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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I think I've broken OT
What have you broken recently?

Alt: Have you mended anything lately?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:04, 248 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
again?
gee you're really shit at the internet Jeff.

I fixed up a scrapbook of my trip...
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:08, Reply)
Oh wow.
Have you been on holiday? Where did you go?

(How is the jetlag?)
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:09, Reply)
the jetlag's getting better.
slept til about 6:30 today.
:D
How's england?
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:12, Reply)
England is probably very much how it was was you left it.
What is going on with Australia? There are 3rd world countries with better weather than you lot are getting.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:15, Reply)
My weather is okay where I am. it's not so bad.
I think it's just a bit of armageddon testing.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:16, Reply)
This is a good summation!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:23, Reply)
Our weather's not exactly been stellar recently Jeff

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:19, Reply)
I liked it.
The snow was so prettyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:22, Reply)
I'm pretty sure the wind's shifted us a few miles East since you left

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:22, Reply)
oh my god the wind
THE WIND
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:23, Reply)
Eh, I'm used to wind.
It's practically non-stop where i live - and in winter it's quite often a gale force or higher. It doesn't bother me until I get knocked over.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:25, Reply)
It's just very, very strong.
Did you have a good birthday, love?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:28, Reply)
yeah it was quiet and nice.
my parents got me some amethyst earrings, and my brother got me a doctor who dvd. :)
And a friend of mine gave me a microfibre dressing gown for uni. Lovely girl.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:31, Reply)
It's everywhere Lampers
I nearly got blown out of a ruined turret the other day. And not many people say that sentence.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:26, Reply)
That's impressive
what were you doing in a turret anyway?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:28, Reply)
Exploring a ruined castle nearby because I was bored
And taking pictures of grey stone against a grey sky. Most of them didn't come out too well.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:31, Reply)
not much
alt: not much
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:14, Reply)
i plan to bake a cake from scratch for the first time for my and my friends birthday
going to have a practice run at the weekend so I'm prepared for when I make it again
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:15, Reply)
I have broken many a young lady's heart.
I mended YOUR MUM. Mended her REAL GOOD.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:15, Reply)
I fixed our flat's smoke alarms.
By fixed I mean I put plastic bags over each one and wrapped sellotape round them so they don't go off anymore.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:17, Reply)
This is a good idea
If there is a real fire then they would melt, allowing the fire alarms to wake you all and not die at all
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:22, Reply)
I can confirm that I definitely thought of that when doing it.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:36, Reply)
I sewed but it wasn't to mend anything.
Just to have something to fiddle with.

I didn't break myself at the gym, which was pleasant.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:19, Reply)
yay for not breaking yourself!
I have a weird urge to go for a run. I don't like this urge.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:27, Reply)
I "ran" for quite a bit
I say ran, it was on a machine. My base level of fitness definitely seems to be improving.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:29, Reply)
that's great!.
I can walk quite a distance now (about 6 miles) but I couldn't run it. It would just wear me out completely!
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:31, Reply)
I'm a reasonable walker.
I was surprised at the distance covered, if I'm honest.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:37, Reply)
do you feel good about it??
I never get the endorphines from running.
swimming on the other hand - I get that quite a lot.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:38, Reply)
I've got a sodding headache now.
But no, I feel fine. Apart from the headache.

I don't really get endorphins from cardio, but I do get them from weights and I feel a lot calmer and happier after yoga.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:41, Reply)
I break most things
but I am the Zen master at fixing stuff and improvisation! I built an Ikea bookcase when I had my flat using a garlic press
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:24, Reply)
a pint glass
alt: the door of a tumble dryer and a door lock using some chewing gum.

*explosions*
*montage*
dundundundundunduuun...dundundun...dundundunneeenuuueedundundun
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:26, Reply)
Question
would any of you lot consider moving in with a stranger?
I don't know of anyone that has done this, just interested in anyone elses tales.
I really need a place to live, and it seems as this may be the best option.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:33, Reply)
It's complete luck of the draw.
I live with strangers now but I suppose uni is a tad different. I hope two of them die but the other three are alright.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:37, Reply)
Yeah at uni,
expect arguments but it's not the end of the world.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:39, Reply)
ugh arguments
probably better than slamming objects and doors
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:40, Reply)
I've done it before
Can be very hit and miss. Just now, it's a hit.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:43, Reply)
lucky

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:52, Reply)
In the past it was quite a big miss
Swings and roundabouts, innit?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:58, Reply)
I've had a stranger lodger who was really shit and weird and made me not want to be at home.
And I've had practical-strangers, b3tans who I've only meet once or twice, and it's mostly been awesome.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:49, Reply)
I knew someone who moved in with strangers, and then he hung himself
So yeah, that didn't end terribly well
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:52, Reply)
that's horrible

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:52, Reply)
He was a selfish cunt, as he left 7-8 people deeply traumatised by discovering him hanging from the exterior balcony

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:55, Reply)
That is rather nasty.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:57, Reply)
I had to clear up the mess with the police :(
So remember kids, if you do decide to top yourself stop being so fucking selfish by involving others, such as fellow tenants, tube drivers, passengers and all that. Fuck off and throw yourself off a cliff or Severn Bridge.
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:00, Reply)
Walk out to sea.
You'll either end up as a tasty snack or terrify some small children as they look for driftwood.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:02, Reply)
Alot of people do that, I wouldn't fancy drowning though, no siree

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:03, Reply)
I reckon hanging when done right would be best
dying through fracture rather than suffocation. High drop would be best though, apparently often the heart gives out before you hit the ground if it's sufficiently high.

Apparently drowning is mostly painless, but I dunno.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:05, Reply)
Hangings a favourite, people tend to fuck it up and slowly strangle themselves as opposed to the desired fracture
They won't be doing that mistake again though lols
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:08, Reply)
But if you get the drop too big you rip your head off.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:08, Reply)
It's not like you'll care though by that stage, better it instant than hanging and gurgling for half an hour
Check this shit out dignitas
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:11, Reply)
Immolation, though.
That's one way that I would really really not like to go.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:18, Reply)
how about in bed with...
.... well you know who.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:24, Reply)
That's off the scale

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:41, Reply)
haha
urrrrrrgh

hahaaha urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:43, Reply)
;)

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:45, Reply)
You can apparently go one less painful if you have access to Liquid Nitrogen
Supposedly you pass out after a few breaths in an oxygen deficient atmosphere and don't feel anything. Quite who decided these methods were painless, or how they worked it out, is beyond me.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:09, Reply)
Good old Dr Mengele I suspect

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:12, Reply)
i thought he mainly pissed around with twins?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:20, Reply)
Oh twins was certainly a hobby, but really anything would go for Josef
limb amputation, sterilization, removing eyeballs and shit. He worked his through thousands seemingly on a whim.
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:25, Reply)
blimey
i remember reading somewhere that modern medicine owes a lot to him though.

urrrgh.

mind you, i could happily set him on some people!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:27, Reply)
That's because he had direct access to humans, thousands of them, an open agenda, and no hand wringing liberals sending him dogshit through the post

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:29, Reply)
quite frightening, the argument about "for the greater good"
until you get stuck on a morning tube or oxford street or somewhere vile. then you could happily repeat everything on the whole shower of cunts.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:31, Reply)
Well yeah, however you should really hide your nazi sympathies given the circles that you move in
Although perhaps the car could benefit from some tasteful swastika decals
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:34, Reply)
my car is black and sleek and sexy as fuck
it couldn't possibly be enhanced.

i don't sympathise with the nazis, i just want a private tube train and an empty street, mm-kay?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:37, Reply)
The chances of 28 days occurring are slim, and in any event can fuck right off as it's zombie shit

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:39, Reply)
hmmmmm
someone should BUY me an empty city then.

where does donald trump hang out these days?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:41, Reply)
Same with CO- it's so dangerous isn't it, as you don't even realise it's happening

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:15, Reply)
That's a slow one though.
The advantage* of liquid nitrogen is that when it vaporises, it expands to something ridiculous like 1400 times the volume and therefore drives all the oxygen out of the room very quickly.

*Well, probably more of a disadvantage if you weren't trying to top yourself and just, say, accidentally dropped a bucket of the stuff...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:20, Reply)
You scientists have all the fun.
I ended up not going to my lecture today- got a text from Charms at the end of it saying "We spent the first 5 minutes brainstorming words for cock and minge". Gut-ted.

All my degree has taught me about suicide is that hemlock's not a bad way to go (false) and if you slit your veins then tie them up again and let them loose, you can continue doing that for about a day before you finally bleed out.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:22, Reply)
Yeah, you see I've never a lecture/meeting/seminar
in which I've been invited to come up with genital euphemisms (I often extend this invitation to my colleagues over lunch or coffee, but it tends to fall on stony ground...)

To be fair, when I was taught about the risks of working with liquid nitrogen, it did mean I went from being impressed by the large dewar in the lab to being terrified lest I knock the thing and it explode. Bloody health and safety...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:25, Reply)
Like your seed, you colossal onanist.*
Off the top of my head I can think of: pudenda, cunnus, mentula and penis. Having a look at my dictionary there is also columna, which can be a pillar of fire, too. If your dick's a pillar of fire, you ought to get that looked at.

Mentally I get liquid nitrogen and dry ice mixed up. They both let off large white clouds. I just can't remember if sublimation is gas into solid or solid into gas. Hmm.
/GCSE science was ever so long ago, and it was only dual award.


*Arse, getting my biblical references mixed up. It's the Parable of the Sower who has seed fall on stony ground.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:31, Reply)
Have you had an episode this evening?
That's the only explanation I can think of for this.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:38, Reply)
Hmm?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:39, Reply)
*onanises colossally*
So I take it the lecturer wasn't after more "contemporary" suggestions, such as spam javelin, clopper, diamond-cutter or billy-goat's chin?

Dry ice sublimes into a white cloud. I'm sure the opposite process has its own name but I can't remember for the life of me what it is.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:38, Reply)
Ah, so sublimation is solid into gas without the liquid stage.
Actually, you might be able to help, you seem to have a good knowledge of amusing sexual phrases. In the same lecture, we were trying to work out a word for a man who can't get it up. No one could come up with a decent one, and it's rather annoying trying to render it in translation.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:41, Reply)
*bites hands so as not to name names*

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:42, Reply)
Tsk tsk, you.
Do you have any ideas?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:43, Reply)
you mean an impotent word play?
or can it be crude? i mean, i'm not going to lie to you, the first word that springs to mind (pun intended) is simply POINTLESS.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:46, Reply)
Hahahaha that is rather good!
Yes, be rude as possible. One poem we're studing goes along the lines of "I'll fuck you in the face then I'll fuck you in the arse, you fucking cunt"
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:48, Reply)
Sylvia Plath, eat your heart out...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:49, Reply)
Multus homo est, Corve, neque tecum multus homo est qui
descendit: Corve, multus es et pathicus.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:55, Reply)
*googles for translation*
Oh, it's that passage*.

*Insert "that's what she said" style joke as appropriate
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:01, Reply)
shades of latin a-level
there was one about "it made no difference whether you kissed his arse or his mouth, the one being no dirtier and the other no cleaner". catullus maybe??
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:52, Reply)
Catullus 93.
A personal favourite. "If any woman were to go with him, we might think her capable of rimming a diseased hangman"
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:53, Reply)
i still say i've done worse

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:00, Reply)
Than rimming a diseased hangman?
Musky.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:00, Reply)
ok i will rephrase
i would rather have the memory of rimming a diseased hangman than some of my sexual experiences. less pain, more gain.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:03, Reply)
Hmm.
I kind of see where you're coming from
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:05, Reply)
which is a damn sight more than he did!!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:12, Reply)
Hmmm....
I must admit, I've had to consult recent editions of the Profanisaurus for inspiration and even then have come away lacking. I'll have to get back to you on this one.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:46, Reply)
Deposition.
That's what it's called.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:48, Reply)
Are we talking about the opposite process to sublimation
Or a politer way to describe tipping one's filthy concrete?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:49, Reply)
Opposite of sublimation.
I'd be alarmed if there were either gas or solids coming out of someone's cock.

Ah, this is science stirring in my mind- you can get solids suspended in liquids that have a particular name (emulsion? sol?) Is semen a liquid? Hmm.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:52, Reply)
Semen is a suspension, I think
Because the spermatozoa don't properly dissolve in the main fluid medium. I seem to remember that bollock ballast contained one or two other components as well - one of them may have been a sugar solution that fed the cells so I can only presume the other one is "that pre-cum thing."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:56, Reply)
From googling half-remembered things, I was right in thinking sol was solids suspended in liquid.
That pre-cum thing. What would a man's cock be without it? Spakka's, I guess.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:58, Reply)
It would seem more appropriate if semen were an emulsion
It would make such phrases as "...like a painter's radio" even more apt.

Right, I really should get some sleep. 'night all.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:03, Reply)
Good night!

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:04, Reply)
I cannot confirm this
but I can confirm that you do go substantially lightheaded if you walk in to the liquid nitrogen facility whilst the alarms are going off, and think 'meh, it'll be fine, they alarm all the damn time anyway.' Apparently there's a difference between the alarms going off for fun and them going off because the percentage of oxygen in the room is about half what it should be. Or something.
(berk, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:33, Reply)
Evening berk

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:35, Reply)
Evening Jeff

(berk, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:37, Reply)
Tell me how the prep is going.
But tell me at the bottom of the page eh?

(I've stopped sobbing now, you're fine).
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:39, Reply)
I know someone who found her own sister hanging in a cupboard 2 weeks before christmas =S

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:00, Reply)
Oh dear, no Narnia jokes over Christmas for that family

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:02, Reply)
the lying bitch in the wardrobe?
(say it out loud you uncultured buffoon)
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:20, Reply)
Have you got no respect for the dead

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:27, Reply)
baby i don't got no respect for nobody
that's why you love me so much
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:28, Reply)
Granted there are a large number of shitcunts out there, so I'll let that one go

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:32, Reply)
aha no denial that you love me!
i guess it's all relative compared to all the other shitcunts.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:34, Reply)
Well I can't deny that I have sent you grot
I can't wait for the Hollyoaks hand holding stage, oh boy!
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:37, Reply)
i don't really do hand holding
let's just stick to your giant black cock, that was very impressive.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:40, Reply)
only the ones that come back all zombified. The rest are lazy.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:28, Reply)
I had a stranger move in the other week
I'd only previously met him when he came round to see the place, but he seems to have settled in well and gets on alright with the other stranger who moved in shortly after I did. As long as you have a good chat with said strangers before deciding to move in, you can usually do alright. Eventually their oddities and neuroses will come out of the woodwork, but you could have a pleasant few months before that.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:54, Reply)
The hearts of 27 children when I told them I was going in 4 weeks.
It was devastating Jeff, it was like something off of Dead Poets Society minus the suicide.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:52, Reply)
hahaha
LIES ON THE INTERNET!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:35, Reply)
HA cunt.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:40, Reply)
What did you teach the kids today?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:42, Reply)
about churches, it was good.
some good questions and interesting attempts at spelling stained glass window.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:45, Reply)
What was the worst attempt at the spelling?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:49, Reply)
the best was staynd glass windo
and the worst was schand gss mindo or something like that.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:51, Reply)
You'll soon get the hang of it Bob.
I suggest you read more often, you'll find your spelling will improve if you do.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:55, Reply)
Just went shops just now to get some Harribo but saw a box of Lychees, thought "I haven't had them in years" and filled up a bag of them, think they would last a few days.
They've lasted the grand total of one hour.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:21, Reply)
Your bowels will be falling out of your cock after that lot

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:28, Reply)
gosh
occasionally i forget how charming you are, and then BAM you remind me all over again.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:29, Reply)
I'm a charmer, ain't I?
The girls, they can't resist it.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:32, Reply)
ohhhh
is THAT why i am feeling this irresistible urge to move to wales all of a sudden?

i was at the gym tonight so couldn't hear the news but i could see it, i am sure there is a murder enquiry ongoing in newport. do you and bobby have cast iron alibis i wonder??
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:34, Reply)
I was probably lying on a sofa with a glass of cider
Bobby was probably off molesting someone somewhere.

So far I've met no attractive girls in my part of the world.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:36, Reply)
that is because you are in wales
i TOLD you to come to london
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:38, Reply)
I tried
They didn't want me. Wales did. So SCREW YOU SWIPE.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:42, Reply)
well maybe i would have done
if you'd moved to london

and got me reeeeally drunk
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:48, Reply)
Dirty girl

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:51, Reply)
i was just responding politely to your feverish demand for loving

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:53, Reply)
I did not stab a girl then set fire to her house.
That is all.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:41, Reply)
ah
is it that story?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:41, Reply)
yup it's bloody horrible.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:43, Reply)
dude you've just been on tv!
advertising berocca!!!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:43, Reply)
I'll comment when I see the ad!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:44, Reply)
Well you MUST be innocent
With a story like that!
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:43, Reply)
cast iron mate.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:44, Reply)
So what did you stab her with?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:47, Reply)
a fab ice lolly.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:48, Reply)
That's the one with hundreds and thousands on the end yes?
So, technically 'you've topped her'.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:51, Reply)
ha,
I figured the fire would destroy all the evidence.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:52, Reply)
You broke under questioning quite quickly Bob.
I suggest life as a career criminal isn't for you.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:54, Reply)
They'll never catch me I cross the border twice a day!

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:00, Reply)
So in addition to be an International drug dealer
You are now into murder on a dual country basis?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:06, Reply)
There is no sign of Crunchy this evening.
*Nods wisely*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:37, Reply)
hey! I'm back!

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:00, Reply)
Phew!
I thought Bob has murdered you for a moment.

Or maybe he did, but you rolled a double 28 and have been restored?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:02, Reply)
I had a scroll of healing
and besides I can soak at least 7 damage with my mythril armour
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:05, Reply)
hahahaha
Had a good day?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:09, Reply)
Lychees aren't bad for your insides, are they?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:30, Reply)
You let us know tomorrow
Especially if it should have been enough to last a few days.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:31, Reply)
NO NO that's ok
enough shit gets sprayed around here already!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:36, Reply)
oh dear gonz....
It's common knowledge in Shenzhen that there is such an ailment as 'Lychee Fever,' which is easily contracted if one cannot restrain themselves from eating too many lychees. Symptoms vary from person to person, but generally include a combination of upset stomach, painfully sore throat, headache, fever, red rash, and zits -- lots of zits. Classic Hot Food stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:43, Reply)
near the bottom
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXMsIioIWYg
(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:30, Reply)
It's an old woman beating up a bunch of jewlery theives it's brilliant.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:45, Reply)
I've broken Britain
And I mended my mobile after I fell over and it came apart
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:38, Reply)
how did you fall over? are you ok?!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:39, Reply)
I'm okay thanks :)
Just a bruised knee. Stupidly tripped
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:42, Reply)
Were you drunk?
You can tell us
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:43, Reply)
nope it was 11am
And I was on my way back from shopping
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:48, Reply)
aww
*hugs*
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:52, Reply)

+4UBbz
(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:53, Reply)
AL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:57, Reply)
SWIPE!!!!!!!!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:03, Reply)
where have you been all my monday?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:06, Reply)
At home, then at the barbers
then at PC World, then at the Butchers, then in the kitchen, then in the bedroom, then the living room for a while, then the spare room, then the living room again.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:12, Reply)
holy shit
you get around a bit
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:17, Reply)
I'm like you, but without the constant trips to the GUM clinics

(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:18, Reply)
thanks
How's your day been?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:58, Reply)
It's been like your mum
Fast, loose and prone to squirting.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:05, Reply)
Were you drunk when you fell?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:44, Reply)
she's not you, jeff

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:45, Reply)
I'm glad to hear it.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:46, Reply)
One jeff is more than enough

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:47, Reply)
zero jeffs might be about right?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:48, Reply)
heehee
We need the JeffBusters! do do dooo dodooledo doo doo
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:51, Reply)
And to think I actually like you.
*Sulks a bit*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:53, Reply)
Why aren't you at the gym or working?
Eh?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:53, Reply)
i've been to the gym
hurt myself for 80 mins.

but it's america's next top model tonight so clearly i am watching that, work be damned.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:55, Reply)
Are you in a lot of post-gym pain?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:55, Reply)
huge amounts

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:57, Reply)
Good.
*There. I've said it now.*

That'll teach you.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:57, Reply)
no it won't i am going again at 6am!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:02, Reply)
I'm not sure that's healthy.
You need to let your body recover.

Has your quest for fitness become an obsession? Or have the gym just installed a load of pink gym equipment?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:04, Reply)
i am a bit of an extreme character
if i am going to do something, i do it!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:05, Reply)
Fair enough.
I just hope that your gym obsession is something you want to do for you, and not for anyone else.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:07, Reply)
it is essential

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:09, Reply)
Why?
Are you in training for a marathon or something?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:20, Reply)
poor you
hope nobody saw, bruised pride can be almost as painful!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:44, Reply)
Bruised knees hurt like fuck.
I once came off my skateboard and landed on my knees, on concrete. Took me a while before I could stand up and walk again.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:52, Reply)
suave!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:55, Reply)
As always.
But I have an unerring skill to mix suaveness with streetness.

It's my ting.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:56, Reply)
you dropped the h
it stands for homo
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:56, Reply)
I didn't 'drop' any 'H'.
So because I understand such basic rules as what sort of scent to wear at different times of the year, I am a homosexualist?

Maybe that's why chicks dig me so much.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:59, Reply)
no the scent was good
a man should smell nice.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:01, Reply)
So why the bullying?
I THOUGHT YOU LIKED ME!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:06, Reply)
no you didn't

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:08, Reply)
I rather thought you did.
My reason- you are a woman of child bearing age.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:09, Reply)
10/10 for confidence
1/10 for accuracy
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:10, Reply)
Ha!
You just gave me one!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:11, Reply)
So you're not a woman of child bearing age?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:13, Reply)
No Jeff, I'm not.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:14, Reply)
Sure?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:21, Reply)
Not entirely.
Interested?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:22, Reply)
Nah.
I'll pass cheers mate.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:23, Reply)
your loss.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:25, Reply)
Reckon I'll cope.
Shit, maybe I've made a huge mistake
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:26, Reply)
one person walked past
And did a double-take. I looked quite shocked I think
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:01, Reply)
my friend amy always wets herself laughing if we see anyone fall over
which happens more than you'd think in somewhere as crowded as london. it's always mortifying when i go to help and her snorts of laughter are ringing out.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:04, Reply)
I think I've broken myself.
I've eaten an entire box of bran flakes in less than an hour. Plus with the emotional turmoil of getting shot down by a girl earlier in the evening, this has been a bad day.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:06, Reply)
You're going to be shitting very, very soon.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:07, Reply)
again
suave
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:08, Reply)
I know.
Surprising, isn't it?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:09, Reply)
no

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:10, Reply)
Oh Swipe, you are feeling puckish and dare I say it, obstreperous this evening, aren't you?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:10, Reply)
it's monday
get used to it
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:11, Reply)
I could never get used to you.
Every day would be marvellous and new, finding out new and dazzling aspects of your personality every day, from that cute smile you do when you wrap guys around your little finger, to the way your eyes shine when you laugh.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:12, Reply)
this is almost suave
almost
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:16, Reply)
Not suave, just honest.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:17, Reply)
Well
honest quite worrying
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:59, Reply)
I meant it sincerely.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 0:01, Reply)
I'm sure it was sincere
it was just rather creepy and generic. Unless you've seen her in both those situations I guess
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 0:06, Reply)
Oh dear.
Not so suave after all then.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 0:15, Reply)
I hope your flat has more than one toilet.
How badly did you get shot down by this girl?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:08, Reply)
I did the same thing the night before going to Turin for the Juventus game, had to eat an entire box of imodium in the airport - didn't poo for about six days.
Reasonably badly, I've liked her for ages and told her I missed her (we used to live together) and should go out somewhere together soon. She said no.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:11, Reply)
Sorry mate.
Why would she say 'no' though? Unless you were wanking as you asked her, surely she'd want to catch up with an old flatmate?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:14, Reply)
he stole money out of her purse.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:17, Reply)
He wiped his cock on the curtains.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:18, Reply)
he 'borrowed' her dildo.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:20, Reply)
That would explain the bran flake addiction.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:21, Reply)
He borrowed her DVD boxset of Friends and didn't give it back.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:21, Reply)
I have no idea.
I'm a catch me (according to her!), and she's made no secret of the fact she thinks I'm a good looking young gent so I thought I'd go for it. What a misleading slag. I'm probably just a horrible, horrible person.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:46, Reply)
Can't you just steal her heart?
(It might help if you imagine her heart as being some sort of food stuffs from the local supermarket)
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:48, Reply)
*draws up plans*

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:53, Reply)
I'm onto something here aren't I?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:56, Reply)
Ugh badly
which is annoying given that I mostly stayed off b3ta today and did some real damn work. Still though I worked stupidly late tonight so I don't have much to do tomorrow, so I can do it then.
(berk, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:43, Reply)
It's on Wednesday isn't it?
What format will the interview be in?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:44, Reply)
I don't know
I would imagine I'll give my presentation to a panel of 3, then they'll ask me some questions, then I'll ask them some questions, and that's it.
(berk, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:48, Reply)
Control the interview though berk
If the opportunity arises, don't be afraid to say that you are keen to find out if you think this opportunity is right for YOU, not just them.

You'll sound 'more in demand' then.

Even though you want it. What time is your train on Wednesday?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:50, Reply)
6:15am
*weeps*
(berk, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:52, Reply)
Well make sure you aren't on here at stupid o'clock tomorrow night then!
What time is the interview?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:56, Reply)
Not til the afternoon
it's induction talks and lab tours in the morning, I need to be there for 10:30. My plan is to stay up a little late tonight so I'll be more likely to be tired enough to go to bed early tomorrow...
(berk, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:58, Reply)
I'll keep you company for a bit.
I'm all thyroidy and a bit restless.

Why not start a new thread?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:59, Reply)
It'll probably be the berk and Jeff show if I do
gaz maybe?
(berk, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 0:01, Reply)
Amberl is about.
I think.

Try a new thread, if it doesn't work, we'll revert to the Jeff and berk show on gaz.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 0:04, Reply)
Alright there

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 0:05, Reply)
New thread Amberl!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 0:09, Reply)

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