halfway up a ladder.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Mon 13 Dec 2010, 16:31, Reply)

Well thats my QOTW suggestion ballsed up...
but a good read nontheless.

We had ours at an Indians this year. Very Festive, then went to some bar where this guy with a guitar sang Oasis' back catalogue amongst others. Poor.

I decided to drink the bar tab dry and have several (hundred) shots before leaving and spending the night praying to the porcelein God.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 11:55, Reply)