I resolve that I will actually pick up a guitar and attempt to learn to play it this year.
The only things that can hold me back are a) my impatience and b) my frankly gross lack of any discernible musical talent.

Al should give up having an illicit affair with my mum. In fact, all of you should.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:47, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What about your dad?
It would be a shame to break it up now after all those years.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Oh, Blousie.
You really should stay away from Dad. Or, if you are going to stay with him, could you at least start washing his shirts once in a while?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:50, Reply)

If I can fit it in between the constant knobbing......then I'll try.

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Thanks, you're an angel.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:56, Reply)

You and I should form a band
It'd be the worst band ever, but only exist for a few seconds before we destroy our instruments and fuck off to the pub.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:48, Reply)

RRRAAAAAAWWWWK!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:50, Reply)

Your missus can totally be a groupie

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:00, Reply)

I'll get her to make a sign.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Shit, this is gettin' professional now!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:06, Reply)

It used to be all about the music, man

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:08, Reply)

We need Monty as our official dealer
and someone to get us all the brown M&Ms we could possibly need
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:11, Reply)

I am, to all intents and purposes, that roadie fellow in 'Wayne's World II'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Precisement

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Can I be a roadie?
I have a car and muscles.

I could probably sort you out with drugs as well.

Rings Monty.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I'd prefer you as our fixer/bodyguard
You seem resourceful and too much fun to be muckin' it with the roadies.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Ooo! I never thought of that.
I have the gravitas to pull that off.

I also know what kind of ladies you like : )
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Is that to me, or the whole band?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:17, Reply)

You mainly.
I don't think the others are that fussy.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:24, Reply)

I am too fussy for my own good really

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:26, Reply)

She's making up t-shirts as we speak.
Hell, she's working on a whole merch stand. Bootleg recordings of anguished screams in warehouses. Keyrings made of shards of ex-guitar. Thongs with our faces on.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Love it love it love it!
Who wouldn't want a thong with our faces on?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:11, Reply)

People with mental problems I should think.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Can my one have a cut out section
So that a lady's brazilian looks like my mohawk?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:13, Reply)

:(

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Why the sad face?
It's an AWESOME idea!
If I wasn't at work right now I'd totally 'shop up an example.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:16, Reply)

clearly it is brilliant and rock and roll and all
but, unfortunately, I just visualised it
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:16, Reply)

"I Like This"
Perhaps there could be a cut out section for my beard?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Yes!
And I can use it as a screening process:
"Hello groupie number 87, whose face is on your thong?"
"Tightly's!"
"Go home and trim that shit. NEXT!"
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:19, Reply)

who's got a really thin face for the back?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:12, Reply)

I'd have thought we'd have a pair each.
All three of our faces on one undergarment would be far too amazing for our fans to handle.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:18, Reply)

ooo! can I join?
there are loads of instruments I can't play. On my computer desk, alone I have an ocarina, fife, recorder and flute. I can see my poor, neglected guitar from here too
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:54, Reply)

By all means!
Pick whichever instrument was cheapest, because our frustration at our own ineptitude will surely lead to it being deemed 'stupid' and thrown across the room.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:57, Reply)

"I can't *DO* it!
It's obviously fucking broken. Fucking thing not fucking working. Argh, fuck it anyway."
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:02, Reply)

well the fife and the recorder are plastic
oo! I forgot, I have a plastic flute, too. And a wooden one. And a drum.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:03, Reply)

This could be carnage.
I hope one of you has a big garage to store all of the broken kit in.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:05, Reply)

carnage
or musical GENIUS!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:06, Reply)

Almost definitely genius*.
*and maybe a soupçon of carnage.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Can I be the singer?
I miss being a singer and the bf is having none of my suggestion of being the new Peters & Lee.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:55, Reply)

She even looks like you...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:57, Reply)

I look at you more like Sonny and Cher.
Or Donny and Marie. Or Barry and Paul.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:57, Reply)

or Joey Deacon and Ernie Roberts.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:07, Reply)

^ this, except for my piano
I *can* play it, and quite well (when I've been practising), I just don't. So currently it's being used as a very expensive bookshelf.
(berk, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:51, Reply)

You're missing opportunities for good old fashioned Cockernee Knees Ups.
Not that you're a Cockernee. But, you know, for the look of the thing.

Roll aht the barrel...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:59, Reply)

A real piano with keys and everything?
Electric or upright?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:59, Reply)

It would be a pretty shit piano if it had no keys
but it is an electric because they're more easy to move and don't need tuning. It's one of these.
(berk, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:03, Reply)

That is a thing of beauty.
I'm genuinely jealous, not that I can play more than a little melody or a few basic chords on one.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Something like, oh, I don't know, 'Live Forever'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:11, Reply)

This, coming from someone who's remembered the name of one of their songs from sixteen fucking years ago.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:14, Reply)

'Don't look back in anger' is their 'best' one.
The first line is without doubt the worst lyric I have ever heard. Ever. I realise I am quite given to hyperbole, but on my life I cannot think of a more pathetic piece of writing.

It makes the Human League's 'The Lebanon' look like 'Waterloo Sunset'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:19, Reply)

There's a few I like, couldn't pull their names out of a hat but I started my guitar career learning their simple melodies and variations on chords.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:25, Reply)

I started with 'Wild Thing' by The Troggs, I think.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I tried to drum along to Queens of the Stone Age - 'No One Knows' and '3's and 7's'
Set my sights a little atmospheric there.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I'd try Ramones songs first if I started drumming, I think.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Yeah, I can play along to a few of the simpler punk/rock tracks I tried
But they're a bit boring. I know it's all about keeping the rhythm, but I like a drum beat that gets the chance to just rock the fuck out at times.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:34, Reply)

'I Don't Live Today' by Jimi Hendrix has an interesting drum pattern
also 'Warning' by the Aynsley Dunbar Retaliation (also covered by Black Sabbath).
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Haha, so did I!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:31, Reply)

It's certainly very pretty
but I really need to get off my arse and play it more. The only reason I bought it was because my parents could never afford piano lessons for me as a kid, so I taught myself and when I came in to some inheritance I was like: damnit, I've wanted a piano for the last 15 years so I'm bloody going to buy one.
(berk, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Nice work.
I don't know why I stopped playing. This time I'm determined to get good again and find a collaborator, maybe another guitarist, musician or vocalist to play some covers and write some stuff with. It's a teenage dream I lived out a little in my twenties but it fizzled out and I just got stuck playing the same old stuff.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I'll let you join Electric Head Funk if you like.
I've been thinking about getting the band back together.

No bent shit allowed, though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:29, Reply)

And for that reason, I'm out.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Feels like everyone on b3ta
can play an instrument and wants to be in a band :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:38, Reply)

You can play the 'pink oboe'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Get one of these:
www.hammond-organ.com/Products/B3.htm
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:10, Reply)

We had one of those at school, I think
or at least something very similar. I would probably use it even less than the one I've got though, so...no.
(berk, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:14, Reply)

If I had one I'd never go out.
Spending night after night at home, on my own, gurning and sweating, hunched over my organ, in a world of my own...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:22, Reply)

I picked up my guitar recently for the first time in a year.
I've enjoyed myself thoroughly, I don't know why I ever stopped.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:55, Reply)

guitar penis
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:56, Reply)

thoroughly repeatedly
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Because you're shit at it and play Oasis?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Nah, I'm not shit and only occasionally play Oasis.
Judge me all you will, Boyce, my moobs are like a shield of steel.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Oh, so you 'only occasionally play Oasis', eh?
You sound like a middle-aged man trying to justify an affair.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:08, Reply)

That's pretty much what's happening here.
I don't care anyway, I occasionally play some Coldplay, a little U2, some KT Tunstall, lots of other shit, simply because it sounds fucking lush.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:10, Reply)

lu ga
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:16, Reply)

There are some melodies and combinations of chords I play that make my existence sing.
I can't help it if the source material is fundamentally shit.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 13:27, Reply)