best valentines day for a long time
beautiful flowers at work have made me unbearably smug, plus 3 cards and i genuinely have absolutely no idea (yet!) who the flowers or one of the cards are from...

i should have hit the gym like this a few years ago, it seems to have revolutionised my love life!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 9:58, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I sincerely hope from the bottom of my heart
that the interest you are receiving is unrelated to your exercise regime (excepting, perhaps, the positive effect it may have had on your own self-confidence) - otherwise if the people showing an interest are only doing so because you've been to gym, they are shallow, pathetic cunts who are not worthy of your attention.

PS glad you liked the flowers, I spent ages picking them
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:05, Reply)

this is why i wish the whole world was peopled with men like you!
if i knew how to bookmark something, i would do...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:09, Reply)

*nods sagely at Monty*
This in spades!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:14, Reply)

ok this makes 2 of you
how many men are there in the world, 8bn? 2 down, 7,999,999,998 to go?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:14, Reply)

^this

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:16, Reply)

And we are both taken
/sadfaces

What Monty said should be printed on some kind of instruction guide that is given to women as I've heard this kind of thing too many times.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Oh come on Swipey
I realise you're only a solicitor, but surely you must know there are only about 6 and a bit billion people on the planet and half of them have vaginas.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:21, Reply)

i have zero idea about geography
but i can tell you that there were more than 6bn people on the district line alone this morning. all of them right up in my face.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Couldn't agree more!
She should be happy, you spent a good few hours reading the local newspapers for fatal road traffic accidents so you could get those flowers. I especially like how you hammered the top of that wreath in to look like a heart.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:15, Reply)

they're from you really
aren't they?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:18, Reply)

If they're lovely, then yes they are

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I shifted a bit of weight last year
and it did fucking wonders for my self-esteem. Keep up the good work swipe, you'll be knee-deep in cock before you know it.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:31, Reply)

All I got from hitting the gym was Linford Christie's legs.

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:07, Reply)

sorry Blousie
legs great big cock in me

Never mind, eh. Today Linford Christie, tomorrow... AKABUSI
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:09, Reply)

my calves are also a bit too toned these days
but how the hell are you supposed to work out without exercising your calves, it's impossible!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I have to say 'skittle legs' don't really 'do it' for me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:12, Reply)

they do not look like skittles!
see my profile pic for confirmation. i'd just like them to be a tiny bit less toned when i walk in heels...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:14, Reply)

It's only women that come out with that sort of shit
"Oh, I wish I could exercise and tone just THESE bits, without these OTHER bits getting toned, I don't want THOSE bits toned"

It's utter bollocks. Your calves are not too toned, they are just normal calves.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:15, Reply)

^this
There is no such thing as too toned a calf, to my mind, unless you're actually a female bodybuilder
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:17, Reply)

they are a bit
when i walk in heels, you can see a line. a LINE.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:17, Reply)

That's NORMAL
It's called having a functional leg, unless you are injecting steroids and doing concentrated calve lifts using twice your body weight it is physically impossible for a woman to end up with a grossly distended muscle.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:20, Reply)

hmmmm
i am told that pilates will stretch them and slim the muscle down. i would look into it, but frankly there are so many more worrying bits that aren't toned at all, i should really focus on those first!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:22, Reply)

*gives up and wanders off*

(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:26, Reply)

hoorah!
it's taken me about 5 years to get you to leave the internet!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Cheque's in the post.
We got there in the end.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:34, Reply)

That's a GOOD THING
*facepalm*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I wish I could tone THIS bit
*points at your face*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I bet you wish you could tone this bit *points at chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
And this bit *points at other chin*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:20, Reply)

You missed the seventeen other chins
Does that mean you like those as they are?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Sorry to butt in here
but have you read that 'Crécy' graphic novel? I read about it in the paper today wand was rather interested.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:24, Reply)

No, but it's on my list
It's by Warren Ellis, who's one of my favourite writers.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I was impressed
when he said he did six months of research before writing it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:28, Reply)

It's only £3.67 on amazon.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Your face is only £3.67 on amazon.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Your mum was £0.01 on amazon (plus £1.28 P&P)

(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:34, Reply)

your mum was collection only
because she's so fucking fat no courier would take her
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:37, Reply)

If you get the chance, read the Transmetropolitan series
It's by the same guy and is very entertaining.
I'll pick up Crécy soon and let you know what I think of it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Marvellous.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Who's wand?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Do you really have the nerve to pick me up on a typo?
You?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Yes

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I bet you were glessing all over the show.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:32, Reply)

No I just enjoy pointing out
even the great Monzo is wrong sometimes. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Ok, you're right I'm GLESSING. GLESSING HARD
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Nah he just doesn't want to depress you

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 14 Feb 2011, 10:26, Reply)