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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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how's everyone feeling today?
i'm happy because our new bed is arriving, annoyed because due to being humped on on a laminate floor for a couple months our nice mattress now has a moldy bit, and stressed waiting to hear back from the job interview from hell.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:14, 125 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
[sympathy reply]

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:24, Reply)
fucking fuming
been helping out on a pro-bono basis for some madwoman, whom i should have charged about £6k for work done, and who is now whinging at me.......

ragerageragerageragerageragerage.

and a tiny bit of hangover.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:24, Reply)
You're doing her a job because she likes U2, and she is whinging?
Some people need a darn good talking to via the medium of a cricket bat.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:34, Reply)
What a complete bitch.
Drinking again Swipe? Tut tut.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:36, Reply)
yeah, it's making me very short-tempered and snappy today
i've just bitten the trainee's head off for breathing too loudly.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:48, Reply)
Your trainee is a bat and you are Ozzy Osbourne AICMFP

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:50, Reply)
there is a similarity with the hair this morning
i'll give you that
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:02, Reply)

You're looking well
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:06, Reply)
Well, you've already shown how cruel you are to him by banning bacon.
What's next, existing?
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:01, Reply)
pretty much

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:04, Reply)
Something tells me the world's first metaphysical employment tribunal is just around the corner...

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:06, Reply)
And I thought Woundwort was cruel.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:06, Reply)
wait, what?
you tell him what he can and can't eat and he does what he's told?

fucking hell. That's pathetic on his part. And rather odd on yours.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:55, Reply)
I'm alright, my day was brightened by a nice email this morning, it was about lunch.
Last night I was convinced I should ask a girl out on a date today, but I was drunk now I'm not so sure.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:24, Reply)
Just be sure she's hot enough, Chompy
that's the only thing that matters.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:26, Reply)
Oh she's hot, and she's nice and fairly interesting.
Just mental.

and my friends sister
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:27, Reply)
I see no way whatsoever this could ever end badly.
Go for it.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:30, Reply)
YAY

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:36, Reply)
I'm normally a harbinger of doom,
But I'm convinced you have struck gold there matey.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:37, Reply)
Thanks this is all great advice.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:41, Reply)
Liking a girl's personality makes you gay.
Real men only care about looks.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:32, Reply)

loo coc
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:37, Reply)
this is quite revealing about the whole Y-chromosomed lot of you
so, it doesn't matter if she's only "fairly" interesting SO LONG AS SHE'S HOT. talk about thinking with your cock.

fucking hell, is it any wonder girls end up cynical and jaded, with you lot around?!?
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:44, Reply)
Pssst.
I think he's joking.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:45, Reply)
who, kroney?
he really isn't!
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:47, Reply)
I'm really not!

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:49, Reply)
Oh. Oh dear.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:51, Reply)
i. rest. my. case.
ALL. THE SAME.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:52, Reply)
well, Kroney, and some tossers you've met.
that's a small subset of "All", m'dear.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:54, Reply)
I've got right up on my high horse here

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:56, Reply)
i think between my hangover and my annoying client
i am too irritable for this.

also the guy i like now doesn't seem to be like this AT ALL, so he might change my mind!
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:58, Reply)
There's nothing wrong with going for a drink with someone you find fairly interesting
the whole point of it is to get to know them better so you can make a better judgment.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:47, Reply)
you don't get to know anyone better over one drink
you just get to decide if you're going to have sex that evening or not. it takes more than one date to make a proper judgment, because nobody is themselves on a first date.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:51, Reply)
I am. I have only two settings: 'awake' and 'asleep'.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:52, Reply)
What about 'hung over' and 'hammered'?

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:53, Reply)
They are sub-settings of 'awake'.
And of 'asleep', thinking about it.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:55, Reply)
With 'awake' and 'asleep' being sub-settings of 'bellend'

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:59, Reply)
zing!

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:01, Reply)
I am.
I assume this is why I don't get second dates.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:52, Reply)
I haven't been on an actual date in ten years

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:55, Reply)
Has your hymen grown back?

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:56, Reply)
Date =/= sex
But yes it has.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:57, Reply)
While I remember, what's this I hear about you attempting to use the veto, hmm?

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:59, Reply)
Clenders was being mean to me

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:00, Reply)
I saw it and laughed. She was just being honest

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:06, Reply)
WRONG
I don't own hotpants nor a pink vest. And the rest of what she said is a lie too.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:09, Reply)
+ my vest is LILAC
and they're just very short cut-offs.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:10, Reply)
Thong, dear boy

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:11, Reply)
Don't be ridiculous,
Clenders wouldn't confuse hot pants with a thong. You're only making it worse by calling her stupid, you know.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:19, Reply)
That's no excuse.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:09, Reply)
Women aren't themselves on the first date
Men are the same as always. Trying to get into your pants.

You people should all wear clown trousers, it'd make the jumping in much easier.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:53, Reply)
I think he should make a decision
based on her choice of career and how much money she's got, instead. That would be much less shallow.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:52, Reply)
Oh, well played, there.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:55, Reply)
to me, the serious answer here
is that jobs ARE important. not because you are dateable or less dateable because you earn £20k or £100k, but because what you do all day, every day forms a large chunk of your conversation and motivation for getting out of bed in the morning. in order to have anything to talk about, you have to have similar outlooks on some things.

also you often end up dating people at work, bad idea though it can be, because you automatically have so much in common. and you understand the stresses of each other's lives. eg i've stopped seeing a couple guys after just a few dates because they got really annoyed that i work such long hours and was never around.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:56, Reply)
If work forms a large part of your conversation in any relationship
I'd suggest something is seriously wrong.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:57, Reply)
no, i have to disagree here
you are automatically going to say "how was your day" and then listen to the answer. also if you/other half is having problems at work or is going for a promotion or a new job, you're going to talk about them.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:59, Reply)
That's generically "work", nothing to do with what you actually do
and a measure of a person's empathy. It's got cock all to do with what they do for a job. To suggest, for instance, that I would need to be a solicitor to "understand" how a solicitors day went or to understand that they might need to work long hours is rubbish, swipe. You stopped seeing those two guys because they were too selfish, not because their jobs prevented them from "understanding"
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:26, Reply)
To put it another way
there are probably less than 50 people in this country that would understand a lot of the research I do, or at least be able to have a conversation about it. Do I have to go out with one of them, then? 'cos they're mostly men and despite Monty's fervent wishes, I'm not that mad for the cock.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:28, Reply)
To put it a further different way
constantly banging on about the same old tired stereotypes makes you look like a tit.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:30, Reply)
are you abusing me or swipe, here?

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:32, Reply)
I find this "all men are the same" tripe
really quite offensive.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:33, Reply)
Indeed.
It's more that "all men are indeed the same if you constantly insist on chasing after the same men"
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:34, Reply)
Those with even half a wit should be able to see this.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:40, Reply)
It doesn't even have to be the same men.
I used to have the 'ability' to bring out the same behaviour in men that seemed very different, but it never led me to think they're all the same. I'm sure she's kidding, a bit.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:46, Reply)
If I thought she was, I wouldn't have blown up.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:53, Reply)
So jaded, so young.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:57, Reply)
The idea that people 'are' their jobs makes me feel sick.
Mainly because my job is shit.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:59, Reply)
I "am" my job
because it's impossible not to be with what I do. I'm heavily defined by it. But I do it because it allows me to do what I like and what I think is interesting, more or less. Which keeps me happy. And I'm always learning stuff I want to learn about.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:37, Reply)
I have to concede
that I employed a chap whose girlfriend (they'd been together since school) had a high-flying city job whereas he did shitty admin for me: they were doomed, despite their obvious love for each other.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:58, Reply)
that is sad
but i can see why. it's not about the material stuff, it's just that- i don't really know how to express it, i think you're just different people if you have very different aims and goals in life. this doesn't have to be a problem if you are happy to be/have a stay-at-home partner, but it doesn't appeal to me!
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:01, Reply)
I would love to be a stay-at-home partner.
There is so much knowledge I am desperate to acquire about innumerable arcane subjects, I could fill several lifetimes in fascinated research. That doesn't even touch upon the playing of music in its various forms, or drawing, or writing...

Earning a fucking living is the most intolerable intrusion into my life imaginable. I loathe it.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:06, Reply)
gosh you're literally like the polar opposite to me
i'm a total workaholic, i'm a complete control-freak about my files and my job, and i might whinge about the long hours, but actually it satisfies my academic and professional ambitions really well!
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:08, Reply)
I have no ambitions, and to some degree resent having to work for a living
That said, I do like that I'm doing some Good in my job.
Still, I'd rather be traveling the world.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:10, Reply)
If someone could bankroll my thirst for learning
I would be the happiest man alive. Work is a tawdry and repulsive irritation to me. It's simply not right for gentleman to have to concern himself with such mundane things as money.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:11, Reply)
I echo this sentiment.
It is the same for a lady. I would do lots of boss things if work didn't take up my time.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:23, Reply)
i love learning too
hence the masters which i am doing alongside my job, although most of the class don't work.... 2 years to do a masters in creative writing, now there's a fast-track to the dole office..... and am wondering what to study next. but i couldn't not work, i wouldn't know what to do with myself. i blame my dad, he made me work for him in the bank from being about 15.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:24, Reply)
Me too, but the fiancé is having none of it.
I'd be a boss kept woman and all.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:12, Reply)
I said a while back that if I won the lottery, I'd still have a part time job (well, at first)
For the simple reason that being out of work is the single most boring thing that has ever happened to me.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:14, Reply)
Being out of work WITHOUT money is boring

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:15, Reply)
I had cash at the time, but even then, it was depressing.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:18, Reply)
Of course that's true
but there is no reason at all why people with different aims and goals can't be blissfully happy, as long as they are honest about it. Much worse to be stuck with someone that has the same personality as you. That would be unbearable for any sane human.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:31, Reply)
Because he couldn't buy her expensive enough presents?

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:05, Reply)
If they wanted a meal out,
if she paid, they went to a top restaurant. If he did they probably went to Best Kebab and Chicken, hallo boss. She was constantly flying to New York - he couldn't afford to go the the old one.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:07, Reply)
Men have to trade sex for presents
It's the rules.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:14, Reply)
Santa = paedo
But we already knew this.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:14, Reply)
I think you should weigh up the pros and cons
consider your approach and then RUN FOR THE FUCKING HILLS.

There is no possible way that is going to end well, believe me.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:37, Reply)
depends which he values more
friendship or a fuck
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:39, Reply)
Or every one of his either real or perceived sexual inadequacies
being spread around his whole circle of friends.

Edit - sorry, this is chompy. Pentagon of friends.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:42, Reply)
My mate would be fairly cool about it.
and all that's already been spread around my group of friends.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:45, Reply)
it's a fairly safe bet
that has happened already. these things don't stay quiet. also, the mate is never going to like having his sister boned by his mate (unless he's bert) and if it ever breaks up, the whole friendship group gets messed around.

but this is all irrelevant, because she's HOT, and that makes up for EVERYTHING ELSE.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:46, Reply)
EXACTLY
I'm so glad you're finally beginning to understand us.

Regards,

ALL MEN EVERYWHERE.

P.S. If we act sensitive, it's a beta male tactic. He's still trying to get in your pants, he just can't even be honest about that!
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:48, Reply)

e 3
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:54, Reply)
Nah, the standard tactic there is sweaty-handed gazzing
and danking.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:56, Reply)
That totally works

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:08, Reply)
Stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllll
she's not stabby mental
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:40, Reply)
You should turn it over every week if it's on a floor.
Oh, wait, that's probably uselessly late advice.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:38, Reply)
Quick go back in the archive and post it in a thread a month ago.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:49, Reply)
haha, nice.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:54, Reply)
i know that NOW
too busy wearing out the springs in a fit of new flat ownership joy at being able to walk round naked.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:16, Reply)
Is it good mould or bad mould?
What happened when you licked it?
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:51, Reply)
shit, i totally missed the boat on that one.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:14, Reply)
I had a very pleasant evening last night
I just seem to be having one of my "episodes" this morning for some reason. Still, I've just been told I can move office this morning so that should take my mind off things...including the fact that lots of strange people seem to be clamouring to look round the vacant room in my flat.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 10:59, Reply)
Tired.
4 hours sleep. No caffiene available to me. No work to do. Fucking bored.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:07, Reply)
Spend your time looking up the correct spelling of 'caffeine', then.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:09, Reply)
Fuck.

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:10, Reply)
I'm sorry, AA, I just don't fancy you.
I see you more as a friend, you know? It's not you, it's me.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:17, Reply)
POTD

(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:18, Reply)
Tired, really.
A bit worried about the essay I have left. And I did too much thinking last night which means I'm a bit preoccupied today.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:11, Reply)
that's retarded
should have done more thinking last night from the soun of it, got it all done and dusted.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:16, Reply)
I think the lesson we can all draw from this is:
Don't Think. It isn't worth the hassle.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:22, Reply)
THIS. Fucking THIS.
More trouble than it's worth.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:28, Reply)
Absolutely. It's not good for you.
Newton? Dead. Einstein? Dead. Hawking? Well ...
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:30, Reply)
Hello sir.
Ignorance is bliss.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:32, Reply)
Yesterday I treated myself to a day out shopping
which I made a very good fist of.

Today I have a dead arm from carrying lots of shopping bags.

On the plus side, I have stuff. Lots and lots (well, one or two pieces) of lovely, lovely stuff. *lovingly strokes stuff*
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:25, Reply)
What kind of stuff?
I demand details!
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:26, Reply)
mornin sis!
make up stuff mostly. Ooh, and another charm for my bracelet. I tried clothes shopping, but couldn't find anything that I really loved. And I have decided this year to only buy clothes if I love them.

I may spend a great deal of this year in the same four outfits...
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:28, Reply)
There's an eyeshadow that I reeeeally want to try, but it's £13 and imagine if I don't like it.
Oh, sod it, I haven't bought any wine for a fortnight, or bought lunch out.
I just altered a dress because I loved it but it didn't fit. Now it is supa dupa fly.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:32, Reply)
Do you have a Pandora bracelet?
I bought one for my missus once upon a time, cost me a fucking bomb.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:34, Reply)
sorry, had to disappear and do real life stuff for a bit
No, I have a Thomas Sabo bracelet. They're the kind with the charms that hang off the bracelet. Very jangly.

However, having worked in a place that sold Pandora, I can confirm that wives do generally love them.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:57, Reply)
"Only buy clothes i you love them"
Good plan. I don't do that enough. I'm not buying any more for months now though.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:39, Reply)
Or if you wake up to find a plague of tremendously hungry moths has made its way from one end of your wardrobe to the other
Leaving you with nought but your pyjamas.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:40, Reply)
Then that'd have to be a metric fuck-ton of moths
I have a huge wardrobe. Well, it's not "huge", that's the problem at the moment.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:41, Reply)
Oddly enough, not a problem I've had
Though conversely I am clearing out my desk and am astonished by the amount of rubbish in there. I mean, I knew it was full of crap, but never on this scale. Can I interest you in an old RAM chip or possibly a Spanish Euro Cent?
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:45, Reply)
There's nothing more upsetting than not being able to fit into stuff you love.
Oh, moving, are we? Are you getting the good office?

...and did you just offer me money? Well hel-lo! Thank jew very much.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:46, Reply)
Yeah, in the process of moving.
It should be an ever-so-slightly nicer office (carpeted floor for a start), but I'll be in there with my unofficial supervisor. The downside is I'll probably be on here a lot less (well, I see it as a downside; you buggers may beg to differ), but the upside is it will be a less lonely existence and there's probably an outside chance of making some progress on this turkey of a project.
(, Thu 13 Jan 2011, 11:52, Reply)

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