Check ME out.
As I walked out of work last night, I got 'PHWOARRed' and honked at by a carload of moderately attractive young women. How about that?

Then I went and had some tasty Japanese nibbles and a couple of drinks at a super-swanky (and NOT gay, despite what I was expecting) bar, including a fucking gorgeous cocktail that consisted primarily of cognac and port with subtle hints of some other shit. After we got home I got given some FREE DRUGGES and then re-watched 'Lemmy'. After what began as a fucking terrible day, the evening was little short of spectacular.

When did you last have an unexpected result/wonderful time, and why?

Alt: Could this post be any more self-aggrandising and bragging? If so, kindly point out where I went wrong.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:33, 49 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Alrite Hood Butter

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:38, Reply)

Hahaha
I forgot to mention that I SWAM HOME down the Thames and that I have a really nice car and can have SEX WHENEVER I WANT IT with a real-live human female woman of the opposite sex - and that I, err, sometimes work as a security guard in a tawdry lapdancing bar filled with inbred fen-monsters so I've SEEN SOME TITS, HONESTLY, LOADS OF THEM.

*shags hideous old bat/mature model*

*brags about it*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:49, Reply)

You also forgot to mention your baronial manor with extensive deer hunting grounds which you helicopter around
biffing mighty oxon to death for the b3ta b4sh that you host, entertaining attendees with your Pink Floyd tribute band, with Piston on hand for his stand up; by the way he's twice the man any of you will ever be.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:56, Reply)

Well I didn't want to show off, you know?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:00, Reply)

OH MY DEAR SWEET MONTY !
The other week I had a bit of a cold and couldn't sleep so I took some Night Nurse. As soon as the warm embrase of the chemical high took hold, I felt warm and relaxed, like my body was being hugged by a hot water bottle that my 5 year old self recieved from a lost loved one; who had never left. My worries and fears were obliterated as the cool green syrup made its way around my bloodstream. No longer did I fear for my future, because I was happily in the past, if just for a moment.

It was then I looked at that green bottle, and I saw all the good it could bring, and I took another dose. Two doses inside 24 hours, over double the amount I should be taking. I could see me liking it, I could see me loving and craving it, I can see me becoming unable to live without it.

So I took the bottle in my hand, and I pressed down hard on the end of the cap to open it; children should not exceed the maximum dosage, and I emptied it down the toilet. The toilet turned illumnisent green and with hesitation I pressed that plunger. I broke into a cold sweat, but the availabilty was still there, so I went into boots the very next day and declared my addiction, that they should not sale me such produce again under any circamstances. And with that, the fight against addiction began.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:46, Reply)

***** A real emotional barn-stormer! You must see this!
Paul Ross, News of the World
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:50, Reply)

IT'S TV'S PAUL ROSS
Show some fucking respect.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Sorry Paul.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:16, Reply)

He's a fat prick, who I hope dies a painful fucking death.
Grr. Fucking cunt ruined the ending to The Usual Suspects for me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:27, Reply)

How long have you been posting on B3ta?
And no mention of a Honda Accord? D-. See me.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:54, Reply)

They probably thought you were Gary Oldman.

( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Siriusly?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Does Garry Oldman also wear Meredith Brooks t-shirts?
I cault him singing and crying to himself the other day, "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinne, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Last Thursday was fucking spectacular
I thought I'd nip down to the pub, have a pint or two, then head home. I ended up spending the entire night there, laughing my arse off the entire time. Turns out about 5 mates from Congleton were there too, hadn't realised it. Only spent about £10 as well, so it's all good.

Something last night as well. As you possibly saw yesterday, I decided to make a chilli last night, added courgettes, bacon, chorizo, carrots, etc. Unfortunately, I forgot 2 key ingredients, garlic and kidney beans. As a result, I just had to fuck about with seasoning, but it tasted fucking marvellous.
I've also left a small amount in the fridge for our resident food thief to pinch. It's a little change to the rest of it, as roughly 1/3 of it is this stuff. Hope he likes his food spicy.

Morning Mont.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Aight.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:56, Reply)

I'd ask how you are, but this is the happiest I've seen you in a while, so no need really!
So I'll ask something quick and simple, what's your opinion on Chris Evans?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Ginger.
You can guess the rest.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Seriously mate
What's ANYONE's opinion of Chris Evans? What's Monty's opinion on everyone? I assume that you believed the two may cancel each other out.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Bit of an odd question, wasn't it?
'Oh AA I think he's just BRILLIANT'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:18, Reply)

I find him to be far less of a cunt than most others on the radio.
It's not by particular choice I listen to him, simply preference. I have a choice between Radio 1, Radio 2, or some wank local station.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:28, Reply)

it's a sorry state of affairs
when Chris Evans is one of the least shit people on the radio.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Assuming that AA means the morning show
His alternatives are Chris Moyles or Generic Local Radio Idiot, so I think we can all sympathise
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Christian O'Connell!!
Didn't someone on B3ta go to school with him?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:36, Reply)

ME. I hate that fucking cunt.
Actually words cannot come near to describe just how much I loathe that horse-faced spastic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:42, Reply)

He does
elevate cuntery to a whole new level.

My gf has her alarm clock set to Absolute in the morning.

Like the Tube isn't enough to start the day badly.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:45, Reply)

He's been on 'Buzzcocks' twice
and on both occasions his input was so HILARIOUS that his entire input was edited down to saying 'hello' on one of them, saying 'hello' and getting an answer wrong on the other.

You need a new girlfriend, Stunners old chap.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Hahaha!
It is a borderline deal breaker!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Aye, I do
My CD player broke, so now I have to rely on the radio, rather than being skull fucked by metal at 7:15.

Certainly makes for a more gentle wake up...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:40, Reply)

"Unexpected result/wonderful time"
Must... resist... urge... to go on about The Weakest Link... AGAIN...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 8:59, Reply)

bout The Weakest Link a man's cock
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Your wit and originality astound me
At this time in the morning after a night on MASSIVE DRUGS, too. I don't know how you do it.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Sharper than a samurai sword, me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Basing your hair colour on a Samurai blade
does not bestow upon you its more favourable elements. I can assure you that when I had flame-red hair it did not make me hot
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:33, Reply)

*is assured*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:39, Reply)

samurai sword tetsubo
Japanese weaponry-lolz
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:39, Reply)

The very best kind of lolz there are.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:45, Reply)

when's it on?
tuesday?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Hilarious
Sleep any better last night?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:26, Reply)

I was serious :-(
yeah. although my daft bastard dad phoned me too early this morning and woke me up to tell me he had spyware on his computer.

All that was required was for him to say that, me to say "I will come over at the weekend and fix it" and then hang up. Unfortunately he felt the need to tell me in great detail about it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:28, Reply)

'every time the naked children start to get sexy it crashes, lad'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Sorry mate
I assumed you were mocking me for banging on about it, especially since the date of broadcast in in my sig. I strongly recommend the mute function on your phone for combating parents of all levels of annoyment
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Annoyment? Sort it out, you incoherent oaf.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:34, Reply)

'IT 'IM, WOOKIEE!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:50, Reply)

I like that word. Saw it on a T-shirt once
and I've got English A-level, so don't you argue with ME you Ewok-shaving shitbag
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:54, Reply)

You forgot to mention how much your bottom enjoyed the company of Schteve.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Lusty texted me last night
She said it was like watching someone trying to get a three season sleeping bag back into the carry bag.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Last night
I spent £2.80 but still got rather drunk.
I did eat a couple of someone else's crisps, but I did NOT eat a Malteser and I did NOT go to the chippy for cheesy chips or bhajis.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Does that mean you actually did eat a malteser and go to the chippy?

( girlinthehole, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Nope, I actually didn't.
I was very close. Even got my coat and hat on and said goodnight to everyone, with my guilty chippy thoughts, but then instead of turning left I kept on walking (tottering) and went home.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 27 Jan 2011, 10:16, Reply)