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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Well done vipros you scared everyone off.
Right lets do news links!
www.miltonkeynes.co.uk/news/local/protesters_demand_bridge_be_re_opened_one_year_on_1_2358963

Lets link to the shit stories in all our local papers. If you live somewhere that important things happen why don't you pretend to live somewhere else it'll be funny.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:07, 117 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
From the latest copy of the Bristol Evening Post.
www.thisisbristol.co.uk/news/SWINGING-SUBURBS/article-3165550-detail/article.html
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:09, Reply)
The provinces love a bit of scandle don't they?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:10, Reply)
I thought bristol was full of Dutch murderers?

That is, murderers that are Dutch, not flatlander genocide.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:12, Reply)
It was.
But most of them have popped their clogs.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:15, Reply)
Arf!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:16, Reply)
Is that when someone holds your arm and makes you stab someone?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:16, Reply)
Danger Beware!
www.orcadian.co.uk/features/articles/suleskerry.htm
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:15, Reply)
That's one retro website
ooooh, Orkney... explains it.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:19, Reply)
This is what I found after a quick glance.
No doubt there's stupider things on there though, our local rag is ridiculous.

www.thetelegraphandargus.co.uk/news/8821355.Bank_accidentally_gives_teenager_details_of_22_accounts/?ref=mr
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:15, Reply)
He's not angry
he's just dissapointed.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:18, Reply)
The kid looks like a fucking mong

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:19, Reply)
He is a fucking mong
If he had any sense about him, those accounts would be empty and he'd be laughing.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:26, Reply)
Dear oh dear
menmedia.co.uk/macclesfieldexpress/news/s/1406343_jls_gave_macclesfield_the_x_factor
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:19, Reply)

the x factor crabs
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:20, Reply)
That makes "The X factor" sound like an STI.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:20, Reply)
hence my joke...

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:22, Reply)
I didn't read your post before I posted.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:23, Reply)
*chortles*
www.lep.co.uk/news/local/preston_street_tops_national_crime_map_1_2995509
(berk, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:20, Reply)
I think I've been to that bar with the B on...

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:22, Reply)
I've been trying to use that Police site all day, but it keeps crashing.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:22, Reply)
Leave the internet!!!!
*re-reads*
actually there's no shit pun in that... you can stay.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:24, Reply)
Yeah me too

Probably youths pissing on the servers
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:25, Reply)
All I could gather before it crashed
is that it seems to think my postcode applies to an area at least 6 miles away. Fucking idiots.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:27, Reply)
I don't think you can blame them for the crashes
that's because all the media have banged on and on about it and so everyone's having a little look.
The problems with the data are pretty unforgivable though. If you've got all the data sources it's just linking them up correctly. Not £300,000 worth of work.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:38, Reply)
I'm calling them idiots for not getting the postcodes right.
I find it offensive to suggest I live in Queensbury, they're all inbred and it snows all the time.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:47, Reply)
Why not post an angry 'Tweet' about it?
I'm sure lots of people would really care a great deal.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:56, Reply)
I think Bella is a bit like my friend sophie
when she ever writes anything on facebook she gets 12 likes and 30 comments saying "lol I noe jst how u feeel hope u ok! ^_^ xoxo"
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:04, Reply)
Not really
As b3tans who have me on Facebook can attest.

I did, however, just find this:

twitpic.com/3vi0o7
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:07, Reply)
When I saw the url I assumed it was a photo of AA.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:09, Reply)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:09, Reply)
Sophie's some sort of emo geeks wet dream that's probably the reason.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:10, Reply)
This is precisely why I stay well away from Facebook.
I'd end up doing a 'Virginia Tech' after about an hour.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:08, Reply)
It's great fun to annoy them though
She puts "I'm feeling ill" 20 messages of "awww whuts up hun"
Then I post "I hope you die"
50 messages of ":0 omg datz so meen y u such a dik!!!!!"
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:13, Reply)
I used to click 'like' every time my 17 year old, functioning illiterate stepsister fell out with her boyfriend and said she was going to kill herself
Mind you, this is the one that frequently posts statuses that say things along the lines of "OMg y r pepul so IGNORENT".

She defriended me after I corrected her spelling one too many times.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:16, Reply)
Online bullying :(

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:18, Reply)
*likes*

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:18, Reply)
I know no one who would post in this fashion
I'm not friends with retards
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:19, Reply)
That's because they rejected you because you are so fucking stupid.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:33, Reply)
aww
we came second
www.thisissouthwales.co.uk/news/Swansea-s-Wind-Street-second-violent-England-Wales/article-3167397-detail/article.html
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:43, Reply)
Or 'first loser' if that makes you feel better?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:44, Reply)
I think wind street should win
it's the road where that guy tried to beat up a guy in a dress and then had his arse handed to him. The guy in a dress was actually a cage fighter
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:47, Reply)
Yeah but then the guy in the dress married Jordan so WHO'S HAVING THE LAST LAUGH NOW, EH?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:48, Reply)

www.thisissouthwales.co.uk/news/Drag-queen-floors-thugs-Swansea-street-fight/article-1395475-detail/article.html
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:49, Reply)
This went national
I simply added it to the list of reasons to never cross The Severn
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:04, Reply)
There are soooo
many reasons. Dylan Thomas called Swansea "The Graveyard of Ambition" He wasn't lying
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:08, Reply)
Funnily enough
I call Dylan Thomas 'a fucking Welsh shit-cunt'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:30, Reply)
no link
but the swansea evening post once ran a 'story' about me and my friends' wall full of pictures of weather people

THIS IS NOT A LARP STORY
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:41, Reply)
Have I told you about my close personal friend BBC weather Girl Laura Tobin?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:41, Reply)
how close?
stalker close?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:43, Reply)
Bridesmaid/god parent for my mate
I've had a drink with her twice, even though she did forget who I was between the two times I'm still counting her as a close personal friend.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:45, Reply)
you're like two peas in a pod

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:45, Reply)
We're like that we are
*makes finger gesture*
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:46, Reply)
Eh?
You mean the 'make a circle between thumb and forefinger and then repeatedly jab the index finger of your other hand into the circle' gesture?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:49, Reply)
Nah I was flicking V's at crunchy.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:50, Reply)
*gives double bird*

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:52, Reply)
probably for the best, she does double your existing number.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:48, Reply)
True, the other one is Kevin Whatley.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:51, Reply)
Does she go out with AA's 'brother'?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:47, Reply)
She's engaged to some really tall bloke.
She could do better I think.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:49, Reply)
Is it John Leslie?
He likes weathergirls. Well, he likes raping them, anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:50, Reply)
I wonder what he's up to now?
Not much telly work for him now.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:51, Reply)
He owns a lot of property so I don't suppose he's overly bothered.
If I was him I'd have moved abroad. He's about as popular as Gary Glitter in the UK, eh?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:58, Reply)
It's not a great chat up line
Hi I'm John Leslie, you may know me from Blue Peter... no... no I was aquitted... yes I did make that tape but... no.. I didn't do anything illegal!... oh fuck off"
(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:00, Reply)
Some chicks dig tall rapey scotsmen who can make replicas of tracey island out of household essentials

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:01, Reply)
Roota?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:04, Reply)
My understanding was she preferred the skills necessary to create a serious Christmas fire hazard
out of wire coat hangers, they may come in handy later, tinsel and candles
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:06, Reply)
*Steps in some elephant shit and falls over laughing*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:08, Reply)
*with limp wrist*

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:09, Reply)
Bring and Buy sales.
What happened to them?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:11, Reply)
and helping blind people by saving tinfoil

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:12, Reply)
John Leslie brought his cock to one and bought a boy's anal virginty
they were'nt the same after that, the innocence was gone.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:12, Reply)
*knocks head off life-size Lego man*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:15, Reply)
'Ulrika Jonsson was BEGGING FOR A GOOD RAPING, I tell ya.'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:05, Reply)
Crown V Stevenson 2008 - classic defence tactic
played with the skill of a chess grand master
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:07, Reply)
A newspaper in Wexford once ran the headline
'Petrol Pump Punter in Pitch and Putt Pummeling'

When reporting the story of a bloke who got attacked by someone with a golf club whilst he had stopped for fuel.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:44, Reply)
Best newspaper headline I have ever heard of is from The Sheffield Star:
'Worksop Man Dies of Natural Causes', although this may be a 'chinner' as I heard it second hand.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:55, Reply)

www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/twitter/7448327/Twitter-campaign-highlights-best-local-newspaper-headlines.html

The winner being "man stole tortoise to pay for booze"
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:57, Reply)
Sorry I stopped reading that at 'Twitter'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:58, Reply)
whatevs Monts whatevs

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:59, Reply)
"Hunting for Worthing poo thief" genius

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:00, Reply)
I did just send that link to my father.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:01, Reply)
Why, has he been rumbled by quality local investigative journalism?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:02, Reply)
No, despite being a Professor, he thinks 'poo' is the funniest thing ever.
Apart from dysentery.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:06, Reply)
By my reasoning you should feed him some fetid water so that he catches dysentry
and gets stuck in the bath in a sort of self perpetuating hilarious fecal whirlpool.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:09, Reply)
I'll just post him a 'bot dog'.
This is my own concept. Basically you post someone a shit in a baguette with ketchup and onions, like a kind of Mafia warning.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:12, Reply)
Chair Destroyed.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:03, Reply)
Must have been an internet fatty sitting down to quickly after a box of Krispy Kreme

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:05, Reply)
I don't get it.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:57, Reply)
I'm guessing slow news day

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:59, Reply)
I'm not surprised - why would you get the Sheffield Star in Milton Keynes?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:01, Reply)
Geo-zing!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:02, Reply)
alliteration glees

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 16:56, Reply)
*GLESS*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:06, Reply)
Did she play Cagney or Lacey?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:07, Reply)
*Gleeks*

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:10, Reply)
Not local but hilarious!!
news1.ghananation.com/latest-news/86380-immigration-officer-puts-wife-on-terror-list.html
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:10, Reply)
Utter genius!

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:11, Reply)
Brilliant.
Have a nice day at school Bob?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:12, Reply)
teaching wise yeah but had some nasty incidents to deal with and a *pisser*

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:16, Reply)
this is why I wouldn't want to do your job, fair play.
most 16 year olds don't piss themselves and we're not meant to help if they do
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:19, Reply)
They just end up pissing blood from their stab wounds

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:20, Reply)
self inflicted

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:22, Reply)
That wasn't too bad to be fair
I had one SEN kid punch a girl in the face then went mental when we tried to take him to the office and another SEN kid had a fit in the middle of read, write, inc. Still best to learn now I suppose.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:24, Reply)
Is 'SEN' modern lingo for 'remedial'?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:26, Reply)
Is 'remedial' modern lingo for 'retard'?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:27, Reply)
There in nothing modern about Monty.
He still lives life in mono.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:33, Reply)
He means SUN not SEN
So called because of their love of the Sunshine bus.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:28, Reply)
If they remade Chitty Chitty Bang Bang the Childcatcher would drive a sun bus

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:30, Reply)
yeah sorry
special educational needs = spacker, mong, cunt
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:31, Reply)
Watersports eh?
It does nothing for me, but if that floats your boat, who am I to aruge?

What sort of nasty incidents did you have today?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:21, Reply)
Piss isn't too bad, as long as it's never shit I will be fine
see above!!
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:25, Reply)
Man tatoo's penis to win a mini cooper...
jalopnik.com/#!5746118/man-gets-his-penis-tattooed-for-a-free-mini-cooper
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:19, Reply)
My favourite is the artists impression of a football stadium after the lights blew
weirdnewsfiles.com/weird-news/weird-world-news/25-weirdest-newspaper-headlines/
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 17:22, Reply)
May I just say
that I am going to win QOTW this week.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 18:04, Reply)
Not just news links!
cincinnati.craigslist.org/stp/2175518977.html
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 19:01, Reply)
plus also:
www.swdtimes.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=3694:hooker-overcomes-illness-slaps-beaver-64-57&catid=13:local-sports&Itemid=41
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 19:03, Reply)
"Purchased when I had no one to spank me..."
awww
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 1 Feb 2011, 19:27, Reply)

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