Secrets
Confess 'em all here!!

Roll up, roll up!

Alt:
Just make something up - as long as it is funny
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:10, 76 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I once had a job looking after the Queen's corgis
It was going rerally well until I met Jeff and he asked if I could do him a favour. I'm now banned from Windsor
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:11, Reply)

I had my head chopped off after that little episode.
It took me ages to grow a new one.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:13, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:13, Reply)

(nearly) At the top

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:11, Reply)

LOLZ!

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:12, Reply)

I was robbed :(

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Also I don't think it's right you are encouraging people to lie in OT

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:13, Reply)

As if anyone would do that!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:13, Reply)

you mean people here DONT sleep with supermodels and drive accords?

( zulu eh?, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:15, Reply)

Most of us do

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:16, Reply)

the other night
i was in bed with...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:14, Reply)

a duvet

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:16, Reply)

and her right hand
but her right hand got bored of her self pitying whining halfway through proceedings and went out for a pint and got lucky elsewhere.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:17, Reply)

hahaha!
officegrin
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:17, Reply)

al
when a girl moans in bed, it's a GOOD sign, ok??

you might want to bear this in mind the next time your wife allows you to have your annual sexy 5 minutes.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:18, Reply)

3 times?
Al you stud
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:19, Reply)

Oh swipey, I do realise you're a little bit defective in the reading department
but I did say "whining" not "moaning"
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:20, Reply)

I read it as "whinnying" and had a most peculiar mental image

( Kroney, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:21, Reply)

She likes it when you grab her hair and ride her like Shergar.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:22, Reply)

this is actually true

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:29, Reply)

See, I've got your measure young lady.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:30, Reply)

the gutter?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:31, Reply)

Only if you've borrowed a stepladder to get up there.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:33, Reply)

you can bang two coconut halves together during for the complete experience.
and afterwards a bit of nosebag.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:32, Reply)

I like to the tie the used condoms around her face afterwards.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:34, Reply)

magical

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:41, Reply)

sigh
it's funny because whining and moaning are synonyms.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:26, Reply)

no they aren't

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 16:18, Reply)

Birds moan most of the time anyway
About shit like cooking and cleaning. I'll remember that it's a good thing and relay this news next time.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:21, Reply)

i just realised who you are
i was wondering where you had been hiding yourself!

this doesn't mean i am not openly laughing at the "next time". when will that be, 2018??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:26, Reply)

I've not been able to work who it is

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:27, Reply)

more inadequacy?
poor al
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:29, Reply)

I'm gonna drop this bomb at the weekend for the lollers, so yeah it might be 2018 afterwards
But I'll always have my hand, and that's the main thing
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:35, Reply)

Crow.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:16, Reply)

If she was, she somehow managed to keep it secret even from me...

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:31, Reply)

a hangover?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:16, Reply)

no food?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:17, Reply)

i got a rash from OTs resident tranny
he also stole my lipstick, not sure which I'm more upset about
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:15, Reply)

I told you it'd suit me better!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:16, Reply)

zing!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:16, Reply)

a suit would suit you better than those fishnets dear

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:19, Reply)

*trigger fingers*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:19, Reply)

Nothing suits me like a suit
/Barney

I wore a grey suit last week, I think I looked alright in it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:44, Reply)

Al has an enormous penis.

( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:24, Reply)

It isn't funny though
or a secret

a secret true
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Oh yes! sorry.

( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:24, Reply)

That's no secret baby.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:24, Reply)

I have an enormous penis.

( girlinthehole, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:25, Reply)

in your bedside drawer?

( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Mounted on the wall?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:31, Reply)

I think it's best if I sit this one out
*leans back and polishes halo*
(berk, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:30, Reply)

alo elmet.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:44, Reply)

I confess to finding the facebook pic I posted in the last thread to be hysterical.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:31, Reply)

I'm nearly crying with laughter

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:32, Reply)

Same here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:32, Reply)

hahahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:33, Reply)

That was truly excellent.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:37, Reply)

*checks*
*GLESS*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:41, Reply)

GCGCGC
I SAW THAT WHEN YOU WERE MIDDLE AGED
(PsychoChomp, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)

What the hell does GCGCGC mean?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:46, Reply)

Gay cunt gay cunt gay cunt., I think
Chompy's coming out at last.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Good Cock Good Cock Good Cock?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:48, Reply)

glass cock glass cock glass cock

(PsychoChomp, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:48, Reply)

glass glass glass

I thought I told you to ask nicely. All right then... *unzips*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:55, Reply)

That is the most disgusting image I've ever seen on b3ta.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:56, Reply)

It has achieved the impossible
which is to have transformed my day for the good. I am in fucking fits.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:46, Reply)

I keep going back and looking at it
and then reading that comment and each time I'm convulsing with laughter.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:48, Reply)

it is splendid

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 16:19, Reply)

It's all good
But this is my current favourite
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Haha!
Inappropriatelolz
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:50, Reply)

Only just went and had a look.
That is fucking magnificent!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 16:07, Reply)

I was on telly on Wednesday

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:36, Reply)

You didnt mention it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:40, Reply)

Exactly
That's why it's a secret. Do try to keep up, dear.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:43, Reply)

I was actually the first man on the moon.
I set off a couple of weeks before Apollo 11 in my Robin Reliant, and was even there in time to help them park the landing module. NASA paid me a lot of money to promise never to tell anybody, but think about it: at that moment when Neil Armstrong emerged from the module, who was holding the camera? Eh?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:45, Reply)

Totally unrelated.
How fucking odd is it that Mike Tyson keeps racing pigeons?
animal.discovery.com/tv/taking-on-tyson/about.html
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 4 Feb 2011, 15:46, Reply)