I knew someone who moved in with strangers, and then he hung himself
So yeah, that didn't end terribly well
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:52, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

that's horrible

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:52, Reply)

He was a selfish cunt, as he left 7-8 people deeply traumatised by discovering him hanging from the exterior balcony

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:55, Reply)

That is rather nasty.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:57, Reply)

I had to clear up the mess with the police :(
So remember kids, if you do decide to top yourself stop being so fucking selfish by involving others, such as fellow tenants, tube drivers, passengers and all that. Fuck off and throw yourself off a cliff or Severn Bridge.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:00, Reply)

Walk out to sea.
You'll either end up as a tasty snack or terrify some small children as they look for driftwood.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:02, Reply)

Alot of people do that, I wouldn't fancy drowning though, no siree

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:03, Reply)

I reckon hanging when done right would be best
dying through fracture rather than suffocation. High drop would be best though, apparently often the heart gives out before you hit the ground if it's sufficiently high.

Apparently drowning is mostly painless, but I dunno.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:05, Reply)

Hangings a favourite, people tend to fuck it up and slowly strangle themselves as opposed to the desired fracture
They won't be doing that mistake again though lols
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:08, Reply)

But if you get the drop too big you rip your head off.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:08, Reply)

It's not like you'll care though by that stage, better it instant than hanging and gurgling for half an hour
Check this shit out dignitas
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:11, Reply)

Immolation, though.
That's one way that I would really really not like to go.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:18, Reply)

how about in bed with...
.... well you know who.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:24, Reply)

That's off the scale

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:41, Reply)

haha
urrrrrrgh

hahaaha urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:43, Reply)

;)

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:45, Reply)

You can apparently go one less painful if you have access to Liquid Nitrogen
Supposedly you pass out after a few breaths in an oxygen deficient atmosphere and don't feel anything. Quite who decided these methods were painless, or how they worked it out, is beyond me.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:09, Reply)

Good old Dr Mengele I suspect

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:12, Reply)

i thought he mainly pissed around with twins?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:20, Reply)

Oh twins was certainly a hobby, but really anything would go for Josef
limb amputation, sterilization, removing eyeballs and shit. He worked his through thousands seemingly on a whim.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:25, Reply)

blimey
i remember reading somewhere that modern medicine owes a lot to him though.

urrrgh.

mind you, i could happily set him on some people!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:27, Reply)

That's because he had direct access to humans, thousands of them, an open agenda, and no hand wringing liberals sending him dogshit through the post

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:29, Reply)

quite frightening, the argument about "for the greater good"
until you get stuck on a morning tube or oxford street or somewhere vile. then you could happily repeat everything on the whole shower of cunts.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:31, Reply)

Well yeah, however you should really hide your nazi sympathies given the circles that you move in
Although perhaps the car could benefit from some tasteful swastika decals
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:34, Reply)

my car is black and sleek and sexy as fuck
it couldn't possibly be enhanced.

i don't sympathise with the nazis, i just want a private tube train and an empty street, mm-kay?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:37, Reply)

The chances of 28 days occurring are slim, and in any event can fuck right off as it's zombie shit

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:39, Reply)

hmmmmm
someone should BUY me an empty city then.

where does donald trump hang out these days?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:41, Reply)

Same with CO- it's so dangerous isn't it, as you don't even realise it's happening

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:15, Reply)

That's a slow one though.
The advantage* of liquid nitrogen is that when it vaporises, it expands to something ridiculous like 1400 times the volume and therefore drives all the oxygen out of the room very quickly.

*_{Well, probably more of a disadvantage if you weren't trying to top yourself and just, say, accidentally dropped a bucket of the stuff...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:20, Reply)

You scientists have all the fun.
I ended up not going to my lecture today- got a text from Charms at the end of it saying "We spent the first 5 minutes brainstorming words for cock and minge". Gut-ted.

All my degree has taught me about suicide is that hemlock's not a bad way to go (false) and if you slit your veins then tie them up again and let them loose, you can continue doing that for about a day before you finally bleed out.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:22, Reply)

Yeah, you see I've never a lecture/meeting/seminar
in which I've been invited to come up with genital euphemisms (I often extend this invitation to my colleagues over lunch or coffee, but it tends to fall on stony ground...)

To be fair, when I was taught about the risks of working with liquid nitrogen, it did mean I went from being impressed by the large dewar in the lab to being terrified lest I knock the thing and it explode. Bloody health and safety...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:25, Reply)

Like your seed, you colossal onanist.*
Off the top of my head I can think of: pudenda, cunnus, mentula and penis. Having a look at my dictionary there is also columna, which can be a pillar of fire, too. If your dick's a pillar of fire, you ought to get that looked at.

Mentally I get liquid nitrogen and dry ice mixed up. They both let off large white clouds. I just can't remember if sublimation is gas into solid or solid into gas. Hmm.
/GCSE science was ever so long ago, and it was only dual award.


*Arse, getting my biblical references mixed up. It's the Parable of the Sower who has seed fall on stony ground.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:31, Reply)

Have you had an episode this evening?
That's the only explanation I can think of for this.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:38, Reply)

Hmm?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:39, Reply)

*onanises colossally*
So I take it the lecturer wasn't after more "contemporary" suggestions, such as spam javelin, clopper, diamond-cutter or billy-goat's chin?

Dry ice sublimes into a white cloud. I'm sure the opposite process has its own name but I can't remember for the life of me what it is.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:38, Reply)

Ah, so sublimation is solid into gas without the liquid stage.
Actually, you might be able to help, you seem to have a good knowledge of amusing sexual phrases. In the same lecture, we were trying to work out a word for a man who can't get it up. No one could come up with a decent one, and it's rather annoying trying to render it in translation.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:41, Reply)

*bites hands so as not to name names*

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:42, Reply)

Tsk tsk, you.
Do you have any ideas?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:43, Reply)

you mean an impotent word play?
or can it be crude? i mean, i'm not going to lie to you, the first word that springs to mind (pun intended) is simply POINTLESS.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:46, Reply)

Hahahaha that is rather good!
Yes, be rude as possible. One poem we're studing goes along the lines of "I'll fuck you in the face then I'll fuck you in the arse, you fucking cunt"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:48, Reply)

Sylvia Plath, eat your heart out...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:49, Reply)

Multus homo est, Corve, neque tecum multus homo est qui
descendit: Corve, multus es et pathicus.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:55, Reply)

*googles for translation*
Oh, it's that passage*.

*_{Insert "that's what she said" style joke as appropriate}
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:01, Reply)

shades of latin a-level
there was one about "it made no difference whether you kissed his arse or his mouth, the one being no dirtier and the other no cleaner". catullus maybe??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:52, Reply)

Catullus 93.
A personal favourite. "If any woman were to go with him, we might think her capable of rimming a diseased hangman"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:53, Reply)

i still say i've done worse

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:00, Reply)

Than rimming a diseased hangman?
Musky.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:00, Reply)

ok i will rephrase
i would rather have the memory of rimming a diseased hangman than some of my sexual experiences. less pain, more gain.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:03, Reply)

Hmm.
I kind of see where you're coming from
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:05, Reply)

which is a damn sight more than he did!!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:12, Reply)

Hmmm....
I must admit, I've had to consult recent editions of the Profanisaurus for inspiration and even then have come away lacking. I'll have to get back to you on this one.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:46, Reply)

Deposition.
That's what it's called.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:48, Reply)

Are we talking about the opposite process to sublimation
Or a politer way to describe tipping one's filthy concrete?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:49, Reply)

Opposite of sublimation.
I'd be alarmed if there were either gas or solids coming out of someone's cock.

Ah, this is science stirring in my mind- you can get solids suspended in liquids that have a particular name (emulsion? sol?) Is semen a liquid? Hmm.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:52, Reply)

Semen is a suspension, I think
Because the spermatozoa don't properly dissolve in the main fluid medium. I seem to remember that bollock ballast contained one or two other components as well - one of them may have been a sugar solution that fed the cells so I can only presume the other one is "that pre-cum thing."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:56, Reply)

From googling half-remembered things, I was right in thinking sol was solids suspended in liquid.
That pre-cum thing. What would a man's cock be without it? Spakka's, I guess.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:58, Reply)

It would seem more appropriate if semen were an emulsion
It would make such phrases as "...like a painter's radio" even more apt.

Right, I really should get some sleep. 'night all.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:03, Reply)

Good night!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:04, Reply)

I cannot confirm this
but I can confirm that you do go substantially lightheaded if you walk in to the liquid nitrogen facility whilst the alarms are going off, and think 'meh, it'll be fine, they alarm all the damn time anyway.' Apparently there's a difference between the alarms going off for fun and them going off because the percentage of oxygen in the room is about half what it should be. Or something.
(berk, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:33, Reply)

Evening berk

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:35, Reply)

Evening Jeff

(berk, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:37, Reply)

Tell me how the prep is going.
But tell me at the bottom of the page eh?

(I've stopped sobbing now, you're fine).
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:39, Reply)

I know someone who found her own sister hanging in a cupboard 2 weeks before christmas =S

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:00, Reply)

Oh dear, no Narnia jokes over Christmas for that family

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:02, Reply)

the lying bitch in the wardrobe?
(say it out loud you uncultured buffoon)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:20, Reply)

Have you got no respect for the dead

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:27, Reply)

baby i don't got no respect for nobody
that's why you love me so much
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:28, Reply)

Granted there are a large number of shitcunts out there, so I'll let that one go

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:32, Reply)

aha no denial that you love me!
i guess it's all relative compared to all the other shitcunts.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:34, Reply)

Well I can't deny that I have sent you grot
I can't wait for the Hollyoaks hand holding stage, oh boy!
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:37, Reply)

i don't really do hand holding
let's just stick to your giant black cock, that was very impressive.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:40, Reply)

only the ones that come back all zombified. The rest are lazy.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:28, Reply)