Its Christmas eve, eve
and I'm getting toasty with ketal one and pizza

what are you doing b3ta?

alt q: snow stopping you from travelling?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:26, 171 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I have sherry
Which I'm drinking from a pint glass because I can't be arsed washing up.

Me and the housemate just discussed the possibility of listening to some christmas music to make us feel a bit more festive. We are now listening to a live Frank Black album.

Alt: No, I only have to go round the corner to either of my parents and my work.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:31, Reply)

sometimes I miss living with house mates

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:33, Reply)

I've only got the one
And he's a pretty good housemate. Doesn't mind that I never do anything useful, and gives me a spliff and a pint of Ribena when I'm hungover.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:35, Reply)

you didn't even spell it correctly, for your sake I hope you look as gorgeous as
these men do when drinking it
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:35, Reply)

He's on the internet
Of course he's gorgeous.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:38, Reply)

I did do pretty good out of the hot or not thing
plus I make this one person fairly moist regularly
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:38, Reply)

I didn't see the hot or not thing
This is not fair. I want to judge people.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:39, Reply)

Its still out there in diminished form

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:47, Reply)

But where?

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:47, Reply)

I think the URL is on my profile
EDIT : scoreboards.hotornot.com/b3tards?page=0

EDIT2: linkrot fail. its gone.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:52, Reply)

doesn't work
Do I have to sign up?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:54, Reply)

nah I think its just disappeared into the aether

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:56, Reply)

How rubbish, I was looking forward to that.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:56, Reply)

probably.

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:38, Reply)

Nope, not stoppd me at all.
I'm in Holland now with my cousins. :D

I'm watching dutch television with my cousin. Trying to understand it is fun..
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:42, Reply)

How are you adapting to life in the UK?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:43, Reply)

Ahaha I loved the UK. I could really happily live there.
I have reasons to live there. it's just not possible at the moment.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:46, Reply)

What reasons?

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:55, Reply)

my reasons.
I just really enjoy it. Lots of people I like over here.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 21:17, Reply)

I have a Dutch friend
Trying to understand him is fun. Especially after a smoke and a few pints.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:44, Reply)

Do any of your cousins have inflatable shoes?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:51, Reply)

I don't know - Jaco says no and that she's never heard of them..

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:53, Reply)

I knew a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes.
Sadly, she popped her clogs.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:54, Reply)

Hahaha!
*facepalms*
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:57, Reply)

Sorry.
That was awful.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:59, Reply)

that was awwwwwwwwwwful.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:03, Reply)

Sorry Poppet.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:09, Reply)

you should be, my cousin laughed at me.
I feel like an idiot now. :(
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:10, Reply)

Why did your cousin laugh at you?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:11, Reply)

I think she knew the joke but acted as though she hadn't.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:19, Reply)

hahahahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:21, Reply)

Hi Jeff!
How was the meal last night?
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:54, Reply)

It was good cheers Blousie.
How is the world of snot?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:55, Reply)

Very slowly getting better.
I had Covent Garden jerk sweet potatoe soup for dinner. It was bloody fab.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:56, Reply)

I don't know what to have for dinner this evening.
Suggestions please.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:57, Reply)

What did you have last night?

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:58, Reply)

I had curry last night. It was lovely.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:58, Reply)

Well since you'll be eating well for the next couple of days, have something simple.
Egg and chips.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:59, Reply)

I really don't care for egg and chips.
Bangers and mash is a possibility, but I don't know if I can be arsed to mash the spuds.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:00, Reply)

I love egg and chips.
It doesn't take that much work to mash a few spuds.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:02, Reply)

he could mash them while watching tv

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:03, Reply)

Nah! men can't multi-task.

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:04, Reply)

pity for him
it's what I do if I have to prepare vegetables. Stick bbciplayer on, and it doesn't feel so boring
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:06, Reply)

We could do.
But if we did multi-task, then women wouldn't be busy enough and they'd become a nuisance and they'd want to learn to drive or vote.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:08, Reply)

You can't be watching the tellybox whilst cooking.
That is bad form.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:05, Reply)

I meant to go to my parents' today
but I haven't. Perhaps tomorrow I ought to.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:49, Reply)

Are you stuck in snow?

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:50, Reply)

no
it's tricky getting down the hill but harder to break the apathy
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:16, Reply)

I hear you

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:19, Reply)

Just had dinner
now I have tea and a cold.

Alt Q: nope. Both my parents are excellent drivers and not timid
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:52, Reply)

oh, I'm totally cleaning
alt: no

do you drink your ketel one neat?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:55, Reply)

yep.
Chilled from the fridge.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:02, Reply)

ew

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:03, Reply)

How do you drink yours?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:05, Reply)

I don't drink vodka.

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:13, Reply)

gin?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:16, Reply)

eurgh no
rum all the way, mate
or bud light
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:17, Reply)

No absinthe?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:19, Reply)

This will be my one saviour on christmas day
I went round me ma's the other day and noticed she had a bottle in. That is SO getting drunk.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:21, Reply)

Nice

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:22, Reply)

I like coming from a family of heavy drinkers

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:24, Reply)

I drink more than anyone else in my family

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:28, Reply)

We're pretty much all as bad as each other
Gotta have some entertainment on Christmas day. In fact, last year I introduced my Nana to WKD. She fookin' LOVES it.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:30, Reply)

My nan loves the G&T

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:31, Reply)

Nah I'm always out boozing with my family
Go out on the lash with my sister or my mum, and everyone knows not to let me and my nana be left alone with booze while we're supposed to be doing anything. It was one of my sister's 6th birthday a few months ago, me and my nana were supposed to be preparing the food and meeting them at the venue, we turned up absolutley cunted, with a load of half-arsed sandwiches.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:35, Reply)

I get the lack of hangovers
from my dad, but as a family we don't really drink together because we all get really argumentative when we're tipsy. Thankfully we all have a decent tolerance so we can get quite a few back before we reach that point
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:37, Reply)

Ah you see, we just end up shouting random, obscene, in-jokes at each other
But we do that when sober anyway. I'm quite lucky really, I was talking about my Mum's tits on Facebook all day the other day, and even put up a picture to illustrate my point (cleavage shot, not the full thing). She took it in good humour, even when my friend Luke commented saying 'sweet tittyfucking christ!'. I love my mum.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:41, Reply)

my parents just started drinking at summer
it was glorious to hear my mother say she got "poo faced"
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:32, Reply)

Ah good times
The g/f's dad came home drunk last Friday when I was visiting her. He picked up the term lard-on from me and now wont stop using it.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:35, Reply)

everybody around me says wolf pussy all the time because I started saying it
I want to punch them, it's lost it's essence
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:39, Reply)

What phrases have you picked up on here do you use that confuse your fellow Americans?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:41, Reply)

God, there are loads
Sometimes when talking to real people I forget you can't say the same things out loud as you can online. At least, not without them looking horrified, disgusted or faintly nauseous.
(berk, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:45, Reply)

Evening berk.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:46, Reply)

I had to stop myself from saying 'fnar'
When my cousin put as her Facebook status that her dad was sweeping her chimney. She wouldn't have appreciated it.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:47, Reply)

If someone says what more than once
I have to stop myself from following up with "in the butt"
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:49, Reply)

Ha, brilliant!

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:51, Reply)

Other sayings that have escaped into RL from me
RL
Lulz
Do not want
de RIS
Mongtarded
twunt
hamtoucher
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:57, Reply)

I have been describing far too many people as 'complete belming retards' recently.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:58, Reply)

none, really
sometimes I say badgers cunt
a couple people say mong and twat--twat we use, just say it differently, but sometimes we say it like you would
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:05, Reply)

Is cunt not used that much stateside ?
we tend to use it more casually
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:08, Reply)

it's an extreme insult to any woman
a bit like the n word
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:13, Reply)

The 'N' word?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:14, Reply)

you know...
Nuh-nuh-nuh-who-are-you-calling-a-stuttering-cunt
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:17, Reply)

en eye gee gee e argh

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:18, Reply)

I knew that. I was just making you say it so I could call you
A CUNT!

:)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:19, Reply)

But over in Americaland
'Wanker' isn't that bad, is it? I say 'cunt' a lot - I just showed my housemate something and said it was 'absolutely cunting brilliant' without a second thought.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:15, Reply)

nah, not bad at all
but if you ever want to see how fast you can get slapped by an american woman, call her a cunt

not me though, because I don't care
unless it was another american calling me that, because I'd know they fucking mean it
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:20, Reply)

and then they'd get a swift cunt punt

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:20, Reply)

Right into the Guinness world record book

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:29, Reply)

I was pretty shocked
I was watching an American box-set which I know is broadcast pre-watershed, and I saw a character call another character a wanker. I actually rewound it and everything.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:22, Reply)

I have to say I am pretty desensitised to swearing
Its going to be tough with family this xmas.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:26, Reply)

It's not that I was shocked by the word
I mean, I'm one of the sweariest people I know. I just really didn't expect to see it in a primetime American show - especially knowing how uptight some Americans are. That's what shocked me.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:28, Reply)

haha
I say it sometimes in hot fuzz stylee "wwwwwwwwwwwankerr"
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:26, Reply)

Did you have to explain any of hot fuzz to your friends?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:30, Reply)

I don't know anyone that's seen it!

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:34, Reply)

wankers.

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:37, Reply)

HA

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:40, Reply)

dear god, no
had once, puked back up
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:21, Reply)

I always feel I can't turn down absinthe
I am a pretentious artist after all
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:23, Reply)

cooking
i hate cooking.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 18:55, Reply)

What's cooking?

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:01, Reply)

im making chicken in breadcrumbs and spaghetti with some sauce
i just fucking hate the whole palaver. i want a chef :(
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:03, Reply)

let me move into your house and I will cook you delicious foods every day

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:03, Reply)

If I can find a man who likes cooking then I will be a very happy woman.

( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:06, Reply)

my mate matt likes to cook
for his wife
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:12, Reply)

my ex liked to cook
he would not make you happy
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:23, Reply)

commmme to meeeee
commmmmme to meeeeeee
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:07, Reply)

I made mega noms last night, bacon wrapped steak, spicy sauteed carrots and zucchini, mushrooms and onions
then copious amounts of wine
which i did NOT make
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:11, Reply)

Come and live on my couch.
please.

My place has working heaters and no less than two computers
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:15, Reply)

i want that :(

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:20, Reply)

I could mail you some cinnamon waffles?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:22, Reply)

send to:
Willenium
c/o The internet
Yorkshire
UK
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:28, Reply)

I hear you
I hate cooking, I've lived in my new place for three months and not used the oven once yet.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:04, Reply)

click for small world

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:05, Reply)

i live alone, im cooking tonight but its rare i'll fucking bother
i always have a bag of those frozen mini sausage rolls...50 for a pahnd innit. thats FIVE fucking dinners right there
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:08, Reply)

It's all about toast round my place
Toast and pasta, if I can be arsed.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:09, Reply)

Dont forget cereal

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:11, Reply)

Fuck cereal
That means you have to have milk in
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:12, Reply)

definitely don't get up early enough for breakfast
bought some frozen cinnamon waffles last week
they'll never be opened
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:13, Reply)

Just because The Man tells you you should have waffles for breakfast
doesn't mean you have to.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:15, Reply)

Eat what you want when you want.

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:16, Reply)

Yeah man, power to the night-time toast eaters!

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:17, Reply)

fight the power!

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:18, Reply)

fuck all that breakfast for dinner shit
who_really_enjoys that?
not me
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:19, Reply)

I do
fight the powah
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:20, Reply)

nah, I'd rather have real food
like that wot has been mentioned up yonder
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:23, Reply)

I don't understand how anyone can make the effort
I must eat toast for lunch 5 days a week.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:27, Reply)

My staple diet
when I'm at home is toasted ham sandwiches
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:30, Reply)

do you not tire of it?
get a carrot in you!
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:31, Reply)

Heh heh hehe hehe heh
www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxuCeHUxoBY&feature=related
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:32, Reply)

Nahh, vegetables are for losers
and I say this as a vegetarian.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:36, Reply)

Bacon is a vegetable

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:40, Reply)

I should point out that I also haven't been to the supermarket since I moved into my new place.

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:42, Reply)

You are officaly my new role model.
If you make it to my bash there will be a badge
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:44, Reply)

Ohhh wow!
What will it say?
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:45, Reply)

teh official role model
to teh internets
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:48, Reply)

I'm down with that
You might have trouble convincing the rest of the internet to get good degrees and then stay in a part time minimum wage job drinking too much and eating toast every day though. Just saying.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:50, Reply)

*cough*
Reddit
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:52, Reply)

This is true
I shouldn't say things like that on here anyway, I don't want JMG thinking he's right.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:54, Reply)

its what the people in the pizza shop do

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:05, Reply)

^This
I'm not even sure how I would go about using it. I've eyed it suspiciously a few times, but I don't know how I would go about turning it on.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:07, Reply)

Owww.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-12068954
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:39, Reply)

Poor little fella
Evening Jeff - eyeing that one up are you?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:43, Reply)

Yeah, but only when he has thawed out a bit.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:44, Reply)

You'll have to be careful on the form if you adopt him
When I adopted a cat from the RSPCA I had to fill out a questionnaire - one of the questions was "What do you want a cat for?"

I was tempted to write "lunch" but I don't think it would have gone down well.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:50, Reply)

haha
nosy cunts
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:52, Reply)

What a bloody stupid question to ask someone.
The only reason you get a cat is because you like cats.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:53, Reply)

Well you might like big cats and not have the room for one.
You could put on the form 'because my house isn't big enough for me to have a snow leopard, therefore a small cat will have to do.'
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:55, Reply)

They're a bit funny, the RSPCA.
They wouldn't let my sister adopt a cat because the dogs aren't neutered.

Firstly, they're pedigree dogs and if we ever get round to it we'll be using at least one for stud.

Secondly, are the dogs likely to shag the cat?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:56, Reply)

I went to the headquarters of the RSPCA
It's tiny. You couldn't swing a cat.....
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:58, Reply)

It would be really fucking funny if they did though

(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:00, Reply)

Not for the cat concerned

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:02, Reply)

I'm sure it deserved it
Being all sexy and cat-like.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:03, Reply)

Awwwwww! The wee bugger was freezing.
Anyone would have done the same.
( girlinthehole, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:44, Reply)

That story also proves what a big, gay liar Barrymore is.
After all, it was him who used to say, 'What is a hot-spot not?' (a good spot!)

Turns out Claus thinks differently.

So go fuck yourself Barrymore.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:49, Reply)

Rather than a rent boy.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 19:51, Reply)

Just got back from my aunt's as we always have our Christmas a couple days early, due to my granddad working Christmas Day.
It was ace. Spent the afternoon smoking Lucky Strikes with him as he moaned about the fact 'everyone on tele is a poof these days'.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:28, Reply)

Your granddad makes a good point Bazza.
Have you told him you've chosen to manage Brighton?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:34, Reply)

I was playing it when he arrived.
The look of horror and disappointment on his face was clear for all to see.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:50, Reply)

I'm being angry
and I'll be going to the supermarket in a few mins. I might make a start on this gingerbread tonight. I fancy taking shit out on an inanimate lump of dough. No, not myself.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:32, Reply)

Why are you angry?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:33, Reply)

Friction with sister.
Went into her room (on her invitation, with her in there) and found 3 dresses of mine and a pair of socks. It was the socks that got to me because that meant she'd been rooting through my knicker drawer. I wouldn't DREAM of going in her room without her consent but she thinks it's ok to come in and nick my stuff. If I ddi that to her, there'd be hell to pay. And now she expects me to do all the hard work in cooking and she gets to do the fun bit of decorating.

I'm sorry, I'm really angry over absolutely nothing but I've had one hell of a shit day, about 12 things are upsetting me, and I'd rather just be in London, on my own, curled up with b3ta and cigarettes and wine doing whatever the fuck I wanted.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:39, Reply)

Based on you being this angry I won't make some lube-based comment
to alleviate the 'friction with sister.'

Tell her to cook and get her to do your washing as well.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:42, Reply)

She won't.
I'm more upset than angry. I'll probably end up crying or texting someone inappropriate.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:48, Reply)

Is she younger than you?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:52, Reply)

tell her that in other countries people get their hands cut off for stealing

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:48, Reply)

The annoying thing is I can't reciprocate
as she's tiny-skinny and I'm about twice her size.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:49, Reply)

yes you can, you've got friends, or you can just take one of her shirts and stretch it in front of her to make her think you want to wear it

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:52, Reply)

then use her smalls as towels for ferrets
or something similarly vindictive and destructive
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:53, Reply)

"Oh, I didn't have a lighter so I caught fire from this candle to your jeans so I could light my cigarette"
"didn't want it to taste of scented candle..."
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:54, Reply)

exactly
Kristine gets the idea
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 23 Dec 2010, 20:57, Reply)