Sad news everyone
We cleaned our kitchen the other day, as in scrubbing the walls and windows and moving the microwave to clean under it and cleaning out cupboards. Sadly, the shock of it all killed Gonz.

He is in hevan wit teh ded hollyoaks stars now.

Anyone want to buy 400 dvds of Hollyoaks?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:30, 82 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

No thank you
But congratulations on your clean kitchen!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:33, Reply)

U liv on in r harts

( Kroney, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:33, Reply)

That is sad.
I have had 6 cups of coffee already today. I am now shaking but feel fucking brilliant.
Champers time soon yaaaayyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( wanderlust, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:36, Reply)

O.O
watch out for heart palpitations!
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:38, Reply)

I have decided I love Champagne.
It saved me from a fate worse than death.
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:43, Reply)

And what might that be?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:46, Reply)

Sobriety.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:49, Reply)

sobriety

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:49, Reply)

I'd had a couple of glasses when I was set on fire.
I could have embarrased myself in front of everyone by screaming like a girl instead of just standing there with a grin on my face while everyone stomped around me.
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:49, Reply)

Were they also chanting "Burn The Witch"?

( The Teviot Moose major 5th., Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:51, Reply)

Probably.
They were Spanish Catholics.
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:55, Reply)

What is the champagne for then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:45, Reply)

an enema

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:14, Reply)

fizzy

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:18, Reply)

It's what he would have wanted.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:39, Reply)

nah mate, he would have wanted a sushi bar in his name.

(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:40, Reply)

If he did have a sushi bar it wouldn't just be in his name
he's have himslef stuffed and placed at the front of the resturaunt and every night the staff would have to leave bits of food in the offerring plate and the next day it would have mysteriously disappeared
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:34, Reply)

But who's gonna fix my netbook when I come down to London : (

( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:41, Reply)

You back from your holiday Blousie?
*Waves*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:43, Reply)

Yus!
And I'm having a shit day.
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Did you bring back a straw donkey?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:45, Reply)

I wouldn't know where to buy one.
I nearly paid £60 for some sunglasses though.
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:50, Reply)

I never spend more than £15 on a pair
Because I inevitably sit on them and break them.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:51, Reply)

You sit on them?
Why? Does the sun shine out of your ass or something?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:53, Reply)

*golf claps*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:56, Reply)

I used to be like this
but then I found the perfect pair of sunglasses reduced from £100 to 50 and I have had them for at least 6 years with no damage.

I once went caving with a pair of sunglasses in my pocket. That didn't end well for them
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:56, Reply)

I'd like a nice pair of bins
but unfortunately one of my ears appears to be a good three inches lower than the other one.
( Kroney, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Hey you guys!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:33, Reply)

Yeah, fact.

( Kroney, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:35, Reply)

Was it a Nigerian man on the beach selling them?
If so, you should have been able to get a much better price than that.

Looky-Looky!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:52, Reply)

Duty free in Manchester Airport.
But I wouldn't spend that much. That's £60 less for me to go travelling.
( girlinthehole, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:59, Reply)

It's funny because your flat is messy

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Thank fuck for that, I know no one will admit it
but we all hated that cunt.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:48, Reply)

I know most of us secretly agreed with WBM about him

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:55, Reply)

What was said?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 12:58, Reply)

Gonz is a cunt

(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:01, Reply)

Sorry was, gonz was a cunt.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:02, Reply)

I cleaned the kitchen the other day, I think it almost killed the landlady to say "thanks"

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:09, Reply)

my new cleaner starts on fri, thank fuck
the old one was called "vil". the new one is called "veska". where do they get these people?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:11, Reply)

it's a hard knock life

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:12, Reply)

poland?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:13, Reply)

the last one was bulgarian, i think
i never met the one before that. i really need to learn a number of eastern european languages for phrases like:

DO NOT PUT BINLINERS OUTSIDE THE FLAT BEFORE 8:00PM OR THE PORTERS WILL BOLLOCK ME.

DO NOT HIDE MY TV/SKY REMOTE CONTROLS. I KNOW WHERE THEY ARE WHEN THEY ARE WEDGED DOWN THE SIDE OF THE SOFA.

IT IS NOT OK TO LEAVE YOUR HORRIBLE PURPLE FUR-LINED JACKET IN MY HALLWAY AND NEVER COME BACK FOR IT SO I DON'T KNOW WHETHER I CAN THROW IT AWAY OR NOT AND EVERYONE WHO COMES ROUND THINKS THE TASTELESS VILE ARTICLE BELONGS TO ME.

IRON THIS, BITCH.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:18, Reply)

Fucking sub-human slavs.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:26, Reply)

charming
qdb.us/297667
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:31, Reply)

THAT
is blocked by my work filter for being "tasteless" - wtf is it??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:34, Reply)

One of those online chat-blog-thingys
HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!
try pressing the the Caps Lock key
O THANKS!!! ITS SO MUCH EASIER TO WRITE NOW!!!!!!!
fuck me
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Hi Jeff.
No I won't.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:43, Reply)

Hi Monty
I don't care.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:44, Reply)

See I dunno if you are joking or actually a bitch

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:42, Reply)

Bonjour Madame Kettle. Tu est noir.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:44, Reply)

haha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:46, Reply)

Mon dieu...
"Tu es noir," pour l'amour du ciel !
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:49, Reply)

Yeah but there's a difference between being a bitch to you cunts
and paying someone to clean your flat because you are too much of a lazy cow / OH MY GOD CLEAN ME? LIKE SERIOUSLY I MAY BREAK A NAIL OR SOMETHING and then treating them like poo
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:50, Reply)

it's like this...
i leave for work anywhere between 6.30am-7.30am. and i am generally at work until about 8pm, frequently until gone midnight. on the nights i'm not working 16 hour days, i like to go out and see my friends. and usually get in after midnight. i then get up at 6am to get ready for work. so that doesn't leave me a HUGE amount of time for cleaning, really.

secondly, how can i treat them like poo when i'm never there to speak to them - they have the keys and just fit it into their weekly schedule. i tip them £50 at christmas and a bottle of champagne.

thirdly, my nails are shit. i bite them.

fourthly, if none of the above were true, some poor lady would be out of her job. is that what you want, TGB? is it?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:57, Reply)

£50 tip?
I'm AWESOME at cleaning and I don't have any hideous coats

so... in answer to number four.. maybe?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 14:08, Reply)

yeah right
we'd just sit there and drink the champagne and no cleaning would ever get done...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 14:12, Reply)

No you wouldn't.
Because you'd be at work.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 14:20, Reply)

I'd have a cleaner if I worked longer hours and had the spare cash
and my house wasn't full of DIY detritus.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 14:00, Reply)

reverse-snobbery about people who have a cleaner
is just as wrong as snobbery about people who are cleaners. it's a business transaction like anything else innit.

besides it's not as if i don't clean if i've had a party or if i see a bit the cleaner missed or if i've locked one of the rooms for some reason and she couldn't get in!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 14:07, Reply)

pick whichever you prefer
i'm very easy
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:49, Reply)

Phone book
between U and W
(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:13, Reply)

Dunno
How much did they cost? You haven't mentioned.
( Kroney, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:29, Reply)

not your meme
make up your own meme. then i will deal with you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:35, Reply)

I thought that was quite funny...

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:44, Reply)

what, kroney?
if he bothered to stalk my posts properly, i did in fact say how much the cleaner was when monty asked a few weeks ago. he is a lame stalker.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:53, Reply)

In other news, how did those climate change spastics not notice that US 'rap-rocker' Kid Rock had infiltrated them?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:19, Reply)

did you see the article in the paper
about the guy who has been dressing up as batman and trying to fight crime by himself? i just saw the headline, but it looked like quite the piece of darwinism in action.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:21, Reply)

I did. In Seattle. Dear God, people are dim.
There are, apparently, several of them. Not for long, one suspects.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Anyone got a link?
This sounds as though it would chime with my interest in the continuing role of natural selection in modern lifefucking hilarious.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:28, Reply)

Here you go:
abclocal.go.com/kfsn/story?section=news/bizarre&id=7890919

Typical US reporting - you can clearly see he is not in any way 'caped'. Cunts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:29, Reply)

Ta kindly.
And Christ on a Segway, what a complete helmet...

Edit: And yes, good point. I see no cape. Just a man in what quite frankly looks like some sort of gimp costume.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:31, Reply)

some the same
+ that I have at home
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:38, Reply)

holy freakin idiots, batman

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:33, Reply)

Capes cause too much drag
I've never understood why superheroes have them. Particularly the flying ones. Have they no grasp of simple aerodynamics?
( Kroney, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:33, Reply)

Far too much drag
You start one day wearing a cape, and it's only a matter of time before you're in a short pencil skirt and ill-fitting fishnets...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Doesn't Lampito own/wear a cape?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:40, Reply)

Exactly, every time I see her she's dressed up as a...oh, hang on.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:42, Reply)

Or this link here.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q81zlawe13M

*Not funny*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:32, Reply)

they've been going at it for 9 months apparently
and they all have some sort of background in police or mma or something like that

it really is a bit silly
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:32, Reply)

I think they watched/read Kick Ass and thought they'd give it a go
Idiots.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:33, Reply)

I think you are definitely right about that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:45, Reply)

Aggadoo.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 12 Jan 2011, 13:34, Reply)