OMG, can't believe I missed a Norn Iron thread.
The correct answer is "Cromwell's a bastard, so he is" and "sure it's great if you don't have to live there, here's me wha'?".

Alt: fuck Bartleby, it's MY birthday today.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 11:58, 111 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Happy Birthday.
But I maintain that 'Why Don't You?' from Northern Ireland was shit.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Just switch off your television set and do something less boring instead, Jeff.
television set + computer
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:03, Reply)

Whataboutche?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Fuck you both it's my Birthday tomorrow
All things considered I'm pretty sure we English now own a large chcunk of the Irish state so perhaps we should bring them into the fold as well?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Is this about Al's stomach?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:22, Reply)

Here we are, in the forums of b3ta, where we've spotted a stretched-fanny Irish. Look at her, magnificent if I do say so myself.
Here ears pick up, look ! she's spotted a thread about her homeland, her pride is all around her. To the streched-fanny Irish, this morsel of cognitive discussion is irresistible, but alas, she was too late. I shall now attempt to comunicate, [to the sound of someone going 'coo-koo'] "Pota-tooooe, Pota-toooe !", will she respond to my request, or will she spurn it. I shall try something else, "For sure..... FOR SUUUURREEEE".

This is stunning stuff, it really is, we're so lucky to see this, it only happens once in a lifetime.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:03, Reply)

I had a c-section; my mimsy is box-fresh.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Hah, I'm only kidding, but I'm pleased your vagina is operational and all that.
How you doing?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Baked myself a birthday cake, am eating it, so pretty fine thanks.
Gonna try your fried ravioli thingy sometime soon.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Awesome, what kind of cake you doing?
The ravioli thing is well lush, I'm going to do some more expermenting with it maybe this weekend and blog it all up.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:37, Reply)

Just did a Victoria sponge.
Simple but effective. No icing or filling so I can eat more without feeling sick.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:40, Reply)

Oh crackhousesomethingsomethingband, you need to take off those beige tinted glasses and start seeing all the visible spectrum again.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Sometimes you gotta go back to basics, Gonz,
Keep it real, keep it old skool.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Not on your birthday though.
This is like going out with Nancy From Hollyoaks and finding out she'll only abide missionary, and even that is only on public holidays.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:52, Reply)

I tried it last night with some Sainsbury's stuffed pasta things.
Chucked in some shallots, garlic, pancetta and red pesto, pretty tasty. Forgot the olives though, sad times.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:55, Reply)

Ace ! I love shallots but they're such a fucking hassle to peal.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:58, Reply)

That they are, the delicious little bastards.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 13:00, Reply)

made of cardboard and contains a sachet of silica gel(do not eat)?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Full of those polystyrene nuts.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:09, Reply)

BUBBLE WRAP.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Again, sir
you've upped your game to hitherto-unseen levels. Well played.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:05, Reply)

=)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Fucking great work.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:14, Reply)

my 7th candleday
And i am on an all-day training session and can't flaunt my candley goodness all over the internet.

Also everyone else seems to have made their underperforming trainee role player cry and i didn't. I am too soft and too wet clearly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:04, Reply)

happy candleday

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

fanks!
Omg on the plus side the lunch is amazing. Happy now (and fat).
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:08, Reply)

I'm glad the lunch is good
I am now tragically fat :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Of course you aren't

(berk, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Fell off the wagon
too tired to get back onto it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:19, Reply)

Meh, you need food to keep that mighty brain going
especially whilst writing your thesis. Besides, you wouldn't want to be on the wagon for the bash, you're getting paté and noodle nation and lots of booze and things.
(berk, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:22, Reply)

we drank 4 bottles of wine
and a litre of gin between four people, one of whom had half a bottle of wine only. Then we got Hassans
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Wine is made from grapes
and, uh, gin from juniper berries. Or something. It must count towards your five-a-day, surely?
(berk, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:29, Reply)

sounds like a brilliant evening tho!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Happy candleday swipe!

(berk, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:31, Reply)

thanks!!!!!!!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I crawled into bed at seven
and woke up at ten
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:31, Reply)

Hardcore.

(berk, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:32, Reply)

you know it :)
Thank God the scout had been and taken the Hassans boxes
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:34, Reply)

CRISPY FRIED BEEF!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:29, Reply)

I had chicken something or other, I can't remember
but it was very nice - a lot better than the chinese takeaway round here.
(berk, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:31, Reply)

I'd recommend the crispy fried beef if you like beef fried and crispy and spicy.
I actually dreamed about it that night and was craving it when I woke up. The portions are far too small though, I reckon I could eat a kilo of it no problem.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:39, Reply)

7? mere youngster...
So what did you do before /OT?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

worked
Sadly!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:12, Reply)

haha. yes.
no, I more meant if you've been here for 7 years, what did you do for the first 5?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:15, Reply)

talked about my tits on /qotw

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Textbook qotw-ing, there.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:45, Reply)

Too wet?
Too. Much. Information.

Happy candle day.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

No such thing as too wet...
An otter's pocket is a good target
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

remarkably dry, otter's pockets. Well designed.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:08, Reply)

frothing at the clopper for hot trainee action!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Happy candlemas!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Sieg Heil.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:17, Reply)

hello sexbomb
Do something, i have a 3 hour training session on how to sit on a management committee coming up. Just do as i say!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:22, Reply)

*obeys*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Cromwell is indeed a bastard
and Happy Birthday to you
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:08, Reply)

surely "was"
the fucker can't STILL be alive..
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:09, Reply)

Dunno he seems to have been quite effective in what he set out to do, he's hardly in the same bracket as Caear's subjugation of Gaul

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:12, Reply)

I'm not sure how that affects his ability to live to 500, though.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Yeah I seem to have replied in the wrong place :(

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Caesar is alive as well
I think we're onto something here
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:17, Reply)

hardy harr, there's still descendants of Tzar's and Kaiser's knocking round Europe, so up yours *flicks V's*

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Well I think that would be my best birthday treat ever.
And yours too probably.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:10, Reply)

I'm married, I don't get to have sex anymore.
Not even with my husband, except on birthdays... Oh wait, cool.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:12, Reply)

I got drunk last night and added all the Ruari's in england as my friends on facebook
I got bored before I got to norn Iron.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I'm not feeling the love here

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Are you actually a "Ruari"
or some sort of imposter?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:19, Reply)

I@M A FAKE
Still a diddly-dee name but no ruari
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:22, Reply)

Padraig?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Finbarr

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Gobnait

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:33, Reply)

I'm a bird?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:37, Reply)

I'm taking nothing for granted
besides it's probably the least feminine girl's name evah.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:41, Reply)

I'll send you a minge shot then, there's not enough of those in b3taland

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:43, Reply)

viva la revolucion!
edit: phwoar, I'd show her round my manger any day.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:44, Reply)

I sat beside your doppelgänger on a flight from Belfast to Bristol recently.
He even tried to sell me a paperclip.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:17, Reply)

sell me a paperclip do rape to me
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:17, Reply)

That must have been one erotic flight.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:23, Reply)

I don't think fleeing is erotic
certainly not to the escapee at least
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:28, Reply)

I had a tit out and everything.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:41, Reply)

can catface not just use a boiled sweet like everyone else?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:42, Reply)

I had my haircut by his gay doppelganger

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:32, Reply)

How many were there?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:17, Reply)

About 10-12
3 accepted this morning.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:18, Reply)

one of them was at school with my brother
He has a v irish surname beginning with m if he is one of your o'acceptances.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:39, Reply)

Uzzut yr borthday nigh, uzzut?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:18, Reply)

that's very good

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:25, Reply)

Aye

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:32, Reply)

Happy Bappy!
I hope you got a nice card from the babby.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:26, Reply)

is catface getting you pregnant again for your birthday?
That tiny midget army won't happen by itself you know
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:28, Reply)

alright TGB
I'll pass on the goodness. Lampito linked me to this images.buddytv.com/battleimages/b3000033/1150416/4a7f8f3c-9a99-46b0-8ada-923786906419glassesjensen_ackles_01.jpg
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:30, Reply)

Oof! *fans self*
preferred him with the beard though.
(berk, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:32, Reply)

I don't like beards really
so I'll stick with the glasses
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:33, Reply)

charming!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:34, Reply)

sorry Vipros
there's something disconcerting about them
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:35, Reply)

it's because the chin is the window to the soul

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:36, Reply)

and you've bought yourself a pair of curtains :(

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:36, Reply)

I like the air of mystery it gives me

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:37, Reply)

and the sense of identification
with the paedophile community
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:38, Reply)

I look nothing like a geography teacher

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:38, Reply)

imagine a Venn diagram

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:44, Reply)

I'd rather not

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

*subtly draws attention to the fact he's wearing glasses*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:45, Reply)

Since when?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:49, Reply)

Had them ages
But only wear them at work when I get headaches. Only have astigmatism, so they help with that.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 13:05, Reply)

STOP COPYING ME

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Damn you!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 13:13, Reply)

I shall open this when I'm alone :p

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:49, Reply)

He's giving his swimmers a pep-talk as we speak.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:32, Reply)

oh god everyone in bristol will be pregnant
Bad luck Jeff
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:50, Reply)

Happy birthday!

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 3 Feb 2011, 12:58, Reply)